Merlin's loyalty has always been to king Arthur but his heart has always belonged to Morgana. After the events of Arthur's Bane part two Merlin seeks Morgana out and tells her the truth. But will he allow matters of the heart to rule?

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He didn't have the right, Merlin told himself. He didn't. Not after all the things he had done to her. He had tried to kill her, lied to her, hurt her in ways that even she probably couldn't fully understand. And she? She had done just as bad, if not worse, to him. She had controlled him to try to kill Arthur, she had torn him down, and whenever they met Merlin had only seen hatred in her eyes. And yet . . .

When he had seen her in the caves under the fortress of Ismere Merlin had felt it again. The feelings he had tried to stamp out and ignore for three years had pushed back up to the surface and burned with such intensity that it had made him choke. Morgana had been dark and corrupted and maybe she had done unspeakable evil since she had first fallen from grace. But Merlin still loved her as much as he did when she had been his friend.

His loyalty was to Arthur and the world he knew the King would create but his heart, it seemed, still belonged to Morgana. Even if she herself didn't know.

Since he had seen her Morgana had haunted his dreams, he had seen her whenever he closed his eyes and whenever he saw a dark haired girl walk by his heart had leapt to his throat before he forced the feelings back down. He didn't want to tell anyone; even before Morgana had become evil he had always known that his love was impossible. But that didn't stop the ache. It was so bad that Gaius and Arthur were becoming increasingly irritable about how frequently they caught him staring off into space and Gwaine and Gwen had both guessed that he must surely have a secret sweetheart. If only they knew Merlin thought bitterly as he forced himself to laugh at their teasing.

And his love wasn't even as innocent as it had been when Morgana had lived in the castle. He was an adult now and lust had become a factor that he had not anticipated. Merlin still flushed whenever he thought of his recent dream of her, as he now seemed to do whenever he was preforming his chores of a manservant.

She had been sitting on a bed covered in black velvet with her back to him in a stone room lit by torches. Aithusa, looking strong and healthy and nothing like the sick and broken creature he had seen in the cave, had been curled around her. The dragon and the woman had both looked up when Merlin entered and Morgana had given him a playful smile. "Come here," she had said, holding out a hand to him.

Because it was a dream, Merlin had been there immediately, kneeling on the bed behind her with his hands on her smooth, pale hips. She turned up her head, murmuring her accent and Merlin kissed her neck, wrapping one arm around her middle and holding her tightly. But even as he pulled her down, Aithusa had twisted and deformed into a mute dragon and she turned up her head, letting out a mournful wail. Morgana had wrapped her hands around his neck and smirked as she hissed, "You'll do what I want, Emry. And that's an order. Understand?"

"Yes, my lady," Merlin managed to say before Morgana gagged him. Gaius had woken him by shouting for him shortly after and Merlin had made himself think of Uthur until he was able to leave his room. He didn't know if he would even be able to look Morgana in the eyes again after that and he tried his best not to fantasize about her. Even if she wasn't evil she was Arthur's sister. There was defiantly a rule against loving your master's sister.

Even so, Merlin had come to the conclusion that he couldn't lie to her anymore. She was evil and would undoubtedly use it against him but Merlin knew that she more than anyone deserved to know the truth about him. And, deep down, Merlin thought he could still save Morgana. His logical mind disagreed but as of late his logical mind caused more problems than it solved and Merlin had decided it was about damn time he listened to his heart once more. And his heart craved honesty.

Which was why Merlin was being dragged by two large men through the castle Morgana had taken up residence. Merlin had come quite willingly since they had 'captured' him in the forest outside but he still now sported a black eye and a few cracked ribs and he had gone without food for so long that he felt woozy and the whole world swam hazily in and out of focus. But they were taking him to see the witch even if they seemed to think him a fool for begging to see her.

Merlin was dimly aware of the castle he was being dragged through. It was warm enough that none of the fireplaces had been lit but the castle looked to be in ruins. Even though he was being dragged through the main corridors the rugs and tapestries were so faded that he could not even have begun to guess what color they were meant to be. Doors were warped and some had clearly been broken in an effort to pull them open. The whole place reeked of mold and rats and Merlin had to fight back vomit more than once when the passed a particularly rank part of the castle. Although his nausea might have been more related to his recent blow to the head.

Eventually, they reached a set of heavy double doors, just as warped as all the others they had passed but clearly more frequently used. The two men that carried him shoved open the doors with a loud bang and Merlin didn't even get to see the look of surprise on Morgana's face before he was thrown roughly down at the foot of her black throne.

"We found him in the forest," Merlin heard one of the men saying. He was dazed and he blinked as he realized he was looking at Morgana's legs. He groaned as he pushed himself up to all fours, but found himself unable to look up any higher than Morgana's knees. He was actually afraid of the hatred he would see in her eyes. Any punishment she could inflict he could handle, but he couldn't stand to see her loathing. "Said he wanted to see you." Merlin decided to stare at the floor to the right.

There was a long pause while Morgana seemed to be considering her options before Merlin heard her say, "Leave us." This was it, Merlin thought as he heard the men back out and close the door behind them before Morgana's wrath could be directed at them. Merlin waited on bated breath as he knelt with his eyes shut, waiting for Morgana to snarl at him, or kick him down onto the ground, or use her magic to cause him pain.

But nothing he feared she might do happened. Instead Merlin felt her hand under his chin and he obediently raised his head to look at her, even though he kept his eyes shut. Merlin knew how he looked. His jacket and shirt were gone, and his scarf had been used to bind a gash around his forearm. On one side of his head his hair had been matted with his own blood and the gash that had caused it was swollen and red with infection. He didn't even know how many days since he had last bathed but it had been long enough that he had been desensitized to his own reek.

"Hello Merlin," Morgana finally said and Merlin finally squinted one eye open at her uncertainly. When it didn't look like she was about to strike him Merlin opened both eyes. Morgana's expression was a mixture of hatred and, much to his relief, curiosity. She had never thought that he would seek her out willingly. She thought it was some sort of trap but she couldn't, for the life of her, understand what Merlin hoped to gain from it. "It's so rare for people to seek me out these days," Morgana said.

Merlin couldn't help himself and a smirk spread across his lips and Morgana's gaze hardened. The sudden removal of Morgana's hand from his chin stifled any sarcastic comment he could muster and Merlin found himself wincing as the sudden movement made him feel lightheaded. Morgana sat back in her throne, her green eyes flashing dangerously. For a second Merlin was too dazed to talk and it took a few false starts before he could speak. "I must admit," Merlin said, his voice coming out as a weak croak, "you look good on a throne."

"What do you want?" Morgana snapped. She hadn't heard anything but an insult in his words and Merlin felt his smile slip. He hadn't meant to offend her and he bit the inside of his cheek. A mix of emotions played across his face – sorrow, hunger, confusion, and desperation. Morgana noticed and although her expression was still a mask she was perplexed. Why had Arthur's servant sought her out? It must have been some plot on her half-brother's part but Merlin had to be a better actor than she had given him credit for if it was.

Merlin tried to swallow for a second before he realized his mouth was too dry. "Morgana . . ." he muttered weakly. "I . . . I have magic." Merlin saw the look of utter bafflement wipe away every other emotion on Morgana's face and he let out a faint laugh before he slumped back to the floor, finally succumbing to his injuries and falling unconscious.