Author's Note: I am very hesitant in posting this. I have read many entries to the Project Shadow Story, and I knew this would be a significant challenge for me. I do not think that I currently possess a shadow. I am the happiest and most content with my life now than I have ever been. However I haven't always been this way and I definitely have shadows from my past which seem to pop up in my life every now and then which I have decided to write about here.
I have wanted to get these things of my chest for a number of years now, but never found the right outlet to do so. So here in the relative anonymity of the internet I feel is the best place, or at least a place to do it.
Her eyes bolted open, only to be welcomed with more darkness. Feeling around tentatively Christine could tell she was lying on a carpeted floor. A sharp pain shot up her left leg as she tried to stand too quickly and she winced at the sudden discomfort. Using both hands to press down firmly on the ground she pushed herself up and onto her shaky legs, favouring her injury slightly. She couldn't remember anything that had happened previously, or how she had come to find herself curled up lying on the floor. Panic started to fill her shivering body as she tried to make out the fuzzy details of the room she had inexplicably found herself in. Something really didn't feel right.
As her eyes adjusted to the relative darkness she could make out images and parts of the room that made her skin crawl. She recognised the place and almost immediately tears began to form in her eyes. Looking around some more, Christine could make out torn pillows and sheets everywhere; there was a sickening crunch as she limped around the room standing on scattered pills that had been strewn across the floor. Ripped up bits of paper and elastic bands scattered all around her feet making it difficult to walk on her already injured ankle. Smalls sobs continued to rack the female's body as she came to terms with the fact that she had found herself back in her old bedroom, the last place she wanted to be right now.
"I left this place years ago, I grew up, and I just want to forget." She murmured, enclosing her arms around herself in a small attempt at comfort. The tears that had begun to take shape earlier now gently cascading down her cheeks, as she was forced to recall memories from a part of her life she would really rather forget. Unable to support her shaking body any more she fell back to the floor in an undignified heap as the tears finally overcame her completely.
"Get up, you look like a snivelling mess right now." Came a familiar sounding voice from behind her. Christine stood up once again and turned slowly, only to find herself staring into a cold set of golden eyes, quite unlike anything she had ever seen before. As she took in more of the intruder's appearance she could see that everything else about this girl was an exact mirror image of herself. Her blonde hair sitting in loose waves down her back, the dark, ever present circles under her eyes, her sleeves drawn long covering her hands. Everything was the same.
Christine hunched over, using her arm in a feeble attempt to wipe away the tears that continued to fall unwillingly down on her face, only for the shadow to grab her wrist tightly and bend down staring directly into her eyes.
"Oh boo hoo, crying again as usual. Well you won't find anybody here to take pity on you this time. That's all you want isn't it? Someone to love you; someone to protect you and you would do anything to get that, wouldn't you? You go to such great lengths to make yourself appear vulnerable; you deceive your friends into loving you, when all you are is a truly pathetic little girl." The shadow, now with a large grin plastered all over her face dropped Christine's arm and took a few steps back, arms crossed as she awaited a response.
"No, I'm not crying, I don't do that any more." Christine said quietly, hesitantly. "I don't want anyone to pity me, especially not my friends, I love my friends and they love me." She sniffed.
"Ha! Now there's a lie, you don't love your friends, you envy them, you are jealous of their many talents. They move onwards, perfecting their skills, while you get left behind with nothing to offer the world. You hate everyone, because they are better than you, and you just can't handle that! You are a child!"
"No! That's a lie, you don't know that, I am proud, I am always proud of my friends!" shouted Christine, desperate for this shadow to stop speaking. More tears steadily pouring from her eyes. She had given up trying to hold them back now.
"No, you are the one that is being deceitful, you think the only way people will ever love you is if you make yourself look vulnerable and weak. You make out that you are struggling so that your friends don't leave you behind." The shadow sneered, now walking in circles around the shaking girl. "You are selfish; you want others to protect you as you can't face the world alone. You spend whole days locked up in your room, unwilling to face the world because you are a pathetic excuse for a human. You take all of your anger out on yourself, because you don't know what else to do with it."
"No, you don't know that, you know nothing about me!"
"Oh I know everything about you, because I am you. We are one and the same." The shadow, sat down comfortably on the edge of the bed, knowing that next would come the rejection and then the great surge of power.
"Shut up!" Christine shouted taking a deep breath and looking up, facing her shadow directly in the eyes. The tears previously clouding her vision now long gone. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You are wrong, you were me, but I have changed now. I overcame those feelings a long time ago. I know now that my friends love me for who I am, not who I pretend to be." Christine found herself taking small steps forward, arms now straight by her side. "I no longer hide in the shadows, but I face the world with a smile on my face as there is much in this world to be positive about! I grew up, I have brilliant friends, a loving family and I am sick of people like you trying to put me down all the time!" Her voice now raised, louder than she had ever heard it before. Her body shaking once again but not in fear this time. Adrenaline now coursing through her veins, giving her more courage to say the things that have been on her mind for years now. "You might have been me once, but not any more. I accept that you were me, but I left you behind. I no longer need you dictating my life. I can do that on my own."
After a few minutes of silence the shadow looked up and gave a small, knowing smile. A flash of blue light filled the room and upon lowering her hands from her face, Christine saw that standing in place of her shadow was a beautiful young woman. Impossibly long blonde hair floating around her, one arm holding tightly onto a small basket of apples. She bent down reaching out to gently take Christine's hand in her own.
"I am Iduna, she who renews. I will help guide you through your future." And as quickly as she had appeared she faded away leaving the room once again silent.
Christine moved away from the bed, with a renewed sense of vigour and took one last look at the room she had come to hate, turned on her heels and limped towards a door that she had not previously noticed. This would be the beginning of a new chapter in her life, and she couldn't help but smile.
Author's Note: (Yes another one) I have taken some small artistic license at the end there. I know that is not normally how personae are created but I did not feel confident enough to write a battle scene and as I appear to have both accepted and rejected my shadow at the same time I feel it is okay, but work with me here I really wanted a persona.