Disclaimer: Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Nothing I tell you, nothing!
Keeping the Table Up
"Happy Birthday, lover." Remus chuckled as Sirius rolled over and moaned pitifully.
"I don't want it to be my birthday, Remmie. Make it go away."
"You know I can't, darling. That isn't possible."
Sirius snorted, "So I can be reincarnated, but you can't make my birthday go away? Warped logic, that."
"Oh it is not, now get up. The children will be here soon." Remus pushed himself off the bed and went to take a shower, leaving Sirius to moan and groan.
Honestly, thought Remus while making tea, Sirius was only turning fifty, he wasn't dying or anything that terribly dramatic. But the way Sirius was going on, one would think he was turning eighty and about to be ten feet under.
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Sirius managed to smile when Harry and Teddy arrived. And when the Weasleys showed up, but when more people starting filling their small country home, Sirius began to suspect that Remus had gone a bit overboard. He tracked down his wayward werewolf in the living room, watching Teddy talk, and holding their littlest grandson, Amatus. He wandered over to them, resting his arm around Remus's waist and pressing a small kiss to the infant's forehead.
"Remus…darling…why are there so many people? I thought you said this was going to be a quiet party."
Remus had the grace to look sheepish, "Well, it was. Then people started owling wanting to know why they weren't invited and I couldn't say no. You aren't terribly mad, are you?"
Sirius looked at his stepson and rolled his eyes. Teddy grinned back and Sirius shook his head at Remus. "No."
The party lasted a lot longer than Sirius would have thought, but everyone was having far too much fun to leave. Eventually the last stragglers left. Teddy and Harry carried their youngest children out to the Apparation point, the babies waving at their grandfathers the entire way.
"Well, that was fun, don't you think?" Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus briefly, pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and went to find some more cake.
Remus laughed as he watched, "You realize that this is your sixth piece, right?"
"So, what?"
"Well, that seems to be a little much."
Sirius looked at the hunk of chocolate cake in his hands. Sure, it was slathered in triple fudge ripple icing, doused with chocolate sprinkles, and he had a mound of chocolate and caramel covered ice-cream, but it wasn't that bad, was it? He stuck a square of cake in his mouth defiantly, daring Remus to say anything more on the subject. The man merely shrugged and went to clean the dishes.
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Sirius sighed and heaved a great breath, holding it in as he struggled to get his trousers closed. He couldn't understand, he had bought these two months ago they should've fit. Maybe Remus had washed them and the trousers had shrunk? Lately, all of his clothes had been getting smaller. Sirius wondered why Remus would be so distracted as to forget which clothes needed warm water or couldn't be dried.
"Remmie? Have you been shrinking my clothes?"
Remus paused, shook his head and frowned, "What do you mean?"
"My clothes don't fit. I can't get these pants buttoned."
"Are they the right size?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure, because I've never washed those."
"You had to have. There wasn't anything wrong with them earlier."
"Well, you have gained some weight."
Sirius puffed up indignantly, "I beg your pardon!"
"You have! Don't even try to deny it."
"I'm not overweight! I have man flub, there is a difference."
Remus mouthed the words 'man flub' with morbid fascination. His eyebrows rose as he pondered how sane his partner really was. He shook his head briefly and stepped forward to put his hands on Sirius's forearms.
"I didn't say you were, Sirius."
"Yes, you did. You said I was fat."
"No I didn't. Have you ever heard those words come out of my mouth?"
"Fine. You implied that I was fat. That's just as bad."
"Sirius, you're being ridiculous."
Sirius glared at Remus momentarily, then stormed out of the cottage, grabbing his cloak as he slammed the door. Remus could only stare at the front door and wonder what had happened? Sirius didn't use to be so…so…insecure! What had happened?
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"And then he said I was fat and I left." Harry shook his head at his downtrodden godfather.
"You're an arse, you know that?" Sirius's head popped up off the kitchen table.
"Huh?"
Harry placed his teacup on the table and leant forward on his arms, "You are a stupid, inconsiderate arse! Remus didn't say anything other than the truth. You have gained weight, quite a bit, actually, but that is no reason to act like a hormonal teenage girl!"
"But…"
"NO! There is nothing wrong with having a little extra weight, especially considering how hard it was for you to gain weight after Azkaban. Now, go home and apologize."
"Yeah, go 'pologize, Gran-paddy." James stumbled into his grandfather's knees and tried to look firm. Sirius grinned at the baby and picked him up.
"I'm a right, stupid git, aren't I?"
"Yep!" Sirius laughed and tickled James's stomach, if his sweet little grandbaby thought he was being stupid, he really was. Sirius stood, handed James off to his father, and went home.
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"Remmie?"
"Finished being a git?"
Sirius sighed and wrapped his arms around his partner, "Yes, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I think I finally realized that I'm not quite the way I was."
"We all get older, Sirius. It's a part of life."
"I know. I just thought I'd be one of those really cool grandfathers, you know? The motorcycle riding, still good looking, muscled, cool grandfather. Not…this."
"Well, you do ride your motorcycle. I think you're still good looking. Your grandchildren think you're the greatest think since Saturday morning cartoons and besides, you're still muscled, just in different areas."
Sirius smiled and cuddled Remus closer, "I think you're pretty sexy yourself."
"Please, Sirius. I have a head full of grey hair. What could be sexy about that? Not to mention the scars."
"Battle wounds and I like the grey, very distinguished." Remus laughed and buried his face into Sirius's neck.
"Distinguished, my ass. You just like looking younger than me."
"You got me. So, I'm not fat?"
"No, love. There's simply more of you for me to love."
Sirius couldn't keep the goofy grin off of his face, "Oh, good. I'm glad you aren't totally horrified by me."
"Come on, lover. I'll show you how sexy I think you are. Maybe then you'll believe me."
"Ooh, are we going to do naughty things that would have our children and grandchildren cringing?"
"Most decidedly, now get your 'man flub' up here before I decide to do it myself."
"Hey! I figured out something good about being chubby."
Remus groaned and looked at the ceiling, "What's that?"
"I can hold up the table better!"
"Sirius!"
A/N: The End.