Sam x Linda
By Magewriter
Disclaimer: Why would I write fanfic if I could just make another Psychonauts game?
She was sitting in her mucous bubble in Oblongata, and saw a turtle swimming towards her with something in its jaws. The turtle sported a little yellow crown, and she knew at once who he was. But she wasn't presentable right now! There were so many things she had to do! But here was Sam, right now! She rushed to find her old hat, the one he liked.
Suddenly, she heard that smooth, deep voice.
"Hey, baby, you look different. And you're wearing that nice hat!"
"Yes, I've put on a little weight."
"I don't mind, baby, I don't mind. I caught you a nice little fish."
"Oh, Sam, it's beautiful! But you didn't have to do that!"
"I wanted to, baby. You deserve only the best."
She had just finished setting the table when she heard the horn call.
"Oh, Sam… I have to leave. Will you wait for me to get back?"
"You know I will, baby. You know I will."
She smiled to herself and went to the forest side of the lake. The island had long since been destroyed.
The angular human was waiting for her.
"Why did you summon me, tall, angular human?"
He hated it when Linda called him that, and Linda knew it. She just wanted to get back to her dinner.
"How to I impress a girl?" They were odd words, coming from him.
"Make her a nice, comfortable mucous-lined bubble. May I go now?"
"No. I want to know how, besides references to fish."
"You don't think she'd like a bubble?"
"No. I respect your people, and their perception of 'comfortable,' but I need to know how to impress a human girl."
"Chocolate. It works for turtles, too."
She ambled back into the lake, and had just gotten deep enough to swim when she heard the horn call again.
She was exasperated, but went back up anyway. Annoying angular human.
"What is it, angular human?"
"If Milla and I had a really big fight, how would I make it up to her? Chocolate won't solve this."
"Do something nice for her. Cook, or something. Is that all? Sam caught me some nice fish, and they're probably warm by now."
He winced. She wondered why. "Yes, Linda. I'll let you be."
"Thank you, Sasha."
She walked back down and her leg got stuck in some mud. He'd better not call on that horn again, she thought. He didn't, so she swam back to her bubble.
"Oh, Sam, thank you for waiting for me."
"It was nothing, baby, now sit down and we'll have a nice little feast."
"Okay, Sam. That would be lovely."
And it was. It was a young trout, in the prime of life, and it was absolutely delectable.
Suddenly, they heard a giggle, and a high-pitched yell: "Mr. Pokeylope! Where are you, Mr. Pokeylope!"
"That's my human, Linda. She gets worried when I'm not around. She gives me chocolate sometimes, too. Will you please excuse me for a minute?"
"Certainly, Sam. You take all the time you want."
"Thanks, baby." He left her bubble, leaving her for two minutes, then three. She knew it could take him awhile to get away from Sheegor, so she took the time to toss some clams and suckerfish back into the water, where they belonged.
Finally, she heard a splash! Thunk! Like when Sam came back. He was anything but graceful when it came to landing in her bubbles.
"Back so soon, Sam?"
"Yeah, she didn't need my advice this time, just wanted to say 'hi.'"
"Oh, Sam, you're so good with women."
"Nice to hear it from you, baby."
"You're so flattering."
"I try, baby, I try."
She smiled girlishly, or as close to smiling as a giant, deformed lungfish can really get to smiling, and they got back to their conversation.
Yeah, if you haven't gotten to level 100, and haven't seen the skit (it's on the internet, and that's where I saw it) then you don't know about Linda and Sam, and you don't know that Mr. Pokeylope's first name is Sam. You do know, however, that Mr. Pokeylope is a smooth-talking turtle who likes chocolate, and his voice acting is kind of freaky, considering his voice. I did this on a whim, but I kinda like it.