Part 1

Shepard wus woking doun thu hol wen, sudenly, thu Normandy shuk frum a eksploshon.

"Cumander, weer beng ataked bie Heritic Geth!" Joker yeled over thu raedio.

"Cum on!" Shepard yeled in frustrashon. Shepard ran doun thu hol with his gun in his hand. Thu Normandy roced with every eksploshon.

"We haf to do sumthing," EDI sed. "Geth are bording now." Joker herd gunfire behind him.

Shepard rushed to thu enjin room, but thu Geth were thare beefor him. Shepard jumped behind thu corner as thu Geth shot at him.

Geth snuk up behind Joker and amed thuir guns. All ov a suden, Joker wiped around and shot thum with his pistol. Thu Geth fell to thu flor ded.

"What shood we do?" Joker asked EDI, waving his gun in thu aere.

"Yoo must go to thu AI coar," EDI sed.

"Got it," Joker sed. He ran doun thu hol to thu AI coar. Geth stormed out ov thu elevator but thu gards were thare to shoot thum. Joker ignored thu battal and ran for Mordin's lab. Thu dore hissed open and to more Geth jumped out but Joker shot thum ded. Joker ran throo Mordin's lab, but thare wus anothur Geth bie thu lader. Bang, and thu Geth wus ded. Joker went doun thu lader and droped into thu life support dek. Thu dore opened and let Joker into thu hol, where soljers were shooting at thu Geth. Joker snuk past as bullets wizzed by. Thu kichen wus a mes as Geth shot at thu counter. Thu chares fell over as gards jumped onto thum to shoot thu Geth. Joker snuk into thu AI coar.

"Now what?" Joker wundered.

"I can emit an energie waiv that shood kill thu Geth," EDI sed. "But, yoo must let me haf cuntrol ov thu ship."

"I noe wat to do," Joker sed, tipeing into thu cuntrols. He herd pounding at thu dore.

"I haf cuntrol," EDI beeped. Thare wus a pulsing waiv and all thu Geth fell ded. Joker smiled. Thu Normandy wus saved.

"We beder be kaerfull wen thu reepers shoe up," Joker sed.

Part 2

Shepard looked up from Joker's story, mortally horrified by what he read.

"So, what do you think?" Joker asked enthusiastically, swiveling in his chair. Shepard did not know what to comment on. Should he tell Joker about how the story made absolutely no sense? Should he tell Joker about how bad the grammar was? Should he tell Joker that the spelling SUCKED? Shepard's eyes felt as if they were bleeding. After reading this, they might as well be.

"It's…" Shepard was completely speechless. "It's okay," Shepard finally said. He had just finished a story about Joker rushing to the 'AI Coar' and him running through 'dores'. Joker's story was about the Normandy getting attacked by Heretic Geth but it was written in the worst way possible.

"Really!" Joker exclaimed excitedly. "I'm really thinking about putting it online or something like that." Shepard felt a jolt of utter surprise. He could not let Joker put this "story" online. Shepard thought of all the insulting comments people might put about him.

"Wait, Joker," Shepard quickly said. He quickly thought up an excuse. "Stories need review. You should have someone read it and check everything out for you."

"You just read it," Joker scoffed. That is not what Shepard meant.

"I mean someone who will check the grammar and stuff for you." Joker scoffed again at that statement.

"I get it," he said. "You're making fun of my bad grammar."

"No I'm not," Shepard replied innocently.

"Before the translation devices came out, aliens had to learn English to live among humans," Joker argued. "I don't think they were very good with English back then."

"But...you're not an alien, and you've passed second grade," Shepard said, but very quietly muttered, "At least I hope you did." Shepard really hoped his pilot was smarter than a second grader.

"I'm lucky enough that there's a Microsoft Word in the computer," Joker argued. EDI's blue orb appeared on the panel.

"Our Microsoft Word Program is used to write mission reports, not fictional stories," EDI protested.

"What am I supposed to do for fun then?" Joker argued.

"You didn't wonder what those red scribbles under your words were?" Shepard asked.

"Thought it was just a program error," Joker said, carefree.

"Joker," Shepard said.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Next time you write a story…have EDI proofread it."

/

Intentionally writing a story in bad grammar was harder than I thought. I had to make sure all of Joker's spelling was consistent, so I first wrote the story with correct grammar and spelling then I used find and replace to replace all the words with their current counterparts. It was a risk too, I did not know if people would actually read to the end and not just leave the story as soon as they saw Joker's bad spelling.