"You can't cheat death a third time."
That's what's been going through your head ever since you dragged yourself into that beam, onto the Citadel and to the Crucible. It beat a tattoo in your brain as you saw admiral Anderson fall down beside you, as Jack Harper killed himself and finally as that stupid glowy star child laid out those ridiculous choices.
"You got three choices Shepard. You can choose to destroy all synthetic life in the Galaxy"
What choice was that? Killing the Reapers you had no problems with, but you had the uncomfortable feeling that it would mean more than that, that the Geth would be killed as well, the Geth you saved less than a month ago, the Geth that trusted you enough to end their war with the Quarians. Worse, it would mean killing EDI and you know you couldn't do that to her, let alone Joker.
"Or you can choose synthesis, to abolish the distinction between biological and synthetic life, to make all equal."
That was no choice either. Your whole career, your whole quest up to now had been to get all peoples in the Galaxy to cooperate, to join together in all their diversity to fight the Reapers from subsuming them and now this star brat is suggesting you do it yourself? Take away all that diversity, everything that made each person unique, special, to become some sort of organic synthetic mishmash? What would be the difference between you and the Reapers then?
"Or your final choice, which is to take control of the Reapers and use their strength to reshape the Galaxy as you see fit."
And there was the option that had tempted Harper, had tempted Saren, the prize that had destroyed them, unable to handle the control they had wanted. Would you be any different? Would you be able to resist? You know you're better than them, but would you be good enough?
Lords knows you're tempted though. To take control, to end the suffering, stop this endless genocide. To make sure your family and friends – Liara – are safe… The risks are great, but the prize...
You know you have to choose soon, that you're not far from death no matter what happens, but the very fact that you want to take control so much makes you suspicious. You know you need to hurry and stop the killing, but you don't want to make the wrong choice, the last choice you'll ever make.
"You can't cheat death a third time."
And it hurts to know that, when you had survived so long against such impossible odds. You managed to stop Saren and Sovereign, you survived having parts of Sovereign land on you when he was destroyed. You survived being killed by the Collectors, you were resurrected to save the Galaxy, you managed to build your crew a second time, even made sure all of them survived the suicide mission to the Collectors' base. Then, you had to do it all over again, when it was already too late, you had to unite a Galaxy that had waited too long to believe you and save it from destruction a third time. And this time there would be no escape, no rebirth.
You know what to do. No sense in waiting, so you drag yourself into the Control beam. Your every nerve ending is on fire as you are being digitised, sucked up into the Crucible. The pain seems endless but only lasts a second.
When it stops you feel your mind expanding, in milliseconds taking in the stored knowledge and intelligence in the Crucible, the Star child blinking out as you take its place. A hundred milliseconds after you've been digitised your mind expands again, taking in all the Reaper activity in the Solar System, feeling the Husks and murder machines on Earth and Mars killing people, seeing the desperate battle around the Citadel from hundreds, thousands of viewpoints, seeing yourself launch a salvo from one Reaper that destroys a Quarian lifeship, feeling another of your Reapers caught in the crossfire of a Turian destroyer and an Volus battleship, destroyed.
You feel it all around you and it's a simple matter to just stop all the husks and banshees and murder weapons on Earth, on Mars. You see the confusion, the barely allowed hope on the faces of the ground forces, the hope that you have done it again and saved them just when it seemed everything was lost.
A millisecond later and you also control the Reapers themselves, feel them rage as they are no longer in control of their own bodies. It takes effort and will power, but you always had will power. Slowly you drag them away from the battles, on a new course, as you set control for the heart of the Sun.
Meanwhile you keep expanding, through the Charon Relay, making contact with every Relay in the Galaxy, expanding out from each Relay at speeds so incredibly fast it feels simultaneous, even to you. As you do, as you take control of the Reapers in each system, you give the same command: stop the husks, set control to the nearest sun.
As you do so, you see the hope, the relief blossom everywhere, everywhere you look. It's on the face of an Asari commando on Thessia, saved moments before a Banshee would've killed her, on the Krogan children desperately defending their crèche on Tuchanka, on the faces of the soldiers of all races in the fleet surrounding the Citadel, seeing their enemy destroy themselves.
You keep searching as you see all this, searching and occasionally finding. You see Jack and Miranda in London, leading the search for survivors. You see the Normandy, turning around and flying toward the Citadel, you hear the desperate communication, the worry in Joker's voice as he demands to know where you are, whether anybody has seen you. You see Garrus standing next to him, worried. You see all your friends, safe, relieved, worried about you.
And then you find her. Liara, upset but calm, on a shuttle urging Cortez to go faster, to rendezvous with the Normandy and get to the Citadel.
You turn away, unable to look any longer at the anguish you put her in and turn your attention to internal matters. As each Reaper dies, you feel your consciousness shrinking again. You calculate how long it will take until nothing is left and know you have less than two hours. And then, as you examine yourself, you stumble across a miracle and suddenly you have hope.
You open your eyes, confused. A second ago you had made your decision and had put yourself in the beam, screaming in agony as you did so and now you where here? Wherever that was. You no longer feel pain and as you look at your body it's whole, your armour undamaged in all its pink yellow glory, your guns at your back.
You look up and you see yourself, your face, your giant face hovering above you, the same way you remember Sovereign hovering above you all those years ago on Virmire. You see yourself opening your mouth and hear yourself speak.
"Shepard."
You answer.
"Shepard."
You ask.
"What happened?"
As an answer you are shown what happened as the other Shepard's consciousness gently waves over your own.
"As we were digitised, the process destroyed our body but saved our mind, our personality as we were then. That is who you are. Meanwhile I evolved as my consciousness expanded. I can no longer be the Shepard we were, but you can. When all the Reapers are destroyed, I will destroy the Crucible as well and find peace. But you will have a chance to live the life we deserve. Take care of Liara for us."
"Thank you. I'm sorry I.."
"It is alright. I have made my peace more than an hour ago. I'm ready. When I die you will live on for me. Your body is being remade as we speak, though not in the condition we left it."
Both of you share the wry smile your crew and friends know so well.
"I've rebuild you as we were, but have left one surprise for you to discover when you're back in it."
"Will I remember you, this? Will I remember what you, we, did here?"
"Yes, but only as a dream. Our brain won't be able to handle my full consciousness, but you will know what we did here, what we sacrificed. Goodbye Shepard, it is time for you to leave."
"Goodbye Shepard. I should go."
You salute and as you do, you feel yourself drawn into your body. As you wake up, you see the Crucible quietly melting down and you sit back and wait for rescue.
A year later and you walk out of your house into the garden where all your friends are, reunited for the first time since the end of the war. You look around you at the friendships that have blossomed through it, seeing James and Jacob comparing biceps, Miranda and her sister chatting to Dr Chakwas, Zaeed and Grunt headbutting as Wrex, Eve and Samara look on.
What amazes you even more than these unlikely friendships are the romances that have blossomed. You might have guessed that Garrus and Tali would hook up, but Joker and EDI, Jack and Kelly were less likely. What surprised you the most though is seeing Ashley, your oldest friend, straight shooting, thrash talking, utterly heterosexual Ashley (or so you thought) be happy with Samantha Traynor, your comm specialist. You have to admit that unlikely as they are, they do make a cute couple.
Finally you spy the person you most like to see, even if you see her every day. No matter, you still get butterflies when you look at her. She senses you looking and looks up smiling. You walk over to her and take her hand, your other lightly trailing down her stomach. There's nothing to see there yet, but you know what, no, who's there. You never feel as happy as when you turn around, holding her hand, raise your voice and say.
"Everyone, Liara and I have an announcement to make."
"You can't cheat death a third time?"
Of course you can. You're commander Shepard, and you deserve a happy ending.