Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Zeta Project'. I do not own any of its characters. It's just a fanfiic.
A/N As English isn't my native language, I want to thank Aldebaran8423 for her editing help on this chapter.
This story is my Christmas present for all of you - my Zee/Ro Christmas story for this year. It turned out to be a longer story than I expected, so now I posted Chapter One. I'll post Chapter Two as soon as it's possible.
You can find more about my theory for Zee's material covering in Chapter 3 of book 1 "The Nettle's Shirt" of my Zee/Ro trilogy "You Need Me".
And for those of you who hadn't read my other Zee/Ro Christmas stories, you can find them here, at fanfiction, on my account. They are: "Zee's Heart" 2004; "More Than I Ever Wished For" 2005, "The Christmas Gift" 2006 and "Taste of Freedom" for Christmas 2007. I'll be happy if you will read and review them!
Merry Christmas Eve and Merry Christmas to all of you!
A Guest for Christmas
Chapter 1
by Iglika
Ro's point of view
I hated to be wrong about people.
I hated to have vain hopes.
I hated to be a captive of my emotions.
A real Christmas with a real family? Excellent idea. But they were not my family.
I was already sorry that I had agreed to be a 'special' guest for Christmas with Daisy's family. There was nothing special about me. A twenty one year old, thin tomboy, still with my blonde hair cut short, always wearing jeans. Oh, yes, my past. An ex-fugitive and a 24/7 orphan, if I didn't count my long lost, then found brother Casey.
Well, Daisy was a friend, but not as close as she thought she was. It wasn't because of her. She seemed a nice enough girl, with long chestnut hair and hazel eyes. She always tried to let me know how special I was to her, she even called me 'sis' from time to time. I never answered with the same. But it really wasn't because of her. It was because of me. I had no close friend among the girls at college and I didn't need to have one. I had had enough bad experiences with betrayals at the orphan's homes and in the foster families. Then why had I agreed to come here? I didn't need to be anyone's special guest. I didn't need the perfect decorated house, I didn't need the lights on its façade, or the stockings hung by the fireplace; I didn't need the big Christmas tree; I didn't need the presents, hidden underneath it. I didn't need the smiles on Daisy's family's faces. They weren't my family.
I needed my home, my family and my parents. My own parents.
That was the reason I had agreed to come here.
But that was ridiculous. Even Casey hadn't managed to find them, how could an ordinary girl like Daisy Thomas possibly solve the riddle of their disappearance?
I had no idea what kind of connections she had, but actually she never had said she could find my parents. She only hinted that if I'd spend Christmas with her and her family, I'd meet someone I had lost. Daisy didn't mention the word 'parents'. It was my imagination and my endless hope, which brought that word to my mind and transformed it into a firm belief that the surprise present Daisy wanted to give me for Christmas was a meeting with one of my parents.
But it was just a castle in the air. Obviously Daisy never even thought to try to find my parents—because it was impossible. Of course, I wouldn't think it possible that I would accept her Christmas invitation…but I had. Although I was beginning to regret it more with each passing minute. My visit here had turned into a strange game of wits. Daisy tried to put me off my guard and I tried to find out why. And this time I wasn't wrong. There was something too nervous in her smile and her voice, something odd and suspicious. Her behavior reminded me of a bad guy in a movie, obviously anxious while trying to conceal his evil plans, or cover up some crime. I had seen this even in real life a few times when my path had crossed with that of some pretty bad people.
The more I talked with her and her family, the more convinced I was that they were all trying to hide something from me. But what? What did they plan to do? To lock me up in their basement? Why? What could they possibly gain? I wasn't a wanted accomplice anymore; there was no reward for me anymore. Then what? Did they want to kill me because of all the years I had dedicated to Zee, helping him find his freedom? I knew there would always be people who couldn't accept that a robot could live like an ordinary citizen, an ordinary person. I was aware that even though Zee won the battle, the war still continued and as I had been his best friend, I would always be in danger.
But no danger was able to stop me living according to my own notions of what was right and what was wrong. I wasn't scared, even now. I was Ro Rowen, after all, the action hero, wasn't I? I was just curious to find out why Daisy and her family wanted me. Yes, I was curious. Very. And I was certain I'd discover why I was invited here.
Zee's point of view
Finally it had begun to snow.
Ro always wanted us to spend Christmas in a town with snow.
White Christmas. It's beautiful.
I went to the window and before I came near enough to see into the dark garden, I saw my own reflection in the window-glass. I had kept my Zee Smith appearance. It had become my identity. My Zeta metal shell was no different from most of the synthoids constructed around the same time as me. But the material covering and the hologram over it of the tall, blue eyed and black haired young man was my own creation, my personality. I had kept my outfit as well – the t-shirt, the pants and the long coat. But I had changed the color. Lately they were all black. I didn't feel comfortable anymore having clothes in bright colors. I was too serious and silent...
I had to confess it at least to myself - I was too sad to be surrounded by colors, especially those colors, which carried so many memories. So black suited me better.
It kept snowing. There was no wind outside, the snowflakes were so thick and were falling so fast that they made a dense curtain of snow and everything beyond it was just white.
My Christmas tree this year was white too – an artificial one. I was artificial, so why shouldn't my Christmas tree be artificial too. All the decorations on it were blue.
White and blue. Simple colors. Like the simple life I was living.
I ignored my inner chronometer and looked at the round clock on the wall. I had enough time to feed my animals before leaving for my second job.
Yes, I had pets. Many. Almost a mini zoo. Horses, cats, dogs, rabbits, birds. I would never stop being amazed and captivated by the greatest miracle – the miracle of life. I wasn't flesh and blood and so I could spend hours watching how my flesh and blood animal companions played, slept, ate. My pets. My friends. I loved them.
And they loved me too. Yes, they did. I was afraid they would have no feelings toward me, just like they had no feelings toward trees or furniture or the computer, but maybe because of my material covering, which helped me to feel completely human to the touch, and because of my human voice, they answered when I was talking to them and liked it when I petted them.
I always wanted to be more human. From what I had learned during the years so far, it wasn't enough simply to be free or even to be acknowledged as a person. Being alive, being human, meant a lot of things. I had attained some of them. But that which I defined as the core, the heart of being human was something I didn't have.
You need to have reasons to live. Living without a goal, living for no higher purpose is only a vegetative existence. People, real people, have different ambitions and find different aims. Some people's options were limited, though, and so were mine, in some ways. Family, kids – that was a closed door for me. So I directed my attention to the scientific researches I was able to do.
But that wasn't enough. I needed more than the constant successes I had in my two jobs, more than the polite relationships I had with my colleagues and customers; I needed more than a high salary, big house and luxury car.
I needed a best friend. I missed the best friend I used to have.
I missed a friend who could be everything to me, someone I could trust in, someone who needed me, someone who could share her heart with me…
I missed Ro.
When I was with her I had hopes. I had dreams.
I dreamed of a home, family, kids, and when I found my freedom, I finally found the strength to share those dreams with Ro, to tell her I loved her. She wasn't surprised, probably because I was not very good at hiding my feelings. She was confused, though, and that was a reaction I expected. But she was also scared. She said she needed to think it over, she said she needed time. I let her go. I loved her too much to try to keep her by my side. Ro always had been with me because it was her choice. I didn't want that to change.
She never gave me an answer. We never talked about it again. She just disappeared. And never answered my phone calls. She had gone. And she'd never come back to me again. She had become an e-mail address, which sent me greetings on every holiday. This Christmas was no different.
I drew back from the window.
It was a pure riddle to me how my golden retriever always sensed my sadness, but he really was able to do it. His warm brown eyes were trying to ask me why I was so sad—because didn't I know I had him, and he'd never leave me? Seeing that he was trying to comfort me, my blue eyed white cat approached me too, rubbing his soft furred sides against my ankles.
My pets.
My friends.
My family. They didn't mind living with me. Zee Smith. The synthoid.
Who would possibly want to live with me except them, as even Ro didn't want to?
Today was Christmas Eve. And she sent me an e-card, as always, to assure me I'm not forgotten. But I was. Since the day I wasn't a part of her life anymore, she sent me e-cards for every holiday. And nothing more. She was trying to forget me.
People say time makes you forget. But I couldn't forget. Unless I deleted the files of my life with her, but I didn't want to delete any of them. I missed Ro. I missed her so badly. And the pain of her absence was even stronger because it was clear she didn't miss me at all.
I understood. But that didn't mean I wasn't hurt.
I headed to the kitchen to prepare food for the animals. They sensed not only my sadness; they knew I'd leave soon, and I wouldn't be home for many hours, until my workday was over. I told them I'd be back soon and I'm sure they were able to understand me.
Did they sense the dark thoughts, which crossed my mind in times like this, that maybe my existence was useless and the world wouldn't lose anything if I wasn't on this Earth anymore?
No. I wouldn't do it, ever. It was just a moment of weakness, of despair. I had no will to stop existing, to…kill myself, because I loved them too much. I would never leave them. And more than just that…I loved to be alive too much to put an end to the wonder of it all.
But my second job, to which I was headed now, and for which I had to use my ability to change my holographic appearance, gave me an opportunity to disappear at least for a while. By taking other people's appearances and personalities, I actually was killing myself. Every time. And I wondered was it the same for actors? Were they as unhappy as I was, that they wanted to forget their true identities by completely immersing themselves in someone else's character?
And were they as alone as I was?
to be continued…
A/N Please, review! As this story is my Christmas present for all of you, your reviews will be your Christmas present for me!