A/N: This wrote itself. I have no idea why.
"My dear Gred, it really breaks my heart to see poor Hermione so despondent."
"I agree Forge, she must have some sort of lavender allergy."
"Clearly, we must do something about this."
They sat in silence for a moment, contemplating.
"You know, I have heard that Lavender has a bit of a weakness-"
"For Bertie Bott's? Way ahead of you, old chap."
When Lavender saw a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans sitting on her bed, she squealed so loudly that the Hufflepuffs could hear her. She quickly grabbed the note attached and read it aloud at ear-shattering decibels.
"To Lav-Lav, from Won-Won. I think they're white chocolate or something. Isn't that romantic?"
She popped a few in her mouth and went to go thank her wonderful boyfriend. As soon as she found him sitting in the common room, she kissed him deeply. With tongue. Despite the fact that Harry was sitting next to Ron making disgusted faces at her.
A moment later, Ron shoved her away. "What the hell, Lav? You've been sucking someone off! I can taste it!"
Harry gave him a strange look.
"What? Oh – no, mate. Nasty. I tasted my own once, just out of curiosity, you understand. To the point, though – Lav, what in the bloody hell? I can't do this. I don't share."
"But Won-Won-"
"Sorry, Lavender," Harry interjected, privately celebrating the excuse. "I think you two need to take a break. Come on, Ron, we have to go do that thing." He dragged Ron away, leaving Lavender standing in the common room confused.
"I think that went well, Forge."
"I agree, Gred. I think we could make quite the profit off of come-flavored beans."
"We ought to keep them away from the first years, though."
"Where's the fun in that? We'll tell them it's cream-flavored."
"Hermione'll have fun explaining that one."
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