A Golden Dawn

Author's Note: My first Harry Potter story. I thought I'd give it a try and put my own spin on the character of Professor Sinistra. If anyone enjoys this, please let me know. :)

[1]

It had taken months and several bottles of fire whiskey to keep the nightmares at bay but Snape, persistent as he was in nature, had finally managed to chase most of them away. His dreams were still far from pleasant but at least he did not wake screaming and tangled in the sheets in the middle of the night anymore. It was early autumn as he opened the door to his quarters in the dungeons and paused, a hand on the door handle, to inhale the always slightly stale air deeply. When he had first taken up teaching, Albus had offered him more comfortable quarters in one of the towers but he had refused. The need to hide away and punish himself by means of an environment more suitable for a man burdened by a history like his had been overwhelming. The worried crease between Dumbledore's kind eyes had not been lost on Snape but his wish had still been granted. The dungeons, though cold and draughty even in summer had proven to be a respite. No one came down here if they could help it and Snape had drawn strength from his solitude. As he walked through the door for the very first time since the fateful night he had hurried towards the tower – painfully aware of the fact that he would have to kill Albus Dumbledore - the dungeons surprisingly felt like home. In fact, compared to the tattered and depressing interior of his house in Spinner's End, his humble sitting room with the emerald green cushions on the fairly uncomfortable chaise longue seemed downright welcoming. The house elves had already kindled a fire in the fireplace although the autumn day outside was still awash with sunlight. Snape had enjoyed the walk from the gates and marveled at how thoroughly Hogwarts had been reinstated to its former glory after the severe damage that had been done to it during the battle. The sun shone through the yellow and orange leaves that were swirling around the grounds and Snape had taken a deep breath of the crisp and fragrant air. Hogwarts was his home and the only one he had ever known. The last six months at Spinner's End had been spent battling his demons and when he had traded in the filthy clothes he had been wearing inside the house he had not left for months for his teaching robes, he had noticed how haggard he had become. Fortunately, the billowing black robes added some substance to his thin frame so his face was the only feature giving his weight loss away.

Snape passed through the living room and slowly sat down on the bed. Everything was as he had left it, although the house elves had clearly done a good job of keeping the place clean and neat. Still, his bedroom seemed frozen in time. There were the essays he had been grading when he had been summoned away to make the kill, the quill was still exactly in the same position he had dropped it in nearly a year ago since he had not dared go back to his old quarters when he had become headmaster. A small bottle of sample potion stood on the shiny surface of the desk, untouched. The tiny phial reminded him painfully of the one Harry Potter had used to catch the silver manifestation of his memories when Snape had been convinced that he had do die in the Howling Shack. His strength had faded and he had felt his head drop to his chest and his life slipping out of him but it had been of such great importance then to allow Potter to see the truth. Finally, he had believed to be his last conscious thought forever, I am going to see Lily again. And sure enough when he had opened his eyes, a female face had slowly come into focus. Was there actually a heaven for people like him? Had he succeeded in making up for his sins by working for Dumbledore for so long? Or would James Potter be peeking over Lily's shoulder soon enough to smirk at him? Oh how big his disappointment had been when instead of fair red hair, he had made out dark brown strands and instead of Lily's wonderful green eyes, a pair of grey ones had bored into his.

"Severus, can you hear me?" A slender hand holding a wand, black robes, milky white skin. Realization had come only very slowly: Aurora Sinistra, the astronomy professor. His surroundings had slowly come into focus as well: The Great Hall. And the dreadful sounds around him: the groans of the injured, the cries of the grieving and the numbing silence of the dead. Although nobody was rejoicing it was evident from their faces that the war had been won. From his position on the floor he could see only Fred Weasley's expressionless face and although the young man had been a terrible inconvenience as long as Snape had known him, the sight had caused his heart to contract. The Weasley twins had been a source of merriment for their peers even in the darkest of times and the death of one of them seemed to drive home the horrible truth that war did not spare anyone.

"Can you look at me again, Severus? Can you focus on me?" Sinistra's voice was calm, her hand resting on the wound on his neck.

"Why am I alive?" he rasped, trying very hard to make himself understood despite the hoarseness of his voice.

"Don't know." Sinistra ran the tip of her wand over the still sensitive skin but he could feel that it was already healing. Who knew that the elusive Miss Sinistra had such a talent for healing? Since he was unable to move, he took in her appearance while maniacal laughter was forming in his throat. He was still too weak to actually laugh but he could feel it bubbling like acid. He was alive. Innocent Fred Weasley was dead and he was alive, still burdened with guilt despite everything he had put himself through to make up for it. The Dark Lord had fallen; the mark on his bare arm had vanished. He looked at Sinistra, her shoulder length hair was matted in places and frizzy in others, falling freely over her shoulders. She, too, showed that she had fought a war. Her robes were torn in places, her face and arms scratched and burned.

"Drink this." She handed him a small green potion that Snape instantly recognized as the antidote to snake poison Albus had him make by the barrel. The taste was excruciating but it eased the pain almost instantly.

"Very well, Severus." He now realized that Sinistra was only calm on the outside. Her right hand was gripping her wand a little too tightly and her left one was shaking when she took the empty bottle from him. "You should sit up to get your circulation up and running again," she said and helped him to a seated position.

"Did you find me?"

"Yes." He waited for her to elaborate on that statement but she didn't.

"You saved my life." he stated numbly.

"A bezoar saved your life, actually." Sinistra said. "I was just the one shoving it down your throat."

Just a hint of a smile crossed her face for the first time he could remember. "I actually feel honored to have been the one. Potter told us about the fact that you are the true hero of this war."

Snape couldn't help but screw up his face in disgust as he remembered that Potter now knew his deepest secrets and most cherished memories. However, he also felt gratitude that Potter, instead of celebrating himself as he would have expected the arrogant son of James Potter to do, had taken the time to make sure everyone knew that he had not been a traitor after all. He felt light headed and tired so he closed his eyes. The muscles in his shoulder, torn to shreds by the snake's vicious teeth, were only gradually healing so he had no choice but to rest his head against Sinistra's shoulder. He was surprised as the younger witch ran her hand lightly across the side of his jaw.

"Rest, Severus," she said. "You have earned it."

Snape returned to the present and stepped towards the mirror opposite his wardrobe. Not that there had ever been much to see except greasy hair and a variation of black robes and vests, but today he slightly inclined his head and pulled at the white collar to reveal the still dark scars. Sinistra had saved his life but she was far from being as skilled as the witches and wizards at Saint Mungo's. Still, he was grateful and he would have to thank her in person sooner or later. Sinistra was a strange person, he thought, as he adjusted his collar. She was feared by some students for her strictness and liked for her passion by others, but he doubted that, despite her reasonably good looks, anyone had ever had a crush on her. Her nose was a little too pronounced for her to be as pretty as Lily had been, but with the beak gracing his own face Snape knew better than to hold it against her. Sinistra was a renowned master at Astronomy but seemed to have little regard for her colleagues or students. She spent only as much time with them as she had to. Snape had only ever seen her during faculty meetings for she rarely attended the Great Hall at mealtimes. She was younger than him and had only started her first year in Hogwarts when he had spent his last year there. As Sinistra was such a famed astronomer he suspected she only held the teaching position in order to have enough funds for her research. Her patience with students was limited and her input in faculty meetings had usually gravitated around zero. He had just quietly sipped her tea and looked at the sky through the window with mild interest. Dreamy expressions were obviously not in her repertoire and she was caught smiling only very rarely but her face was most relaxed when she looked at the sky. All in all, he thought, she was probably not much more likeable than he was which somehow made him take to her a bit. Well, a now she had saved his life, which made her even more likeable. He watched a thin smile form around his lips in the mirror and turned away. He was yet to ask her of the details of her rescue of him since she had never explained.

The atmosphere in the Great Hall could only be described as bittersweet. On the one hand the war had been won and the dark wizard responsible for it had been brought down along with most of his powerful followers. On the other hand lives had been lost and children had been traumatized. Some seats at the table were left empty to honor the fallen classmates that had once occupied them or maybe simply because it just didn't feel right for anyone to sit there. But there were nothing but brave faces, hope for the future shining in the students' eyes. It had been a first for the new headmistress Minerva McGonagall to step forward and speak to the crowd that had silenced at the slightly shaky raise of her hand. She had paused and looked around, distinctively lost for a second before she had welcomed the students and teachers back to school that was, for once, not in danger this year. She had reminded them that these were peaceful times and that they stood at a new beginning together. The atmosphere had loosened up considerably after her heartfelt speech and now butter beer was passed around while the students feasted on what the house elves had readily prepared. Some things never changed, teenagers were always hungry, Snape thought while he attempted to conquer the huge amounts of food a shyly smiling Hagrid had piled onto his plate. Everyone still seemed a little uneasy around him. Nobody knew what to say to the man they had branded as a traitor so easily.

"I'm sorry for being late," a quiet voice next to him said and Sinistra slid into the empty chair.

"Well, well. Professor Sinistra. What a seldom surprise." Snape said and realized at the same time that he was addressing her in his usual sly voice. There was technically no need to push everyone away anymore but it had become second nature to him a very long time ago.

"Professor Snape. Jolly as usual." Sinistra's eyes widened slightly as Hagrid landed a huge blob of mashed potatoes on her plate. "Thank you, Hagrid." She reached out to take her goblet and sip the wine. "That's a good one."

Snape had decided to stay away from alcohol after dooming his liver for months but politely raised his own goblet and pretended to drink, the red wine only touching his lips once. An uneasy silence followed as Hagrid turned to the unfortunate Flitwick in order to inform him of the state of the unicorns. Snape quite liked the pun. Sinistra seemed to be just as chatty as he was and so instead of making polite small talk, scanned the room, fondly regarding the Ravenclaw table. Snape guessed that she had been one of them. Funny, he thought how little he knew about his colleague of – how long had she been here now? – five years? She wore her hair down tonight and her dark blue robes were adorned with tiny stars. Had she made an effort? He had only ever seen her wear black or brown.

"You are not a very charming dinner partner, Professor Snape." She remarked without taking her eyes off the Ravenclaw table where an overwhelmed and possibly overstuffed first year was about to fall off the bench.

"Well, I can hand that compliment right back, Professor Sinistra. What do we owe the pleasure to, anyway?"

She turned her head towards him and gave him a dark look. "Pressure." As if to emphasize she nodded towards McGonagall. "Call it the female approach but she refuses to let me hide in my tower." That at least, also explained the presence of a rather flustered looking Professor Trelawney.

"So you were hiding up there all these years?" Snape laid down his fork. This might have just become interesting.

"What was there down here for me? Dumbledore's annoying cheerfulness although our world was slowly being torn to shreds? Minerva's punishing looks when anyone pours their second glass of wine? I am sure it is her doing that the wine glasses don't happen to refill themselves. Or your sour face? Why, thank you. Also, since I work nights, I don't happen to be awake for most of the meals."

That statement had just constituted the longest talk Snape had ever had with Sinistra and he concluded that she was not exactly a source of cheerfulness.

"You sound very bitter, Professor."

"Just observant, Professor," she mimicked the poignant use of her title.

"So what are you working at during all of the cloudy nights?" Snape was a bit surprised to rediscover the trait of curiosity in himself. As they said, curiosity kills the cat. And the double agent, he had added to that wise saying in his mind. Now that he was a mere potions master, he allowed himself to be curious as to what kind of person Sinistra was.

She pursed her lips. "Papers on theoretical astronomy."

"Sounds riveting." Snape finally took a sip of his wine, if only for effect. Sinistra imitated his gesture and shrugged. "I wouldn't get all excited over stirring liquids in a cauldron, either. To each his own, I presume."

There was a short silence then she turned towards him again. "Your arm must still be sore from the Dark Mark I take it?" Snape had believed to be furious if talked to about the darkest time in his life but found that he was glad to be able to talk about it despite her rather blunt inquiry.

"How would you know that they vanished with the Dark Lord's death? Did you happen to have one yourself?"

A shadow crossed her face but then she snorted. "No. However, I saw your Dark Mark vanish as you were passed out in my arms when Harry finished You-Know-Who."

She still wasn't loosing up but Snape was glad that at least he did not have to put up with an overly cheerful person. Fleetingly, he wondered whether Minerva had made the seating arrangements tonight in order to allow the both of them to annoy each other to death. Relations with her were still a bit forced due to their face off in the Great Hall prior to the Last Battle, so she might have found it an easy way to rid herself of him.

"I am glad that you chose to remind me of the fact that you had the misfortune of holding my body while I presumably drooled all over your lovely robes." He replied with all the sarcasm he could muster.

"Way to thank me for saving your life."

"How did that come about anyway, Sinistra?" Snape asked, glad for the opportunity. "Did you just wander about the Howling Shack in the middle of the night?"

Her eyes flickered uneasily for a moment but he was sure that she was unaware of the movement that gave her casually spoken lie away. "As a matter of fact, I did, Severus. Instead of questioning it you should be glad that I wasn't otherwise engaged."

"I am, Sinistra, I am. I was simply unaware of the fact that you are making it a habit to wander the grounds during a battle with a bezoar in your pocket."

"I wasn't aware of the fact that snake poison affects people's memories, since that was before the battle started, during the respite. When everyone started fighting you were already safely tucked away in the castle."

Snape disliked the way she kept conjuring up mental images of him in helpless situations. For all her sarcasm she was quite good with words. He tried to recapture the little smile she had given him in the Great Hall when she had admitted that she was proud to be the one who had saved his life but failed miserably.

She flicked her hair from her face and he noticed that it was rather shiny today. Unfortunately he failed to remember whether it had always been like that. Maybe it was the candle light that made it shine. She caught his gaze and raised a delicate eyebrow.

"Want me to give you the name of my conditioner? Might work for that greasy do of yours, too."

He grimaced. Potion making did nothing for your hair and some time he had just stopped bothering with it. Coming from a pretty young witch, though, that comment stung. Wait, when had he begun to think of her as pretty? He took another swing of his drink to calm himself and noticed its peculiar taste for the first time. This was a little too bitter to be wine. His first thought was poison and his fingers clenched around the wand in his pocket. The next moment his shoulders sagged as he saw Hagrid's sheepish grin.

"Though we could use a little, heh?" The half-giant conspicuously flashed a small flask under the table for Snape to see. "Want some more?"

"Are you insane?" Snape snapped, a little too loud which caused a small chuckle by Sinistra whose face was calm again by the time he whirled around. "This is not funny, Sinistra. The man cannot slip me alcohol without my knowledge. This is outrageous."

The students were beginning to turn around to catch what the commotion at the teacher's table was about so Sinistra waved them off, the gesture accompanied by a hard stare, then turned back to Snape.

"Too bad. I thought you were finally loosing up a bit, Professor Snape."

"You are… outrageous, too, Sinistra!" Snape growled dangerously. While any student would have paled with fear at this point, Sinistra just looked at him with no apparent emotion until he looked away. Another uneasy silence ensued during which Hagrid just stared at his plate ruefully. Snape was unsure how to proceed. He could get up and excuse himself but that would show weakness. He might also just go on as if nothing had happened. Another option was to hex her into oblivion. During his tenure as head master that would not have been a problem. This was different, though. Snape wasn't sure how difficult it would be to settle into a somewhat normal routine with normal – if obnoxious – colleagues, young – and therefore naturally obnoxious - students and a life at Hogwarts. It hit Snape hard that he had never given any thought to what he would make of his life as soon as the Dark Lord was defeated. Maybe he had always assumed that he would not survive the war. Life had been painful, he had been on a mission, always aware that the time would come when he would have to do his part. It had given his otherwise empty life meaning which was now gone. Slowly, he drained the goblet of wine and stared towards the Slytherin table. Many fathers were in Askaban, some were dead and it showed in the faces of his students. One of them looked up as he regarded him and gave him a cold look. His fellow Slytherins had nothing to say to him, he now realized. If he was a hero for the others, he was a traitor for the ones of them that were related to death eaters. Indoctrination only wears off very slowly if ever.

"I'm sorry for having been rude about your hair, Professor Snape. I apologize." Sinistra didn't sound sheepish, just... well, sorry. He turned around, surprised by her admission. "I can be a bit rough at times. With only the stars as company one gets a little frank, I suppose." When he remained silent, she slightly bent forward. "Besides, I felt that you might need to talk about some of those things one of these days."

"My hair?"

"No. What you've been through."

He searched her eyes for sarcasm but found none. She looked actually genuine and he noticed for the first time that her eyes were of a deep grey with tiny sprinkles of light blue in them that one would only notice very close up. Like stars on a firmament. How very fitting, he thought.

"I doubt it is any of your concern, Sinistra," he hissed but she, again, looked rather unfazed. Instead she placed a hand on his arm touching, with his robes in the way, the still sore area of skin where the dark mark had once been.

"It still hurts, I presume. That was powerful magic." Her voice was soft and honest but that did not keep Snape from snatching his arm from her, feeling angry and violated.

"As I said. This is none of your concern. As far as I am concerned, Miss Sinistra, you should return to your ivory tower and refrain from bothering me."

Out of nowhere, the memory of her touching his jaw lightly hit him and he could not help but wince slightly. The rest of the dinner was spent in silence and he was glad when he could rise from his seat and vanish down the hallway in a billowing swish of black robes. If he would have to put up with her like this every night from now on, he would reconsider the hexing into oblivion.

- to be continued -