A year. One whole year. Sanji couldn't believe it had been that long since they'd last seen the marksman. Heard his voice calling out to them. Seen his face, wide and open with surprise as he fell down, down. Always falling, with his face frozen in that last expression. That was how the cook remembered him now. In fact, that was the image waiting to greet the blond every time he closed his eyes. And to think, he had always beat up on the odd looking marksman, put him down and insulted anything he could think of. Isn't it annoying how you don't realize what a person means to you until they're gone forever? Yeah, Usopp had been annoying, but he'd been part of the crew.

The blond sighed deeply as he flicked cigarette ash into the dark, night time water. What he wouldn't give to hear another of those farfetched tales. He would have chided himself at that thought, but he knew everybody else felt the same, even that stupid swordsman.

The chef of the Merry Go was so absorbed in his reminiscing that he didn't notice the eyes peering out at him from the shadows. "Sanji doesn't seem to be handling this well..." A soft voice whispered hesitantly.

"Yeah well...The crap cook blames himself for Usopp's death." Came the gruff reply. Feigned indifference was betrayed by a concerned stare as a calloused hand ran through moss colored hair.

"I don't see why," The navigator's gaze also fixed on Sanji. "How was he supposed to know the two of them would be ambushed?" All she received in response to this question was a dismissive shrug as the swordsman turned away and headed back towards the cabins, throwing an extra comment over his shoulder as an afterthought. "As long as breakfast isn't late tomorrow...again."

The redhead didn't respond at all as she studied the chef a few moments longer, her lips pursed in thought, before turning and following her crewmate down to the cabins. 'Maybe one more day is all he needs...' The young navigator thought to herself as she readied herself for bed. It wasn't the first night such a thought had fluttered through her mind, and it most certainly wouldn't be the last.

It had been hard for all of them. Usopp's death had come as such a shock; there hadn't been any warning or anything! He just left for a stroll one morning, in perfect health and a cheerful grin on his face, only to disappear suddenly. Sanji had been with him, that's how they knew what had happened, that's why they'd given up waiting for him. Well, consciously at least. Sanji seemed to have taken total responsibility for Usopp's death and though he tried furiously to hide it, the rest of the crew could tell. These days, they tried to focus on worrying over Sanji, seeming to find it easier to pretend that Usopp was just in the bird's nest, coming up with his latest story. They were all in denial really, and Nami knew this couldn't be good for them in the long run.

---

The next morning had everybody awaken to a regrettably familiar smell, the smell of burning. "What the hell is going on?" Zolo's harsh voice demanded as her ran towards the source of the smoke. This lead him into a very smoky kitchen before his sharp green eyes struggled to pierce through the angry black clouds. "Zolo..." He felt something tugging at his hand. "What's wrong with Sanji?"

Even considering the seriousness of what was currently unfolding before them; Zolo couldn't help but smile at the innocent concern in the younger male's voice. "I don't know Luffy..." He heard himself mumble.

The thin form of their cook was now visible in the smoke, the chef peering meaningfully into an empty yet burning pan. Zolo felt himself being pushed aside as a small reindeer made its way through the crowd of three and advanced towards the deluded blond.

"These smoke clouds remind me of his hair..." Sanji's oddly soft, almost wistful voice went unheard in the empty galley. He stood, transfixed on the billows of smoke circling the kitchen, not even hearing when the door burst open. He heard the whisperings, but as this wasn't unusual for him these days he paid them no heed. He allowed his eyes to flutter closed as Usopp's face appeared in his mind.

He was startled out of his reminiscing when he felt something nudge his elbow...strange.

He looked down at whatever it was, and noticed the resident reindeer. Looking up, he realized the rest of the crew was standing in the doorway, staring at him in confusion. 'Oh great, and in front of Nami-san no less!'

"Uh...I think I'm just gonna take a walk...Must be sunstroke, yeah!" Offering up excuses desperately before he hurried from the galley; long, delicate fingers patting his pockets in search of the cigarette box. 'I'm fine, really! What do they know?' Cursing everything he could think of, the desperate need for nicotine ruling his thoughts and actions before he finally got that beautiful, slender white stick lit. Raising it to his lips, he took a long, leisurely drag on it, his eyelids fluttering closed and his whole body relaxing.

'You're losing it Sanji. And even worse, you have an audience!' Sanji leant about the railing, staring down at the choppy waves as he flicked ash off his twelfth cigarette that morning. A deep sense of déjà vu hit him at this, and it was quickly pushed aside. He could feel his mind journeying back to that horrible day, and he frantically tried to pull back. 'No Sanji, stay focused! They already think you're ready for the loony bin...'

---

"Right," Nami started briskly once Sanji had hurried from the galley.

"I hope you boys like cereal!" This was answered by an annoyed grumble from Zolo and an outright protest from Luffy at the lack of meat in such an option.

"I told you he wasn't handling this well." Zolo smirked, taking his place at the table as Nami set about making cereal.

"You did not!" She rounded on him, dumping a bowl of cereal down in front of him roughly enough for the excess milk to go shooting over the rim of the bowl and splash down onto his lap, covering his pants evenly. Zolo cursed at this, but ignored it in favor of starting the unsatisfying meal.

Nami sighed as she turned back to fix a bowl for Luffy. "Wish there was something we could do..." She mumbled to herself almost absentmindedly as she returned to the table, gently lowered a bowl down in front of Luffy before setting down next to the captain with her own bowl.

She completely missed the rare, thoughtful look on their captain's face.