I know I'm praying for much too much but could you send back the only man she loved? I know you don't do it usually but dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again.

Dear Daddy

I learnt a new word today for the spelling list, daddy. Broken. My teacher asked what it meant and I told her it's like when you drop a big girls glass on the floor and it smashes. Mummy told auntie sea-chelles she was broken the other day and I didn't know what she meant. I think she must mean her heart is broken 'cos I looked really hard and I couldn't see any other bits of her body that were broke. I think you might have broken her heart when you went up to heaven.

I heard her again last night, daddy. I hear her crying all the time. I think she might think that I'm sleeping but even when I try really hard to scrunch up my eyes and cover my ears I can still hear her and it's too hard to sleep when mummy is sad.

Sometimes she pretends she is happy. Like when she tries to play princesses and pirates with me but she's not as good at it as you. She can't make the right noises and she doesn't wear the eye mask right. You were really good at being a pirate, daddy and I liked it when we went into your work and you'd lift me so high on your shoulders and tell us we were Queens of your whole world. The world is quite big, you know. I think that's why heaven is so far away. When I'm big, I'm gonna earn so many pennies and drive all the way to you.

At school last week, I made a new pirates hat for you to wear! I got really sad when I remembered you couldn't do that anymore. I asked mummy if we could send it to you but she just cried again and auntie sea-chelles said there are no post boxes in heaven. I think heaven must be pretty boring, daddy. With no phones or computers or even letter boxes. Maybe when mummy is having a happy day I could ask her what you do up there all the time but I'm scared to make her cry again.

I can ride my bike myself now, daddy! No stabilisers. Uncle David helped me, and I remembered what you used to tell me. Can you see me, daddy? Do you watch us? I wish I could see you. I asked mummy if we could leave the door unlocked in case you come home to tuck me in and kiss me goodnight.

I'd really like to see you again daddy, I'd really like it if you could come see my play at school. I'm the angel! Mummy says you're like an angel now, I always wanted to be like you.

Mummy doesn't dance anymore, daddy. Remember how you used to dance all the time? She used to laugh and smile and you'd spin her round and round the house until she was dizzy!

I miss you so much, daddy but if you could come back for just five minutes, could you maybe see my mummy for a moment? I think she'd really like it if you gave her one of your kisses. I know I said I want to be a doctor when I'm big but I haven't had much practice and I don't know how to fix her, daddy. I think there's a hole in her heart and you see, I am only little. I'm not big enough to fill it. When you were home, daddy, she was always happy. Maybe the hole is a daddy sized one, like mine. I've thought really hard and I think only you can fix it.

So that's why I'm writing daddy, before I go to bed. I've left the hall light on so it won't be dark if you come back and I thought you wouldn't mind if I sleep in Mummy's big bed with her just in case I might see you too.

Your favourite chocolate is in the fridge too! In case you're hungry when you stop by. Mummy is wearing your jumper so bring your big warm coat for the journey back to heaven, I don't want you to be cold, Daddy. You didn't ever want me to be cold.

I hope I see you tonight daddy, I miss it when mummy laughed.

If I don't see you soon, I'll see you in my dreams.

I love you to the moon and the stars and to Mars and back.

Maddie xxxxxx