March 21st
One year ago…
Conner wakes to a thunderous banging noise that gives him whatever sensations of a heart attack a hybrid clone can experience. He jolts out of bed without a second thought, years of having to leap into action at the drop of a hat propelling him to gear into mission-mode before he's even able to register the hour. He is graceful as he hops over the tangled covers that always seem to end up on the floor no matter what he does, and dodges the pile of ripped, burned, and otherwise destroyed t-shirts he hasn't had time to properly dispose of yet. In his rush, he has to remember not to ram his hand too quickly at the keypad to read his prints and open the door, having smashed straight through two of them already in the last few years. He's learned the hard way that when the first thing you wake up to is an impromptu mission, it's "act now, ask questions later."
The door slides open and Conner is immediately attacked by a flurry of brightly colored confetti and the sound of a very loud and obnoxious horn.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Beast Boy yells with another triumphant blow of his noisemaker. He is wearing a bright red party hat that is slightly askew on his furry head and it wobbles precariously as he throws another fistful of glitter in the doorway. Conner can't help but grin a little as he brushes some off his shoulder. He should've known…
"A little early for confetti, don't you think?" Conner asks. Beast Boy's tail flicks back and forth; a habit of his when he's visibly excited about something.
"Never. And besides, it's almost one in the afternoon. We always let you sleep in on your birthday." He reminds him.
"Oh, right." Conner says. "I forgot."
"Well, get into party mode, dude, because M'gann has been up since dawn getting everything set up. And the cake is un-be-lievable." His green eyes widen with childish wonder that has not yet left the young teenager's face, and Conner sighs.
"She always goes overboard…"
"You're supposed to on your birthday," Beast Boy says pointedly. "And especially when you turn 21."
"Well… technically I'm five." Conner admits reluctantly, rubbing the back of his neck.
Beast Boy waves his hand and rolls his eyes. "Not important. What IS important is that there is a giant chocolate cake in the kitchen that may have your name on it, but the majority of it is going in MY stomach. So hurry up and get ready – party starts in ten!"
"Happy Birthday, Conner!"
The room greets him with a loud chorus of the voices of his friends and teammates, crowded into the conjoining kitchen-slash-living room and all of them smiling widely at him. Their obvious happiness and sincerity is so infectious that Conner can't help the smile that breaks his usually reserved face. The room is decorated to the max. Streamers and balloons of all sizes and colors hang from every possible surface, a huge banner stretches nearly seven feet across with the occasion spelled out in brightly colored paint in such an intricate design that it could only have been created by M'gann, who probably spent more hours on it than necessary.
He sees her emerge from the center of the group, a smile on her face and pure adoration in her eyes. His stomach does a little flip and he cannot believe that after all these years, the first time he sees her each and every day still feels like the first time ever. She wraps her arms around him and embraces him gently, her lips hovering just over the disk of his ear. "Happy birthday…" She murmurs, and then gives him a quick, chaste kiss because they are in front of all of their friends and she knows he doesn't like to broadcast excessively physical affection. Despite this, the room is still filled with catcalls and sounds of loud fake kissing noises. Conner's hands softly squeeze her waist as he returns her smile and ignores the sharp whistle he knows came from Wally.
"Every year, I tell you that you really don't have to do this." Conner murmurs.
M'gann giggles and reaches up to brush some stray confetti from the top of his head, letting her fingers bury deep into his jet-black hair. "And every year I tell you to shut up and eat your cake." She gives a fake, over-the-top sigh. "Now… shut up, and go eat your cake. One more minute and I thinkGarfieldis going to dive into it, and Wally will just join him."
"Yes, Ma'am." Conner replies easily. He asks her if she needs help with the plates and silverware and she shoos him away to go socialize – this is also a conversation they have every year.
Conner walks into the crowd, accepting hugs from the girls – Karen drapes a very expensive-looking jacket over his shoulders made of leather that feels almost unrealistically silky under his touch. It is a gift from all of the girls, and he inspects it appreciatively as Artemis pleads with him to "just be sensible and don't wear it on missions" as he accepts her embrace and sisterly kiss on the cheek and thanks them all quietly but sincerely.
The guys take turns slapping him on the back, and he accepts half hug half handshakes from Dick, Wally, and Kaldur. He cannot help but notice how Wally is almost taller than him and how Kaldur is already several inches over, despite the fact that they are all nearly the same age. Conner feels a rock drop into his stomach as he is reminded once again of the fact that he is only twenty-one on the inside, cursed to remain sixteen on the outside forever - but he pushes the thought away with much effort, desperate not to let his dark thoughts ruin this day. M'gann worked too hard on this for his bad mood to spoil it.
"Twenty-one! Nice of you to catch up to the rest of us!" Wally says, clapping Conner on the back just hard enough to avoid bruising himself.
"Hey, I'm still not in this little club of yours." Dick argues.
Wally grins. "Yeah, but it's not like that stops you from enjoying the perks of being of age."
Dick shoves him roughly but his face is jesting. "That was ONE time, and YOU were the one who kept handing me drinks."
"Yes, but I seem to recall that you are the one who did not refuse." Kaldur says with a smile. He turns to Conner. "Happy birthday, my friend."
"Thanks," Conner says, looking at all three of them. "Hate to break it to you, Wally, but I don't know if alcohol will even affect me, being half-Kryptonian."
"But you are half-human, dude," Wally said. "And that's enough of a reason to find out in my book!"
The rest of the afternoon is filled with complete bliss. Bellies are always full thanks to M'gann's fabulous cooking, and a grill is soon set up to supply endless hot dogs and burgers, thanks to a spell from Zatanna. Most of these are consumed by Wally and Beast Boy, but everyone gets to eat their fill. Conner opens presents, most of which are handfuls of t-shirts bearing the famous Superman "S" shield. It is Nightwing's turn to say that, "Now you'll never run out," a running joke the team mentions every year on Conner's birthday just to tease him. He receives a few items of particular interest – Nightwing gives him custom-made combat boots that are fireproof, waterproof, and tear-resistant, and they are a perfect fit. Artemis gives him a small, very light crossbow that can be folded up to fit inside a pocket and still spring to full size in less than a second through the push of a tiny button engineered to respond to his fingerprint, along with an arrow that is made of an alloy that can never be destroyed. Wally gives him a gag gift like he does every year – this year's being a hilariously small red cape with the name "Supey" hand-stitched into the back. Artemis rolls her eyes as everyone shares a good-natured laugh. After the presents, a beach volleyball game takes place as everyone splits up into two giant teams, eventually calling it to a tie when Cassie accidentally hits the ball so hard that it pops on contact.
A small bonfire is made once darkness falls and everyone gathers around to talk and enjoy one another's company. Zatanna loans another spell to contain the heat within an invisible force field that will prevent M'gann's specific biology from reacting to the flames, while still allowing the others to enjoy its warmth. They reminisce over happy memories that cause stomachs to ache with laughter. Conner laughs as well – although his are quieter and more reserved, but inside he feels a lightness in his heart that he experiences only occasionally. Days like these are hard to come by when they do what they do, always rushing to face whatever obstacle has reared its ugly head next. There's no doubt that each and every one of them loves being a hero, of course, but none of them can deny that taking a day off to just be teenagers and young adults without discussing squad teams and combat tactics is something they take full advantage of.
It is nearly two in the morning when most of the partiers decide to depart. Aqualad bids Conner farewell as he wades into the ocean, content to swim home rather than use the cave's teleportation system. Wally tells Conner he'll be in touch about that theory they mentioned earlier and scoops Artemis into his arms, who sighs loudly.
"Can't we just take the zeta tube? I feel so… damsel in distressy." Artemis complains, although her arms wrap around Wally's neck anyway.
"Yeah right, 'damsel in distress-' this coming from someone who won't even let me open the door for her." Wally says, winking to Nightwing. Her reply is lost to the wind as he speeds away, and the rest of the team trickles out one by one until it is just M'gann, Conner, and Beast Boy left on the beach.
Garfieldis desperately trying to stay awake. His eyes are barely open and his head keeps lolling to one side, threatening to collapse into the sand. He is trying to be "cool" and pull an all-nighter the way he's seen Wally do for school or just because he can, but all the excitement and a very bad sugar crash is taking its toll.
M'gann ruffles his hair affectionately. "Gar, go on up to bed. You still have school tomorrow, you know."
Beast Boy mutters something unintelligible but complies without a fight, morphing into a large green barn owl and gliding on the gentle sea breeze back in the direction of the mountain, only just managing to avoid crashing into the volleyball net along the way.
The fire is now almost out, the orange-red coals glowing faintly and giving off just enough warmth that it does not cause M'gann pain. They are quietly curled together, M'gann's head on his shoulder and his arm draped lazily around her waist. He's had a wonderful day with all of his friends, but when it came down to it, this was all he really wanted to do if a day had to be spent focused solely on him. Every year, it was the only thing he needed.
In a rare display of playfulness, he pulls her down to the sand with him, kissing her face as she laughs. He turns into someone else when he is alone with her, and when on days like this he feels almost drunk with emotions. His back hits the sand, cool through his shirt, and he feels M'gann wriggle to press herself next to him, her fingers splayed across his chest.
"Did you have a good birthday?" She asks.
Conner nodded. "Yes. Thank you. It was your best party yet."
She scoffs. "You say that every year."
"I mean it every year."
"I know."
They are quiet for a few moments, and from years of knowing her and being tuned in to their mental connection, he can feel a slight uneasiness brewing in her mind.
"What's wrong?" He asks, concerned. "Is the fire bothering you?"
She shakes her head. "No, it's not that… I um…" She sits upright. "I have something for you. I mean, well… I have an idea I want to talk to you about."
Conner sits up as well, supporting himself on the sand with his palms. "Ok."
M'gann takes a deep breath and looks at him. "I've been trying to think of something perfect for your birthday this year. You're not exactly the easiest person to gift for, you know." She nudges his shoulder with her own and they chuckle. "But I really wanted this year to be special. We've been together for a long time now, and… it just felt right to me. So I thought about it for a while, and…" She suddenly looks very shy, and Conner can see her blush even though it's dark.
"I want to mind meld with you." She finishes softly.
Conner's forehead wrinkles with confusion. "But… we've mind melded before. We talk to each other with telepathy all the time."
M'gann shakes her head. "This is different. It's something totally beyond the kind of connection we share." She draws her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs, biting her lip as she looks out to the sea.
"On Mars, we don't use a lot of verbal communication. We speak to one another with our minds most of the time – you already know that though. We mind meld with someone when we want to better describe something we've seen, or share memories and thoughts that words can't really express in the way we want to. But there's another kind of mind meld Martians use… it's called a 'complete mind meld.'" Before Conner could ask, M'gann explained. "It's a bond created when two Martians link their minds together wholly and without any barriers between them. They feel everything the other has ever felt, every emotion and sensation, in an attempt to know their other the way no one else possibly can. It's an incredibly intimate connection, and I'm told it feels –" She shivers slightly. "Amazing…"
"Have you… have you done this before?" Conner probes gently.
M'gann shakes her head. "It's not something you share with too many people. It's literally one person giving themselves to another. On Mars… a Martian generally only shares a complete mind meld with one other Martian in their lifetime – the one they love." She peers up at him through her eyelashes, her voice low. "I want to share that with you, Conner."
Conner finds words almost impossible to conjure. His palms begin to stick with sweat and sand and his muscles seem to freeze under his skin. "Are… are you… can I… I'm not a Martian, though." He sputters.
"Once I initiate the connection, it should be enough for the mind meld to work the same way it would with two Martians. I might just have to give a little more effort, although… there's always the possibility that it might not work at all." M'gann says. "If you don't want to, I completely understand – I know how you feel about this kind of thing…"
"No, M'gann, it's not that," Conner insists. "You in my head and someone else in my head are completely different. I trust you, and I know you would never do to me what the Genomorphs did. I honestly can't remember a time when it didn't feel right to feel you in my mind." He quickly wipes his hand free of sand and takes one of hers. "I just want to make sure this is really what you want. This is… this is obviously really big, and I don't want you to regret it. I don't want to take anything from you that you aren't 100% ready to give, if that's your choice. You –" He is silenced with a searing kiss that cuts him off and makes him forget anything he was about to say next. She pulls away and smiles.
"I want to. I love you, Conner."
"I love you too…" Conner murmurs, feeling her hand on the back of his neck.
"Just breathe…" She whispers, and before Conner can tell if she is talking to him or to herself, he feels the world around them slip away from existence.
He isn't sure if he is standing still or if he is floating, if he is in darkness or light – he isn't even sure if he's still on Earth or in an entirely different place and time. All he knows is that she is here with him. He feels a gentle tug from somewhere within and he slowly lets an unseen barrier work its way open. He isn't sure is he is still attached to his body in this plane, but he can sense that the barrier seems to start at the top of his head and ends somewhere in the middle of his chest. It feels like warm summer rain trickling down, opening the intricate designs of his mind one by one. A light begins to emerge from his chest, floating around him and emitting a glow that is almost tender, like an embrace. He cannot remember words or even what words are - he only knows sensations and emotions now. He isemotion.
He hears something like a whisper both inside his mind and out, a whisper laden with thoughts and feelings he no longer has names for. There are suddenly many more whispers, beginning to seep into the slowly spinning tendril of light and he begins to experience M'gann's thoughts as his own.
He feels her everywhere, her thoughts of him and her love for him permeating the air. He feels her in his very skin. He sees himself the way she sees him; strong, loyal, wonderful, incomparable – he is her strength, her joy, and her heart. Her feelings fuel him to experience the ones he has for her increase tenfold. He sees her eyes and her lips and her hands, and she is perfect. She is everything. She is light and hope and love.
Something seems to explode along the connection, and there is a rush of emotions, memories, and innermost thoughts that flash by quicker than a blink of an eye, but Conner and M'gann see each one clearly. She sees Conner before he had a body, little more than a speck floating in a pod. She sees him grow and develop into the man she loves, his eyes devoid of feeling or compassion. She sees the emotions attached to his discovery that he could live a life above this cold, hard place under the ground. She sees the first flicker of hope in his eyes, only to die when he is rejected and turned away. She sees his restless thoughts, his hopeless thoughts, thoughts that are so filled with grief and despair and self-loathing that she wants to scream with him in his pain. She sees the immediate change her presence brings to his life, how she turns his thoughts of gray into ones of brilliant colors that cannot be described.
He sees M'gann in her true form, ridiculed and beaten by her own race. He sees her desperation and her pain and her dark thoughts of a life she cannot stand. He feels her joy at being offered the chance to start over on Earth, her extreme rush of happiness the first time she touches grass and feels the sun on her newly formed green skin. He feels her instant attraction to him along with the fear that he will never care for her. He feels both of their memories of their first kiss, the shock and the warmth and the immediate sense that things were finally right.
There's no way to describe how much of themselves they are pouring into the other. Conner thought he'd known how much he loved her, but now it is impossible not to love her even more. He's seen her mistakes and her fears, her anger and her pain, but beneath it he sees layers upon layers of good, of love, of him. She has seen his rage, his regrets, his self-loathing and his violence, but beneath it she sees the desire to be a hero, to impress, and to prove he is more than who he was created to be. Together, they come to a complete understanding of one another, and it is the closest they have ever felt to any living soul.
The connection breaks when Conner becomes aware of M'gann's fingers digging into his skin in a vice-like grip. As he fades back into the real world, he begins to register her quick breaths and feels her erratic heartbeat echoing in his mind. His skin feels like it's on fire and they are drenched in sweat, although M'gann looks especially exhausted. Her face is stained with tears that cascade down her cheeks and Conner isn't sure when he started to cry, but he feels remnants of his own tears wet on his eyelashes and blurring his vision. If this were any other circumstance, he would be incredibly embarrassed. But right now he is coming down from this unfathomable high and he is fighting to hold on to it as long as he can. He is on his knees as he pulls M'gann to his chest, feeling her shivering from the experience as well. She cannot stop touching him with trembling fingers, moaning softly into his shirt. They stay like this for several minutes, out of breath and completely spent.
After some time has passed, M'gann lifts her head, resting her chin lightly on his chest. "That was… more than I… ever expected." She says, still slightly panting.
Conner nods. "Incredible. I never knew –"
"Me either."
He leans down to kiss her, his chest constricting tightly and he wonders if he will ever get enough air again. Her kiss somehow feels so much sweeter now – still the same rush of joy and happiness, but now tinted with something else. She responds enthusiastically and he knows she feels the same way too. Without realizing what he is doing, he lowers her to the sand, hovering over her body and embracing this new animal urge growing in the pit of his stomach. He is just about to kiss her again when her hand on his chest stops him.
"Conner, I…" She cannot seem to get enough air yet either. "I know it's your birthday, but um… I… I think I'm only prepared to give myself to you once tonight." Her smirk is wide on her face and Conner feels the heat of his blush travel down the back of his neck as what he's doing finally registers in his brain. He is thoroughly embarrassed as he rolls to the side and moans, the heels of his hands digging into his eyelids.
"Sorry…" He mutters. He feels M'gann pull them away from his face and she helps him to his feet, leaning in to kiss him quietly. He responds, but is careful not to lose control again.
When M'gann pulls back, her face is positively glowing and Conner cannot help the flip in his stomach knowing he is the one who has made her so happy. Still, he cannot help but ask –
"Was it… worth it? With me?" He isn't sure why he says this now – he mentally berates himself for being the worst mood-killer in the history of human/Kryptonian kind, but there is a hint of lingering doubt that needs to be reassured.
M'gann smiles a slow smile and nods. "You felt me, didn't you? You know exactly how much I love you now, the same way I know how much you love me." Her voice breaks on the last word. "It was perfect - because it was with you. And now you can never doubt that again."
March 21st
One year later
There is no party this year. No one wakes him with confetti and balloons and a cake that is way too big for anyone but Wally to finish. With the crisis of the Invasion and the lingering gloom hanging over everyone's heads as Artemis is mourned and plans are carefully laid out in preparation for La'gaan's rescue, birthdays are not a priority. It's just his luck that the one day he picked off the calendar lands right in the middle of all this chaos.
Conner is just teleporting in from his walk. He thought he could clear his head with a little air, but he still feels miserable and is set on trying to sleep for a few hours until he is called for the mission. He's wearing the jacket he received from the girls last year, the memory of Artemis begging him not to let it get burned to a crisp fresh in his mind. If he concentrates hard enough, he can still feel her fingers smoothing it in place.
He misses her. It's only been two days and he can't believe how badly it hurts that one of his best and oldest friends is dead. He's done a remarkably good job of keeping his head up when surrounded by the rest of the team, but he cannot forget his moment of weakness in the safety of his room. His palm still stings from the kryptonite.
Conner is just about to head towards his room when he sees a small cluster of people coming to greet him. Jaime, Robin, Beast Boy, and Bart. He's just about to blow them off, to tell them that he isn't in the mood for whatever activity they want him to participate in when he sees the small, misshapen object in Robin's hands.
It's a cake.
Conner is speechless.
Beast Boy gives him a sheepish grin. "Sorry it's kinda late. It was usually M'gann's job to remind everyone about birthdays and stuff. But I should've remembered at least…" He looks so guilty that Conner feels his chest constrict.
"We tried to find as many people as we could, but most of the girls are still with Raquel and even Robin couldn't find Nightwing." Jaime adds. "But I'm sure some of them remembered too."
"I'm off the hook, being from a totally different time period and all." Bart adds.
Robin rolls his eyes. "You know, you can only use that excuse so many times."
Conner still can't speak. He just stares at the badly baked cake covered in what he thinks is icing and tries to will his ears to stop ringing.
Now Beast Boy looks worried. "It's not a really nice-looking cake and you don't have to eat it. I just… we just didn't want you to think no one remembered."
Conner swallows and it feels like hours before he can manage to loosen his taught vocal chords. His face aches as he offers a small smile, and he thinks they all know it is the best he can do.
"Thank you. Do you guys have the plates?"
The cake is terrible. After Bart takes the first bite which literally consists of half of his entire piece and spits it back out, the rest is tossed in the trash. They make up for it with a box of cupcakes Robin has supplied just in case. When Conner asks who made them, Robin just gives a vague response that it's an old English recipe from a friend of his.
They are just finishing the last of the cupcakes and Conner is watching with amusement as Jaime and Beast Boy fight over the remote, feeling a little bit better than he did an hour ago, when M'gann walks in.
They all fall silent and Conner feels like he might not be able to keep his dessert down. She looks shocked and slightly embarrassed and he sees something else on her face, but he cannot quite place it. And then all of his memories of their mind meld come rushing back in a physically painful flood.
Robin coughs uncomfortably. "Um, we're gonna go pick out a movie. We'll uh… be back in a few." He motions for the rest of them to leave and they file out of the living room one by one. Before Beast Boy follows the others, he looks at M'gann pointedly and inclines his head towards Conner, and she sees something closely resembling anger flash across her adoptive brother's face as he leaves.
Conner stands, wanting to get out of there before this becomes even more difficult. He'd hoped to avoid her today, if only so he wouldn't have to have the image of her so clear in his mind's eye to bring on memories that cause so much pain. He strides across the room and refuses to make eye contact, but he can feel her gaze pierce through him like a knife.
He feels her thought of reaching for his arm before she can physically extend it, and he steps farther away to avoid her touch. His teeth are clenched and his eyes cold as he passes her, feeling as if nothing in the world feels right anymore and hasn't for a long time. He wonders if it ever will.
M'gann is rooted to the spot and her arms wrap around herself tightly, holding in what feels like a tidal wave that she is desperate to keep at bay. She hangs her head and hot tears drip to the floor, one right after another. In all her life, she has never hated herself more. And she will continue to hate herself, while holding on to the slim hope that maybe someday, things won't feel so unbearably wrong.
"Happy birthday, Conner…" She whispers. "I'm so sorry."