A/N: Hey everyone! It's me. So, I've been wanting to post this one for a while, but I've just now had the time to thoroughly look through it and finish things up. This story was inspired by my sister who was talking to me one night about all the drama and gossip that goes on around her school, and I got this idea, haha :D
Okay, enough talking… or typing in this case. Ya can read it now! Enjoy it ;D
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
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He rolled his eyes for the billionth time that day, sensing his partner's chakra growing steadily distant as he continuedwalking. "Tobi, I said, pick up the pace, hmm!" Deidara growled. The sound of quickening footsteps was his only response.
Deidara was fully aware of the fact that he had an odd partner who wasn't fully right in the head, brimming with annoying surprises. Despite this, he couldn't ignore that something was … off about him today, and it wasn't just the average 'off'. Apart from the brief talk they'd had concerning their mission, Tobi had remained almost completely quiet throughout their entire journey. More importantly, he'd even seemed more serious than usual, being curt in their small conversation, nodding politely, completely void of even a hint of complaint. Of course, Deidara found it relaxing at first and took full advantage of the peace and quiet. No relentless whining, no dumb little pranks like being tripped or startled by masked men popping out of the ground in front of him. Not even one little jab at his art. But after three hours had passed, Deidara could no longer ignore the obvious problem. So on their way back to base, Tobi was lagging behind with a scroll in hand when Deidara finally whirled around to face him. Tobi was looking down as he kicked a rock, trying to keep it with him. Once Deidara cleared his throat, he looked up at his partner. The artist fixed him with an annoyed look.
"Okay, what's your problem, hm? You and I both know you've been acting strange." Deidara crossed his arms. Tobi continued looking at him through his mask and the bomber wished for the thousandth time that he could just rip the stupid thing off. He never liked that about his partner; the hideous orange trash always hiding what he wanted to see the most, always keeping him in the dark. After a moment, Tobi simply shrugged, looking back down at the rock.
"Nothing Senpai. Just thinking a little," Deidara noticed how the tone of his voice even sounded a little different. like they were still talking about professional matters, which greatly annoyed the artist. He knew he'd crammed a million lessons into Tobi's brain on how to be cool in the Akatsuki, but Tobi's distant tone just added to his shortening fuse that was his patience.
"You've barely said a single word this whole mission. It's not everyday you're as annoying as you are one moment, and then-I don't know-mute the next day, hm," He took a step closer, irritated by Tobi's show of nonchalance and in a way… disrespect. His look soon turned into a glare as the dark haired ninja didn't even give him a quick glance. Deidara waved his hand in front of his idiot partner's mask, knocking on it roughly. "Hello, hm! Are even listening to me, un? You know, if you're trying to experience the beauty of my art less per day, your new attitude isn't helping matters at all, un!"
Tobi finally let the rock still on the dusty ground. Slowly, slowly, he looked back up to meet Deidara's eye with his own. He let out a breath, an almost inaudible sigh.
"I'm not trying to do anything, Senpai, okay? I'm just finishing this mission, so let's go already, ne?" He said as he brushed past Deidara. Deidara looked up, watching Tobi's descending form. Something in the back of his mind warned that it may be best to simply leave his partner alone, but before he could think for a second longer, his hand shot out to grab Tobi's arm in a painfully tight grip.
"Spill right now, or I'm gonna have to ask Pein for a new partner, hm!" Deidara snapped, eye twitching.
"Look Senpai, I'm not in the mood!" Tobi snapped back. "It wouldn't kill me to have a new partner too, ya know," he grumbled as he yanked his arm away from Deidara's hold on it before he strode away stiffly from his 'Senpai'. Deidara blinked in disbelief as if the dust were playing tricks on his eyes. He was in total shock as he watched Tobi's descending form yet again. After snapping out of his haze, the bomber suddenly exploded.
"Hey! You swirly masked idiot! Just because you've got something shoved up your butt doesn't mean you can talk to me that way, yeah!" Deidara shouted, marching after Tobi furiously. "Who do you think you are, un?!" After a few more paces, Tobi stopped in his tracks, spinning around with such force he could've nearly done a Hyuga rotation.
"Fine. You really want to know what's up?," Tobi said in a sassy tone. "Maybe next time, before you go talking about people, you should make sure you do it behind closed doors. And double check the door isn't even open a crack, 'SENPAI.'" He said. Before Deidara could respond he went on. "I mean, I'm pretty sure I close the door whenever I'm showering, so there's only one explanation!"
Deidara froze, confused beyondc ompare. "... Explanation for what?"
Tobi scoffed. "You don't have to play dumb with me, partner. There's only one explanation for what I heard you say about me, and that's that you're a PEEPER, Deidara! And I just feel so violated around you now. How could you?!"
"…Eh?"
"Okay," Tobi sighed attempting to calm himself down. "At first I thought the reason you were peeping was because it was possible, that MAYBE you swing that way, and I was gonna letcha' down easy with no hard feelings but then…!" Tobi threw his pointer finger at his partner whom was currently fighting his gagging reflexes thanks to Tobi's last words.
"I found out that you were peeping, not because you liked me, but for other reasons! you were just trying to See! How dare you say I have a weenie the size of a squirrel's!" Tobi yelled, true bitterness in his voice.
Deidara just stared.
"It's not true and I most definitely don't use the wack-a-mole jutsu to hide what dwells below!" He turned his hips defensively away from his partner. Deidara blinked and then before he knew it, he was holding back a boat load of laughter he held into his inflated cheeks, spinning away from Tobi for a second. Tobi crossed his arms, looking at the blonde in agitation. After pulling himself together, Deidara turned back around, settling for a smirk on his lips. There was no way he'd ever said or thought anything like that about Tobi. Ever in his life. Just thinking about even thinking about him or… that thing of his in that sort of way-oh please-oh- just-no. And ever being involved in that way with Tob- oh kami no. Besides, only a moron would make up some gossip as dumb as that…
Even so, who could pass up the notion?
"Well, I mean someone had to put it out there," Deidara scoffed. "I mean, for someone with such an annoyingly huge mouth and ego, it's only common for someone to be curious of, you-know-what, hm..." Deidara rose his eyebrows, shrugging in a mocking way. "And let me just say, I was a bit disappointed, to say the least, un."
Tobi gasped, shield ing his crotch. "So it's true! You did peep at me!" And, a-and… I don't care if you were disappointed! It's not small!" He pouted indignantly.
"Psh, Please," Deidara waved him off."If you call an acorn 'not small', then sure, Tobi. Looks like you should go back to kindergarten to get a lesson on the difference of size." Deidara's teasing smirk grew as Tobi became quiet, his fists clenching at his sides. He could finally see the fun Tobi got out of annoying him. "Matter of fact, go back to kindergarten for a lesson on everything while you're at it. Come on. When it comes to size, my clay birds have a better chance of getting the ladies, yeah."
"Deidara don't push it." Tobi said in a strangely reserved voice.
Deidara couldn't stop himself. "Oh cheer up," he smacked Tobi on the shoulder. "If you end up with no one because of that, I'll create for you the woman of your dreams. She'd have to go out with a bang, of course, you along with her too. How do you like them? Tall and skinny? Someone shy and sweet?" Deidara couldn't resist letting a small cackle pass his lips. "Someone who pities men with small acorns, un?"
He pushed it.
In Obito's eyes, there was no longer much to value in this world. However, there were a few things left. There was one thing besides his power that he'd prefer to keep. And that was his pride. Especially when it came to his pride down south…That is why Deidara came back to base late that night, hair disheveled, a black eye, and a banged up spleen, mentally and physically scarred as well. He seemed to be reciting something in a low mutter that sounded oddly like, 'Pein-sama… it's been nice being in this organization and all… but I think it's time for me to go my own way. You know, as far away from Tobi- or whoever the heck of a psychopath you paired me up with as possible…'
Once he practically blew the base entrance down in his anger, his reciting was halted as he heard faint noise coming from past the cave into the living quarters. He was surprised, since it was always so quiet in Akatsuki, quiet enough to hear a pin drop. The only times the silence was disturbed was when Tobi or Hidan were around, and Deidara knew the masked man was probably locked up in his room at the moment, so it couldn't have been him. Besides, multiple voices could be heard.
Rushing toward the Akatsuki lounging area, the noise grew louder, and Deidara's eyes widened when he saw the room a wreck. The floor was littered in broken glass from cups and cracked porcelain plates, to shattered lamps and paper strewn everywhere. The black couches flipped over, cotton seeping out, food and… even blood was splattered on the walls. Everyone, save Tobi was present. Every member looked… less than happy, to put it lightly. As he slowly walked into the center of the large room where everyone was scattered around, the blonde narrowly dogged a book that was soaring with such speed and force, he was sure it would've taken his head clean off if not avoided.
"Hey! W-what is going on, hm?! Kisame's wha- put that down!" Deidara yelled, jumping back as Kisame was currently holding a five hundred pound couch above his head.
Kisame seemed to be looking right through him, a hurt expression on his face. "Just where do you get off saying I'd make delicious fish sticks, eh Itachi?" He lifted it higher, ready to lobe it at the weasel standing fiercely just behind Deidara. "You know, childhood wounds never heal- NNNEEH!" The shark man grunted as the couch began soaring through the air, heading right toward Deidara. The artist nearly screamed as he dove for the floor, leather couch flying past him. He flipped over onto his back just in time to see black flames consuming the couch, making it hit the ground literally a mili-inch away from his own arm.
"Hey, un!" He yelled furiously. Itachi ignored him.
Deidara yanked his arm away, glaring murderously up at the Uchiha who was staring the furious Kisame down, and Deidara briefly wondered why Kisame couldn't simply use Samehada.
"Kisame, how many times must I repeat myself. Stop giving false accusations. Now, what I'd like to know is why you said that my only chance in defeating Sasuke is by giving him the sugar disease with an unlimited amount of dango." His voice was still deep and calm, but his sharingan were spinning wildly.
"I did no such thing, you liar! Stop changing the subject!" The blue mam growled, suddenly springing for the other couch.
"No you don't, Kisame," Itachi said with surprising composure as he strode after him. Deidara was just a BIT stunned. He'd never seen Kisame so upset before. His thoughts were quickly interrupted as he was nearly trampled by a pair of black feet with pure white bone decorating the skin like a tattoo. The black was quickly dimming, however, back to a pale white color. They flew right over the poor blonde, skidding to a stop as they hit against one of the bloodied walls. Waiting for the pair of feet was an already drawn out symbol of jashin, and the black color was back again in full bloom before it could completely fade.
Hidan cackled insanely, his back hitting the wall. He quickly uprighted himself, trying to control his insane laughter that was making him weak. He positioned his deadly sharp pike on the skin right above his rapidly beating heart. Deidara looked up at the Jashinist as his purple eyes danced giddily, looking ahead. The bomber's head whipped behind him when he heard a deep, rumbling voice.
"Don't you dare, Hidan." Kakuzu snarled. He stood just behind Deidara, frozen in place as if Hidan had a gun pointed at his head, one hand gripping his chest. Blood was running thickly through his fingers.
The Jashinist sneered, pressing the pike a bit deeper, enough for a thin line of blood to trickle down. His chest was already extremely bloody around that area. Most likely from a previously violent stab. "Oh, forget you, Kakuzu! I'll teach you to ever call me a Jashin blasphemer you jashindanged stingy, stitchy poop eater! Feel Jashin-sama's wrath, you- aaarrgh…!" Soon Hidan was dangling three feet off the ground, legs kicking wildly as Kakuzu's tendrils connected his now extended hand that was wrapped around his partner's neck in a painfully iron-like grip, squeezing every few seconds, making Hidan's eyes bulge from their sockets.
"Hidan. Shut up now. I've grown tired of your loud mouthed lies," Kakuzu let his other hand extend slowly towards Hidan's already bloodied chest, who couldn't get a word out, pushing his legs vilently against the wall, pike falling through his slick hand so he could bring it up to claw savagely at Kakuzu's iron fist. Deidara watched in fascinated horror. "Perhaps I should take this heart of yours and make up for the heart you just destroyed of mine." His fingers went for the pike hole in Hidan's chest, and Hidan thrashed even more. "Besides, it should at least extend my life to some extent considering I'm apparently a an 'old fart hanging on to the wrinkly life I have left.'" Kakuzu spat bitterly.
Deidara stood up as Kakuzu began to invade Hidan's chest. Although Deidara knew Hidan probably deserved what he was getting, he wasn't sure if whether or not ripping the Jashinist's heart out Would make him lose his immortality. He knew he shouldn't take a risk and watch to see what happens. Not to mention that Pein had worked too hard to find such a valuable ninja, and would probably kill everyone if he'd have to search for a new subordinate.
"...Maybe in the afterlife, you'll learn to better watch your big mouth, Hid-" Kakuzu crumpled to the floor, cut off as Deidara tackled him. He was so caught off guard that his hands were with drawn from Hidan who also fell in a painful heap on the floor, letting out a string of curses. Kakuzu glared up at the blonde who was lying on top of him. "Deidara..."
Deidara gave a nervous laugh. "Hey-as much as I'd like you to rip Hidan's insides out myself, you're letting your temper get the best of you, hm." He said, pushing himself off the stitched man cautiously.
"Thanks alot, Dei-chan," Hidan coughed, glaring at Kakuzu once the color of his face came back to normal. "I'm the real victim here. What the heck was that, huh? You're gonna pay for that, Kakuzu!" Hidan stood up, picking up his pike, eyes blazing. "Old geezer's gone bat-crap crazy!"
Kakuzu's eyes got dark again. "Don't you play innocent with me Hidan. You will learn to stop insulting my intelligence."
"I have no Idea what you're talking about, Kakuzu! I ain't say anything about you, seriously. Looks like that deliria has finally gotten to that old brain a' yours.…" He grumbled incredulously.
"What was that?!" Kakuzu shoved Deidara out of the way with such force, he nearly flew through the wall. "Sorry Deidara, but killing him is worth Leader's penalty." He practically flung himself at Hidan, but before the bomber could kill Kakuzu for that shove, he almost leapt out of his pants as Zetsu suddenly emerged from the wall right beside him.
"Oh, hi Deidara. GET THE FREAK OUT OF THE WAY. We're a bit busy trying to- KILL THE LEADER ALREADY. It was a bit hurtful to hear that he called us a - HE WON'T LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY. It is our dinner time after all." At this point, all Deidara could do was stare and move numbly to the side as the rest of Zetsu, Venus fly trap and all, slid from the wall and charged in the general direction of… Pein who was… currently swinging from a golden colored chandelier about twenty feet up in the middle of the ceiling. The leader had been hanging there for a while, but despite the strengthening chakra coursing through his fingers, they were quickly slipping, his feet dangling right above a fuming Konan's head down below. What surprised Deidara further, if that were even possible, was that KONAN was the one the leader was cowering away from, he didn't seem to be paying Zetsu much mind.
"Now Konan, I am a god," Pein tried his best to speak with the most authority he could, holding in his horrified cry as he grew closer to the ground. " I would appreciate if you'd show me a bit more respect-put the flamethrower down, and then, maybe w-"
"Pein, I won't repeat myself." Konan spoke. Her usually calm voice had lost it's softness and was replaced by a cold steel, as if a cat were scratching down a chalkboard. She tried to restart the flamethrower in her hands. "Get down right now and face me. Do not make me fly up there." Her skin and clothes began to peel with her barely realizing it. Sometimes her paper jutsu started up when enraged, and she rarely lost her cool. "Maybe you should work on dishing out a bit more respect before expecting some in return. Especially after calling me a nagging, cranky woman who is desperate for attention!" Konan's robotic-like voice sounded pretty scary when mad, and Deidara would never admit it out loud, but it was… kinda hot.
He shook his head, willing his small blush away, irritated with himself. That wasn't the point! The point was that both Konan and Zetus were out for the leader's blood, and if even the two heads of Akatsuki were against each other, things weren't going to turn out well, to put it as kindly as possible.
"Konan, a god does not lie. I would never call you such a thing. Which I was astounded to hear since I've never once done anything wrong to you. You, on the other hand have some explaining to do. I knew there was something mysterious about that black haired shinobi back in Amegakure. He's far from a god, not to bring up when it comes to looks. Why, Konan." That was not a question. Deidara didn't know how Pein managed to get the words out so clearly twenty feet in the air. And with all the screaming and crashing at that, filling the room.
"Pein. I don't know who told you that, but I told you, I don't have time, nor interest in dating at the moment. It really bothers me that you would not trust me." Her auburn eyes complemented the flaring flame of the flamethrower she held in her quaking hand. She cranked the power up on the small machine, much to the leader's distress.
"OH YES, KONAN. BURN HIM UP REAL GOOD. Indeed, I like them barbecued after all." Zetsu licked his lips, standing next to Konan, awaiting his next meal like a shark swimming circles under a raft.
Deidara had had enough. "Hey! Everyone stop, hmmm! This is ridiculous, yeah!" The bomber jumped up and down around the room, waving his hands frantically, trying to catch everyone's attention. No one was listening. House appliances still flew, fire making the whole room hot as Pein all but mowed Deidara down as he flew past with his butt on fire, Zetsu chasing after him, mouth watering. Konan wasn't far behind with her paper flying like a swarm of angry bees around her, cries of pain and insane cackles and curses filled his ears. Everything was becoming too much. Deidara wanted to scream. At a time like this, there was nothing he'd enjoy more than dropping a beautiful creation on the base and end it all. But, he had to remember that these were his teammates. If even the leader couldn't stop this mess or… whatever this was, he'd have to.
….
Buuuut, on the other hand, after a few rather devastatingly embarrassing tries, he found that stopping the chaos was, yeah, impossible. Trying again, he knew would succeed in nothing but killing himself in the most excruciating way possible. He tried to ignore his burnt scalp and now, newly blackened eye. There was no hope, and he wondered how Tobi could even sleep with all this earsplitting corruption...
"Hey, guys!" That was until Tobi appeared, standing in the entrance wincing slightly at the noise and mess he was greeted with.
"Tobi," Deidara breathed. Suddenly, he didn't know whether to kill the idiot, apologize , or just flea. They hadn't spoken since the incident on their way back from their mission. Although it was pretty fun angering his masked partner, he couldn't ignore the twinge of guilt he was now feeling. He knew he needed to apologize. They were partners and it'd be too awkward if Tobi stayed upset with him. He took a step towards him. "Listen, idiot," he stopped as he realized Tobi had something in his hand. Something wriggling furiously.
"Hey, guys! I found him! I did it!" Deidara was confused at Tobi's chipper tone of voice. His words miraculously caused everyone to halt and turn to him. Everyone's eyes soon on a small kicking man dangling from Tobi's tight grasp.
"Let me go you lollipop-faced fool!" The man's deep voice wailed uncontrollably. It was no use, he couldn't get free. Tobi laughed.
"I wouldn't call me the fool. Leader! This little midget-dude was caught lurking in the bush behind the base. He's the one behind this whole thing." Tobi spoke in an eager rush through the small man's deep pitched objections.
Pein cleared his throat, politely covering his mouth with one hand and using the other to cover up his now scorched butt with a ripped up couch pillow. He nodded gravely with as much dignity-well the little he had left-as he could. "Go on."
"Okay, well, you know how this," he gestured around the room, "has been going on? The cause of all this is because of things each one of you said about each other, I think, ne?" The member's nodded. "Well, even though I was mad at Senpai at first, I knew something wasn't right about what I'd heard he said about…" Tobi trailed off, then started back up again after a moments pause. "Before we left for our mission yesterday, I'd felt some crazy tension building up around here, and I didn't know what the feeling was. And strangely, everyone seemed to be upset about something, all of you guys…, " Tobi seemed to be thinking for a second before he turned and pointed at the other Uchiha. "Oh-oh! Like in the kitchen during breakfast yesterday morning! Itachi-san didn't notice, but I was eavesdropping on him, and heard him sulking about something Kisame-san said! Right Itachi-san?" Tobi asked.
Itachi stiffened. "Why, yes, that's true."
Hidan teetered his head side to side, cracking his neck impatiently. "Your point, swirl face?"
"My point is, as I was taking a walk outside a while ago, I saw this little guy and I figured he might have something to do with everyone's strange mood. You see, now that I thought about it, I never remembered exactly who'd told me the roomer of what Senpai said about me. Until I realized no one had. So, after doing some 'research' on this guy here," Tobi said, jerking the little man around by his clothes. "he told me that he managed to trap us each in some weird jutsu that makes us believe we've been talked about!"
Everyone in the room's realization seemed to click at once, and resolved looks were cast around, followed by calmed murmurs. Deidara sighed with relief. The chaos was over. No more worrying about purchasing a new headquarters, any hospital bills, or caskets. All was good. That was, until everyone turned back on the little wriggling man still in Tobi's grasp. Deidara felt it grow hot in the room once again as everyone, save Tobi's and his chakra began to flare dangerously.
"You have caused us almost un-replaceable damages and death. There is no negotiation for the crime you have committed. Any last words?" Pein spoke flatly, eyes digging into the terrified man. The rest of the members stood murderously behind him.
The man laughed nervously. He tried to gulp down his growing dread. After what seemed like hours for the Akatsuki, the man finally said "Heh, best way to defeat the world's most powerful evil organization? Destroy them from the inside out with bad blood."
...
A/N: Thanks so much for reading!
Review? They make me grin!:D