As a wise men (Toni Morrison) once said: "If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it!"
And thus this story came to be!
Important: In my story Pein is the real leader of Akatsuki. Because face it, canon just sometimes goes too far. Tobi (Madara – let's ignore the fact that he's Obito) hides his power behind the "happy mask." He's just a member, though. And I messed with the timeline a bit: For example, Sakura has defeated Sasori but Hidan and Kakuzu haven't fought with Konoha yet. Other alterations will become clear over the course of the story.
Furthermore, this fic will focus on the relation between Sakura and Akatsuki, and how Sakura changes from the loyal Konoha-nin to the bitter but strong Akatsuki-member. There will be slight ItaSaku, but slow build. Slow build in general: it will be several chapters until Sakura even really meets the Akatuski: one does not become missing-nin overnight.
For those of you wondering, Shinra Tensei means "Heavenly Subjugation of the Omnipresent God". It's the 'push' jutsu of Pein. (The 'pull' jutsu from Pein is named Banshō Ten'in)
Disclaimer: Does it really need saying? Well okay… The Naruto characters don't belong to me. If they did, the Akatsuki would still be alive, Sasuke would be dead and Sakura would be badass.
Now, on with the story!
'You asked for me, Tsunade-shishou?' Sakura asked as she entered the Hokage's office. She closed the door behind her and breathed in the smell of paper mixed with sake. Tsunade never stopped drinking, and Sakura was sure that if it wasn't for her being a medic her liver would've long since given up.
Sakura had assisted Tsunade for years and knew how though and draining being Hokage was. Even Naruto, with his boundless energy, would feel the strain if – when – he would take the hat. She couldn't really blame her shishou for drinking. Much. As the pink-haired girl turned her back to the door, she saw that Kakashi, Naruto and Sai were already there. The Hokage's office had several seals that prevented the sensing of chakra signatures, so she was genuinely surprised and smiled. It must mean they had a mission. It had been far too long since her last real mission with Team 7.
'Wow. This time they decided to actually take you with them.' Inner Sakura murmured sarcastically. Sakura mentally shushed her.
'Ah, Sakura, you're finally here.' Tsunade said. Sakura frowned slightly. That was a bit of an exaggeration. She just had to finish up with a patient and Tsunade should know that because she summoned her in the middle of a hospital shift.
Shaking of her frown, she paid attention again as Tsunade began to brief them.
'A missing-nin from Sand has been seen about a day south of Konoha. The Kazekage asked us to take care of him, and to honour our alliance with Sand, I want this to be done as soon as possible. The name of your target is Tayam Katsuga, formerly a jõunin of Sand, mid A-level. He deserted around 3 years ago and may have become stronger, so be on your guard. I want you to get rid of him quickly and efficiently. Find him. Kill him. Take his body, or at least his head, with you as proof for Sand. He has been threatening and killing civilians in Fire and I want it to stop.'
Tsunade paused and the attending shinobi all nodded.
Sakura suppressed a smile. That sounded serious – she hadn't had a serious battle in ages.
Tsunade grabbed a mission scroll from her desk and tossed it to Kakashi.
'This mission is A-rank, possibly S-rank. Kakashi, you're in charge. We have little information on him, since we haven't had time to contact Sand for further details. What we know is in the mission scroll. Leave in an hour, pack supplies for two days. His last known location is in the scroll. Sakura, you're the medic and the back-up.
Any questions?' When there was no answer, Tsunade nodded. 'Dismissed.'
Sakura smiled to her teammates. 'Meet you by the gate?'
'I didn't know you were appointed team captain.' Sakura frowned at Kakashi's emotionless tone. 'Sorry.' she mumbled, her enthusiasm dimmed.
'Well, you heard our captain, one hour, at the gate.' Kakashi told his team, eye on her, and Sakura shrugged. Seemed her former sensei was in a bad mood today. Whatever.
'Bye, Sakura-chan! See you soon!' Naruto called with all the subtlety he normally possessed, which was none. It was obvious he wanted her gone, while the rest of her team hadn't even moved. Still, she wasn't accomplishing anything by standing there, so she nodded and Naruto and exited the office. Was something the matter?
'Hell yeah, a mission!' Sakura was distracted from her train of thought when Inner did a victory dance in her head. She smiled. They had both been restless and had feeling a little down the last few weeks but with this new mission their spirits were lifted.
She just had to pop by the hospital to assign someone else to her rounds, and pack for two days. An hour was more than enough time for that. But the actions of both Kakashi and Naruto gave her an uneasy feeling in her gut. And if there was one thing she had learned in all these years of being a kunoichi, it was to trust your instincts.
Seeing that Shizune wasn't at her desk currently and the corridor was empty, Sakura formed the hand signs to temporarily undo the sound-proof jutsu she herself had helped placing upon the Hokage's office. This was technically illegal, of course, but the ANBU only watched the outside of the office, not the desk where Shizune normally sat. Plus, both Sakura and Shizune made a habit to do this regularly to make sure their Hokage was working and not drinking or sleeping (and snoring loudly). So she leaned her back against the door, hands behind her back to reapply the jutsu if she was noticed. She could always pretend to wait on her teammates, which wasn't far from the truth.
Not that anyone usually questioned her. Or paid any attention to her whatsoever. You would think that her pink hair would draw attention, but her orange-colored loudmouthed teammate proclaiming to be the next Hokage running around Konoha, and his claim getting more believable every day, was the center of the rumour-mill. Pink hair of a dedicated medic-nin was quite tame in comparison.
She used to feel bad about doing things like this, but she had to resort to spying and listening in more and more these days if she wanted to know anything about what was happening in the village. Like a true shinobi, she sometimes thought with a trace of bitterness. Most shinobi felt more relaxed in their own village, with of course a few exceptions, so with a mix of spying, asking and digging Sakura felt she was pretty up to date on the ins and outs of her village.
At first, the reason for her being so out of the loop was because Ino was out of the village on a six month mission and she had no other friends who were gossip-queens like the blonde. She had TenTen and Hinata, of course, but the former wasn't really one for village gossip and she was rarely alone with the latter. Then it was because she didn't really see Ino after she came back, and no one else seemed to want to fill her in on things she was supposed to know. Sure, she knew all the details about what was happening in the hospital, which did include knowing who came back from what mission injured this time, but that was only a fraction of the things that happened in Konoha. Sakura couldn't help but feel guilty in the beginning, but when the months flew by and nobody even asked her how she knew certain things let alone suspected her to get the information from anything other than rumours or Tsunade-shishou herself, she stopped feeling guilty. She had to know what was going on in this village and if nobody cared enough to inform her, she would do it on her own.
Her status as student of the Hokage, of course, helped.
'…not sure about it.' She heard Sai say and his voice snapped her back to reality.
'This could be dangerous, Sai. We need a medic. Sakura's the only one available with field experience.' Kakashi explained.
'I seem to recall her doing nothing but crying and shouting for someone to rescue her.'
Sakura's temper flared up. She was so over that. How dare he! 'Well, before Sasuke left it kinda was the only thing you did.' Inner pointed out. Sakura sighed. 'Yeah, that's true, but that was years ago! Sai wasn't even on our team then!'
'It's just Sai being Sai. Just ignore him, yeah? He doesn't mean it. I think. Now pay attention!'
Since Sakura was only listening, she couldn't see the death glare Naruto gave Sai and Kakashi shifting into his peace-maker stance in order to avoid a fight. 'I understand where you're coming from… But she's our best option.' Kakashi said. Sakura didn't even register the soothing tone and a tear threatened to form in the corner of her eye. Not even defending her?
She willed the tear away. She told herself long ago she was done with crying.
'I don't want Sakura-chan to get hurt, baa-chan. It's just… I don't know if she can handle this…'
Naruto?! What had she done to deserve this? Did Naruto really thing she couldn't handle a simple mission like this? That idiot! She didn't need protection! How many times did she have to say that! Her skills were on par with Tsunade's, and her punch strength as well. She trained every minute of her free time. She wasn't weak! She didn't need them to baby her, she needed them to trust her.
She was not useless!
'Sai, Naruto, Kakashi, listen. I know she's not the perfect candidate but she's good enough – I trained her myself. I do hope you're not questioning my teaching skills. She's capable and knows to work with you - she may not have the same amount of field experience, but that's why she's the backup. Now stop complaining and get out of my office. NOW!'
Sakura quickly re-did the jutsu and left before anyone could see her.
She quickly walked to the hospital and forced herself not to think about the conversation, lest her mind started over-analysing it. Then she would be distracted while packing and preparing for the mission. She went to her office, assigned to her because of her status as senior medic, called for one of her colleagues to finish her rounds, and left.
Before she went home to pack, she went to her favourite training ground to think. Training Ground 14, just inside the walls. It was rarely ever used because it was small and extremely wooded and thus not suited for team fights or sparring. Sakura searched for chakra signatures and when she found none, she jumped into the nearest tree and let her legs dangle in the air. She had 45 minutes left before they would leave for the mission and she didn't need more than 15 minutes to pack.
She leaned back against the tree and closed her eyes. The conversation on which she had eavesdropped flew through her head. It hurt, what her so-called teammates had said.
Memories of the past few years flew by. Team 7 kept leaving on missions, missions and more missions without her. She was "really needed at the hospital" and "this wasn't a tough mission anyway." She didn't really mind, at first. Sakura loved the hospital and she loved helping people. The hospital was her playground. She was always needed there. Looking back, she realized she had not felt needed or wanted by her team, and it was true that the hospital was in need of skilled medic like her. But still, maybe she could have been more assertive. She had assumed that after a few months, when there were more medics at the hospital, she could join her team more often again.
But months flew by and the situation didn't change. Sakura's attitude, however, did.
All those excuses sounded more hollow each time they were used. In the beginning, she waved them off, but after she missed a call for a mission once because of an emergency at the hospital and they didn't even comment on it, she gave up. It became more and more clear they didn't need her. Naruto didn't drop by at her place anymore, Sai stopped asking about her day at the hospital and calling her names, Kakashi only gave her an eye-crinkle instead of his customary wave and greeting when she bumped into him around town. Yamato went on a lot of missions with the former Team 7 now, and she had never spoken more than a greeting to the man.
They were never there for her and only sought her out when it was convenient for them. Her work as a medic was ignored and written off. As soon as they were injured, they immediately came to her like she was their mom. At he apartment, even, because they 'did not like the smell of the hospital.' Well, everyone but Kakashi. She had to force him to let him heal her when he was injured, which wasn't often, thankfully. And this reputation of the 'mom-friend' extended not only her former team, but also the others of the Konoha 11, as she heard people call them sometimes.
Even though she did feel like their mom, she didn't like it. At all. All the regular shinobi of her age who were even the slightest bit likeable saw her as a mother, a goddamn nurse, not the woman she was. Which meant that when she found the time and motivation to date, civilians were the only ones who had the slightest interest in her. And every shinobi knew they were never suitable for a healthy relationship. You know what they say: it takes one to know one.
Civilians didn't fully understand her life as a kunoichi. As a result, she had given up on love. She didn't need a relationship to live her life or make her whole. Her crush on Sasuke had long since withered and died. Just like the man himself.
Sasuke was dead. Somehow, it still ached when she thought those words.
At sixteen, a year after Naruto had returned from his training trip with Jiraya, Team 7 decided to try and bring back Sasuke once again. They had received word that Sasuke had killed Orochimaru and it re-fuelled their desire to bring him back to Konoha. Naruto was convinced that his self-proclaimed best friend would now return to Konoha.
Sakura never had the faith in Sasuke Naruto had.
On their way to the border of Sound they encountered Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame. Sakura didn't even see Kisame – she only heard about him later. They'd sensed two chakra signatures and when they saw Itachi, Kakashi ordered them to split up to prevent them from facing off a duo that worked very well together. Sai and Naruto lured Kisame away while she and Kakashi stood their ground. As soon as their two teammates were gone, they faced off with Itachi.
Strangely enough, the elder Uchiha didn't seem to want to fight them, and Kakashi had ordered them all to try and avoid a confrontation. They needed to be at full strength to return Sasuke.
(Sakura never thought too long about what would've happened when they would have fought them. They weren't Akatsuki for nothing. Her hands could not stop trembling that day.)
Sakura kept her eyes on Itachi's hands the whole time (Inner couldn't resist remarking that Itachi was even prettier than Sasuke, in her opinion) while Kakashi and Itachi had a look-at-me-I-have-a-sharingan stare off. Or maybe they had a genjutsu battle. To outsiders, they looked the same. Sakura herself was tight with adrenaline and almost overcome by fear. Still, she was ready to give it all for her village.
She waited for Kakashi's signal to attack, but it never came.
Ten minutes later, Itachi simply dissolved into crows and disappeared. Kakashi, confused with what had just happened and certain something was up, just headed towards were they felt Naruto's chakra spike and discovered them mid-fight with Kisame. Naruto looked worse for the wear and Kakashi later explained that that was Kisame's sword could drain chakra. Even on Naruto's seemingly bottomless reserves, and extended fight like that took its toll.
Sai couldn't stop Naruto from engaging Kisame but it seemed like Kisame was just toying with them. When she and Kakashi showed up, Itachi had also appeared behind his partner, given him a look and the both of them took off again. Kakashi just sighed.
It wasn't until later that they understood why the duo had been stalling them.
Sasuke, vulnerable because he had just killed Orochimaru, had been ambushed by Deidara and his yet unnamed partner who had replaced Sasori. The partner had taken on three of Orochimaru's human experiments Sasuke had taken with him and Deidara had fought Sasuke.
And won.
Team 7 had eventually stumbled upon the battlefield. It was a scene that would appear in their nightmares more than once after that dreadful day.
When thinking of Sasuke, Sakura had imagined many things. She thought of Sasuke turning up at the gate one day, with Oorochimarus head, full of remorse and wisdom. She thought of stumbling upon him by herself in a pub in a distant town, first punching, then screaming and then talking throughout the night. At dawn, she would hold out her hand, and he would take it and together they would walk back to Konoha. But most of all she imagined Team 7, chasing Sasuke, coming closer and closer until Naruto managed to finally pin Sasuke down and bring him home for good this time, her and Kakashi trailing behind with a smile and an eye-crinkle.
But never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined this.
The whole clearing looked like it had been blown up. There were craters everywhere. Snake corpses littered the battlefield, most of them without a head. The whole area smelt like it had been on fire.
And in the middle of the biggest crater, surrounded by Manda, the biggest snake Sakura had ever seen, lay Sasuke's body. It was as if Deidara had wanted them to find his body. Come to think of it, that was probably exactly what he wanted.
His left arm and leg were gone and there was a hole in his midsection dripping with blood but it was still unmistakeably Sasuke. He was covered in scratches, gashes, small holes made by some kind of explosion, blood and dirt and his face…
His eyes were gone.
Looking back at it, Sakura knew that shouldn't have come as a surprise. No way they would leave a powerful weapon like the sharingan just lying around.
(It wasn't until much, much later that Sakura learned Deidara had gleefully taken out and blown up both of Sasuke's eyes, much to Pein's displeasure. He had always hated the Sharingan.)
Kakashi had stopped moving. Naruto had broken down next to the body of his former teammate. Sakura herself hadn't been able to look away. Hadn't been able to do anything but stare. Their seeming undefeatable teammate had been defeated.
(Sai was the only one with a clear head and scoured the area. Sasuke's three teammates had been killed not that far away from where their leader had taken his last breath. Only ashes remained.)
After crying for nearly half an hour, Naruto had fainted. The chakra exhaustion from his fight with Kisame combined with the emotional stress had taken his toll.
Kakashi, who had been frozen until then, came to life like he was a machine. With short, lifeless movements he sealed the body in a scroll, slung Naruto over his back and returned home, Sakura and Sai on his heels.
Sakura said nothing, but the tears in her eyes spoke for her.
(She was so tired of crying.)
Naruto hadn't woken up until Tsunade gave him a shot of chakra in the hospital. He wanted to go after Deidara for revenge immediately but Tsunade forbade it. It was, of course, too dangerous. The remainder of that day was spend carving Sasuke's name into the Memorial Stone (even though he was technically a missing-nin, Naruto insisted and Tsunade couldn't find it in herself to stop him) and all three of them staring at the kanji of his name.
When the sun had almost gone down, it was, surprisingly, Hinata who came shook them from their stupor. Had Sakura been able to feel anything, she would've been surprised at how the Hyuuga girl had coaxed Naruto away from them. It seemed like she had finally found the courage to approach him.
She couldn't have timed it better. In the following weeks Naruto was almost never seen outside her presence.
After Naruto had left, Kakashi gave her an eye-crinkle which she didn't believe for a second and told her to go home. She didn't have the energy to resist.
Sakura knows this was the day it all went wrong. The day from which everything started to fall apart.
The following weeks Sakura spend in a daze. With Kakashi either training himself to death or living at the Memorial Stone (just one more name to mourn for) and Naruto being cared for by Hinata, Sakura's world was reduced to her apartment and the hospital.
Of course, Tsunade had forbade her from doing any hospital work for at least two weeks. To be honest, it was the worst decision the woman could've made. no matter her good intentions. Because Hinata was with Naruto and Ino and TenTen had left a week ago for a month-long mission to Suna, Sakura had nobody. As an only child with deceased parents, an empty apartment was the only thing that greeted her.
Her hands itched and her mind was restless. Flashbacks to her past combined with nightmares from the more recent Sasuke kept her awake at night.
She was all alone. Just her and her demons.
That was when Inner had started speaking to Sakura again. Sakura was very surprised when she woke up in the middle of the night in tears and the voice in her head started to soothe her.
She'd missed Inner. Her other half hadn't spoken to her after Sasuke left and stayed silent throughout the training with Tsunade.
Sakura thought Inner had gone away, that they had merged somehow, but she was wrong. Thankfully. Without Inner she would have never made it through Sasuke's death with her sanity intact.
Inner helped her through the first week, talking to her and comforting her whenever she could, which was to say almost all the time. Hinata and Naruto dropped by twice but none of them could think of anything to say.
There weren't many happy memories of Sasuke to share, anyway.
At one point Inner suggested punching and training the feeling of helplessness out of her and Sakura did. The next week was spend between training and the week after that between training and hospital duty. She was starting to act like Kakashi, she thought with a wry smile.
Once, she had even approached her (old?) sensei and challenged him to a spar. But Kakashi just looked at her with hunted eyes and told her 'the stars aren't right for a spar today'.
She did not ask again.
When her friends returned from their mission after three weeks, it got better. For over a week Ino and/or TenTen came by daily, even if it was just to eat dinner or sit with her. If they hadn't been there Sakura was sure she would've closed off completely and never opened up again, with only Inner as company.
But she didn't. And life went on.
Whatever happens, life goes on. This was a lesson Sakura would never forget.
By the time Sakura could breathe normally, Naruto was starting to go on missions and had a relationship with Hinata, and Kakashi showed up two hours late for a meeting again, a year had passed.
Naruto had finally worked through his pain together with Hinata. Kakashi had dealt with it in his own way, never forgetting but always moving on.
(He was more used to it in any case.)
Sakura had dealt with it in a different way. Throughout the year, she had pushed it all into a small corner of her mind and locked it up. All of it. Shinobi didn't have feelings.
When she was with TenTen or Ino, training with Tsunade or on hospital duty everything was fine. She even took on a mission or two, if not with the remains of Team 7.
Things were not the same, though. When Sakura was alone she felt dead. Empty.
At the end of the year, when Kiba returned from a mission fatally injured and Sakura had to push all of her chakra through Tsunade into him to heal him, she had an euphoria.
She needed a purpose in life. In the past it had been to bring Sasuke back and make Team 7 whole again. Now, she needed a different purpose. She never wanted to experience anything like that again. No people striving for power and revenge that would kill not only them, but many, many others. No more wars and useless death. She wanted to make the world a better place.
She wanted peace. She needed peace. Not only for her, but for everyone.
But she knew the old shinobi saying by heart:
he who wants peace prepares for war.
And so Sakura started preparing.