Overdue

by HadenXCharm

The aftermath of their first night was only the beginning. When is Renji going to finally figure this thing out? Read for a straightforward tale of a dead guy's troubles with a virginal human boyfriend, a downward spiral, and the ever-looming crossroads. Now with more angst, humor, and sex than ever before. [Sequel to Premature]

1. Chapter 1

After what Ichigo liked to term 'The Incident' and what Renji liked to call 'The Premature Ejaculation Debacle,' Renji had been sworn to secrecy, but as his preferred title of the event suggested, he found the entire thing hilarious.

It'd been several weeks ago now, but the subject was still touchy where Ichigo was concerned. As expected, this meant that Renji still gave him a heap of shit for it – it was basically his job.

Just that morning in fact, when Renji had gotten up for work at the crack of dawn and sat scarfing his breakfast down, Ichigo had brought it up on his own, which was strange in itself…

Anyways, the point was, Renji had teased him mercilessly, because he lived for giving Ichigo hell. Of course, there was also the fact that Ichigo reacted less and less to teasing as the years went by. At fifteen, the slightest provocation or embarrassment could send him into a fit of blushes and angry sputtering – or, just as fun, provoke him into a fight – and now at twenty, it took a bit more effort. Soon he'd be all grown up and too mellowed out to frustrate or needle or tease. Renji had to get it in while he could.

It was weird enough that Ichigo had gotten up when he had, as his lack of set responsibilities allowed him to sleep in until a more reasonable hour, but today he had woken up and eaten with him with one of his usual frowns on his face – although, during Renji's time together with him, he'd learned to read most of them, and this one was rather quiet and thoughtful.

Finally, he'd said, rather tentatively, "I'm with Rukia this week."

"Yeah?" Renji hummed as he held his bowl close to his face and scooped food into his mouth. He and Ichigo were close enough that he could eat with his usual rude table manners rather than the careful decorum he observed when around his betters – namely Kuchiki-Taichou. "You can stop by for lunch though."

"Ahh, sorry, me an' Rukia already made plans. She an' I are gonna' eat by Byakuya's pond. He got these new fish or something…"

"Mm," Renji acknowledged, shrugging. He got the feeling that Ichigo was working up to ask him something but was having trouble finding the words. He hedged now that the hesitant tenor to his voice and that thoughtful frown were actually signs of embarrassment.

"But," Ichigo went on uncertainly, "I thought we could both try to make free time this weekend…" Ahh, there it was. Renji raised an eyebrow, and although he didn't blush, Ichigo promptly dropped his gaze to the tabletop, picking at the corner where the enamel was wearing off. "To… y'know…"

Renji hid a grin behind his hand, quickly stuffing his cheeks full with rice and trying not to burst out laughing.

"You know, I mean, so you an' I can have some time to ourselves… to… that is…" Ichigo did blush then when he saw Renji looking at him.

Honestly, he didn't know how Ichigo had lost his shame over their years of waiting and then reclaimed some shyness after they'd finally done it. Really, it was kinda' cute. All the same, over the past few weeks when Ichigo got all awkward, Renji felt like bluntly reminding him, 'Hey, look me in the eye. You've had your dick inside me.'

Just thinking about it, Renji's mouth stretched in a smirk, barely containing laughter, although it did shake his shoulders a bit.

"Well, you know, to…" Ichigo trailed off, rubbing his neck.

"To have sex?" Renji said aloud casually, because the way Ichigo was avoiding saying it meant he was very embarrassed, and he couldn't pass up the opportunity to mess with him a little.

Ichigo pursed his lips and dropped his eyes, his hands in clenched fists atop each of his knees. After a pause, he gave a single tense nod of his head. Renji let him sweat it out for a few long moments, and then responded with mock reluctance.

"Hmm," Renji gave a show of considering. "You sure you can handle it after last time?" He winked. Ichigo didn't find it as funny as he did, giving him a dark scowl.

"Whatever, I don't know why I even- Forget it!" he blurted roughly.

"On second thought, I think I can make time for it. I mean, I'm really busy, but it's not like it'll take more than-"

"I said forget it, I changed my mind – if you're gonna' be such a dick about it…"

"I wonder what Rukia would think," Renji said, with an amused and joking 'shame on you' tone. Ichigo smacked his chopsticks to the table with a sharp huff through his nose, setting his jaw, but Renji went on, smirking. "Or Ishida. I can hear 'em now. 'No self-discipline at all, Kurosa-'"

Bright red from frustration and humiliation, Ichigo shouted, "Renji, you asshole, you're not gonna' tell anyone about this! "

Satisfied with getting under his skin to that degree, Renji merely laughed, shoveling food in his mouth and snickering at his young boyfriend's furious huffing and puffing. "Stop bringing that up already," he muttered, descending into halfhearted grumbling over his bowl, glaring at Renji all the while.

"Mm."

"I mean it!"

"Y'know, I only rag on you for it because it's not a big deal. At least, ta' me it's not."

"Renji," Ichigo growled sharply.

When Ichigo didn't accept his genuine attempt to be nice, Renji jibed, "Nothing wrong with equipment malfunction," which predictably turned Ichigo a furious pink color.

"Renji!"

Renji snorted, but conceded to say, "Okay, okay," because there was a point where being a jerk ceases to be amusing, and he didn't want to get Ichigo too mad. All the same, he grinned all the way to work, because he didn't just find The Debacle hilarious. He also found it absolutely adorable.

After morning drills and taking his daily roster from Kuchiki-Taichou, Renji settled in his office to do some deskwork until Rikichi would inevitably come in for help with something or other in a panic. Ichigo's troubled expression came back to him as he diligently scanned the documents laid out for him.

Funny as it was, he knew that night was a source of deep humiliation for Ichigo, and he wouldn't have willingly brought it up himself like that without a very good reason. Ever since The Incident, they hadn't had much time to get it on, and the time they did have, Ichigo wasn't in the mood for any fun and games, still sulking over his failure.

But he'd brought it up today, or tried to… Maybe he wanted to try and make love again.

Renji took a deep inhale through the nose, clenching his teeth and holding his brush tightly as he signed his name. 'Of course we'll make love!' He felt pumped up just thinking about it, although the first time had been something of a disaster on Ichigo's part.

To be honest, Renji felt somewhat frustrated with himself too. His reputation was well-earned, of course, but after The Debacle, he was starting to suspect that he may have lost his touch. Beforehand, it hadn't even crossed his mind that he might not be able to pleasure Ichigo as he has with various others in the past. He had some serious training to do.

Of course it's also completely adorable and endearing that Ichigo is still shy and unpracticed enough in their new physical relationship that he felt he should schedule their next bout of passion – scheduling these things was a near impossible feat when the both of them were so spontaneous, and it was likely that one of them would jump the gun before then, but regardless, if Friday was the day that Ichigo was ready, then Friday it was.

And since Ichigo was likely still feeling very insecure, but trusting enough to try again, it was Renji's responsibility to steer them right this time. 'I definitely will!' he thought with enthusiasm. It's practically his duty – he has to give Ichigo a night of love he'll never forget.

Renji got through almost the entirety of his morning paperwork and was ready to go for some tea and check on his subordinates when Rikichi came in earlier than usual with some more reports. Keeping himself from sighing too conspicuously, Renji smiled and delegated a few tasks to him and sent him off again, then grumbled a bit when he was shut alone in his office once more. He enjoyed the fieldwork side of being a lieutenant much more than the bureaucracy side. At least he got out and interacted with the squad a lot more than Kuchiki-Taichou did. He really got why his captain was so stoic; the paperwork that came with leadership was mind-numbing, and admittedly, lonely.

The days Ichigo spent with Rukia, he always started out happy that he'd be able to focus without that fluffy-headed annoyance over there distracting him from his job, but towards the afternoon-end of the day, he'd inevitably miss him, even the annoying distracting parts.

Renji snorted to himself then, shaking his head and half-smiling as he scanned the reports and signed off on the ones that could be sent off, and reorganized the ones he'd need to give to Kuchiki-Taichou. Ichigo was annoying, it was true – in fact, Renji had once hated him, hated him with all the energy and frustration built up within his broken heart over forty years of loneliness and rejection.

Forty fucking years he'd spent working to improve himself, and just as he felt he'd finally gotten his life in order, attained a lieutenancy, and hoped that this was going to be it – that finally everything would be okay with Rukia again – Ichigo had busted in and wrecked everything.

But then… then he'd fixed everything. In fact, he'd fixed it so well that he'd made it even better than before, and after that Renji had made a promise to himself to support Ichigo in everything he did, no matter what – and over time, as Renji had returned the favor and helped Ichigo rescue Orihime from Hueco Mundo, and then accompanied him on a number of other adventures, Renji's hatred and jealousy and resentment had turned on its head. They'd become friends, they'd fought side by side. They'd done some amazing things together, and had built the trust and respect that grows between comrades in times of adversity.

And then Ichigo had gone on home. His powers had gone away, and for a while, it had been like he'd never existed. People had talked about him a lot, sure, but he and Rukia had not – when they'd had to, he'd been Kurosaki-san or Shinigami-daikou. He hadn't been 'Ichigo.' He hadn't been 'Ichigo-teme,' or 'Ichigo-baka.' He hadn't been theirs.

That's when it had started. Renji knew himself pretty well, his heart especially, and that's when he'd had an inkling of what was coming – because once Ichigo was gone, suddenly he and Rukia were spending time together again, and he realized that they'd been doing so for some time, and it was easy. It wasn't painful anymore. It was like all those years of distance had never happened. They were Renji and Rukia again, and he felt wonderfully whole, his heart aching with the fullness of it.

But there was something else… Something else was missing then. He and Rukia both felt it – because the stubborn scowling sunny-haired kid that had brought them back together and healed all their pains, the boy who'd cut Renji down and taken him to the very bottom and then prodded him on the first step to building himself back up, the one who'd saved their entire world – that person was gone.

He hadn't fully figured it out until Ichigo had come back. When Renji had seen his face, he'd immediately realized that there had been an empty feeling there that had faded away upon his return. He realized how much he'd missed him, realized that he'd come to love him. That's when he knew.

His mouth lifted at the corner. He never would've expected it after the way their first meeting went, but then, first impressions don't always stick. Sometimes someone comes into your life and changes everything, and you change everything to absorb them, you improve yourself, you strive to get better. When you love somebody, it stays with you even when you're apart, sometimes for forty years, sometimes for three.

Although, once Renji had discovered his feelings in the privacy of his heart, he'd only waited until the end of the war to confess them – perhaps in a selfish move, because he'd had an idea that Ichigo had been planning to return to the Living World permanently, as he had when he'd first lost his powers, and hadn't wanted him to go. It was funny… Renji had decided there was no point telling Ichigo his feelings when the war had been going on, when there had been a very real chance that both of them might die, but afterwards, when both of them would live, he'd decided he must tell him.

He hadn't expected reciprocation. Telling him had been a matter of honesty and loyalty to a promise to never let things pass him by as he had concerning Rukia. He'd never imagined that maybe Ichigo would feel the same. He'd never thought he deserved something so wonderful as to have his love accepted and to be loved back, and yet, here they were.

'But then, he's always surprised me.'

Renji continued his deskwork for some time, only pausing to retrieve a cup of tea and a mochi to get him through. He had too much to do today to take a proper lunch break. Sweeping his crumbs off his documents, he pushed his empty plate to the far corner of his desk and reorganized his paper stacks.

He hardly gave a thought to who was stomping down the hall, as people scuttled past constantly throughout the day, sometimes coming in to report any happenings that needed his immediate attention: the newer subordinates in particular relied on him, as he tried to be especially lenient and helpful to them. He could never quite act as coldly or professionally as Kuchiki-Taichou did; he was too much of a softy.

These footsteps were pretty heavy; his crew usually was diligent enough to remember not to run in the halls or make a racket in the office. Instead of passing his room by however, there came a knock at his door. Renji didn't look up from his work, continuing to sip his tea and read, and before he could call 'come in,' the door slid open with a rough swipe of the hand, rattling in the shuttle, and Ichigo waltzed in.

Renji perked up, surprised, but pleased. "Thought you were with Rukia today." Ichigo shrugged and wandered to the corner, throwing himself on the low-sofa. Renji smirked into his cup and took another drink. Since it was a lieutenant's office, the room was quite well furnished, but he hardly ever used anything other than his desk; he occasionally opened the doors to the engawa, but not often. Ichigo, whenever he came in here, planted his ass on the sofa there, laying across it with his arms behind his head and one ankle propped on his knee. He did it so often in fact, and so similarly each time, that Renji could imagine it with crisp clarity even when Ichigo wasn't actually there bugging him.

"Nothin' interesting going on today, so she sent me off." Ichigo's eyes were shut as he lounged, foot bouncing, and his usual scowl was in place, lip jutting out and his brow scrunching cutely. Renji's smirk grew a bit.

"Sorry, same here. Unless you're here ta' nap."

"Mm," Ichigo grunted in return, and lay looking at the ceiling for some time, and sometimes one of them would give a comment. Ichigo mentioned the most recent craziness he'd witnessed as he'd traveled past the Eleventh on the way from Rukia's Division to his.

In the beginning, Renji had been wary whenever Ichigo had come to bum around in here while he was working, not trusting his own willpower to focus on his work and avoid distraction – they'd only had disruptive arguments once or twice, and the embarrassment of being scolded by Kuchiki-Taichou in front of Ichigo was enough to curb any further incident. These days, it was easy to multitask, and in fact, it was even nice to have Ichigo over there, a semi-permanent fixture in his office.

He shifted and cleared his throat the third time his stomach gurgled with hunger, and Ichigo opened an eye, glancing at him with a grimace. "Don't start," Renji muttered, knowing Ichigo was about to grill him with the hazards and idiocy of overworking. Ichigo just didn't understand – he'd only just gotten on better terms with Kuchiki-Taichou and earned his respect. He had to keep working hard!

Ichigo mumbled unintelligibly in response, but let it slide, finally pulling out his Academy text from beneath the sofa and rolling onto his stomach, reading it quietly to himself. "Can I practice out there?" he asked after a time, and Renji glanced up to see him pointing at the doors to the engawa.

He would've said yes on reflex, because he liked to do that as often as possible where Ichigo was concerned – after saying no to him for so many difficult years of abstaining, Renji tried to spoil him at every turn now – but he thought of how alike they were in their disastrous kidou spells gone wrong, and imagined the disapproving way Byakuya would look at him for weeks if anything were damaged in the yard on his watch.

"Well… maybe the training ground would be better," he suggested, "Kuchiki-Taichou wouldn't like anything in the courtyard to get wrecked." Ichigo merely sighed through his nose and closed his book.

"Mm. An' what're you doing now?"

"Ah, reports. Gotta'… sign these and… delegate where ta' send them… and such," he muttered as he got distracted, dragged back into his paperwork. Ichigo grunted in response.

Mostly focused on his work, Renji only vaguely noticed in his periphery when Ichigo got up and sauntered over, presumably to read over his shoulder. Ichigo nudged his hip against Renji's arm, and he hummed a bit, half lifting his face in acknowledgement, but not letting his eyes drag away from his reports. "You lookin' for some attention?" Renji finally said, to which Ichigo snorted.

After Ichigo jokingly, but with a note of stubbornness, bumped him again, Renji grinned and leaned back in his chair and looked up at him. It was cute how his default expression was always so serious. Although Ichigo didn't say anything, Renji easily understood the unspoken request, and tilted his head back to meet Ichigo as he leaned down for a kiss.

"Hmm," he hummed against Ichigo's mouth, pecking his lips once more as he separated them. Ichigo didn't move back, however, leaning one hand over his chair and moving into the space Renji had vacated by leaning back. He kissed Renji again, more firmly, sealing their mouths together, and Renji returned it, a bit more reluctantly. As Ichigo moved into his lap and searched for an embrace, Renji took him in his arms obediently.

It killed him, because he loved to see Ichigo seeking affection so boldly – as eager as he was, he was also rather shy at times, and usually left Renji to initiate. But…

He glanced towards the door, and as Ichigo paused in confusion, Renji listened anxiously to the silence.

Ichigo frowned and continued to nose at his cheek, pressing his face insistently against Renji's in an attempt to draw him back in. Renji cleared his throat uncomfortably as Ichigo tried to kiss him some more. He held Ichigo, but dodged his advances, turning his face away, only for Ichigo to clumsily attach his mouth to his neck and then his ear with no skill but the earnestness of someone with genuine affection in their heart. Renji just about melted, really – shit, Ichigo was trying so hard. . . but he was still really uneasy about messing around at the office.

Once more Ichigo made to kiss him on the mouth, but Renji separated them and looked at the door again. Ichigo frowned at his best efforts being denied. "What?" he wondered, "What's wrong?"

"Captain Kuchiki," Renji said, worried. "He might-"

Immediately, Ichigo scowled deeply and cut him off, groaning, "Uggh." He got up, leaving Renji's arms. Renji watched him stomp away a few steps, frowning and fidgeting.

"Ichigo, you aren't mad, are you?" he muttered, admittedly embarrassed. He knows Ichigo doesn't appreciate his attitude about how one should behave in the workplace or towards one's boss, but it's important to him that he not look a fool to Kuchiki-Taichou.

"Whatever, forget it," Ichigo brushed off with an exasperated tone, leaving it there. Damnit, not the pretending-it-doesn't-matter game, anything but that! Renji huffed in frustration.

"Ichigo, c'mon!"

"No, no, it's fine."

"Dude!" Renji insisted, "Don't!"

Ichigo ignored him, but deigned to approach the other side of his desk and look down at him. Renji grimaced up at him, eyes narrowed, and Ichigo stared blandly back. "Anyway, forgot to tell you I'm gonna' be spending some time in Karakura."

"You're going?" Renji's face fell. "Ichigo, c'mon, don't be like that, you know I can't mess around in here."

"Nah, it's cool," Ichigo smirked, "I was going anyway."

"Oh… How long?" Renji wondered, trying not to show his displeasure on his face. It made him nervous when Ichigo went back there. He knew it was selfish and stupid and insecure to dislike Ichigo going away from him, and he knew that only a weak man was insecure in a relationship and that to be worried implied a lack of trust, but those thoughts were still there in this dark sad corner of his heart. Part of him felt that Karakura was where Ichigo truly belonged, and one day Ichigo would realize that too and decide to get serious about making his life there, and he'd start coming back less and less, maybe even decide to finish being a shinigami-daikou for good – he'd finish with Renji for good. Renji had no illusions that this would last forever, and he didn't like to think that it might already be time to give Ichigo up.

Of course, he didn't say those things out loud. He'd confessed a little of those fears to Ichigo before, that he didn't like him going, but he felt it wasn't fair to put that much pressure on a person, to let him know how much he worried and how sad he felt when Ichigo was gone for too long. Ichigo had to have his own life, and if he wanted to see his family and friends, or go to work or school, he should be able to do those things, to do all the things normal people did.

And hey, if in time Ichigo found that Karakura was the right place for him and decided to stay there permanently, he should be able to do that too. Renji would be happy for him, of course. He wanted this amazing young burst of energy and potential to have everything he wanted. He wanted Ichigo to have all his dreams. It's just, even in being happy for Ichigo, he would be sad to be apart, and bittersweet things always give Renji a stomachache.

Ichigo hummed a bit, as if he hadn't decided on specific departure times, and just had a vague idea of his visit – as he often did. "Mm, a week or so, I think." Renji nodded a bit awkwardly, not having anything to say, because if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't speak. At his silence, Ichigo offered, "You can visit if you like."

Renji blinked, and replied on reflex. "I do like – I mean, I will," he amended.

"If Kuchiki-Taichou will let you, you mean," Ichigo grumbled sarcastically.

"Hey," Renji complained, glaring at him at his sarcastic tone. "I'll work hard, and then ask to take a day with you."

"Hmph," Ichigo grunted, folding his arms in a satisfied manner, but still scowling quite hard.

Renji sighed, leaning on his fist. "You're not mad, are you?"

"… No. Just frustrated. I'd hoped to have some more time, because… Well… what I said before about this weekend… I want- …" His face flushed violently as suddenly as it always did, as if it were a signal as to the topic he was about to broach. "I want to try again," he managed.

Renji gazed at him open-mouthed, in fascination. "… Oh," he said, and Ichigo went even redder, if it were possible. He turned hastily and rubbed at the back of his head, scrubbing his fluffy hair with his nails.

"… Been practicing some stuff," he mumbled, "so… so you practice too." Renji just continued staring, amazed. Seeming unable to stand another second in the room, too overcome with shyness, Ichigo refused to look at him directly as he gave a small awkward wave and shuffled towards the door.

"… I'll see you soon. Keep at it," Ichigo encouraged, "Try your best."

"Yeah," Renji stared after him for a moment. "I'll definitely work hard! I will try my best," he promised, and couldn't help but come to the conclusion that he'd just been seduced. That blushing, stuttered, red-faced admission that he'd been practicing so that they could get it right this time they tried making love had invariably been seduction.

The thoughts of spreading Ichigo open beneath him and putting their practice to good use sped him through the rest of his work.

Because not only was the whole mess hilarious and adorable – he also found it really, really… sexy.

. . .

Ichigo had gone a few days prior, and it was about time for Renji to follow him. True to his promise, he'd worked very hard and Kuchiki-Taichou had agreed to give him a free day – although he suspected the treadmill would await his return. Nevertheless, he was going to go the following morning.

He figured he'd try to talk to someone before he went.

Truly, he'd had just about enough of his peers, and he's still a bit shifty and reserved around many of them. Most have laid off by this point, yet, forgiving soul though he was, he couldn't quite forget the things they'd said to mess with him. He knew they didn't have malice in their hearts and were only having a bit of fun, but it hadn't been fun to him, not at all.

In the beginning, he'd been able to brush it off with ease for about a week, knowing it was their duty as his friends and colleagues to give him some shit, and he'd gotten the typical 'loverboy' and 'cradle-robber' remarks, but he'd just laughed it off. It was easy to do that when his nights with Ichigo were so quiet and peaceful, it was easy when he saw Ichigo look at him with eyes so bright and openly adoring. How could it be wrong when what was between them was such a pure and wonderful feeling? Renji knew his intentions were good, he knew in his heart he wasn't out to do harm to Ichigo, that he would never crush that lovely innocent thing Ichigo had seen fit to share with him.

But it had kept happening, and from there, when none of it had bothered him, they'd had to keep getting more extreme, until the jokes had finally taken on a vaguely sinister tone. It was mostly his old buds from Squad Eleven, to be honest; many of them saw him as a little brother and pushed the boundaries further than most. He'd spent a long time there, after all, grown from a reckless and eager to prove himself boy into a man, and the guys there knew him well, knew how to rile him and get under his skin, and rile him they did.

Even most of those, Renji could brush off, general jokes about him being a pervert, but then it had escalated rather suddenly. There'd been this moment when he and Ichigo had been together, and some of them had started telling Ichigo – in jest, of course – to watch out for himself and keep an eye on Renji. They'd told Ichigo not to sit on his lap, that if Renji were to try to convince him to sit on his lap, he should say no, just say no!

Renji had been so shocked that he hadn't known what to say, instead staring mutely, his heart sinking.

And although Ichigo didn't seem to realize the significance of the joke, merely raging at them to lay off and stop teasing him or he'd kick their asses, Renji thought of those words and what they meant all night, he thought of when he'd been an orphan in the Rukongai and the bad things that had happened, the type of person he was being compared to.

Here he'd been, it never even having occurred to him that what he and Ichigo had might be seen in that light, because there wasn't even a hint of malice in his heart, it being too full with affection for Ichigo – here he'd been, it never even having crossed his mind that loving Ichigo was wrong, and his fucking friends had told Ichigo not to sit on his lap, as if Ichigo were a little boy and he were a…

But no, he couldn't be! He wasn't! He wasn't like that!

He'd managed to ignore it from then, but there had been a vague note of uneasiness deep in his gut that he kept disregarding. Maybe it had been selfish, but those moments with Ichigo in the night, when he would shyly scootch towards him and snuggle his head against his leg or tentatively touch their fingers together when he thought no one was looking, Renji didn't want to give that up. Something that felt so nice couldn't be wrong.

It wasn't until Ikkaku confronted him rather directly about it, under the guise of a joke, that Renji had seen himself clearly for the first time. Overcome with the realization that he'd become what he hated most, he'd felt sick with himself, he'd wanted to crawl out of his skin. He was a… a child predator. God, what had he been thinking? How could he not have thought that this was wrong? How could he not have seen inside himself and realized he was making excuses for exploiting a minor? He'd swindled Ichigo, he'd taken advantage of his young inexperienced heart for his own selfish sick reasons. The feelings he had were wrong. He was a horrible disgusting man for thinking and feeling those things.

In that moment of realization he'd had to look at himself and examine the intentions in his heart, and he didn't like what he saw.

And the next time Ichigo had looked at him with those eyes and that warm beautiful enamored look that a boy got when he was feeling those things for the first time, when Renji saw that, he felt disgusted with himself. He hadn't been able to bear it.

It had never been his intention to lead Ichigo astray, to hurt him; he'd never wanted to have to break a heart or destroy that fragile lovely thing that was a first love, but he couldn't stand to become that disgusting loathsome person. He couldn't let it go on any longer, because he did love and care for Ichigo, and he had to stay away from him, couldn't let himself twist and damage him any more than he had.

Ending it had hurt, but what had been worse was seeing Ichigo bloodied, storming away with tears on his cheeks. That had been like physically digging his innards out with his nails.

After that awful night, Ichigo had gone away, and there had been no reasonable expectation that he would ever come back. Renji had gone to Rukia in broken-hearted shambles – and the first thing she'd said to him when she learned of it, even Rukia who knew him so well, who knew his heart and who knew that he'd never, never – even she had said, 'You always were a fool like that, falling in love with a human child.'

Whatever comforts she'd attempted afterwards, all Renji could hear was, 'Child, child, child, a child, such a fool, such a dirty rotten fool-'

It had taken him a long time to feel that he could heal from those things, to recover from his closest friends condemning what had been a great joy for him. He'd shown them the lovely innocent thing he and Ichigo shared and that he cherished, and they'd scorned it, and there had come a day when he'd no longer trusted himself.

And of course, just like always, when Renji got in a slump and didn't know which way to turn, Ichigo was the one to drag him up and snap him out of it.

Eventually, Ichigo had brought him out of his gloom of self-hatred, and he'd had a lot of talks with Rukia, because of course she did approve and he'd only taken her meaning the wrong way when he'd been a fog of despair, but those feelings had lingered as before, a vague uneasiness in the pit of his gut.

Once he'd accepted that he and Ichigo could work through this and that being together felt natural because it was right, Renji only had one option left, which was to stop fighting it. This time though, he was going to follow his heart, and his heart told him to take things slow – very, very slow.

Despite giving in to the unstoppable tide of their feelings, Ichigo was still young, and he was still the adult; he had to take responsibility for Ichigo's heart, and he had to take care of him, he had to be cautious.

Thankfully, Ichigo had felt it worth it to wait it out and had clung to Renji like a puppy to its first human, as if afraid he'd be sent away again on account of his young age - and Renji, protective of Ichigo's remaining naivety, had made sure he never found out why he'd ever separated them in the first place.

He never told Ichigo about those things, because he didn't need to know, he didn't need that lovely thing crushed. Renji had never told him how many jokes and jibes and glares he'd received – still occasionally received – and took the rest of it with dignity. He knew it would upset Ichigo to know how little everyone actually approved.

Renji had tried to change his mindset. Instead of letting the gossip make him turn inward and wonder if he was a predator, instead of feeling guilty that since he was the older one, it was on him to end Ichigo's young crush, it was up to him to let Ichigo down gently and not entertain his feelings – instead of that, Renji tried to take strength from it in his new resolution to hold off on deflowering Ichigo until he was hatachi, down to the day.

Because he was the older one, and being older, the burden of responsibility in their relationship was upon him. He didn't truly think Ichigo was particularly naive, but he was inexperienced, and if Renji were a cruel or dirty man with malice in his heart, he could certainly manipulate Ichigo's emotions fairly easily. No, he was Ichigo's first love, and Renji took that heavily upon his shoulders and his heart. He could never hurt him and destroy that fragile beautiful thing again, but he also couldn't take away the last days of Ichigo's childhood, the innocence of his youth.

He knew Ichigo would clobber him if he'd ever heard him describe his virginity as such, which was why he'd never said it aloud. Renji doesn't usually think of love or virginity as a flower, but maybe he's idealized Ichigo, too blinded by his adoration and tender feelings to see him as he did other people.

Anyways, even now that Ichigo was technically of age, Renji still felt that way about his responsibility – because he was still so young, so, so young. It was incumbent upon him, maybe not to protect Ichigo's virtue, but now that they were lovers, it was upon him to make Ichigo happy and love him right.

Never mind that the whole of Soul Society would wreak its revenge upon him if he did, but Renji didn't think he could bear it if another tear welled up in Ichigo's eyes on his account.

Thinking about it now, Renji frowned as he walked the streets, searching fruitlessly for the friend he felt he could talk to about his current predicament.

Even these days, Renji sometimes felt a ghost of guilt. If he gets too nostalgic or thinks on Ichigo for too long, he sees how young he is, how free and unmarred he is despite the tragedies that peppered his life, and Renji feels, maybe not dirty, but selfish. He tried not to think like that anymore, because he'd promised Ichigo he wouldn't, and usually he was happy enough that he could avoid those feelings. Having Ichigo in his arms usually chased it away.

Truly now, Ichigo wasn't a boy any longer though, at least in the face of the law, and Renji did feel responsible to him. He'd planned for Ichigo's first time; after making him wait for so long, he'd planned to pleasure him to tears, the good kind.

Well, that hadn't quite gone to plan, and what was worse was after 'The Debacle,' Ichigo had retreated, having lost his confidence. He reacted with much more embarrassment than he ever had, even before they'd started to get intimate. In fact, at the sight of Renji undressing, he'd blush like mad and look away and stutter, and he'd never done that before, ever. Renji had given him his space to work out whatever he needed to work out, seeing as it was a sensitive issue, and expected that when Ichigo was ready for another try, he'd come forward and say so.

Of course, now Ichigo had said so, that he wanted to try and make love again – soon – and as Renji thought of how he could make it wonderful for him, he started to acknowledge that he'd had a lapse in judgement. They'd been doing fine before because he'd insisted on starting slow, warming Ichigo up to different things and taking time not to jump straight in.

Well then of course, Ichigo had convinced him to move forward prematurely, and maybe he'd jumped the gun. He hadn't gotten Ichigo used to penetration. It hadn't occurred to him before, but now he suspected Ichigo hadn't done so much as finger himself during masturbation prior to that night, and really, it made sense that he might not enjoy it their first time together. He should've stuck to the plan and resisted Ichigo's eagerness – it was his responsibility as the experienced one to know what was best!

But did he?... He didn't quite know where to go from here. He'd put his best effort forward that night and Ichigo had struggled and suffered through it, and Renji wanted better for him. It seemed his skills had degraded significantly…

He'd thought and thought about what he could do differently next time they try, the next time Ichigo gives him a chance to make love to him even though the first time had been quite a disappointment – well no, Renji wasn't disappointed in Ichigo at all, despite his early finish, but he still felt let down with himself that he hadn't been able to pleasure Ichigo right.

Renji knew that for a first time, it was best if Ichigo would get on his hands and knees and let him penetrate him from behind, but Renji knew Ichigo – he knew that if things weren't right or if it hurt, Ichigo would take advantage of his face-down position and hide his pain to avoid disappointing him a second time, and Renji wouldn't have that. Maybe when he was fingering Ichigo to relax him, he could try using his tongue, maybe he'd like that.

Ah, he wasn't sure. He wanted to talk it out and bounce his ideas off someone else, and there was only one guy he could talk to about this.

Now, Renji was a sociable guy with many friends, and got along swimmingly with nearly everyone, and he liked to talk his problems out most of the time, this being no exception. Renji felt there was no shame in discussing sex with trustworthy outsiders – not that he'd say anything private about Ichigo, though.

He'd asked Hisagi to meet him tonight for a conversation and some drinking, and by that evening, he'd sought him out with the required liquor. They could at least discuss it, man to man.

Normally, concerning worldly advice, Renji would've asked Ikkaku, but with Yumichika away on business at the moment, he was in a bad temper. Despite that, even, Renji probably wouldn't have mentioned it to Ikkaku anyways. He'd used to go to him with nearly everything, since he'd been his mentor during the years when he hadn't had Rukia to go to, but Renji hadn't quite forgotten the party at Squad Eleven and the disgusted disappointed way Ikkaku had looked at him… He still felt vaguely sick and ashamed when he thought of it.

He knows that Ikkaku-san probably hadn't meant to have such an effect on him, but he had. Renji took his advice very seriously.

According to Yumichika, Ikkaku had changed his tune since then and seemed to have accepted that Renji's feelings were true and would stand the test of time – he knew about Renji's plan to abstain until Ichigo grew up, and Renji suspected he approved of the plan enough that he forgave Renji's predatory feelings. Even so, if it was avoidable, Renji didn't want to talk to him about it. He didn't want to let him down again.

Besides, if Renji asked him anything about sex, Ikkaku would give him a load of shit for it and probably wouldn't even answer. Renji idolized Ikkaku to a degree, but he suspected he'd never had more than one partner. He'd do better asking Yumichika, really – but that would get back to Ikkaku too. They weren't the right ones for this.

Rukia was also out of the question. It's not that they didn't know each other well enough to talk about sex, it's just that he knew Ichigo would absolutely die if he found out he'd talked to Rukia about their sex life.

It wasn't even that he was closer to Hisagi-san than he was to Ikkaku, it was just, they were closer in age, and although Hisagi and Ikkaku were both his senpai, he and Hisagi had fostered a more familiar relationship. Besides, Hisagi hadn't made too many comments about his play for Ichigo from the very start, so…

Plus there was the fact that he could talk to Hisagi about sex because they'd had sex… a bunch of times… in the past.

Anyway, sure enough, when he and Hisagi met, they got right into drinking and talking, and Hisagi didn't so much as turn a hair when Renji told him what he'd asked him here to discuss.

"He won't let you do it?" Hisagi surmised, and Renji had to grimace at the irony. After he and Ichigo had gotten back together, the general consensus of the rumors propagating about Seireitei had been that Ichigo was frigid. Even now, everyone seemed to assume that he was the one coaxing Ichigo for sex, when really it had always been the other way around entirely. Well, only Rukia and Ichigo had really known that part, because Renji hadn't been eager to talk about it before and had just let people assume that he was the instigator.

"What, did you go to do it and he backed out?"

"We did try," Renji muttered, taking a drink and passing the bottle back. Ikkaku was better for this game, because Hisagi didn't drink nearly enough on his turn, preferring to watch the other get drunk and stupid at a quicker rate than his own – despite that annoyance, he was a good listener, so Renji didn't mind so much. "He was really excited for it, actually, but then I… well, I disappointed him."

"You blew your load too fast?"

"No. Be serious." Hisagi gave a bit of a smile, which Renji didn't appreciate in the slightest, because the past should stay in the past, as funny as it might seem to some people.

"So you had a go." Renji nodded cautiously. "An' he hated it, did he?" Hisagi wondered.

"Well, it's not that he hated it. He…" Renji pursed his lips and mumbled, "He didn't enjoy it."

"Your massive hard-on spooked him off?" Hisagi could be a serious guy, as goofy as he got at times with his newspaper editing and guitar lessons, and sometimes Renji wished he wouldn't say those things with such a level casual tone, as if it was about the weather.

"Well, he didn't say anything about that, so-"

"He probably doesn't have any point of comparison then."

Hey! My dick's normal sized!"

"You were probably too rough, huh?"

"No!" Renji insisted with a scowl, because he'd used the greatest care and gentleness. He'd never be rough on somebody's first time, what kind of idiot…?

He cleared his throat then when Hisagi raised a questioning eyebrow. "It doesn't have to hurt for it to be bad," Renji explained, grimacing. "As you know damn well."

"Oh, so you do admit that you remember."

"I don't admit anything," Renji replied flatly, "and stop screwing around! This is serious!" He gave him a pointed look, at which Hisagi tried not to smile, but then he burst out in laughter. Renji couldn't help but laugh as well for a little while.

"Hey, don't be hard on yourself," he teased, leaning back and taking a drink, and Renji smiled a bit wryly as he listened to Hisagi reminisce. "We whipped you into shape. An' now look at you. Best lover around."

"Not anymore," he muttered woefully. "Look, really, it ended alright, but Ichigo was embarrassed. Can't even look at me with my shirt off now."

"Shame."

"Ha-ha. Anyway, I'm going to his house tomorrow-"

"And you're gonna' try again," Hisagi concluded. Renji nodded. This is why they're friends – Hisagi understands him!

"An' I don't want him to just lie there and think of England." Renji scowled a bit just thinking about it. Hisagi frowned lightly.

"... What does that mean? I don't know what that means."

"I want him to enjoy it."

"And so what're you asking me exactly? I dunno' what you're asking me to do," Hisagi sighed, leaning back and taking a drink when Renji gave him the bottle with a tired look. "You've got more experience than I do." He snorted. "Funny that it used to be the other way around."

"Oh c'mon."

"You've always had that charm. God knows how far you sowed your wild oats. So what do you want me to say? You forgot how to do that thing with your tongue?"

"No."

"Then what."

"I dunno'," Renji shrugged. "Wanted to say it out loud, I guess."

Hisagi looked at him with that calm mature air he had, and then leadingly said, "It's not something everyone likes," as if to make him feel better.

"I know," Renji said, but he didn't want to give up like that after the first time. There must be something wrong in his technique if he hadn't been able to make Ichigo feel good. If it went on for the next few times, maybe he'd accept that Ichigo just didn't like being penetrated, but for now he chalked it up to his own failings to understand how to make Ichigo's body sing with pleasure.

"But," Hisagi suggested, "He could just have to get used to it."

Buddies that they were, they often had similar thoughts, but now Renji wondered about Hisagi's first statement of Ichigo just not being built to like it in the first place, and the thought of continuing to make him try to like it made him feel bad.

"I don't want him to have to get used to something that he doesn't like," he grumbled.

Hisagi hummed back in thought, took a drink, then, in another echo of his earlier thoughts, offered, "Have you tried doing it with him on his knees and you behind?" He vaguely gestured with his hands, and then said, "It's easiest."

"I thought of that, but he'll try to hide it if it hurts." Renji huffed and rested his chin on his hand. "I've gotta' see him," he explained.

"Mm."

Renji sighed and grumbled, "I can't think what else. I tried my hardest and still nothin'. He's upset about it too, thinks it's his fault… I just don't want him to get discouraged."

"You'll come up with something," Hisagi encouraged, raising the bottle towards him and smirking on one side. "If you learned how to do anything right, you learned how to fuck."

"Why do you sound mature no matter what you say?"

Hisagi shook his head and laughed. "Wish Muguruma-Taichou thought so." He offered a grin, and all at once Renji remembers how he'd charmed all the cute girls and made the boys swoon with his serious bad-boy demeanor back in their academy days. He remembers how Hisagi Shuuhei had been exactly what he'd needed to cope with the loneliness when he and Rukia had drifted apart.

"And you will figure things out. We both know that with enough effort and passion, skill follows naturally."

"Thanks."

"Do your best."

Renji was coaxed into a smile. "I'll do my best," he agreed.

. . .

Once Renji came through to the Living World, he'd almost thought to climb through Ichigo's window to surprise him and tease him about the old times, but Ichigo was already waiting for him in the Shoten's yard with that blue-hair guy.

"There you are," Ichigo noted, scowling as he stood from where he'd been laying on the ground. The Arrancar what's-his-name glared daggers at Renji, but he ignored him in favor of grinning at the unmistakable way Ichigo's face had lit up at the sight of him – before he'd hidden it with his usual frown, of course.

Even it having only been a few days, Renji enjoyed seeing him again, especially when he was in his human clothes: a long-sleeve and pants that were as slim-fit as ever.

"Were you waiting for me?" Renji teased a little, tilting his head, to which Ichigo kicked the ground a bit, and the Arrancar curled his lip a little, showing his teeth.

"Whatever, let's go," Ichigo blustered, walking off with his hands in his pockets. Renji grinned, but didn't say anything, and followed him as they headed back together.

Ichigo let him in the front door and showed him up to his room, which was necessary because Renji hadn't ever really come up to his room through the house, always having popped through the window before. "I've got some stuff to take care of, but I'll be there in a minute."

"'Kay," Renji mumbled as Ichigo stepped back out and left him alone in his room. Renji smiled at the sight of Ichigo's bed and desk, his things stowed away neatly as always. His room smelled like him. He sat cross-legged on the bed and looked around fondly until Ichigo came back.

"You feel like having dinner with my family? They'll be back in a bit," Ichigo noted as he came in and shut the door behind him. Renji put his arms behind his head, leaning against the wall.

"I don't mind it," he said agreeably. "I will if you want me to."

Ichigo walked over to his desk and sat down in the chair, swiveling to face him. "No, what I meant was… Well, maybe they might go somewhere else, if we wanted the place to ourselves."

Deliberately pretending he didn't know what he meant for the sole purpose of embarrassing him, Renji hummed, "They'll go somewhere else all night long?"

Ichigo glared at him. "You know what I mean," he grumbled, and sure enough, his ears started to turn red.

"Hm?"

"Renji."

"Fine, fine, okay," he laughed, "But y'know, I like your family. Your sisters were always nice to me. Do you think it's a good idea?" Ichigo shrugged noncommittally. "You wouldn'ta' brought it up if you didn't want me to, would you?"

"I just didn't know if… that was a step you'd want to take," Ichigo said a bit awkwardly.

Renji stared at him for a moment with his mouth open, trying to read his expression. Ichigo dropped his gaze and cleared his throat. "How long've you been thinkin' about this for, huh?"

Ichigo shrugged again, making an 'I don't know' sound. "A while, I guess. Just came to mind that we haven't spent time together as a f-" He cleared his throat sharply, shaking his head, clearly having not meant to say what he'd just said. "I meant…"

Renji stared for a bit, but then bloomed into a smile. "… C'mere," he said lowly. Ichigo ducked his head and looked away. "C'mere, come sit by me, you little shit."

Ichigo did, but still wouldn't look at him.

He wanted to tell Ichigo how happy he made him from day to day, how precious he was, how sweet and kind and loving he is and how it warmed Renji's heart. He wanted to spoil him rotten and make up for all the grief he'd ever given him because of his dumb hangups.

"C'mere," he whispered, voice lowering as he put an arm around Ichigo's neck to draw him in, taking his other hand in his.

"Geez, don't be so embarrassing," Ichigo mumbled back, swiping at his nose once or twice as he looked away but squeezed back with his sweaty fingers. Renji's mouth twisted in a grin.

"So, yeah, maybe go with your idea," Renji continued, leaning forward to nose at the side of Ichigo's head, letting his lips brush his ear as he coaxed him to return his affection. Ichigo did bring his other hand to where he held Renji's, tracing the back of his knuckles with a finger.

"What? What's that mean?"

Renji nuzzled against his hair and hummed at the attention. He loved to be touched, and contentedly basked in even a small amount of reciprocity. "Ichigo, your family's great, but you make a good case for skipping dinner."

"Don't be stupid! I wasn't saying we'd skip eating! I'm saying I'd try to get them to leave for the night afterwards!"

"How you gonna' swing that?"

"There's fireworks going on by the river later, I dunno'."

"Mm."

"An' then… then we can have the house to ourselves," Ichigo noted with a sense of caution, even deigning to smile a little bit, thoroughly charming him.

"Glad to hear you want to give it another go." Renji grinned, continuing to touch him and try to envelop him in an embrace, but Ichigo kept sitting at the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor, fending him off. "Thought I'd scared you off, maybe."

"What? I," Ichigo cleared his throat, "I thought you… well… I thought maybe I did so bad that you didn't wanna' do it anymore… I thought that's why you hadn't tried to… uh..."

Renji opened his mouth and stared for a moment. "Aw, dude, no way! No way would I get turned off over something that dumb! I'm tellin' you, you're the only one who thinks your P.E. problem is an issue – I seriously don't care, Ichigo, I thought it was hot."

"Dude, stop," Ichigo insisted, redfaced. "And don't call it P.E."

"-clenching up and cumming inside a' me like that, and the fucking sound you made-"

"Stop, it's embarrassing."

"Yeah, well you're right, I should've been spending the whole a' tha' past weeks trying to seduce you."

"..."

"Was stupid not to."

Ichigo had warmed up to him considerably by then. He was taking the teasing with some dignity and had a knowing look in his eye, like he knew that it got to Renji when he gave him that coy smile and goaded him on with just the right amount of young eagerness and tentative shyness, like he knew he was testing his willpower to resist.

"… You were an idiot, you mean?" Ichigo said with a bit of a sly quirk to his lip, eyes sparkling at him. Renji smiled back, warm and lenient in his affection. He must be getting soft in his old age…

Of course, now that Renji didn't have to resist, he didn't think he could if he wanted to. He couldn't really – he was weak for Ichigo's charms. Every time he looked into his face, he saw the beauty of a boy's first love, the sweet, clean, plainness of his heart and the strength with which it cried out for his affection – even when he was being a little shit.

"Who's an idiot," Renji murmured indulgently.

"You," Ichigo whispered back, smiling wider, and finally Renji bridged the gap between them and took him in his arms. Ichigo seemed to melt into his embrace, going soft and pliable at every muscle, compliant and willing in a way he seldom was when he spoke, the obstinate stubborn brat that he could be at times.

They kissed and Renji held Ichigo's cheek with one hand, caressing his body with the other. Ichigo's hands gripped at his back, clenching the fabric of his shirt as he kissed back blindly, eyes sweetly closed. With a heady hum, Renji touched him and held him, tilting his head to better slide his tongue against Ichigo's.

"Hahh," Ichigo gasped against his lips, and Renji gave him a final sucking kiss before withdrawing and burying his face against Ichigo's neck, latching on and running a hand through Ichigo's hair to maximize the pins and needles and the tingling sensation. Sure enough, Ichigo froze, breathless for a moment.

Renji fondled him, and smiled a bit at Ichigo's resounding choked moan. Already hard, Renji noted – Ichigo was so easily excited.

"You wanted us to make love tonight," Renji breathed into his ear, rubbing his face against Ichigo's neck. "I'm gonna' make love to you all night long."

Ichigo's fingertips dug into his back and Renji felt that he couldn't wait for this evening. For a moment he wished that he'd told Ichigo to send his family away after all…

"I'm gonna' ravish you," he promised. "I'm gonna' chew you up like surume," Renji growled lowly, holding him tight. Ichigo snorted at that.

"Can you not talk about food?" he mumbled, separating them and standing up from the bed to straighten his clothes. Renji let his arms linger against him, reaching out for him. "You're making me hungry."

"I'm starving," he hummed with a roguish grin, squeezing Ichigo on the bottom, only to have Ichigo snort and shove his face with the palm of his hand, which sent him into peals of laughter.

Ichigo smiled a bit at him, before it became more uncertain. "I do wanna' do stuff, but…" he began, "only if you won't be a bastard about it," he mumbled petulantly, with a sulky frown, his eyes shifting to the side.

"I dunno' what you mean."

Ichigo hissed, "It's embarrassing," and then Renji did feel a little bit bad for all the teasing he'd been putting him through. Of course, after The P.E. Debacle, Ichigo couldn't very well expect him not to tease him at all, but maybe the joke had run its course.

"Look, I'm trying my best here, stop being an ass."

"Okay, okay, I promise," Renji said solemnly. "No dicking around." He smirked and gave Ichigo's ass a pointed glance. "Well, some."

Ichigo rolled his eyes, but was coaxed into smiling. "Not until after dinner. Behave 'till then."

"I'll try to contain myself. Since apparently I'm a wild beast who can't 'behave.'"

"Glad we're agreed."

"Fuck you, Ichigo."

"Whatever, they're here. Time to bounce."

. . .

Dinner went great, other than the fact that one of Ichigo's sisters couldn't see him – which didn't detract from her sweetness and her polite manners, as she still tried very hard to engage him in conversation. If she hadn't won him over immediately with her cooking, calling him 'Renji-nii' certainly did it. Karin, of course, was just like her brother, so what's not to love? There was also the matter of eating dinner with Isshin Shiba, who – in contrast to Renji's preconceptions that he was a respected and powerful ex-captain – turned out to be a crazy person.

Or so he'd thought, until after dinner when Ichigo told his family to just go on to the fireworks show without them, they were going to stay in, and the girls had wanted to stay with them out of hospitality – and then, Isshin had convinced them to go, as if he somehow knew what his son had planned.

Which was kind of scary. Because although he winked at Ichigo when he and the girls were leaving and sent Ichigo into fits of redfaced sputtering anger in which he shoved at his dad and tried to boot him out the door, he also gave Renji this steely dark look, which straightened his spine and gave him goosebumps.

Again, there was this lingering sense of guilt and a general feeling of being a bad person as Ichigo kicked the door shut. Then Ichigo exhaled, looked at him with a sort of relieved excitement, took his hand, and led him up to his bedroom.

Of course, he'd promised not to bother Ichigo with his feelings of doubt anymore, so once Ichigo let go of his hand and took a step away, inhaling and wiggling all over with anticipation, clearly waiting for something, Renji gave him what he wanted and grabbed him. No sense of being guilty tonight.

Ichigo gave a long sigh through his nose and eagerly leaned forward to meet him in a kiss; he was so sweet, so wonderful, Renji was enamored with him. He couldn't believe such a strong-willed principled loyal guy could open his heart up so much to him, could freely adore and trust him so much.

Almost right away, Ichigo cleared his throat and moved back a bit, looking down compulsively even though Renji held their bodies together tightly enough that he couldn't see down between their chests. Point was, Ichigo was already hard, which had Renji crack a large grin of satisfaction.

"Ready to go, huh."

"Uhh… one sec'," Ichigo said, coughing afterwards insecurely, and pulled away. Renji watched as he went to his closet and rifled around on the high shelf.

He untied his bandanna and let his hair down, ruffling it out as he walked towards the bed, waiting there as Ichigo closed his closet with inexplicably red cheeks and a tube in his hand that he awkwardly tossed towards the bed. Renji glanced at it, turning it so he could read 'Nuru Gel.'

When he looked back up with a smirk, Ichigo scowled at his feet and half-turned away, lifting his arms to take his shirt off. "You gonna' rub your body on me?" Renji picked up the bottle and read more on the back, his grin growing.

Ichigo hunched his shoulders and unbuttoned his pants, pushing them down a little bit till they caught on his hips, tight as they were. "No," he grumbled. "You know what it's for. I told you I've been… training," he whispered.

"Is that what we're calling it?"

"You said you wouldn't be a dick!" Ichigo blurted, putting his hands in his armpits self-consciously and stopping short of leaning down to take his socks off. "And why aren't you taking off your clothes?!"

"Okay, okay, relax. Why're you so wound up?" Renji opened the front of his yukata and slipped it off his shoulders, leaving it tucked in at the waist, and Ichigo's scowl lessened in satisfaction, his eyes flicking shyly over his musculature.

"… Don't laugh."

"I won't laugh."

"Promise?"

"Yeah," Renji promised.

"…" Ichigo fidgeted a little, but didn't spill it, and Renji, growing impatient, reached a hand out to hook a finger through Ichigo's beltloop to tug him in a few steps. "Okay!" Ichigo scrubbed his hands on his face and mumbled, "Wanted to… try some stuff."

"… Yeah?" Renji wondered, releasing Ichigo and looking up at him from where he sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled idly at his belt ties and watched him squirm. Renji was interested now, what was his Ichigo's fantasy?

"Yeah," Ichigo repeated. "That thing you said, about how next time you'd satisfy me," he said very quietly, looking at the floor, "I want to- I mean, for you I want to… do the same thing."

Renji hummed his acknowledgement, and when there was no moment of shock or burst of laughter, Ichigo peeked an eye up. "You've been planning to try an' pleasure me?" Renji wondered, tilting his head with a smile as he felt his insides do a warm somersault. "You are just so…"

"Whatever," Ichigo dismissed, "Whatever."

Renji snickered through his nose and pulled his yukata out of his waistband, throwing it to the side. "You're gonna' do what you want to me, huh? No way I can get out of it?"

"… Yeah," Ichigo said cautiously, then growing in confidence, he said again, "Yeah, I'm in charge a' you. And you tell me what you like, so I can do it better, or whatever."

Renji barely held in a snort, throwing himself backwards on Ichigo's bed with the gel tube, arms behind his head. "Come an' get me then."

Ichigo cleared his throat and went closer to his closet again, opening the door and tossing his shirt in there, then turned away modestly and leaned down to pull the ankles of his pants loose, then slid his legs out of them. Renji admired the smooth curve of his back and the slender slim line of his young body. As Ichigo ducked his head and dimmed the lights in his room around halfway, the setting sun coming through the window shade in strips, giving the youthful clear glow of his skin a pink-gold sheen.

Ichigo shuffled over to the bed and knelt down at the side of it. "So, uh… Sit here," he said, uncertain in steering their encounter, as if wondering if Renji would actually obey or approve of his bumbling amateur attempts at leading them.

Renji smiled, enthusiastic, and sat up, planting his soles on the floor on either side of Ichigo, pleased when Ichigo knelt seiza between his feet and placed his hands on either thigh, rubbing his legs. "Okay, so," Ichigo said rather pointlessly, clearing his throat and twitching his nose when Renji's hair dangled in his face from where he looked down at him.

Renji put that lock of hair behind his ear and leaned back on his hands as Ichigo tentatively put his palm on the bulge of his groin, feeling it and pressing on it. Ichigo frowned to find him still soft, seeming crestfallen, but only for a moment. As he looked up questioningly at Renji as if to assess if that had been a good first move, Renji raised an eyebrow in response, to which this determined glint came into Ichigo's eyes. He took a deep inhale and leaned his head in, nuzzling his face against Renji's belly and pressing his lips down onto his cock through the loose fabric of his hakama.

He opened his mouth and placed a few gentle bites in the area, sucking and prodding about, and it finally set in for Renji that Ichigo – Ichigo – was going to try to suck his dick. Guuuuh, this is the best day of his life.

Ichigo leaned back a moment to see his progress and Renji took his hand and pressed it fully against his cock to cup it and manipulated Ichigo's grip for a few moments to show him how to fondle and stroke him. Ichigo sort of got the hang of it and Renji let go, content to let Ichigo fumble around and pull on his belt.

Eventually, once Renji was sufficiently hard, Ichigo patted at the side of his hip to tell him to sit up for a second so he could pull his pants down, and Renji obliged. Ichigo bit his lips and rubbed his hands up and down Renji's thighs for a moment, looking up into Renji's eyes, and Renji can't help but hold his head and kiss him on both cheeks.

Ichigo scowled, but let him, and then leaned forward to put both arms around Renji's middle, grabbing the knot of his fundoshi where it rested at the small of his back. Renji waited patiently for a time as Ichigo pulled and fiddled with it. Eventually Ichigo huffed and sagged against him, his fluffy forehead pressed against his muscled tummy. He gave another insistent yank on the knot, grumbling with frustration, and Renji couldn't help but shake with silent laughter.

Finally Ichigo gave up and began to inch the tightly tied and rolled fabric down Renji's hips, one side at a time, until he could pull his cock out and drag his underwear the rest of the way down his legs. His self-satisfied expression only lasted for a few moments as he glanced at Renji's erection and swallowed hard.

"… I'm not promising anything awesome," Ichigo began.

"It's not like you haven't done it before, and honestly, your first try was pretty good." Ichigo predictably colored at the mention of that sweaty afternoon in Renji's house, where they'd pleasured each other on the floor, sticky and imprinted all over with lines from resting on the tatami mats. Ahhh, Renji still fantasized about that.

"Whatever. I'll do my best."

"Do your best," Renji encouraged. Ichigo licked his lips and stroked the hair above Renji's cock with a few fingers, and Renji could see clearly from the way he stared and the wet spot already appearing in his briefs that he was really turned on.

"Uhh… One second!" Ichigo blurted, stumbled to his feet, and bolted out the door. Renji stared after him in confusion, hearing some commotion down the hall and the sound of running water, and then Ichigo thundered back into the room and kicked the door shut behind him, wiping his mouth with his wrist. "Okay."

Renji was getting concerned by then, because as cute and novel as Ichigo's shyness was, it had always come along with an element of excitement before. Now he seemed anxious.

"You look really nervous," Renji noted, "You know, you don't have to… you don't…" He trailed off a bit as Ichigo popped the cap on the gel, applied it to his cock like glaze on a kushi dango and then spread it with the strokes of a slick tight fist. Not wasting time, he directed it into his mouth with both hands, tentatively sucking on the head.

"Ahh, Ichigo, really, it's fine," Renji insisted, "it's…" He cut off with a small grunt as Ichigo squeezed with his slippery hands, licking in a circle. It was much the same as he remembered from their day on the floor. Honestly, it was very mediocre, and although it felt okay, it felt okay in the same way anything pressing on his erection felt okay. The main plus was the genuine effort Ichigo put into it, the charm of his clueless and clumsy motions, and this time around, there was also the pink flush of modesty in his cheeks at being watched.

Seeing as Ichigo's self esteem might not withstand another blow, Renji decided to help him out a little. Poor kid always worked better with encouragement, although he'd staunchly deny it.

Trying his best, Ichigo managed to put a few inches of his shaft in his mouth and sucked on it as well as he could, and on a base level, the press of his teeth and the roof of his mouth felt quite nice. When Ichigo pulled off to breathe, Renji pet his hair a bit and hummed. Ichigo pointedly didn't meet his eyes and ran his mouth over the sensitive head, and once he took him in again and tried a bit harder, Renji let his thighs twitch and clench about Ichigo's shoulders. To his confusion, Ichigo let go in surprise and looked up at him. "Oh, uh… Did that hurt?"

"No," Renji said incredulously.

"Sorry!" Ichigo blurted, "Sorry, I thought-"

Renji chuckled then, "Geez, unwind a little. Doing stuff together is supposed to be fun.Don't get stressed out over it."

"… I'm no good, am I."

"It's not a contest, Ichigo."

"You only say that when I'm losing!"

"Whatever…" Renji sighed in exasperation, letting his head fall back. "Shit, now you've got me saying it." He rubbed at his brow with his hand and grimaced. "Look, you tried, how about we try something else."

Ichigo was pointedly silent, and when Renji looked down at him again, Ichigo set his jaw and glared at him hotly, slapped his hands down on both of Renji's hips, and then shoved him onto his back. "How about you shut up! Unless it's to- to moan or something!"

Really, he should've expected the defensive lash-out and the refusal to give up – refusal to accept defeat, more like – but Renji still let out a little oof as he flopped back onto the mattress. He snorted at Ichigo's attitude, but decided there was no harm in letting him fool around a little longer.

"You know, getting yelled at isn't actually a turn-on of mine."

"Shut up! I don't care! You got that?" Ichigo sulked loudly, "Sorry if you hate it, but that's what happens! You knew I had no experience, so if you're not gonna' let me practice, then don't whine when I'm bad at it! … I'm gonna' keep going – if you have any complaints, I don't wanna' hear it!"

Renji grimaced and gave the ceiling a deadpan, but didn't protest at the feeling of Ichigo's sticky sweaty hands planted on his stomach, or at his smooth lithe body scooting in between his legs, and definitely not at the pouty huff of breath against his abdomen. Stubborn kid.

When he didn't fight Ichigo or shoot back any sarcastic comment, said stubborn kid sat there for a moment in silence, cautiously holding him down. Ichigo eventually tentatively hedged, "Unless you really don't want to."

Renji hid a laugh with a cough. He loved this little hothead, his wild swings between angry confidence and insecurity. He really was just an inexperienced kid though, wasn't he, and he needed some reassurance.

"A' course I do, Ichigo. I'm just playin' around," Renji hummed with a warm smile, tossing an arm over his face. "Give it your best. I'll enjoy anything you do," he breathed, grinning as he heard Ichigo's little intake of breath.

"You… You definitely will! I know that!" Ichigo said with a clearly false bravado, and Renji's cheeks hurt from smiling. "… You don't have to make me figure it out on my own though, if you want."

"Mm," Renji acknowledged, "In that case, time to use more love-gel."

Ichigo was noticeably silent, but did what he'd suggested, and after wrapping a hand tightly around Renji's flagging erection, Ichigo gave him a few hard wet strokes. Renji licked his lips at that with a low hum, because although Ichigo's head-skills left something to be desired, he had a strong arm and gave a decent handjob. "Hmmm."

"Here I go," Ichigo whispered, running the wet head over his lips, ahh, they were so soft. His tongue too, his tongue was really soft and velvety. Renji smiled and hummed at the feeling as Ichigo took the head into his mouth and lightly sucked, letting his hand do most of the work.

"Yeah, twist your wrist more… yeah, like that," Renji sighed, placing a hand at the back of Ichigo's fuzzy head as it bobbed away lightly. "Hohhh."

Ichigo kept trying to suck him in and out, doing his best, but most of the pressure increase was on account of his wonderful borderline painful, shit, too-tight grip. Renji began to pant and sweat after a few minutes of Ichigo struggling along and practicing. He could get about halfway down now, and had gotten the idea of twisting his head a little bit with his fist, sometimes swirling his tongue too. He didn't have rhythm, but he was getting some of the components in tandem once in a while.

"Oh my god," Renji breathed, bicep over his eyes, other hand placed on top of Ichigo's free one, rubbing at it.

Ichigo was just amateur enough that Renji couldn't quite get himself to the plateau point, let alone orgasm, thereby rendering Ichigo's best efforts at pleasuring him as low-grade torture-teasing.

"Is it better?" Ichigo eventually asked, having lost enough of his shame that he could look in Renji's eyes curiously and lick on the back of his cock at the same time. Renji laughed and covered his eyes. Shit, he's cute.

"Yeah," he noted, "Needs work, but better than last time. You…" He narrowed his eyes then teasingly with a smirk, "You better not've been practicing with some guy."

"Idiot," Ichigo humphed, still working at Renji's hard penis, holding the base still with one hand and running his other fist over the rest, practically squeezing the life out of it. Kid didn't know his own strength, but Renji didn't want to discourage him now that he'd gotten some of his confidence back. Besides, watching the muscles clench in Ichigo's arm was super hot.

"Not to ruin the mood, but I did do some," Ichigo cleared his throat, "studying."

"Yeah?" Renji picked his head up. Ahh, he loved watching Ichigo handle his dick.

"Yeah. Read some… stuff." Renji raised his eyebrows, mouth open, but Ichigo didn't clarify, not until he prompted him again.

"Like… like, I think… I think I can do it this time," Ichigo shared quietly, and Renji at once was sent reeling at the implication of innocent red-faced Ichigo masturbating and practicing to let him in. Of course, that's what he'd implied he'd bought that lubricant for before.

"Wanna' try again," Ichigo grunted, laying Renji's cock against his stomach and rubbing it with the flat of his palm. Renji stared for a moment, two, then sat up and grabbed Ichigo under the arms, hiking him into bed on top of him.

"Yipe!" Ichigo yelped, clinging on for a moment when the lurch made him feel like he was going to fall back out. "Renji, you doofus! We can't both fit in here!"

"Sure we can, we fit right now," Renji insisted stubbornly, holding Ichigo atop him, admittedly, rather uncomfortably, with Ichigo balled up on his front. "Tiny bed just means you have to hold me extra tight," he hummed in Ichigo's ear, pleased when Ichigo froze, his hair standing up.

"Uhh…" Ichigo squirmed for a second, then leapt up. "One sec!" Renji had sat up to try and hold onto him, but flopped back with a laugh and a groan as Ichigo scrambled over and popped the lights off.

"How'm' I gonna' see what I'm doing like this?" he complained lightly.

"I dunno', feel your way around!" Ichigo hollered. "See how you like feeling dumb!"

"Aw, c'mon, we did it with the light on last time…"

"And see how well that worked out!"

"I don't want a repeat, so c'mon and trust me. I won't make fun of the zits on your tush."

"Hey!" Ichigo turned the light on then, glaring and standing there naked, absolutely steaming from the ears, which sent Renji into a fit of cackling.

"You know, if you didn't wear such tight pants all the time-"

"Shut- Shut up! Stop talking right now! I don't have zits… there!"

"Okay, okay, cool your jets," Renji soothed with a note of hilarity, calming down, "I won't make funna' you anymore, just c'mere." Chest rising and falling with the breathlessness of laughter, Renji held his arms out. "Come to me."

It was sort of funny, really, because Ichigo stiffened up all over in one motion, from his toes up to his head, where all his hair stood up like a porcupine and his eyes and mouth seized motionless. His arms were tight at his side, his hands in fists, and Renji watched with a growing smile as Ichigo swallowed slowly.

"Fine…" Ichigo drew closer like a shy animal, stopping a few steps away as he mumbled, "but do your best."

"I'll do my best." And Renji stood and took him in his arms, dragged his face in, and gave his damndest to kiss the orange straight off of him.

To be honest, he wasn't sure Ichigo even realized when he got him on his back beneath him. Laving his slim, toned body with kisses until he squirmed and panted, Renji let the lubricant bottle rest within easy reach. Making sure to focus attention on the shaft of Ichigo's cock, holding it down with his hand and sucking at the base, Renji wet his fingers and rubbed generously between Ichigo's legs, prodding at and slicking the tight area. Damn, he could only hope this wouldn't be as difficult as last time.

As before, Renji's careful pressing and massaging slowly opened Ichigo up to the point that he could get his fingers in, and by then he hitched Ichigo's legs up and bent him in half. "Hold your legs, babe," he hummed, waiting until Ichigo had his shaking legs securely behind the knees before he planted his own palms in the flesh of Ichigo's thighs and blew on his exposed entrance, then carefully licked around it.

"Oh," Ichigo responded, curling his toes and squirming.

"'Oh' okay? Or 'oh' bad."

Ichigo panted and heaved, his glowing skin wet with perspiration, then adjusted his slippery grip on his legs, hanging on for dear life. "You can… you can keep going," he breathed rather tentatively, at which Renji gave a wide grin and settled himself on his elbows in front of him, squeezed both sides of Ichigo's ass in his hands and spread him even further apart.

Renji did his best to drive him up the wall, and enjoyed it quite a bit himself, because one thing he'd rediscovered about himself was that he loved pleasuring his partner. Ichigo made some very interesting sounds, that was for sure – some new ones – and his insides were hot and throbbing with arousal, but by the end of it, he was a bit dismayed to see that Ichigo wasn't hard, not at all. Rats.

After giving a few breaths to recover, Ichigo flicked his eyes from his nonexistent erection to Renji's face, rather nervously. "Nothin'?" Renji muttered, brow furrowed.

"No, no, it's… it was alright," Ichigo mumbled, still rather breathless. "Try the fingers again, I think I'm… I think I'm almost ready."

"Hm." Renji gave a shrug, figuring if Ichigo had practiced on his own, he might know, although he was rather dubious considering a lack of erection was a distinct sign of a lack of enjoyment. Well, he had seemed to like his attentions until now. Maybe Ichigo was just one of those people who didn't approach a prostate orgasm and an ejaculatory one at the same time.

"Okay. You cramping up at all? Wanna' take a little break? Here, let your legs down." Ichigo did, but said they should keep going, so Renji squirmed towards him on his belly, hitching one of Ichigo's legs over his shoulder and pushing the other one out to the side.

He pet Ichigo's penis a bit, licking and kissing right beneath his balls as he pushed and twisted his fingers inside of him. Ichigo bit his lips and reached his hands down to brush and flutter his fingers against Renji's shoulders, until he found Renji's own free hand to squeeze. Renji judged as well as he could to what degree he should stretch Ichigo before attempting to put his cock inside, or whether that was altogether irrelevant until Ichigo became clearly turned-on.

Ichigo looked so anxious and hopeful however, watching closely to check their progress and attempting to assist in getting his dick hard, that Renji eventually decided that backing out again now would crush the poor guy. So once Renji was relatively sure he would fit inside fairly easily with enough lubricant, he popped his head up and kissed each side of Ichigo's inner thighs. They could at least try it out and see.

"Okay," he reported as he sat up to give them a final lube-up, "ready ta' go?"

"Yeah." Ichigo nodded, short of breath, "Yeah." He seemed to instinctively open his legs and arms up when Renji made to get on top of him, allowing him to lay against him and fit them together. Renji slid his own arms under Ichigo's and pressed his cock between Ichigo's legs, then kissed at his cheek.

Renji had to wonder… and looked back to Ichigo's face in one last moment of doubt – should he say no, another day, let's keep practicing and give it a go another time – but Ichigo was clearly excited then, and at eye-contact, he held onto Renji and smiled in anticipation, piercing Renji's heart completely through.

"Alright, you ready?" Renji asked with an inhale and his own enthusiastic smile, shit, he was getting excited too.

"Uh-huh."

Renji pushed himself up on one elbow and rested their foreheads together as he reached back between them to hold his cock straight and with a quick glance down, direct himself forward. Ichigo held on around his neck and Renji could feel him curl his toes up and press his feet in tight against each side of his ass. Renji cleared his throat. "Uh… try again," he mumbled nondescriptly and gave it another go at pushing forward, but it's already clear that he's going to have a hell of a time penetrating. Even with all the slick, Ichigo had wound up tighter than a spring.

Ichigo grit his teeth and began breathing fast when Renji tried again to get inside, pushing a bit harder, maybe he can force it and it'll pop in- but Ichigo at last let a tight pained noise slip. "You gotta' let me in here," Renji reminded, panting and kissing on Ichigo's sweaty forehead and eyelids. "Take a big breath, relax your whole body for a sec', then push out around me when I come in."

Ichigo nodded, adjusted his grip around Renji's shoulders, and let his thighs loosen at Renji's hips. He took a few shallower breaths and then one large anticipatory one, as if readying to jump in a cold pool, and Renji pressed his hips down, only for Ichigo to yelp and jump away, then burst into laughter. "A-how," he laughed, "Ow."

"Pff'," Renji returned, sagging against him and grinning into his neck. He held himself up and then switched hands, reaching down on the other side to hold his cock straight. Renji let out a little exhale through puffed cheeks and then smiled at Ichigo, who was taking it with good humor.

Wiggling his hips a little and pushing the head of his cock against Ichigo's opening with a firm insistent pressure, he could feel Ichigo start to split and let him in, and although Renji could see he was trying his hardest, he was digging his fingers into Renji's shoulders and grinding his jaws together.

"Ahh," Ichigo groaned, smiling on one side of his mouth, his teeth gritted tightly, "Shit." With another huffed laugh, he continued, to curse in pain, "Oh shit, ahhhh."

"Ah fuck," Renji grunted in return, clenching his teeth, shit, it was hurting him too. Ichigo met his gaze, and Renji saw that despite his smile, there were tears of pain forming in the corners of his eyes – and really, that was it.

"Fuck, does it hurt that much?" Holding rock-still for a moment other than his continued heavy breathing, Renji made to move back. "Shit."

"No," Ichigo held on with his legs, inadvertently forcing him in a little bit deeper, at which he froze, but insisted, "don't take it out, I'm alright," and to his credit, his tone of voice was very convincing – but then, Ichigo'd dealt with horrible gashes and near limb-removals. His tone of voice didn't mean shit.

"Is it very bad?" Renji's brows pushed together as he flicked his eyes over Ichigo's face, assessing the signs of pain and exertion. Yeah, they're done here. The rules of combat are always that once someone's on the verge of tears, the party's over.

"It's fine," Ichigo repeated, "it's-" Ichigo cut off to clench his teeth again, and Renji can feel Ichigo's body revolting against his, trying to force him out, but instead allowing him in ever deeper by pushing out around him as Renji remained stationary. "Ah shit," Ichigo laughed a little, saying quickly, "Keep going, keep going-" He tried to drag Renji forward, at which he locked his arms and wouldn't advance.

"Ichigo, it's no good," he said flatly, and there was no argument to be had. This was far worse than last time. Last time, even though Ichigo hadn't enjoyed it, he hadn't hurt him.

"No, almost," Ichigo breathed, fingers tugging at Renji's hips, "it's almost."

"It's not almost," Renji talked over him loudly. "It's- Would you stop moving before you tear something?" Ichigo held still then, face falling. "It's not even close to almost – I'm taking it out."

"…" Ichigo held him and couldn't stop a whimper when he took it out, and then heaved and gasped to recover for a few moments.

"I was ready," Ichigo mumbled as Renji picked himself up off of him. "…"

"You were not," Renji sniped to try and lighten the mood, but Ichigo sulked and continued to look disappointed. Fuck, he'd really let his skills lapse if Ichigo had actually been in pain. He should've been able to get him ready and relaxed enough that he shouldn't have felt any pain at all – but he had gotten him ready. He's sure he had.

Maybe he wasn't as good at this as he thought…

Well, Ichigo was quite virginal still… Maybe his body couldn't take the stretch. Renji sat at Ichigo's side and crossed his legs, leaning an elbow on his knee as he looked down at his dick, the sign of his pride. Suddenly, he finds himself frustrated. A dick that won't go in is no dick to him at all! He can't even deflower his boyfriend without risking splitting him apart!

Renji looked at poor Ichigo to check him, and saw that though there was no bleeding, he looked pink and sore.

Ichigo sniffed a little and scowled, huffing, and Renji wilted.

"Sorry," he said, laying down next to him and pulling him against him, resting his head atop Ichigo's and burrowing into it. Ichigo continued to sniff, and Renji held him and pet him, frowning into his hair. "Sorry. Sorry."

"Stop," Ichigo gave some token complaints, pushing at his chest, but let Renji squeeze and comfort him more. "It's embarrassing."

"I should be able to make it easy for you," Renji muttered, kissing his head firmly and pressing his cheek there. "I should be making you cry in pleasure, not-"

"Stop right there," Ichigo protested petulantly, but did scrub his wrist on his eyes. "I wasn't even-! They're just watering, it's a normal reaction to pain!" With a huff, he grumbled, "I'm just bein' a baby, you should've kept going."

"I don't wanna' do it when you don't like it," Renji mumbled nearly unintelligibly, frowning sadly.

"…" Ichigo lay still then for a time, letting Renji rub his back and hold him, then eventually separated and lay next to him with a hand resting on his side. "I've ruined it," he finally said quietly, picking at the bed. "I wrecked it, again."

"You have not," Renji dismissed wryly. "Now c'mere and kiss me," he hummed with a smile. Ichigo flicked his eyes up to him for a few moments, hanging onto his glum frown, but eventually smiled back and cheered up with a bit of coaxing.

There wasn't much space in Ichigo's bed for romping, but they made the best of it and threw each other around until they worked themselves back up into a fever of pleasure. "Y'know," Renji panted, laughing a bit as Ichigo shook him and shoved at him and smacked at his hair, tossing around the bed, "I always figured we'd have a wrestle to decide who gets to pick positions."

Ichigo settled down a bit, his smile falling away as a more thoughtful expression came over his face. "Oh."

"I'll let you," Renji hummed, leaning down into his ear, "... 'till we figure things out, I'll let you." Ichigo lay very still, and Renji could feel how excited he was from the way his cock bumped and poked him in the stomach.

"... You don't have to just 'cause you feel bad that I'm upset," Ichigo mumbled a bit miserably. Renji pushed the hair back from his forehead, the bristly-looking spikes moving easily, soft and light.

"Well yeah, I don't want you to be discouraged, but it's not a consolation prize or anything. I'm just saying we don't have to play stakes while we're still figuring things out. I won't give you a hard time, I'll let you do it." Ichigo looked down for a second, sticking his lip out in continued disappointment and Renji kissed his exposed forehead where he held his hair back.

"We'll keep trying, Ichigo. Don't overthink it. It's supposed to be fun."

"Okay."

Ichigo was admittedly more confident in this, as Renji had already instructed him as to how to go about getting him ready on the night of the P.E. incident. Even so, he clearly had almost no idea what he was doing, and was fumbling through most of it. Renji wasn't sweating it. Ichigo had a long time to learn, and he was no idiot; he'd catch on soon.

Renji held his legs back while Ichigo knelt in front of him, bent forward enough that he was resting his chest on his thighs. To his credit, despite his clueless jabbing, Ichigo was really gentle, although Renji suspected that was just because he didn't want to screw up.

Putting his fingers in and out, Ichigo made lots of frowns of concentration and what seemed like frustration, and Renji just soaked in the sensation, as he hadn't had anal sex in a while before starting to like Ichigo. He was pretty sure that was one of the reasons he could get himself riled up pretty easily this way in spite of Ichigo's clumsiness. It was a nice feeling in any case, even with no rhythm or aim. Renji began to touch his chest and breathe heavier, humming in enjoyment, and Ichigo's cheeks pinked in response as he continued trying with a heart-warmingly earnest effort.

"Mmg," Ichigo finally grumbled.

"Hm," Renji responded rather breathlessly, picking his head up to see his scowl. "What's shakin'."

"I'm sure I'm not doing it half as well as you do, and you get so excited," he noted with a deep frown of dissatisfaction at the perceived unfairness of it all. "How come?" He prodded his fingers in, watching his own motions with near fixation. "You let me inside so easy."

There was the matter that Renji was used to it and enjoyed it, and welcomed buggery, while Ichigo was still in the early stage where his body screamed out 'no, wrong way, wrong way-' but he didn't think pointing that out would be appreciated, so he kept his mouth shut.

"Why can't I do it when you try?" Ichigo muttered sadly. "I'm trying really hard, I swear."

"Ichigo, I know you are."

"Well then why can't you get in? Why's it not working for me?"

Renji doesn't know how he keeps forgetting, but he does from time to time. Ichigo might be a man by all accounts, but twenty is still only a baby. He's got a strong heart and a will of steel, but he's sensitive, and too many setbacks discourage him. He needs to be nurtured and to be given love and attention.

"Ichigo, that's a problem for another day, we'll keep practicing."

"What if I never can? Then what?"

Renji licked his teeth and smirked. "Then instead of learning how ta' let me in, you can learn how to fuck me right." Propped up on his elbows, he gave Ichigo a grin and tossed his leg around his back, reeling him in with his foot.

"...!"

"Hurry and put your cock inside me."

Ichigo seemed to have a minor aneurysm, eyes boggling for a time before he suddenly clapped a hand to his face, feeling about numbly until a few drops of blood came through his fingers. Renji let out a high incredulous huff of a laugh as Ichigo sniffed and wiped his nose as he hurriedly sat up and moved over him. "You get excited so easy," he marveled.

"Right now? You're ready right now?" Ichigo said hurriedly, his cheeks glowing and his eyes bright. Fuck, Renji's turned on. Stupid hilarious clumsy kid.

"Yeah, put it in, big guy," Renji breathed, pulling him down sharply so he had to catch himself on his hands above each of Renji's shoulders.

Ichigo reached between them and Renji could feel him fumble to put it inside, but he gets it and moves forward with an adorable mix of eagerness and a still-timid caution – and once he did, he leaned his whole body onto him in an effort to go as far inside as he could and gave a long blissful moan, "Ohhhhahhhhh."

"Mm," Renji hummed, grabbing Ichigo's pert bottom and squeezing, pulling him against him even more tightly. Ichigo put his head in the pillow next to Renji's and continued making noise, going limp and quiet there in a second, then gave a little sigh and said something. Renji snorted. "What?"

"So good," Ichigo mumbled louder into the pillow and Renji threw his head back and laughed. Ichigo yelped and stiffened up, clinging onto him, and Renji held his breath, still shaking a bit with silent giggling.

Letting out a shaky breath, Ichigo picked himself up cautiously on his arms, then gulped. Looking back and forth several times from their point of connection to Renji's face, as if in disbelief at his own success, Ichigo tried thrusting, inhaling and holding his breath tightly. He gave a few slow clumsy amateur thrusts and then let the air out, looking proud that he hadn't immediately blown it like last time.

Renji immediately understood that part of Ichigo's 'practice' had been edging during masturbation, and it looked like it had paid off somewhat. Even so, Renji knew that he probably had a very short fuse, and lay still instead of moving his hips or otherwise participating as he usually would from the bottom.

There was still a lot to enjoy in this, even though Ichigo only had one move, which was basically to repeatedly throw his body onto him, inadvertently forcing his cock in and out. "Hmm," Renji encouraged as Ichigo made a few tight keening noises, his eyes shut and his face lax and flushed in bliss.

Renji had forgotten over his drought period, but he really really loved sex, especially with someone he likes a lot. It was great fun. God, it felt like it'd been ages. Ichigo's insanely sweaty body and his completely virginal movements, his clumsiness and his adorably rosy and 'fun-sized' dick– ah, Renji loved it.

Ichigo bumped on him for a time, all the while hugging onto him and breathing out loud. Renji grinned widely through it, carefully hiding it when Ichigo stopped for a minute to sit back and wipe his face. "Rest," he explained shortly, out of breath, "Just a second…" 'so I don't cum right now,' he didn't say.

Renji played with Ichigo's fingers at his side a bit and just enjoyed looking at him. He loved touching Ichigo, his smooth firm flesh, his soft hair. He loved Ichigo's face, his too-serious frowns and the way his whole appearance changed when he relaxed his scowl. Renji ran his hand down Ichigo's stomach, through his bit of hair and down his hip. He can feel the rush of Ichigo's pulse inside him, and testingly flexed his insides to see Ichigo immediately crumple, his body curling up.

When Ichigo could unclench his teeth and relax his core muscles, he rasped, "Hey! Geez, just a second, okay?"

"Okay, maybe just one or two."

Renji smiled and smiled when Ichigo started again in earnest, obviously shaking and feeling weak in the knees, but still seeming to be giving thought to Renji's pleasure. Renji almost didn't know what to do with him, he liked him so much. He was so inexperienced, and although they'd technically done this before among various other activities, Renji didn't think he'd ever stop thinking of Ichigo as virginal. Just look at him. He was so innocent, so sweet to look at – new to everything.

That cranky scowl he always wore was a layer thin, covering the biggest softest heart imaginable. Renji had always been a sap like that. It was just like him to fall for the frowning boy who just wanted to be loved.

Honestly, Ichigo wasn't good at all, and he didn't have the size to make up for a lack of skill. He couldn't hold a rhythm worth shit and couldn't decide on how hard to thrust, but he was trying his best, he was trying so so hard, and to Renji, even if Ichigo can't make him cum, can't fuck him senseless yet or make love to him until his legs shake, to Renji, the clench of his brow and the helpless look to his eyes, the sweat on his forehead, the way he holds him – to Renji, he's wonderful. Just look at him.

"Ahh, I can't," Ichigo gasped not too long after, "... I can't hold it, Renji, I-" He cut off into short near-panicked breaths, his hips speeding up for several uncontrolled frantic thrusts, and ooh, that actually felt great.

"Yeah, fuck, do it like you mean it," Renji growled, biting his lips and groaning to goad him on. Ichigo continued, but seemed dismayed, panting and obviously trying to stop his movements, judging by how stuttered and jerky they became.

"Ah god, sorry, I- I'm sorry, I can't-" He clung onto Renji, and as his eyes unfocused and whatever you want to call it – his animal brain, his instincts – switched on, his last few thrusts hit just right, his hips moving perfectly.

"Fuck, Ichigo," Renji groaned at the rough burst of pleasure, "God-"

"Ohhhhh," Ichigo moaned sweetly, his whole body seizing up several times as he came. Ichigo pressed onto Renji until it was over and then lay there gasping like a beached fish. "Ohh."

The deep pulsating need to continue getting pounded and knowing that he wasn't going to get his wish made Renji go back on his promise to quit being a dick, and after letting Ichigo enjoy the glow for a few seconds, Renji said, "That didn't take long."

Ichigo sat up rigidly, glaring, but held his hips carefully still. "Shut up!" he yelled, incredibly red, "You promised!" His mouth gaped a bit after that, as if he were looking for something else to say, but then he began to look ashamed, and Renji decided to take pity, because again, it's funny, and cute, and it's sexy, fuck, Ichigo cumming inside of him was really hot.

"Was longer than last time by a lot though."

Ichigo continued scowling for a moment, but eventually muttered, "... Yeah?"

"Yeah," Renji assured. "You have a good first time?"

Ichigo's cheeks flushed, and despite his sheepish expression, he seemed full to the brim with happiness. He nodded his head once.

"Good."

Ichigo scratched at his hair a bit, unable to stop a lopsided grin. "I think I'm getting better." He stopped for a moment, clearing his throat as he held a hand down between them and carefully pulled them apart. He stared with his mouth ajar, apparently fascinated as the hot love-mess that had been still contained inside burst out, connecting their bodies in a warm string. "What do you think, am I- am I getting better?" Ichigo mumbled dazedly, rubbing a hand on Renji's leg. Renji beamed, as proud as Ichigo – they've finally managed to consummate.

"Definitely. Now take responsibility." He pointed at his cock, leaking all over his stomach. He was a patient guy, and liked to go all through the night – and he could bear through his virgin boyfriend's failures to make him cum without getting frustrated, but he's really ready to get a turn to orgasm too. "Do your best."

"I'll do my best!" Ichigo immediately shouted, and his eyes shine, and it's clear that his hothead confidence was back to stay.

Not wanting to harm that beautiful fragile thing, Renji, the patient guy he was, let Ichigo struggle with him until he was at last able to make himself cum. The look of pride and achievement on Ichigo's face was enough to make Renji's heart pleasantly achey with love.

After getting some sleeping clothes on – as Ichigo explained that his dad liked to barge into his room without knocking – they got under the rumpled covers, and Ichigo almost immediately konked out after sleepily snuggling them together. Renji held him, resting his cheek on Ichigo's head, and thought of how Ichigo had almost said earlier that he was part of the family, and his insides light up and glow with happiness.

He dug his fingers around Ichigo, squeezing him. He knew it couldn't last. Ichigo's grown up so fast. He was still growing up now – he's human, and he's going to keep growing and growing – and this time with him was going to go by so, so fast. Renji knew that things were going to change very soon, because Ichigo can't hang in midair forever, between two worlds. Nobody can do that forever.

When the time comes, he won't make it hard for him; he'd promised to himself that he wouldn't make it hard for Ichigo once it was time. Renji closed his eyes and dug his head against Ichigo's hair, tried to commit the feel of him in his arms to memory.

Not forever. But don't think about it. Don't think about that now, not until you have to. Not until he's already gone.