AN: These chapters are all something of a brief character study and will all take place during season one. Massive shout out to UglyGreenJacket and FloraOne the most supportive and sweet friends a girl could have. I've only just met you both and you've managed to inspire courage into my little heart. Thank you so, so much.
Aphenphosmphobia: The fear of touching or being touched
The girl laying on his bed was nothing short of a goddess. The princess in his dreams couldn't begin to hold a candle to the radiance that was Tsukino Usagi. She looked like an angel and her heart was made of something purer than the silver light of the moon.
His apartment was so dull and grey and there she was, a vision of brilliant color that outshined the sea of gloom. Golden hair was laying around her and covering his blankets, her school uniform of white, blue, and red giving her a look of innocence he felt guilty for enjoying.
He knew immediately that he didn't deserve her.
With his top hat and mask were discarded on the table and his tuxedo jacket was shrugged off and draped over a chair, Chiba Mamoru wanted nothing more than to watch this elegant angel rest and regain the strength she'd poured out into the world only an hour prior.
He longed to touch her. He wanted to brush his fingers through her hair and trace the gentle line of her jaw. His arms ached to cradle her as his lips brushed her ear to assure her that all her fears could rest and that she could depend on him to catch her should she ever fall again.
They barely even knew each other. The thought that he could be so smitten was distressing to say the least.
Sailor Moon was laying in his home, vulnerable and yet so peaceful. It made his heart tremble and for the safety of the both of them he placed himself across the room where he could watch her sleep without invading her space. It wasn't as though he'd manage even a second of sleep with her here.
Her warmth permeated through his apartment and for the first time since he moved in it felt like home. It was like the completion he felt all those nights ago when he stole a kiss from her sleeping lips.
Tonight had been eventful. When he arrived at her side she was full of so much doubt. It pained him that she didn't trust him, but more than that, it baffled him that she didn't believe in herself. His words weren't much, but in that moment they had been enough, and that was more than he could have ever hoped for.
He wasn't so foolish that he missed the look in her eyes before she transformed there before him. He swore those endless blue oceans would drown him if he dare swim in them longer than a few seconds at a time. Without speaking a single word, he could feel the weight of her emotions each and every time they locked eyes.
It was a frightening thought that his attraction to her wasn't one sided. In the whole of his life he couldn't remember a time he felt as loved as he did each and every time she graced him with a thankful smile. While in her mind she seemed to perceive that he was coming into these battles to save her, the truth of the matter was that with each passing day she was saving him from the hopelessness of his own self doubt.
Nobody had ever looked at him the way she did. His very existence seemed to mystify and delight her and any time she found herself in his hold they were both acutely aware of everything and nothing all at once.
Watching from the doorway, his eyes could adore her from a comfortable distance. Here they lingered, sharing the same space, breathing the same air, but his sense of reason kept him from moving any closer. He couldn't predict how she would handle waking up here, or how she would process the knowledge that Tuxedo Kamen and Chiba Mamoru were the very same.
The fear of rejection was heavily outweighed by the fear of acceptance.
Tsukino Usagi was beyond his grasp in every way. Too beautiful, too strong, too real to ever want the walking mess of a man he was. The only love Mamoru was familiar with was the love that was thrown around this girl like rays of light were thrown from the sun. He could bask in it, he could take it in, and let it soak into his very soul. But he couldn't create it for himself.
A solitary person who wasn't familiar with intimacy wasn't the person for a girl who deserved only the most loving and sincere affections. She was surrounded by friends who could love her and cherish her like the precious and rare gem she was.
For years he'd searched for the Silver Crystal, but that night at Osa-P's he knew instantly that he'd found something of infinitely more worth that shone brighter than any crystal could.
His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed heavily, a single step taken forward as the temptation to near her was too much for him to properly resist. It was only a few strides more before he loomed above her, his shadow casting along her features while she continued to sleep so soundly.
Fingers were shaky as they extended, hovering centimeters from her cheek. He'd touched her before, his lips had even met hers, but as this situation dawned on him in full he feared what one more touch might do. With each one he had become more and more enraptured in her.
"Tuxedo Kamen..." Cooing in her sleep, this beautiful woman had no idea the effect she had on him.
The pad of his thumb touched her cheekbone, stroking slowly as he dipped downwards. Lips brushed tenderly to her forehead and he felt in the moment the thing he feared he would.
Taking in her scent and lingering near, Chiba Mamoru felt complete at last.
"Sleep well, Usako." The nickname was new on his lips, but he knew already that it was something he'd cherish for the rest of his life.