CHAPTER I: VADER WANTS TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD

Characters: Darth Sidious, Sith Lord, Darth Vader, Sith Lord, Darth Namialus, Sith Lord

Setting: The Death Star—it has just been built, and Darth Vader is arriving for the first time.

Era: Imperial

[Enter Darth Vader into throne room] Darth Sidious: Ahh, Darth Vader. Welcome to the Death Star. [grins widely] Is it to your expectations?

Darth Vader: [hoo-peh, hoo-peh] Uhhh, yeah. I mean, [hoo-peh] yes, it is quite excellent. I think this thing can blow up the whole galaxy one planet after the other. [pause] Is that the plan?

DS: Uhm, well, no, not really. We blow up the planets that defy us! [raises arms dramatically, brings them down, shakes fist] We will make them galactic examples. The rest will have no choice but to follow us then. [laughs maniacally]

DV: [raises fist] Yes! We will rule this galaxy as Master [hoo-peh, lowers voice] and apprentice. [awkward silence, stares at each other] So… what about the planets that come peacefully?

DS: We'll integrate them into the Empire and the Senate, of course! They shall be a part of this great attempt at galactic peace. [rubs hands, laughs insanely] But, little do they know, we'll send stormtroopers to their cities, destroy them, and use up their resources!

DV: Um . . . isn't that like . . . being a leech?

DS: What? A—a leech?

DV: You know, that little black worm-y thing with really sharp teeth that sucks up blood from your veins and stuff.

DS: Oh, that. Well . . . maybe. [throws up hands] But, who cares!? We're getting what we want! GALACTIC DOMINATION! [laughs loudly, maniacally] With every planets' resources under our thumbs, we can do anything! Don't you see? [puts arm around Vader, motioning to the sky with hand] Our dreams can come true!

DV: *Our* dreams?

DS: Uh, I meant, *your* dreams! [pokes Vader's chest, motions out] You can have anything! Go anywhere! Do everything you want! Vader, what do you want? [looks at motionless mask]

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

DV: You want to know what I want?

DS: Yes, I do.

DV: Do you reeeeally want to know?

DS: [annoyed] Yes, you blundering ba-! uh, I mean, yes, I reeeeally do.

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

DV: Do you ree—

DS: YES, YES! Just tell me, already!

DV: . . . I want to go to Disney World.

DS: (O_O) . . . . . . . . . . . . THE CRAP!?

DV: You heard me.

DS: [facepalm] Okay. This is going to be a long day. Are you serious, Vader?

DV: I'm serious.

DS: Seriously serious?

DV: I'm seriously, seriously serious. [makes serious face behind mask]

DS: Rrrrright. . . . .

[Sidious goes on the Galactic Wide Web to search for cheap Disney World tickets, enter Darth Namialus]

[play Anakin/Obi-Wan duel music]

[Namialus walks slowly in, the sound of lightsaber hilts bumping into each other, boots on the metallic floor, air conditioning ruffling their capes/robes, Vader breathing]

Darth Namialus: Greetings, Lord Sidious. [bows deeply from waist, turns head sharply towards Vader] You. Lord Vader. I hear you want to go to Disney World! HA! Pathetic fool. You've just overthrown the Republic! And you want to go to a children's theme park? [narrows eyes, glaring] Idiot.

DV: Disney World is for *all* ages. And who the heck are *you*, anyway? Mr. [puts hands on waist, sways head from side to side like sassy black lady] I-call-everybody-fool-just-because-I-think-I'm-better-than-everyone-else. [crosses arms] And how did you get in here?

DN: I am Darth Namialus, Lord of the Sith. [motions with thumb at door] And I caught a cab.

DV: Oh.

DN: Anyway—you stupid, nonsensical person! You're like a child! STAHP EET. [arms flailing] Don't you see the sheer potential of this? Do you not understand what you've created? [shaking finger in Vader's face]

DV: [shoves hand away] Who are you calling stupid? You're stupid! [pointing at Namialus] I *do* know what I created! I just . . . I WANT TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD OKAY!? Geez . . . I mean, seriously. All those rides . . . and then Epcot! It's a huge golf ball! Come on, who doesn't like huge golf balls?

DN: [headwall]

DS: (o.o)

DV: . . . No? Fine, then. Hmph. [turns back on them, cape swishes]

DN: . . . Your mother looks like sunburnt womp rat.

DV: [shocked] WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOMMY!?

[Vader and Namialus get into a very heated, passionate argument; whose mother is uglier, who is a better lightsaber combatant, who is a better Lord of the Sith, who is Sidious' favorite, then to pointless things, whose favorite candy is better, why the Holonet should/shouldn't exist, etc, etc]

DS: [DV and DN are still arguing] Um, guys? [still arguing] . . . guys? [still] Guys. Guys. [arguing] Guys! GUYS! [clears throat, yells] GAES, SRSLY, GAES! STAAAAHP.

[dead silence]

DS: Thank you. Now. [wipes forehead, breathes deeply, looks at DV and DN hard] . . . let's just go and see what happens.

DV: YAAAAAAY!

DN: (O.O) (-_-)" Oh, brother . . .

DS: *shrugs* C'mon, Nam, what's the worst that could happen?

DN: *Now* you've sealed our fate. Nice work. (-_-)"

DV: [goes off, skipping, in sing-songy voice] We're going to Disney World, we're going to Disney World, we're going to Disney World . . .

[Namialus runs after Vader, shouting]

DS: [in low voice to self] Maybe this was a bad idea after all . . .