Title: Loving You 'Til It Hurts
Summary: Loving Nico di Angelo is like letting werewolf scratches heal… It's a gradual, painful process that often leaves scars.
Author's notes: These are the missing scenes before HOO, how Will fell for Nico, how he and Clarisse became friends, why he was so hurt at the thought of Nico leaving, why he always has a faraway look in his eyes, etc.
"They say love is blind and sometimes I'm inclined to agree…
Because often the people who are in love fail to see,
Someone else looking at them in the same degree."
By Live Don't Just Exist
(All quotes and the story idea o_o)
Will Solace was never lucky when it came to liking someone, or even loving someone. When he was seven he realized that his best friend Tom was as cute as the class' crush Lucy, he didn't think anything was strange about that until he tried to kiss Tom and was smacked on the face. He lost his friend and was bullied by majority of his classmates, his mom had to transfer them to a different town after that incident. Thankfully, his mom assured him that liking both girls and guys was okay and proceeded to traumatize him with her own escapades as a youth, his dad was just as bad, visiting him in a dream and proceeding to show him about that one time with Hyacinthus where he-
Long story short, Will was comfortable and confident with his sexuality because the two most important people to him had accepted him for who he was. That didn't mean that his life was any easier or that his love life was suddenly interesting or anything. In fact, every time he started liking someone, that person either had someone else or didn't understand bisexuality.
But he didn't realize how unlucky he was in the romance department until he met Nico.
The new demigod brought in by Percy Jackson and escorted to camp personally by his dad was a cheerful Italian kid who asked a lot of questions and was obsessed with a certain card game. Maybe it was because of his cheerful disposition or the way he found everything about being a demigod cool, Will found himself drawn to him.
"I'm Will Solace, son of Apollo." The blond of eleven years old introduced himself to the new camper who grinned at him.
"I met your dad!" Nico had told him excitedly, "He has a great car, it looks nothing like the sun except that it's very bright."
They've only talked for a few times, what with Will being given frequent shifts at the infirmary (despite being so young) and Nico flitting around the camp like a little adventurer and asking every demigod he came across on about Percy and the Greek gods. It wasn't hard to see that the newest camper had a little hero-worship going on when it came to the son of Poseidon.
Of course, this only made Will more determined to befriend Nico. He'd heard from one of the campers that he was a fan of some card game called 'Mythomagic', the son of Apollo was determined to learn it too so that the next time he was free, maybe he could ask Nico for a match.
When he finally got a hang of the game, the first thing Will did was look for Nico. He was walking around camp when he noticed the campers gathered around something. He walked up to them and peeked through the gaps left by the older campers and saw an impressive crack on the ground.
"Nico did this?" The name of the new camper made Will turn around. He saw Annabeth talking quietly with a serious-looking Percy. The son of Poseidon nodded, lips pursed. Unable to help himself, Will walked up to them.
"I'm sorry did you say Nico? As in Nico di Angelo?" Will interrupted as the two older campers looked at him. "Did something happen? Is he alright?"
Ananbeth gave Will a raised eyebrow look to which the son of Apollo ignored. Percy was looking anywhere but at him.
"Percy?"
"He ran away…" The green-eyed boy finally admitted with a defeated tone, shoulders slumped. Annabeth immediately placed a hand on Percy's shoulder, "His sister… Bianca, she didn't make it from the quest, I-" He let out a breath, "I-I failed him."
Will knew he should've said something, comforted Percy, told him that it wasn't his fault or that it happened sometimes. But Will was already turning around, running off to gods-know-where. Annabeth was there anyway, she'd comfort him for Will.
Besides he was too busy thinking about bright grins and frequent questions, about a small boy with dark hair and pale skin who idolized Percy and loved his sister more than anything else in the world.
Will couldn't stop shaking.
The following year after the incident and the surprising revelation that Nico and Bianca di Angelo were children of Hades, Will still couldn't forget that cheerful kid who looked up to Percy and played mythomagic like a religion. The rest of the camp speculated about Kronos' plans for the children of the Big Three, minus Thalia who had become an immortal huntress, and how Nico would play his part in this war but all Will could think about was where Nico possibly could be, whether he was eating well or where he was sleeping and if he had someone with him. He thought about the son of Hades so much that he found himself zoning out more often than not.
"No matter how good you are at healing, I don't think you should be zoning out when making ambrosia." Michael interrupted his thoughts during his shift.
"Michael," He nodded respectfully at the Apollo cabin head counselor. Michael Yew snorted and ruffled his hair, "Thinking about Nico again?"
Michael and Lee were the only ones who knew about his constant worry about the son of Hades. They never did get why Will was always worrying about him when they barely even talked before but they didn't judge him for it. With Lee gone, Michael was the only one he could talk to about Nico without being judged.
Will nodded quietly as he looked down at the inventory list by the table, "I just- I heard from Percy that he met Nico at the labyrinth and I- I mean, if Nico's forgiven Percy then why didn't he come back with him?"
"Well," Michael sat beside him, "Maybe he had something else to do or maybe his dad needed him for something, who knows."
"He should have come back here." Will said stubbornly, "He belongs here in camp with the other demigods, he shouldn't be out there travelling by himself."
Michael gave his brother a searching look that made the younger one squirm, "Will, about Nico… do you-?"
"No." Will said automatically, avoiding his brother's eyes.
Michael raised an eyebrow in his direction, "You don't even know what I was going to ask yet."
The blonde rolled his eyes, "Michael…"
His older brother let out a small chuckle, "Right, right… seriously though, do you? You know, like him like that?"
Will looked at his brother, "No…" At Michael's skeptical look, he sighed, "I don't know. I just worry about him, that's all."
His older brother shot him a smile and patted his shoulder, "Well, that di Angelo is one lucky guy to have someone like you worrying about him." He stood up, "I have to go to a counselor's meeting, want me to send Justin over to help you?"
"Nah, I'm fine. I'm almost finished anyway."
"Okay," Michael made his way outside but then he paused by the entrance, surveying his brother going over the nectar's ingredients this time. "Hey, Will?"
Will looked up, "Hm?"
"Promise me something." His brother said seriously, "When you survive this war, you'll go talk to that Nico kid, alright? Tell him all the things you've been telling Lee and I, about how he should look after himself and how he's welcome at camp."
Will watched him, wide-eyed. "Wha- Why would I-? You're joking!"
"Hey, I'm serious." Michael said with a serious expression on his face to prove his point, "Just promise me, okay? Cabin counselor's orders."
Will blinked at him before nodding slowly.
"Good. I'll see you later at dinner." Michael waved before leaving.
It was only ten minutes later that Will realized what Michael said.
When you survive this war…
When Michael died, everything around Will was nothing more than white noise. He was only able to hear Kayla's choked words, "Y-You're next in command if something ever happened to M-Michael," A sob broke free from her, "Will, it's your call now."
His awareness of the world shut down. He wanted to scream, he wanted to yell at everyone and tell them that he's not the right choice. He wasn't as good as Michael with the bow, Lee was a better singer than him, Justin was good at making haikus, and Austin was more prophetic than any of them combined-
I'm just a healer. He wanted to say, If something happens to you, if someone attacks you, I can't protect you.
But his siblings were looking at him with tears in their eyes, all of their hands were holding his now. In the white noise, their fear and grief penetrated, their hands were shaking and cold. Will realized he wasn't the only one who was sad, he wasn't the only one who was scared. He tightened his hands around theirs in reassurance.
"We need more people here, call back any of the available healers, I want the archers to fall back to the Empire State Building, Percy said it would the final standoff." Will said as he turned back to look at the injured demigods, "We'll honor Michael after this war's been won!"
The cheer of the Apollo cabin was more subdued than usual and Will went back to healing as much people as he could. His body was on autopilot, ignoring his fatigue and how pale he looked when he passed by a reflective surface. Whenever someone needed a mobile healer to go to a demigod that couldn't be moved, he'd be the one to go with them. He helped in fighting as much as he could, sending a short prayer to his father to make his archery aim strong and true.
He didn't know if Apollo had heard him or if his mind was so focused on destroying the monsters that killed his brother and who knows how many more of his siblings… but not once did Will miss a target that day.
When Nico came in with overwhelming reinforcements, Will had to stop and stare. The lord of the Dead coming to help his siblings and his siblings' children (whom he despised) was something no one ever expected. Nonetheless, the camp was grateful for the help if their cheers were any indication.
Around him, Will's siblings were letting out cries of relief, hugging each other. No one knew how Nico convinced the most stubborn god of all to fight for them but he did it.
"H-He's something else." Kayla cried into his shoulder and Will placed an arm around her, trying to squash down the sudden urge to run up to Nico and hug him for saving them again. His heart swelled with a strange emotion.
"Yeah." Was all Will said as he closed his eyes.
The end of the war was a bittersweet affair. They had lost so many people and a few were still struggling with their lives in the infirmary, it had been a nightmare week for the Apollo cabin who were in charge of taking care of the injured. Every time they lost a camper, Will felt a part of himself break a little more.
What was the point of only being a healer if he couldn't even save everyone?
Something warm was pressed to Will's shoulder, making him flinch and look up. His mouth felt dry as he gaped up at a certain son of Hades.
"Here," Nico said a frown marring his face, a far cry from the smiling kid Will used to know. "You should drink that." He said. He handed him a cup of hot chocolate before he turned and left abruptly.
Will sat there for a few minutes, gaping like an idiot before he realized what just happened. "Damn it!" He groaned as he ran a hand through his disheveled blond hair. Nico had been right there and he had been too star struck to say anything back to him. Not even a 'thank you' or a 'hey' or 'you were so cool back there'.
He buried his face in his hands. Gods, I'm such an idiot.
"That was di Angelo just now, right?" Will jumped and almost spilled the hot chocolate. He turned and saw Clarisse walking up to him with her arms crossed.
"Clarisse." Will acknowledged. "What are you doing here?" He didn't mean to sound rude but Michael's death was still fresh in his mind. He remembered that the head of the Ares' cabin hadn't gone to their aid earlier because of some stupid chariot.
As though reading his mind, the head of the Ares cabin frowned but her dark eyes were glittering with guilt. "I came to apologize."
Blue eyes looked at her in surprise. The stubborn counselor of Ares' cabin came to apologize? To him?
"For what?" He asked.
"You know for what." The daughter of Ares sat on the stairs leading to the infirmary, "For the chariot and the war," She said, "Mostly about the fight with Michael."
Will flinched at the name but said nothing.
"Thanks to Silena, I realized that letting my hurt pride come in between protecting my friends was pretty stupid of me. It took her death and the death of others to get my ass into gear and I-" She let out a shaky breath, "I regret it, I regret everything. I regret that stupid chariot race and that fight with the Apollo cabin, I regret not saying 'yes' when everyone asked me to help them."
Will was still silent, his hands being warmed by the cup Nico gave him. He knew he was shaking slightly but he tried to ignore it.
"So, I'm sorry." Clarisse finally said, "It might not mean much but I am. You don't have to forgive me or anything stupid like that, I just- I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry."
"Why are you telling me this?" Will asked in a soft tone, "Is it because I'm the counselor now? Because you can't say it to Michael anymore?"
Clarisse gave him a look, "Don't let being counselor go over your head, it's nothing as complicated as that." She said, "But I guess it's a yes and a no. I'm not apologizing just cause you're the counselor now or anything, I already went to your other siblings and told them sorry too."
Will shot her a surprised look.
"But I'm also apologizing to you guys because I can't apologize properly to Michael now. I mean, I asked di Angelo for help on that one." Clarisse grumbled, "Asked him if it was okay to pass on a message to your brother and to-to Silena yesterday."
Will felt his hear leap to his throat, "Did- did Michael say anything?"
Clarisse snorted but it sounded choked, "The dumbass said he forgave me, said that having regrets wasn't good and that if I really felt bad about it then I should apologize to the rest of you guys too. I was planning to do that anyway, the moron didn't have to say anything."
Will gulped, looking down at his cup.
"He also said," Clarisse continued softly, "That he thinks there's no better counselor for the Apollo cabin than you, Solace." The son of Apollo gripped the cup tightly, "Michael's proud of you, he wanted to say thank you for keeping everyone else safe."
Will let out a pained sound, eyes scrunching closed. Clarisse stayed silent for awhile before Will finally spoke, eyes misty. "Thank you," He croaked, "For telling me this, you didn't have to."
Clarisse gave him a look, "You're as moronic as your brother, of course I had to." She stood up, hands in her jacket. "And if you should thank anyone, it should be di Angelo, he didn't have to be a messenger but he went and passed the message on anyway."
There was silence for several seconds.
Before Clarisse turned she said, "Oh and one more thing… the chariot, it's your cabin's now."
The blonde winced, "Clarisse, I don't want-"
"It's not because I think you guys should have it or anything like that." She glared, "Our cabin doesn't want it anymore not after-" She faltered and took a deep breath, "It's all yours now."
Realizing the daughter of Ares had her mind set, Will just nodded. Clarisse huffed before leaving Will alone on the steps, looking up at the night sky. He put the cup down and listened to the fading footsteps.
He didn't have any food to burn and sacrifice to the gods but Will clasped his hands together and prayed anyway.
"Dad, if you're listening I wanted to thank you for lending me the power to save as many people as I could and if you could, please help me save the rest too." He prayed, eyes closed. "And if you ever go to the Underworld, can you check how Michael and everyone else are doing down there? I know that they're probably in Elysium but-"
I miss them. He thought instead, forehead meeting his clasped hands. "Thanks." He whispered.
And even though Nico wasn't his sibling or any of the people Will failed to save, he offered a prayer for him too, albeit silently.
He's been through a lot and he's suffered more than any of us, He prayed, He deserves to be happy too, please let him realize that this is his home too.
And because he knew he didn't have the courage to say it to the son of Hades face-to-face he said out loud to the darkness, "Nico," He called out, eyes still closed. "Thank you."
Silence answered his words.
"Hey, you should go take a break." Kayla suggested when Will got up from re-bandaging one of Ares' children. He blinked up slowly at his sister.
"Uh," It took him awhile to process what she was saying, "Nah, it's fine, I'm fine without any breaks. Besides, I still have to go over the inventory list before the Stolls leave for a run later-"
His sister shook her head and caught him by the arm, "Justin's taking care of that. Austin and I have the infirmary covered, Damian's heading the rest of the Apollo cabin to their classes, you should take a break."
"But-"
"No buts!" Kayla said, her arms crossed. "Now, out!"
Will held up his hands, chuckling a bit. "Geez, okay. I'm going. Don't forget to that someone from the Athena cabin is scheduled for a check-up later at three."
"Yeah, I know."
"And make sure that the-"
"I get it!" Kayla fumed, "Go or I'll ask dad to put a curse on you."
Will mimed zipping his mouth before going outside, shoulders heavy and eyes burning slightly. He hadn't been sleeping much, taking as many shifts as his siblings would allow him. He wanted to make sure that the campers were healing up nicely and that his brothers and sisters would get the rest they deserved, that's all.
He was on his way to their cabin, thinking of taking a short nap, when he spotted a certain Death Boy sulking in the shadows. The son of Apollo froze, his sleep-deprived mind going on overdrive and thinking up of various greetings (whether to call out loud or not) and approaches (whether to walk up to him or not) but all ending with him wanting to have a small chat with one of the heroes of the latest war.
As he debated what to do in his mind, his eyes scanned the thin figure of the son of Hades. Nico had changed so much in the last few years that something in Will's chest clenched at the thought of never seeing that happy-go-lucky boy anymore.
Nico still wore his favorite aviator jacket but his once dark brown hair and eyes looked black now, especially in the shadows. His skin was as pale as they come and his attitude was a complete 180 to before. Bianca's death had changed the once easily excited kid into a brooding teenager, befitting of a child of Hades, some people would even say.
He wondered if there was a part of Nico that hadn't changed, if he stilled had his mythomagic figures and still loved playing mythomagic. Did his smile still light him up from the inside?
Will's musings were interrupted when he saw Nico lean away from the shadows, eyes focused on a certain someone that just came out of Athena's cabin.
Percy Jackson was talking with Annabeth who playfully punched him in the arm. She rolled her eyes at her boyfriend before leaning in and giving him a kiss.
Will watched Nico's eyes turn a shade darker, shoulders tense and expression unreadable. His mouth was set into a thin line. The son of Apollo froze in reaction.
"Oh." Will said, eyes wide as he watched Nico watch Percy leave. Oh. His mind helpfully repeated. Before he knew it, he found himself turning away and heading towards the opposite direction of where Nico was.
It seemed like the way Nico felt about Percy, hadn't changed at all.
It's because you love him. That's why you'll know immediately if the person you love, loves someone else.
Most of the campers were clearing out of their cabins, getting ready to get back to their mortal lives. Will usually stayed behind in camp sometimes to help around but because of the recent war, most of the campers were going home for a break from the god-half of their lives. Almost no one was staying behind and everyone had healed up nicely since the war so he really wasn't needed much. Besides, the camp would be busy all summer constructing the new cabins.
Will had realized that the last few weeks in camp, after the Battle in Manhattan, had been the most stressful time for him. That's why when his mom had invited him home to spend time with his stepdad and stepsisters, he immediately said 'yes'.
As a healer, he knew that time away from everything would be healthy for him. By everything he meant, being away from the infirmary and… from Nico as well.
It wasn't the son of Hades' fault that Will had suddenly developed confusing feelings for him. It wasn't his fault either that the son of Apollo tended to flinch every time he saw him or that his chest tightened impossibly when he saw Nico give off a rare smile or ordered his worker skeletons around camp.
In those few years, (from the first time Nico stepped into camp and Will wanted to befriend him to now, when he was a hero and Will was just another head counselor of the Apollo cabin) the son of Apollo had always thought about that boy who only had his mythomagic games and his sister left in the world. He'd worried about that boy who'd lost his sister and thrown away his old games, who'd run away into the dark and came out changed. He thought about that boy who wasn't a boy anymore, who was a hero and came back to save the camp and the gods that rejected his father and to an extent him too.
In the past, Will had liked the boy with the wide smile and a million questions for the world.
In the present, somewhere along the way to now, he'd fallen for the quiet boy of darkness who loved someone fiercely for years despite not being loved back, whose smiles were like finding gems in dark sand, who came to all of their rescue even though he wasn't obliged to do so.
And if given the chance, Will would tell him all of these things. If he had the courage he was always lacking, he'd stand in front of Nico and tell him everything Will thought about him, tell him why he liked him, tell him why he should stay…
He'd ask him to stay.
He wondered if anyone ever asked him to stay before. Maybe Percy had once, and if the great hero couldn't make the son of Hades stay then Will had no chance.
His feelings for Nico were the cliché of all clichés. Liking (loving) someone who liked someone else. To Nico di Angelo, Will Solace was probably just a background character to Percy Jackson, the infamous hero of Olympus who convinced gods to recognize their children, the first hero to turn down immortality in centuries. Compared to him, what was a meager son of Apollo whose only talent was in healing?
There were a million reasons why he shouldn't tell Nico he liked him. It ranged from the fact that Nico probably didn't know him and he'd just come off creepy and stalker-y, to the fact he knew he had no chance from the get-go so there was no point.
All in all boiled down to the same thing, really. Fear.
Fear of rejection, fear of being hurt, fear of being found out, fear of being pitied.
Fear of not being good enough.
He said he lacked courage but the truth was that he lacked a lot of things. Percy Jackson was brave, strong, and could protect anyone and everyone he loved. Will could only deafen people with his ultrasonic whistle and heal.
Between him and Percy Jackson, there wasn't much of a choice.
"Hey, sorry for the wait." Kayla suddenly tapped him on the shoulder making him jump. His reaction made her frown, "Something wrong?"
"No, I'm fine." He assured as he self-consciously shouldered his bag. "Let's go."
The two of them were walking to the camp borders when they spotted a familiar dark figure, leaning by Thalia's tree. Will's shoulders tensed as Kayla nudged him.
"Look, it's di Angelo. Wonder what he's up to." His sister wondered out loud.
Probably seeing Jackson and Chase off. He wanted to say but it felt like his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth so he settled with a shrug.
"Hey di Angelo, how goes the construction?" Kayla called to the son of Hades who turned to them. Will didn't meet his eyes and looked down at the hill instead, where Percy and Annabeth were having a race to get to their respective parents.
"The Hades cabin construction is going well, but I have to leave the skeletons here." Nico said and Will looked at the other boy who was looking at his sister, "I have to head to the Underworld for a bit, emergency."
"Oh, well good luck. I guess, we'll see you next summer." Kayla said and Nico seemed a bit surprised by those words before nodding. "Let's go Will. See ya' Nico."
"Goodbye." Nico said simply, looking at Kayla and then at Will.
The son of Apollo could feel Kayla giving him an expectant look as he turned to Nico.
A million things to say ran through his mind...
I'm sorry… about everything.
Thank you for coming to save us, even though you didn't have to.
You're a hero, Nico.
Nico, I-
…None of which he said out loud.
"Yeah." Will said with a nod, "We'll see you."
A million things he could have said, a million things he could have done...
And not one would have changed the way Nico di Angelo couldn't see Will Solace as Will saw him.
Author's notes: Yep, both quotes are mine, I was in 'that mood'. Happy heart break!