Kala awakened slowly, completely dumbfounded by the so very strange and ridiculus dream she'd just had. Were the strong pain killers she still needed, one week after the surgery, responsible for it ?
She smiled at the memory of her dream's beginning. It was Amanita's and Nomi's wedding, an event that would take place next month, when Kala would be fully recovered, according to the doctors. But in her dream, its location was at the top of the Effeil Tower, of all the impossible places ! Both brides had performed long sentimental speeches, and even that was a little surrealistic, for what her friends felt for each other was far stronger than any kind of exercise in rhetoric. Big men with winged fairy costumes, like the ones she had seen in one of Nomi's memories, were bouncing around and handing out chocolate space cakes. Kala almost laughed at the memory of her vision of Nomi's mother, primly accepting one of the cakes and biting into it, and then suddenly metamorphosing herself into a deliriously loving mother.
Yes, some parts of this dream were really funny.
Kala's smiled faded a little as she remembered her vision of Wolfgang and Rajan, jumping arm in arm in time with the music. Even if the two of them had become quite friendly with each other (both understanding the necessity to putting aside any kind of painful explanation, as long as BPO and Lila were not brought down), she could hardly picture their real selves doing so. As for what had followed…
Kala blushed at the memory of it. She had felt the others' presence, making love, and maybe they really had during that night (except poor Daniela, apparently). But what could have possessed her to picture herself having a threesome with Wolfgang and Rajan, especially as sex with Rajan had never been much more than a duty for her ? And even in her dream, she didn't remember having enjoyed it. On the contrary, it was her underlying feeling of strangeness, culminating when Rajan had expressed his delight in what he had just experienced, that had awakened her in the end.
Rajan happy to share her, and kissing Wolfgang on the lips, he who sometimes cast wary looks at his rival any time he thought that no one looked at him ?
As for Wolfgang… Maybe she'd had that dream because he had told her (with that small lopsided smile that always caused her to have butterflies in her stomach) that it's been very strange to feel Rajan's lips on his, when she had kissed both men at her arrival in that beautiful french villa.
How undecided she had been, once again, as she was about to get out of the car and face both her lover and her husband ! She wanted to kiss Wolfgang, wrap him into her arms to be sure he was really there, safe and sound, and never let him go. But she knew Rajan expected to be the one she would kiss, as she still hadn't had the time (or the guts) to explain him that her connexion to Wolfgan was not exactly the same as the one she had with the others.
Seing how agitated she was, sweet Capheus had given her an advice that had seemed good, at least for the situation at hand. So, her body had kissed Rajan first, whereas her sensate self kissed Wolfgang in the same time, before kissing him for real. But Wolfgang's sensate part hadn't been able to wait for real Kala, and had joined her just as she touched Rajan's lips with hers.
Indeed, was that incident the source of her dream ? Whether it was the case of not, she knew that Wolfgang, with his jesting remark, had unintentionally strengthened the guilt she felt towards him.
For in spite of the cool, even cheerful front he was putting up, he was not always sucessful in hiding his deepest emotions to her. The truth was that he was confused, torn between his love for her, a love so strong it was the only thing that had called him back on the brink of self-destruction, and his persistant feeling of unworthiness that had compelled him once to step aside and let Rajan keep her. Now that Rajan was here, and had stuck with them to face all the dangers they had been through until they could at last bring BPO down, he was no longer as ready to force the issue as he had been just before being captured. Once again, he kept telling himself that maybe Rajan was a better match for her than himself.
Only Rajan, was not as perfect as Wolfgang thought he was. He was still the man who had sold for years expired, potentially ineffective medicine in the poorest country of the world, the man who hadn't really seen what the problem was with such a practice, and had only stopped because he'd realized he could lose her because of it. Of course, now, he was also the man who had shared their many dangers out of love for her. And she knew that as long as she would maintained the love triangle charade, Rajan would go along with it, scared as he was that she would say at last the final words she had been so close to pronounce, just before he sent her to Paris.
So maybe it was why the gods had sent her that crazy dream. To make her understand that it was high time for her to put an end to something that was not a real love triangle, but a parody of it. That it was high time for her, now that BPO was no longer a threat and that she had recovered enough from her wound, to face and tell the truth.
The truth was that she'd never loved her husband and never would, no matter how much he loved her himself, and how touched she was by that love. In spite of his more recent actions, she could not even esteem him that much, thinking of these thousands of people who, like Capheus' mother, had suffered, and sometimes died, because of the ineffetive meds in which they had put all their hope and the little money they had.
Above all, the truth was that she'd fallen in love with a german safe breaker, a man raised in violence and ready to use it himself - though only against evil- an man with little regard for the law. In short, a man who was almost everything her parents would disapprove of. But a man who was also the only one she wanted to live with, no matter where and how.
It was now the time of Rajan's daily visit. When she heard his knock at her door, Kala took a long, steadying breath before telling him to enter.