Author's Note: This started out as just the single letter, but then I got an idea. What if I wrote a series of letters, to each of Maric's loved ones? This could be a great opportunity for me to get into his mindset in preparation for my upcoming AU fic, although at present it's nothing but a sketchy outline, a couple short scenes, and a few ideas in my head. Watch for it though ;)

Anyway, these are all letters written by Maric, never sent of course. This first one is to Rowan, shortly after her death.

Speak Not, My Heart

Chapter 1: Rowan

How shall I start this letter, I wonder? I can scarcely find the words to write. Dearest Rowan? No, that doesn't sound much like me. My lovely wife? Better, and yet it still seems stiff. I suppose I could just say, 'Rowan.' You know, because that was your name and all…no. Still inadequate.

Sod it. I'm just going to skip the introductions before someone gets hurt. Like you always said, my mind isn't used to such heavy labor. I should be careful or I might end up breaking it, and then where would we be? In the middle of Lake Calenhad without a paddle. Ugh. I'm rambling, aren't I? Funny that can't be avoided even as a quill upon parchment.

I miss you. Loghain says hi. All right, not really, but he misses you too. He doesn't show it of course, but it's obvious if you know where to look. Sometimes he stares into nothing when he thinks no one is around, and that's just about the most un-Loghain thing anyone could do, so I know that must be when he's thinking of you. His face is as stern as ever, but his eyes tell a story words could never say.

He still loves you. I know you loved him too. That's okay, you can say it. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not as much of an idiot as people say. You think I didn't notice the fact that you never looked each other in the face? Avoiding eye contact; speaking in terse, clipped sentences. I know what I took from you both. Of course I know. And yet, here I am. Still taking.

I'm just a dirty bastard like that.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wonder what Loghain would say if I apologized to him, too. He'd probably punch me in the face. Psh. Who am I kidding? So would you. I do love you, you know. More than words can say. Maybe not the same way I loved her, but just as much. You gave up everything for me. You gave me a life, a family, our son…you will always be adored for that. Always. Still, sometimes I wish things were different.

I don't deserve what you've given me. You would have been happier with him.

Part of me wishes I had thrown a tantrum and ordered you to run off and be happy together. Maybe you'd still be alive. Maybe Loghain wouldn't be so cold. That would have resulted in two less lives screwed up on my watch. I wonder how many more Maric the Savior will destroy before he dies. Many, I'd wager.

He's just a selfish fool like that.

Cailan doesn't cry for you as often. I think he's getting used to the fact that his momma is never coming home. Poor thing. I remember what it was like to lose a parent at such a young age, and it breaks my heart to think that Cailan's memories of you will fade as surely as mine of my father.

Would it help matters if I begged you to come back? Don't answer that…I know it wouldn't. Just know that I wish it had been me. I really, truly do. Cailan would have a parent who is there for him, not just a shell of a man. Ferelden would have someone to guide her; someone who actually gave a damn, because Maker knows I don't anymore. I know how much I'm dishonoring you and Loghain's sacrifice by saying that, but it's how I feel and I can't change it, no matter how I might wish to.

What a fool you are, King Maric. What a shameful mess.

My door is barred and someone's banging on it. Loghain, probably. Come to think of it, I suppose I've been shut in here for a while. How many days…three? Four? He's yelling at me now. Sounds kind of worried.

I should probably let him in, but I'm not going to.

I'm just a thoughtless joker like that.

I started this letter with every intention of showering you in love and praises. To tell you how much I wish you were here, how much Cailan and I miss you. Instead this entire thing is mostly about me yet again. How does anyone put up with that?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Please. Allow me to end this on the note I intended. Let me take a moment to tell you how cherished you are. Because Rowan, I love you. Maker, I love you. You are my wife and you always will be. We had a beautiful life together, a beautiful child, all built upon the seat of power in our beautiful kingdom. You had the ability to open people's hearts and show them that the world isn't as bad as it seems.

War and peace, chaos and serenity, gentleness and ferocity…all of these things you were. What is Ferelden without you? What am I without you? A ship without a sail. A bow without a quiver.

I don't know how to put to words the depth of my sorrow. Things finally seemed like they might have a happy ending for once. But just as I began to feel safe, my legs were swept from underneath me. Before I knew it I was reduced to nothing but a frightened young man again, stranded in the forest, running from his mother's murderers.

Ferelden needs you, Rowan. She is lost without you, and Maker, so am I. I love you. I love you.

In the end you had my heart, even if yours no longer belonged to me.

Forever Yours,

Maric

There we have it ;_;. I feel as if I know him a lot better already. Next up: Loghain. Stay tuned! Thank you, everyone, for your support. Oh, and also. I actually narrated the first part of this chapter as a preview yesterday, if anyone wants to hear it. Send me a PM and I'll give you the link :)