The Achromic yet Perspicacious Submission, a big bang theory fanfic

The achromic yet perspicacious submission

This is just a fun one off that I would love to see as an episode.

I do not own TBBT and Weird Al is Godlike but sadly not me.

Penny walked into the flat opposite hers and sat on the couch, she had had a rough day and didn't feel like being alone. Jessica who she worked with had spread a rumor about Penny's nose being about as real as a ken doll and the whole social network that is the Cheesecake Factory had been sucked in.

"Don't knock just come on in" Sheldon told her from his spot, obviously displeased.

"By the way that was sarcasm" he added, just to ensure Penny didn't take what he had said literally.

"I've had a rough day, wheres my boyfriend?" she asked him,

"He is picking up the Chinese food. Howard and Raj will be here soon so don't feel that you and I have to enter the paradigm that is social conversation or interaction." he told her, continuing to play the new Tetris game on his Ipad.

Raj came in followed swiftly by Leonard and Howard, they had climbed the stairs together and were in the midst of an intense discussion, Penny didn't see it that way, all she heard was 'why doesn't princess peach have more protection if she is a member of the Royal family.'

Raj was explaining that it wasn't through lack of protection that she was always kidnapped but it was down to the fact that she was stupid. Howard took this as an insult to his Nintendo bride and argued back, unfortunately when Raj was going to make a clever retort he was stopped by the mere presence of Penny in the same room.

"You call my Love stupid and yet you cannot speak to the ladies" Howard remarked, it was met by an extended middle finger from his mute colleague.

Sheldon was reading his emails, he couldn't care less about the world around him, people seemed to think that he couldn't perceive them when he was in this mode, but as he had pointed out many times, he was in the Matrix, he could really see everything.

"I have had an email from Kripke, it appears that he is challenging us to enter a contest where we expose our greatest strengths. I haven't been in one of these in years, when I was three, I stood before my peers and my fellow students of sunshine kindergarten and recited Pi to 100 places." he explained.

"Do you mean we are being asked to enter a talent competition?" Leonard asked, excitedly.

"Thats what I said" Sheldon reiterated.

"Awesome! I can show people how to apply different lower priced moisturizers and they have the same effect as the top leading brands" said Raj, stroking his face proudly whilst drinking his second beer.

"You don't need a talent show you need a lobotomy" Howard told him, "Besides, if were going to do anything it's going to take advantage of my magical abilities." he added

"Really, do you have an incantation that will stop you from sucking?" Raj asked him as payback for his previous comment.

Penny was watching all the guys around her squabbling, she had an idea, she needed to look in there wardrobes first though.

"Right, I will pick what you do on stage, it will be great, first you need to dress up as gangsters." she told them.

A week later they were ready, they had gathered back stage in the CALTECH lecture hall, there were quite a few entries, this was suprising as the prize was a non Ohmic conductor that obeys Ohm's law and a trophy.

Leonard peered behind the curtain and saw Kripke reading a passage from Macbeth.

"Come, you spiwits that tend on mortaw foughts! unsex me here, and fiw me fwom the cwown to the toe top fuw of diwest cruewty; make thick my bwood, stop up the access and passage to remorse, that no compunctious visitings of nature shake my fewl purpose."

He got one person clapping, the rest of the audience sobbing, he walked backstage and was greeted by Sheldon, Leonard, Raj and Howard, dressed up as rappers, they had baggy trousers, backwards caps, fake gold and silver chains and rings and holding segways.

On there t shirts they had graphitied different equations onto them in bright colours.

Sheldon looked the most displeased, Howard on the the other hand loved the look, he was looking for 'homeies' in the audience, especially pretty ones.

"What the hewll do you wook wike?" asked Kripke,

"I believe the appropriate phrase would be, you gonna get served" Sheldon told him as the group segwayed onto the stage.

Penny had picked a song that she thought they could all pull off, she had taught them some dance moves but to be honest when they tried to breakdance the whole look was better, they were miserable at the art but she had used her acting skills to convince them that they were fantastic.

The lights went down, the music started.

ALL

They see me mowin'

My front lawn

I know they're all thinking

I'm so White N' nerdy

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy

Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy

Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!

I wanna roll with-

The gangsters

But so far they all think

I'm too white n' nerdy

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy

I'm just too white n' nerdy

Really, really white n' nerdy

HOWARD:

First in my class here at M.I.T.

Got skills, I'm a Champion of DND

RAJ:

MC Escher that's my favorite MC

Keep your 40

SHELDON:

I'll just have an Earl Grey tea

My rims never spin to the contrary

You'll find they're quite stationary

LEONARD:

All of my action figures are cherry

Steven Hawkings in my library

HOWARD:

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out

I got people begging for my top 8 spaces

SHELDON:

Yo I know Pi to a thousand places

RAJ:

Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces

SHELDON:

I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise

I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days

LEONARD:

Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed,

my fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze

HOWARD:

There's no killer app I haven't run

At Pascal, well, I'm number 1

Do vector calculus just for fun

RAJ:

I ain't got a gat but I gotta soldering gun

Happy days is my favourite theme song

HOWARD:

I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong

I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on

SHELDON:

I'm fluent in Java Script as well as Klingon

ALL:

They see me roll on, my Segway!

I know in my heart they think I'm

white n' nerdy!

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy

Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy

Look at me I'm white n' nerdy

I'd like to roll with-

The gangsters

Although it's apparent I'm too

White n' nerdy

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy

I'm just too white n' nerdy

How'd I get so white n' nerdy?

SHELDON:

I've been browsing, inspectin'

X-men comics you know I collect 'em

RAJ:

The pens in my pocket

I must protect 'em

HOWARD:

my ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored

Shopping online for deals on some writable media

RAJ:

I edit Wikipedia

SHELDON:

I memorized Holy Grail really well

I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL

LEONARD:

I got a business doing websites

When my friends need some code who do they call?

HOWARD:

I do HTML for them all

Even made a homepage for my mom!

RAJ:

Yo! Got myself a fanny pack

they were having a sale down at the GAP

HOWARDl

Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap

POP POP! Hope no one sees me gettin' freaky!

ALL:

I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour creme

SHELDON:

I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team!

Only question I ever thought was hard

Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?

ALL:

I spend every weekend

at the renaissance fair

I got my name on my under wear!

They see me strollin'

They laughin'

And rollin' their eyes 'cause

I'm so white n' nerdy

Just because I'm white n' nerdy

All because I'm white n' nerdy

Holy cow I'm white n' nerdy

I wanna bowl with-

the gangsters

but oh well it's obvious I'm

white n' nerdy

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy

I'm just too white n' nerdy

Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!

The audience were applauding, the group took there leave on the two wheeled segways that they had borrowed especially for the occasion, there was no doubt who had won.