Gilbert Beilschmidt wasn't one to admit it, but, he kept a journal.
This journal, however, was missing.
Inside Gilbert's journal was his darkest secrets and thoughts that he felt he couldn't keep in his head. Sometimes he wrote poetry, sometimes he even talked about things he liked.
Like Matthew Williams.
The fear of someone finding it, especially if that someone was Matthew, made Gilbert feel something he didn't normally feel: panic. What if he found it and it scared him? Gilbert would never have a chance!
As the snowy haired Prussian destroyed his room down the hall, his younger brother sat at his desk, reading the "missing" journal, his face slowly becoming grimmer and grimmer from what was written inside of it.
Ludwig wasn't the type to snoop through his older brother's personal affairs...but something he saw the other day had, well, disturbed him, and Ludwig needed to confirm his suspicions.
Turning pages, Ludwig discovered that Gilbert was gay and he had a crush on a Freshman named Matthew Williams.
However, as he delved deeper into the book, he discovered how unhappy his older brother was.
Ludwig found his suspicions to be correct seventeen pages in.
His older brother, Gilbert Beilschmidt, a very angry, arrogant, athletic and talented teenager, mutilated his skin because he felt things he shouldn't: self-hate, jealousy towards his brother's achievements and intelligence, the constant nagging that life wasn't worth anything…
He hurt himself to make those feelings go away and he'd write about all the times it happened in his journal and why he did it at that time.
All the while, Ludwig read on, reading each reason and feeling the weight on his heart grow heavier with each letter, with each punctuation mark.
The most recent in his mutilation record was a few days ago, and his reason? I can't control when I do it anymore. It's getting out of hand. Covering it all up is a new feat.
The next page had a poem. It was a stark contrast to the previous page.
The last couplet of the poem was: "I notice, I notice... / You're unaware of me."
Putting the journal down, Ludwig dialed his best friend Feliciano's number.