ICE ON FIRE by ShinJiRou-kun wlkeR.7wolfseznam.cz
Summary: Sappy fulff-fic about my Sukisyo's fave couple… Nagase x Ichikawa! Yes, I am insane, mwahaha!
Disclaimer: If I owned Sukisyo, there would be less flashbacks and more yaoi! What more is there to tell?
That heat. With hell-like, flesh-scorching fire on the outside and a heart-devouring one inside, he only managed to act cool.
Nagase Kai. It was just his own way to express every emotion, though it was the blaze of his soul that began to melt the glacier-like expression on his face, before the other flames – or just the heated CO2 – finished the job their own disgusting way.
He felt pain. His body was now numb and aching all over, though that was nothing compared to the stabbing pain of betrayal slowly sinking the razor-sharp blades of memories into his already torn conscience. The space surrounding him was cold, just like the feelings of his father that were given to him warmed only on the outside, though he never felt anything better until…
It was there, small like a lit match in the middle of Antarctica, yet it provided more than enough heat and light in his world of nothing but frost and darkness. It was the one light that never abandoned him, no matter how hard his father tried to quench it.
Despite he managed to regain awareness of his body, he still lacked control over it. Even his brain seemed to be paralyzed; it could only handle automatic reflexes in order for the body to survive and the senses, probably just for the pain to keep it going. He couldn't see (and wasn't sure if it was only because he was unable to open his eyes) but heard silent beeping and smelled disinfection, coming to the conclusion that he's been brought to a hospital.
He was never really much into biology, but knew very well what can direct exposure to such a heat do with living organisms. Not really knowing how long was he caught in the burning greenhouse, he wasn't sure how much damage his body had suffered, but judging the pain, it was a whole lot. But he survived.
"You survived." A silent voice confirmed his thoughts and he felt the hint of warmth from earlier intensify, as someone's hand held his own. The clutching fingers' whereabouts were indistinguishable, since the sensors of his palm were covered with bandages and most probably scorched, but it still felt good.
"Who is it?" Appeared in his mind like on a computer screen, though his throat was barely able to force out the first syllable before drying out completely and refusing to work any more.
"Nurse!" The same voice called immediately, half worried, half overjoyed. "He's awake!" It exclaimed and echoed through the room like the distant thunder of a long-awaited storm. "He's awake." It then repeated in a tear-soaked whisper.
There was a sound of footsteps and a lot of hands swarmed out from nowhere, leaching to his body, but all of theme were cold except for the one he felt from the beginning. Many voices melting into a busy hum of a beehive sounded around him, yet just that one made sense with its simple question "may I give him some water?"
Soon after that, he felt warm moisture wet his lips, invading his mouth as more of it came, soon dissolving the bitter metallic taste of dried blood that still lingered on his tongue. The hands let go and the voices faded into silence, just that one still persistently remaining, never letting go and still mumbling words that were too blurred with sadness to be understandable, though the love they were actually about was carved into them with an invisible script that anyone who was it meant for would understand. Kai did and it actually pleased him. He listened to those phrases lacking a beginning, end, or even sense, slowly drifting back to sleep with nothing but hope that this small wonder that appeared in his life so suddenly wouldn't disappear.
"Ichikawa-kun..?" A familiar statue appeared in the hospital room's door, and its trilling voice filled it like the cheerful song of a hummingbird. "How is he?"
"Ah, Honjou-senpai." The younger boy's eyes snapped open at the noise and blinked a few times to get used to the bright light reflected by the cheerful blonde's long locks. "Um… I hope he'll be fine. The doctors said so too." He muttered and yawned, looking down at his hand that was holding Nagase's since the time they let him see his idol.
"I brought you some lunch so you don't have to leave his side." Matsuri smirked happily and pointed over his shoulder to the corridor. "You can't, however, eat here."
"Thank you…" Ichikawa hesitated for a moment, carefully studying the patient's expression as if he was afraid he would never see it again. Then he slowly disentangled his fingers from the other man's, sobbing as he saw them twitch, blindly searching for their suddenly lost companions. "I'll just have a little bit so it won't take too long." He said silently to both of them and then left for the corridor, followed by Matsuri, who turned to glance at the immobile figure for the last time, before he closed the door.
Suddenly it was so cold and dark… Just like before.
Was he thrown back to the shady past once he desired bright future and done something to make it come true?
Didn't he suffer for his sins before he even committed them? Was that not enough?
Pretending he doesn't hate it.
Pretending to love, to care; and when the mask that acted like a barrier between him and real life was finally removed… Did the fate just pick it up, making him wear it again, just to cover the scars the previous performance left on his face as well as on his soul?
That just couldn't be true.
Or could it?
He woke up as the voices and hands from before returned, not paying them any attention, but instead searching for that which seemed lost – no, it was there.
"Who is it?" His mind asked again and the lips now managed to form those words and set them free in the form of a ragged, yet gentle whisper.
"Buchou." The well known voice answered just as silent, but still shined next to the others like the full moon next to the dull stars.
"Ichikawa." The brain prompted out the answer and let the throat transmit it, before it almost collapsed at the sudden inrush of memories. Painful memories. He ceased to react, to respond, the entire world outside became suddenly very distant. Only one image appeared to be so close he could almost touch it – no, he WAS touching it – so tortured yet so enthusiastic, both of the feelings being inscribed into its features, none of them being actually dominant, for one was how Nagase felt Ichikawa to be like and the other displayed the boy's feelings in that very moment.
Forgiveness – could such a sin EVER be forgiven?
"Thank God." The boy said with enough sincerity to convince anyone of the impossible.
The room emptied once again, a silent click of the door being the prelude to a long moment of graceful silence.
"You've been here…" Kai said then, not finishing the sentence because both his mind and brain reached their limit and needed to recharge.
"I could never leave you." The other's voice took over the conversation again, still in a mild, soft tone. "I felt like you betrayed me, but…" It choked for a while, twisting into a loud sob. "I realized that your reasons are far too beyond me." He silenced for a brief moment and then added: "I just wish I have done that sooner."
Kai didn't say anything. Stunned by those words, he found himself being unable to think straight. Sensing the fingers still holding his hand, he tried to imagine Ichikawa's expression. Yet as he gave in to the feeling of being forgiven and accepted, the pain of the flesh his enlightened soul was trapped in began to overcome the fading effect of sedatives and reminded him that while his inner beauty might have increased, his body would never be the same again. It was a pathetic thought, but tears still welled in his eyes and soaked into the bandages covering them.
"Ichikawa." He said then with a sort of shaken voice, not really trying to calm down and don't make a fool of himself. He waited for the silent "hai" from the other boy and then stated his question: "Am I beautiful?"
"W… what?" The boy blinked in surprise and then blushed, gazing at the man that just said those words to him. "Of course Nagase-buchou is beautiful." He blurted out, his blush deepening and his hand almost crushing the other in its tight grip.
Kai paused again to reform his thoughts and wait for his throat to recover again. He expected to hear this, and although Ichikawa's words were sincere as he said his opinion, the descendant of Aizawa wanted something much more satisfying. "Prove it." He said in the end.
"Prove? But…" Gaku had no idea what was this all about or one that would give his idol the proof he demanded. "There is a mirror in the bathrooms; I could get it for you, but your eyes…" He started to explain the first thought that came to his puzzled mind, but Kai interrupted him immediately.
"Kiss me." He demanded coldly, stating the order right after it formed somewhere in the dark back of his mind.
"K…kiss!" Gaku nearly exclaimed, but remembered to behave to not disturb any other patients or staff that might be around. "But…"
"Or are you disgusted?" The man smirked mockingly, really wishing he could stab the other male with his penetrating gaze right now.
"NO!" The boy wailed silently. "But are you… I mean you got drugs and stuff so you probably don't know…" He felt like a lab rat running around a maze made of glass so thin he kept hitting the walls no matter where he went.
Kai just hmphed and his sarcastic smirk froze into an ignoring one. The warmth that seemed to be his only hope for a new, better life seemed to fade away, leaving him cold and alone, not really worrying about his or anyone else's life any more.
But then it returned, still as a reluctant tiny flame that wouldn't stand a chance against a small candle, but as Ichikawa's lips touched Nagase's reluctantly, it intensified into a wildfire, still burning in a great distance, but willingly spreading closer as Kai forced his head up to lean into the gentle kiss, encouraging the boy to do more.
"Don't worry." He whispered with a voice so raspy the words were barely recognizable as Ichikawa pulled away in surprise. "I like it." He forced his lips to form a kind smile that was probably their first expression of that kind, so it still seemed a little bit crooked.
But Ichikawa couldn't resist anyway. He did have his doubts about the former chemistry club's president's sanity, but he trusted his own feelings that didn't change even with Nagase's betrayal and looks. Adding some pressure into the kiss as he resumed it, he soon found comfort in touching the blistered, yet warm and willing lips with his own, soon advancing to stroke them with his tongue. Kai, in response, restored his expression to the usual cold one, but only in order to grant the boy entrance into his mouth. Gaku hesitated for a while, but then dived into the cavern, finally claiming the treasure he's been longing for all those years.
Ichikawa would just love to say something after he finally broke the kiss, but there was only nonsense swarming in his head, almost rendering him unconscious.
"Now go to school." Kai instead stated another order as if nothing had happened, though his voice cleared and cheered a little.
"Wha? I can't leave you here just like that!" Gaku protested in the loudest acceptable voice and clung to Kai's arm as firm as he could without causing it to hurt too much.
"I'll be waiting for you." Nagase replied coolly with an antique statue's ice-cold face, as if the sentence was read from a textbook instead of his heart. "Now get lost. Wanna sleep." He mumbled afterwards, loosening his body and falling asleep again.
"I'll see you tomorrow then." Ichikawa just stood up so his legs could adjust to supporting body weight again. He looked around the small white square room and shrugged in determination to not let his one love be in such a prison-like place alone for long. "I won't let you experience loneliness ever again." He smiled at the sleeping face before walking out of the room and closing the door with a silent click.