Reflection
I came home from court; satisfied with the verdict of Carrie's trial. Knowing that she is guilty of killing her mother even though her mother was an alcoholic who abused her and probably deserved it. I hung up my coat and walked over to my radio; turned it on and the song Reflection by Christina Aguilera was playing.
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part.
I walked into my kitchen grabbing a beer from my refrigerator. Then I went back into the living room listening to the song and sitting down. I noticed the mirror on the wall on top of my side table.
Now I see, if I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I got up, put my drink on the coffee table and walked toward the mirror. I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself, wondering if I am doing the right thing or even if I did the right thing.
I am now,
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
What's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Thinking about my mom, thinking of how she hurt me so much. I hit the table with my fists and walked back to the sofa. I took a few steps, stopped, turned back and looked at the mirror once again
Who is that girl I see,
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time,
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
I looked back at my beer and couldn't help but wonder what in the world was my mom thinking and also wondering how I didn't end up just like her.
There's a heart that must be free to fly,
That burns with the need to know the reason why
Why must we conceal,
What we think, how we feel
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
I found myself staring into the mirror, feeling tears burning in my eyes when I hear the DJ saying, "That was Reflection by Christina Aguilera dedicated to Olivia from Elliot. Now for commercials."
I smiled and heard the phone ring. I walked over and picked up the cordless, "Benson?"
"You ok?"
I knew who it was. "Not really, but thanks for the song."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"I don't know…" someone was knocking at my door. I wiped my eyes before heading toward the door. "Hang on someone is at the door."
"Ok."
I walked over to the door looked through the peephole but I didn't see anyone so I opened the door and saw Elliot standing against the wall next to my door with his cell next to his ear.
"You wanna talk?" He hangs up his cell.
"Come on in." I pushed the end button on the cordless and stepped to the side so Elliot can come in.
He walked in and I closed the door. I turned and leaned against the door. I felt more tears burning in my eyes. Elliot hung up his coat and then looked at me. I knew he could see the emotions getting to me. I felt one of the tears escape from my eye and run down my cheek. He holds out his hand waiting for me to take it. I wiped the tear from my cheek and took his hand. He led me to the sofa, we sit down and that's when I break down. Tears' streaming down my cheeks and Elliot gently pulls me close to him and held me. That's all I needed from him.
He whispers, "Its ok," he kisses the top of my head. "Tell me what's going on in your mind."
After I got some self-control and sat up. I told him what I told Casey and other stories just like it, but worse. He sat there listening to every word I said. He would rub my back every time I paused. After all the abusive stories of my life I buried my head into my hands, crying.
Elliot took my hands away from my face and made me look at him.
"You're never going to be like your mother. No matter what you're thinking. I know that song Reflection was going to make you think. The song was meant for you to look inside you, who you really are."
I looked away. "Hey look at me." He said in a comforting voice, but I refused to look. Then he held both of my hands in one of his and cupped my chin with his other and moved my head so I could face him. I closed my eyes before they reached his.
"Open your eyes." Involuntarily they opened. I saw his caring eyes looking into my painful ones.
"You know what I see?" I shook my head. "I see a caring, loving, beautiful woman who is holding on to so much pain. I can understand that after all you've been through; it's hard to let it go. But Liv…" He paused. "Listen to your heart. You know what's right. Trust it."
I nodded my head and he pulled me into his arms again. He sat there and held me as I cried myself to sleep in his arms.
The End