A/N: Welcome, first things first a quick warning this is going to be an angst-y AU, lots of angst and very AU, so no prison and no cartel. However, characters from the original series will be showing up. It also will deal with mature and sensitive topics and include some mildly offensive language so there is a big red flashing trigger warning on the whole fic (you can PM me if you have any questions).
I've had the idea and urge to write this for quite a while however I believe that writing is a commitment and well… I have problems with commitment. Anyway I'll end this author's note before I turn it into an essay (I have a habit of doing that), Enjoy. :D
Oh and I don't own anything.
We won't say our goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi.
- One Republic 'All We Are'
It's funny the little things that can get to you, the things that normally wouldn't bother you at all.
But this wasn't normal.
Nothing about this situation was normal, and most of all she didn't feel normal. Alex Vause felt as far from normal as possible, she felt… numb. A deep-seated numbness that made her feel as if she was outside of her own body and watching on from a distance.
In this instance it was the long jagged crack in the white empty wall that ran almost the distance from the ceiling of the hospital examination room to the vinyl flooring that had Alex feeling on edge. It didn't matter how hard she tried to focus her attention away from the crack and instead on the sensation of the nurse threading stitches through the skin a few inches above her right brow, Alex's eyes just wouldn't stop gravitating towards the crack seemingly of their own accord. She took a deep shuddering breath as the crack appeared back in her vision once more. The cracked wall was marred and broken, it pretty much summed up everything she felt and everything that had happened only a few short hours ago.
"I'm done now" spoke the nurse softly as she placed her hand on Alex's shoulder causing her to flinch slightly.
The nurse quickly removed her hand as her expression morphed into one of concern. The genuineness of her expression was almost enough to break Alex out of her numbness and into another emotion she didn't even want to think about. Alex looked down at the thin mattress she was sat on, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.
"How are you feeling?" the nurse asked sympathetically.
Numb.
Powerless.
Guilty.
Alex shrugged ignoring the stabbing pain in her ribs brought along by the action. She couldn't comprehend what had happened. The night had started off so well, how could this happen? Piper was only 22 years old and currently in her last year of college, this was never meant to happen. And most of all how could she let this happen to Piper, someone she was supposed to love and protect?
She kept replaying the exact moment everything began to fall apart in her head.
The small seedy bar was completely packed on the Friday night, people were everywhere. Groups were crowded around tables and cheering loudly as shots were thrown back, others were twirling and writhing on the dance floor, so it wasn't surprising that Piper hadn't returned with their drinks yet. The blonde was probably attempting to manoeuvre her way through the excited crowds.
Alex tilted her head back and smiled softly as a gentle buzz overcame her. She was in a nice place, not entirely drunk but not completely sober.
As minutes passed and Piper still had not returned Alex began to make her way over to the bar to make sure her girlfriend wasn't lecturing anyone on the advantages of whole grain over whole wheat… again.
As She approached the swarming bar she could faintly make out Piper's voice. Getting closer she could now clearly hear Piper's frustrated requests to be left alone. A man who appeared several years older than Alex and who clearly had had one drink too many didn't seem to be getting the message that the blonde wanted to be left alone. Alex's eyes narrowed as she watched as the large man placed a burly arm around Piper's waist trapping her against the bar.
"Everything okay here Pipes?" She asked with a raised brow
Piper turned towards Alex relief evident on her face at the sight of her girlfriend, she opened her mouth to respond but was abruptly cut off by the jackass who still had his arm around her.
"Ah, so this must be the girlfriend" he spat the word 'girlfriend' with revulsion. He removed his arm off of Piper, turning his full attention towards Alex who was now stood up straight, her height rivaling his.
"Yeah, the girlfriend that's me, hi" she wriggled her fingers in a sarcastic wave "now, want to tell me why the hell you're troubling my girl?"
Alex quickly raised her head as the snapping of latex pulled her out of her thoughts. The nurse removed her gloves and jotted something down on a clipboard before speaking "The stitches should begin to dissolve in a couple of weeks. However, it could take several months before they disappear completely"
Alex nodded mutely not really hearing what the nurse was saying, her mind was filled with the sounds of Piper's desperate pleas looping over and over.
"The Ribs should heal up in a month or so, make sure you take your meds regularly. Trying to tough out the pain will most likely make things a lot worst"
She nodded in silence.
The nurse sighed sadly and placed the clipboard down "is there anyone I can call for you sweetheart?"
Alex shook her head and adjusted her glasses carefully "no, I-it's just me… now"
Her black rimmed glasses were the first thing she remembers picking up after it all happened.
"Well, we're all done here, make sure you come back if anything gets worse, alright"
Alex nodded once again before sliding off the hospital bed and leaving the small room.
They'd whisked Piper away before she had a chance to find out where they were taking her, which currently left Alex alone in the large hospital. It had just passed 1am, she wanted to see her, she needed to see her. Alex found herself standing in an empty waiting room feeling vulnerable and completely alone. The blessed numbness she had been feeling was fading fast. She slid down into a hard plastic seat as she was suddenly assaulted with a different emotion, one far worst, guilt.
It had been her fault. She remembers that part clearly.
"I ain't troubling no one" the man replied with loud indignance "I'm just gonna take this one back to my place and give her a good time. I'll show her that she don't need no dyke like you. She just hasn't met the right man yet, right guys!" the man craned his neck back to look at a group of men behind who began laughing and cheering.
Piper managed to push past the drunk man to stand next to Alex whose jaw was now clenched tightly "come on, let's just go"
Alex nodded and turned to leave, suddenly the man reached out his hand and grabbed Piper's upper arm tightly
"Let go!" Piper demanded with a slight wince. Piper's pained voice was more than enough to send Alex over the edge as she rounded on the man, furious.
"How old are you?" snarled Alex stepping closer to the man who stumbled back at the unexpected movement "30? 35? You come here often begging college kids to sleep with your sorry ass?"
The man growled and began to respond before Alex cut him off "What's the matter hmm? Never had a girl before? They're not really into the receding hair line, dog breath type of scum like you" she spat angrily.
The man's face turned red with anger as a few of the men previously cheering him on were now laughing.
"Alex, come on just leave it please, it's not worth it" begged Piper tugging on Alex's arm.
But Alex wasn't about to let this man get away with hurting and harassing Piper. She was sick of it, she was sick people like him, and her alcohol fuelled temper wasn't helping "I may be a 'dyke' but guess what punk, she loves it and girls love it. Not losers like you at seedy bars"
"Listen here you bull dyke bitch-" the man began before Alex cut him off once more
"What's with all the homophobia dude?" she asked in mock hurt before her eyes lit up in glee and her face broke out into realisation "Oh! I get it now it all makes sense, it must be pretty frustrating being in closet!"
At this there was a roar of laughter and a few disgusted faces as the man's friends began stepping away from him and few people in the crowd began mumbling 'Faggot' and a number of other derogatory terms.
"What! No! Don't listen to this bitch" he yelled but to no avail as the crowds continued laughing and mumbling. The man turned towards Alex and Piper a furious snarl etched into his scarlet face. His knuckles were white and clenched tightly in fists "you'll pay for this bitch" he growled out
Alex simply raised her brows in amusement before taking Pipers hand and walking out.
Alex stumbled to the receptionist desk her breathing ragged as her need to see Piper overwhelmed her "Piper Chapman, where is she?!" Alex all but begged "she was brought in a couple hours ago, I need to see her"
The receptionist frowned pointing to a clock on the wall "visiting hours start at 7 am, I'm sorry-"
"Please" interrupted Alex "I-I came in with her and it's been hours and I don't-" She stopped as her throat become dry
The receptionist rolled her eyes and began typing, she suddenly stopped and gave Alex a compassionate look "you came in with her?" she asked
"Yes" she croaked out unable to say anything else
The receptionist nodded "all right I'll tell you, but if anyone asks you didn't get it from me"
Alex stood outside room 105 unable to enter, she placed her hands on the door before quickly removing them. It was as if there was a force field around the door trapping her outside unable to reach Piper. Maybe she should wait, did Piper even want to see her? After all it was her fault and Piper undoubtedly hated her.
Alex sighed placing her hand back on the cold door, of course Piper wouldn't hate her and that's what made it so much worse. In a sudden rush of courage she pushed open the door and was greeted with the sight of Piper and the Chapmans.
"Excuse me, this room is private" shrilled a voice, Alex however paid it no attention, her focus was fixed on Piper who was lying in the hospital bed looking smaller than Alex ever believed possible.
"Piper" she breathed, her hand automatically reached out to touch Piper, however she immediately pulled back thinking better of the action.
Carol Chapman looked between Piper and Alex several times in confusion before speaking softly "Piper darling, who is this?"
"This is Alex" Piper whispered her eyes glassy
Alex swallowed and began nervously adjusting her glasses
Bill Chapman looked Alex up and down most likely observing the stitches and her bruised right eye before speaking "and she was… was Alex with you Piper?"
Piper looked away and nodded slowly, Alex was suddenly struck with nausea as she caught a glimpse of a ring of dark finger shaped bruises around Pipers wrists and neck. She could feel the Chapman's eyes on her, it was most likely the first time they'd ever heard of her.
"Are you a friend of Piper's?" asked Carol curiously
Alex noticed the ring of redness of around Carol's eyes indicating that she'd been recently crying "uh, yes… I am"
Carol nodded before turning her attention away from Alex. An unsettling silence encased the room, Alex swallowed harshly suddenly feeling like an outsider. An uneasy prickling sensation was crawling up her skin, she needed to leave.
"I have to... go. I'm here if you need anything Pipes" she offered lamely before stumbling out the door and into the empty hallway