Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original Nintendo/Super Mario Universe characters mentioned below. They are property of the aforementioned and their appropriate affiliates. Please support the official games and merchandise.

I'm-a-Luigi. Number One. And dare anyone to say otherwise. Most people who've heard of me would know me as the younger brother of Mario. But most people in the Mushroom Kingdom know me as a ghost of sorts. Make no mistake, I'm still alive but my presence can be-a-very . . . haunting. Only my wife would call me an angel. But to everyone else? . . . Hmhmhm. None would call me an angel, unless they meant the Angel of Death. I left that wretched Kingdom for the last time at the height of winter earlier this year. And I ain't going back. My wife Daisy and I moved out here for a reason. To be free from all that shit. I live in the deep suburb of the kingdom now. Hell, I'd move farther, but I don't think I have to worry about those pricks in the Mushroom Kingdom bothering me. Any goomba or toad comes through here I'll decapitate him and use its head as an ottoman while I watch the Mushroom Kingdom burn on my 60 inch TV. Life outside the Kingdom is good. I walked outside to take in the sun and stand at the edge of my yard like I've earned the right to do so. I saw the mail truck pulling away from my box. I took the mail out the box. Its addressed to me. Nothing ever gets addressed to me. I opened it. It's from my brother.

"To My Dearest Brother Luigi

April 2016

I know you're upset and by no means am I saying you ain't got the right to be. But if you're gonna throw this tantrum at least come back home and throw it. You can take it out on the goombas, the koopas, I don't care. Hell, come back to the house and throw that shit on the floor. Long as you come back, I don't care. We're plumbers. We're used to cleaning up shit.

Yours Truly

Your Big Brother."

How gullible does he think I still am? My thoughts were interrupted when Professor E. Gadd waved to me from his yard next door.

"Good morning neighbor! Pleasant day isn't it?" I looked down at the letter in my hand and remained silent. It's nice to have him as a neighbor, but when Daisy's not around, it's kind of annoying. He's so fucking positive.

Months after I received that letter, I came home from work to a voice message. It was from Mario. I sighed as I began to listen:

"I know you got my letter three months ago Bro. Answer my calls. Write back. Do something. Don't just leave me to assume the worst. Things aren't getting any better here in the Kingdom. Call back when you get the chance."

He thinks he can just apologize and like magic everything is better? That ain't how shits-a-gonna work this time. He needs to learn that sometimes, when you fuck up, you can't make it alright and you have to just deal with the circumstances you've set for yourself.

It's the fall now. I live in a neighborhood that's so good you can leave your door unlocked. But usually if I ever do that, I come home to find E. Gadd in my living room watching TV. He's entirely too friendly. I don't hit him or nothing. I just kindly tell him to leave. Hell, sometimes, I just sit down and watch TV with him. He don't hurt nobody, usually. Distracts me when I need it.

Daisy would be pissed if she got home and saw all the leaves I haven't raked yet. Of course I always buy myself some time by telling her the color scheme of the falling leaves reminds me of her. It's beautiful really. She'd probably also be pretty pissed if I told her about Mario trying to contact me. I came home to another voice mail this afternoon. His voice gets more annoying every time I hear it again.

"Alright, now this is starting to get downright disrespectful. It's October now and I'm you older brother. The least you owe me is an audience. It gets worse here every day. Now I know what you're thinking. I should be able to handle this like usual. But ya see my brotha, It was because we worked as a team that we always came out on top. You know how I get when things start to frustrate me. For my sake and yours, you'd better give me a call!"

I wish that red-hatted mothafucka would. He can't intimidate me no more. I'm my own man. Got my own job. My own wife. My own life. And if there's one thing I know about my brotha, it's that there's no room for all those things in my life if I let him back in.

It's Christmas time. I had just finished the décor in my yard. Literally draping the golden lights on my white picket fence. I saw the mail truck driving away so I checked my box. Another one from Mario. E. Gadd came running up to me as I was opening it.

"Merry Christmas neighbor!" Actually, on this day, I could use his positivity.

"And-a-Merry Christmas to you too, Elvin. How's the house?"

"It's decorated top to bottom in Christmas colors. Red and Green far as the eye can see." Red and green. "Oop. Sorry Luigi. I meant like, for Christmas red and green not, ya know, you and your bro-"

"That's alright."

"Here ya go, by the way. Merry Christmas!" He handed me a gift. Wouldn't you know it was a green box with a red bow. I still felt bad. I hadn't gotten the old guy a thing. I thought on my feet.

"Thanks Prof. I got something for you too. Ya know that weird generator that keeps shorting out your lights when you plug it in?"

"Why that things gonna be the death of me!"

"Well let's get to the garage." He scampers off as I follow him. He throws the garage door up with more strength than I thought he had.

"Now where's the problem?" I asked him.

"Well the electro-currents from the house are never enough or never stable when they get to the chamber core here." He points to a gap in the construction of this huge machine that takes up most of the room. There lots of tubes leading up to a chamber built for one. The gap is at the intersection of the tubes. I place my hand in front of it. "What are you doing Luigi? That's dangerous!"

"It's fine. Watch this." I said as I spawned a thunder bolt from my hand. It felt fairly low voltage. I increased intensity until the machine lit up and turned on.

"Perfect. By gawd, you've done it. I didn't even know you could do that!"

"Yeah, not a lot of people do. So what's this machine do?"

"It does this!" He walked up to the chamber. The door slid open for him. He went in and it closed behind him. A chute within the chamber slid downward and he disappeared.

"Uh. Professor?" This guy is entirely too weird for me to spend my Christmas here. I left the garage, closed the door behind me. When I got back in my house I began to open the letter from Mario. It seemed different.

To My Most Stubborn Sibling

December 2016

Every time we were in dire situations, every life-threatening experience, who was there with you? I did everything to make sure you were still alive to even read these letters today. And now that I need you, you turn your back on me? What kind of brother are you? Why, if it wasn't for me you'd be nothing more than a charred corpse at the bottom of a lava pit. Or the tacky green-hatted remains strewn somewhere in the slums of the BeanBean Kingdom. You are a Mario Brother. You do not properly function apart from me! I suggest you come to your senses soon. Oh. And Merry Christmas. Brother.

Sincerely,

Mario

"What's that letter say, neighbor?" E. Gadd said from my lazy boy. I jumped back in surprise.

"What the hell, Elvin? How'd you get in my house?"

"Why, the Hello-Neighbor-Elevator of course!"

"Is that the machine I just helped you fix?"

"That's right! You're always so busy, sometimes you accidentally leave the door locked and I can't get in the house. Now, we can both easily get from house to house." I stared at him with a confused anger about me. "Who's the letter from?"

"This? It's, from, Mario." I said as I tossed it aside.

"Now hold on there, neighbor. How did you end up getting a letter on Christmas day?" I thought on this.

"I don't know. But knowing Mario he just found a way."

"Do you think we should be worried?"

"WE shouldn't even be having this conversation Gadd. Get outta my house!"

"Ok then. This'll give me a good chance to see how well the HNE works going back to my house."

"No, Gadd. Walk out the door and stop attaching your inventions to my house!" He walked toward the door with his head hanging. He stopped when he got to the threshold.

"Hey, Luigi. That letter didn't say anything bad did it? You know both of our lives could still be-"

"It's fine. Nothing important. Have a Merry Christmas Elvin." I felt bad for dismissing the guy on Christmas, but my wife's the only one I wanna deal with this holiday.

It's February now. I was lazing around in the living room one Sunday when an envelope slipped through the mail slot of my door. "It's Sunday."I quickly raced to my door and opened it to see who was delivering me mail today. No one around. I checked the envelope. Sure enough, it was addressed to me from my brother.

Luigi

February 2017

So close are we in age that even when I tried to serve as your role model, I too would make mistakes. But would you believe me if I told you I had found the end-all-be-all solution to every problem we ever had? I'm writing you now because, as of the last six months, a man of my . . . "reputation" is heavily monitored. By my enemies. By the Mushroom Kingdom officials. Even by some whom I am trusting within my circles now. This rules any phone calls out of the question. This letter makes it to you via the services of those who respect me. You see, my brotha, respect comes from admiration and fear. I am admired for the progress I am bringing the Mushroom Kingdom. And I am feared by the opponents of progress. I know my past few letters may have said otherwise. But as I continue to inform you, things are changing here in the Kingdom. I am only advising you to be safe. Stay away from the kingdom. I only hope this letter reaches you in time. Stay safe my Brotha. All is as it is.

Yours Truly

Mario

Ha! Does he really think reverse psychology is gonna work on me? What does he take me for? I tossed the letter in the air and torched it with a fireball. That's what his words are worth to me. I went back into the house. I had just missed a phone call. The machine beeped to record the message.

"Hello? Luigi. *sigh* It's Peach. Listen, I know you probably aren't taking any work right now since . . . a year ago. But please at least hear me out. It's barely safe to leave this message and I know how you feel about Kingdom officials coming to your door. I'm requesting, no I'm pleading that you make your way to my Castle. Not as the princess, but as your friend. Given the severity of the situation you will be paid more handsomely than you ever have been before. More than enough for you to retire. However, I am hoping the plight of the ones you love will be your primary motivation. I am fully aware that I am risking my life by contacting you and inviting you into the castle. Once you hear me out, you will see that my risk is well worth it. Upon arriving to the gates of the Mushroom Kingdom, you will be safely escorted to the Castle. I eagerly await your arrival. Until then, Luigi."

She must be super desperate. She's right, I don't want anything to do with the Kingdom. But I know, however much she's willing to pay, I can probably negotiate for even more. Enough to never worry about a bill again. Go even farther from the Kingdom. See the world and relax. Now how would I justify this trip to Daisy? Actually, I guess that is the lifestyle I had in mind for us. I can do it. I'd better go alone though. With the stakes this high, I don't wanna risk anyone else getting hurt. I went to see E. Gadd next door. He let me in kindly.

"Elvin, Peach called me with a job today. I need to get to the Mushroom Kingdom, fast. I need ya to fly me there in your chopper." I told him.

"The Kingdom? But you said you weren't going back there."

"I know what I said, Elvin. I don't need a recap, I just need a ride. You can just drop me off when we start closing in on the walls."

"Shouldn't I come with you, neighbor?"

"Elvin, we moved here for different reasons. Daisy and I were done with the Mushroom Kingdom. You were afraid. Don't worry, I won't take you through that trouble."

"But what about Daisy?"

"She's not going for the same reason you're not going. The Mushroom Kingdom is dangerous. They only care about themselves. Now come on, let's get moving. I wanna get this over with."

"Well alright, to the garage." It only took ten minutes or so to get within reasonable range of the Kingdom Walls by chopper. It's night time. "Now I took the liberty of preparing you for life inside the Kingdom Walls." He yelled over the hum of the chopper. "We're not sure if things have gotten worse or better in there and I want you to make it out of there alive." He tossed me my hammer.

"How did you get my hammer?" I yelled the question over the hum.

"Hello-Neighbor-Elevator! And here." He gave me a walkie talkie. "If the Kingdom is anything like I remember, it's not a good idea to wander around with a whole backpack of sorts. But between those two, you should be fine. Oh, and here!" He gave me a big heavy jacket. "It's the coldest in the walls this time of year. I'm afraid I'll get blown out of the sky if I go much further so this is where we part ways. Good luck Luigi."

"Won't need it neighbor." He swooped low and dropped me from the cabin. The chopper sped away into the distance. I put my hood on and walked toward the Kingdom. The size of the wall is menacing, stretching farther than the eye can see. It has been ever since the merger with Bowser's Kingdom. And we all see how that turned out. It's cold out and dark. As I begin closing in on the doors to the kingdom a group of hoodlums jumps from the bushes. Little toads, all dressed in tattered versions of their usual get-ups.

"G-g-give us your money and you won't g-g-get hurt." One of them said. Not sure if he was stuttering or shivering.

"Kid." I said. "I'm gonna count to two." I removed my hood just enough to reveal the L on my hat.

"Holy shit, everyone, get the hell out of here!" They scattered. It's upsetting. I like being feared throughout the Kingdom, but on the off-chance that it's a nice day here, I'd like, just for once, for someone to say 'Nice day in the Kingdom, Luigi!' I re-hooded and continued to the Kingdom doors. There were two Mushroom Kingdom Guards waiting.

"Give your identity and state you business or you will be detained." They sounded confident. I un-hooded and answered.

"I'm here to see the pretty lady in the pink dress."

"Luigi." They were taken aback. "We-we've been expecting you." The one on the left pounded twice on the doors. They slowly opened. A limousine was parked in front of the entrance. "Get in." Said a voice from inside. I got in. My window was rolled down without my permission.

"Why's my window down?"

"Calm down Luigi." A voice said on the opposite side of the cabin. The moonlight casting in through the window revealed his face in a dim light. "It's been a while."

"Not long enough, Toadsworth." I meant that. "Why is the Kingdom still merged with Bowser's?"

"Well you could hardly expect the royal family to give up so much land over a simple . . . disagreement."

"Disagreement? Do you want to die?"

"You can't intimidate me Luigi. I'm too old. I've seen too much."

"That wasn't intimidation. Just watch what you say."

"Fair enough. Your window was let down because it's not safe for the royal limo to travel in the open. But if people know you're in here, they wouldn't dare try anything."

"So what am I here for?"

"Well that scuffle you and your brother had with Bowser a year ago isn't quite wrapped up. The princess needs you to wrap up some loose ends her army can't quite reach."

"What loose ends?"

"You'll see." He answered. We arrived at the castle. Toadsworth and I got out of the limo. With the street lights outside the castle, I saw his face more clearly. The right side of his face appears to have recovered from a bad burn. Scars, burn marks and a right eye that looked to be blind.

"What the hell happened to your face, Toadsworth?" I said.

"All will become clear shortly. You've missed a lot in your absence Luigi." There was heavy security all round as we made our way through the castle. It's not for my safety. It's for the princess'. Toadsworth knocked on her door. She opened and greeted us.

"Good evening Toadsworth, Luigi. Guards leave us. Toadsworth will be here if we need anything." She forced a smile on her face as she spoke. It was all she could do to mask her fear.

"We will wait outside the door for you." One guard said.

"Not necessary." She clarified. "You have an entire castle to patrol."

"But your highness, L-" He stopped short of his sentence and looked at me. "W-what about your safety?"

"If I could clarify." I spoke up and dropped my hood completely. "You are all dead the moment I want you to be. That much being said, you guards can do what you want and it wouldn't affect the outcome of this meeting we're about to have." The room fell silent for a moment. Toadsworth broke it.

"We will be fine, sergeant. It is a symbol of the princess' trust in Luigi for you to patrol elsewhere. You may go."

"Yes sir." The guards left us and Toadsworth closed the door behind us.

"It's been a while Luigi." Peach said. "We haven't talked since your heroics a year ago."

"Is that what you call it?" I responded.

"There really is no pleasing you. I tried to tell you even before you left how sorry I was."

"Is that supposed to make it alright?" I took a seat next to her dresser.

"You're supposed to understand. You went through everything with us. You know how fast everything happened."

"I'm used to things happening fast and making quick decisions. So is my brother. You were the only one who fucked up in the moment. At least when Mario does things, he does them on purpose. He doesn't just fuck up."

"Well I'm sorry, damn it! I didn't mean for things to happen the way they did. None of us were supposed to get hurt! It wasn't supposed to come to Daisy's, ya know. . ." She trailed off and stopped.

"Is the princess too good to use the word murder, Peach?" I asked.