(((It was plausible for both Sam and Dean to have a concussion in this tag but I went with Dean because I love hurt Dean and protective Sam. ;)))
ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME
It's dark, and Sam sighs paying for gas, bottled water and some snacks for the road in a small gas station. He's butt tired but the adrenaline is still beating through his body lightening fast. Out the window the impala is sitting dark and pretty beside a gas pump. He doesn't spot Dean, but Mary and Cas are standing next to her. Dean must be bent over getting the gas.
They'd dumped Cas' truck but Mary's green jeep is pulled up behind the impala letting Sam know their mom had no intention of sticking around. He sighs, like that's surprise. He tosses in some MnM's for Dean at the last minute thinking Dean will be happier with some sugar in his system and well, because Dean is Dean and Sam is Sam...and tonight was crap and they each have their ways of making it up to each other when no one else will take responsibility for the very 'crappiness' of their lives.
He gives a weary smile to the cashier and grabs his bag off the counter. Breathes in a big lungful of crisp, cold gas scented air, the familiar smell hitting him right in the stomach and he's smiling a little easier when he reaches the impala. He frowns though when he spots Dean sitting in the back seat of the impala his legs hanging out and Mary and Cas surrounding him like they're on a mission. Mary's got a bag of ice wrapped in a bandana trying to hold it Dean's head and Cas has got two fingers extended towards his brother.
Sam's heart constricts with worry, "What's going on?" He asks, as he comes up on them. Doesn't need to ask what's wrong, can tell by the wrinkles in Dean's forehead all is not well, and he doesn't want to make Dean any more anxious.
Both Mary and Cas look to him helplessly and Dean manages to bat both their hands away, his frown deepening.
"I think he's got a concussion." Mary says, motions to Dean with a fond but frustrated look on her face. "So stubborn, he won't let me put any ice on his head." Sam knew Dean was well on his way to being concussed, probably knew before Dean.
Cas lets his hand be pushed away by his best friend from his best friend and looks to Sam sadly, "He started talking strangely a few moments ago."
Sam smiles a little and laughs at them. He thinks Dean is easy as pie, but that might just be because he's been dealing with him for years. Looking at his brother now he can tell Dean feels terrible, he's confused and disoriented and doesn't like Mary and Cas standing so close to him and definitely not touching him. He can tell Dean is shutting down and turning in on himself.
Probably wondering frantically where Sam is, the concussion having grown worse since he went inside the gas station.
"He took some good ones to the head in that barn," Mary says.
"I thought he probably would," have a concussion that is, Sam places the bag in the front seat of the impala and then joins the group. "Got hit a few times in the house too."
Mary takes another step towards Dean and reaches to place the bag back on his forehead again. He beats her to it though and pushes her hand away again, grunting deep in his chest, eyes slipping to look behind him nervously and his frown deepens, the put out expressions on Cas and Mary's face makes Sam laugh.
He squats in front of Dean and waits for his brother to look at him.
"S'mmy?" He asks, slurring a little.
"Yeah, it's me." Sam returns easily, motioning for one of the bottles of water he'd bought and reaching under the seat for the first aide kit. Counts Dean out some pain meds as Mary hands him the water.
"Where'd you go?" Dean asks, squinting at him and looking down and away from the big flood lights.
"Had to go run and pay for the gas, got you some MnM's." He says softly, mindful of Dean's headache.
"Haven't pumped the gas yet." Dean says through heavy feeling lips.
"That's okay," Sam assures a hand on Dean's knee, "Cas'll get it, right?" He glances at their friend and Cas smiles easily.
"Of course." Cas walks away towards the back of the impala.
"Tell'm to be careful Sam, scratched her before." Dean says urgently, a hand somehow landing on Sam's shoulder.
"I will be very careful with your car, Dean," Cas assures from somewhere unseen.
"Sam, he really needs some ice or something on his head," Mary insists again, watching the way Dean's pupils are doing some crazy things.
Dean turns away from her voice and leans towards Sam even more. "They wouldn't leave m' alone, tell 'em to quite touching me." Dean mumbles under his breath and Sam just smiles, long used to this by now.
"They were just trying to help Dean."
"They were annoying the hell outta me, is what they were doin'," Dean snaps, the heel of his hand coming to press roughly against his temple and Sam's chest softens and tightens with the action at the same time.
"Okay, okay," Sam placates gently, hands going to Dean's shoulders as he sways a little too drastically for Sam's liking, glances towards their mom, holds out his hand for the bag of ice.
"Can you give him some space?" Watches her face fall. "It's nothing personal, he just isn't used to having other people around him when he's vulnerable like this."
She nods and backs away, hands going nervously into her back pockets, watching from a few feet away.
"You're...vulnerable," Dean mumbles in a lame insult and Sam chuckles.
"Hold out your hand," he says and Dean does. Sam places two pills there and unscrews the lid of the water bottle. "Go ahead, toss em back."
Dean does as instructed and then Sam hands over the water, shaking hands manage but Sam is there to help at anytime. Dean screws his eyes shut as his head comes down from his drink and Sam takes the water bottle before Dean drops it prepared for the reaction, leaves a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"You got it, just a bit dizzy."
"I know I'm dizzy, you idiot." Dean says back, but the way it slurs wetly out of his mouth takes away any real meanness to it.
Sam laughs again, "Here," he takes Dean's hand and turns it palm up and places the ice bag in it. Dean sucks in a sudden breath with the chill of it. "Gonna have a nasty bruise."
"I already said I don't wanna," Dean objects impetuously.
And Sam can feel Mary's eyes on his back, watching them, waiting, wanting to see how this works out. How Sam gets across to Dean, if he can get across to Dean. And it sets off a spark of anger in Sam's chest the way she questions them constantly.
"You say that every time." Sam soothes. "It'll help you, Dean."
"You say that every time." Dean parrots back, not ducking away as Sam skates fingers over the raised bump just in Dean's hairline, "Always gives me epic brain freezes."
Sam lets his head fall to the side and fixes Dean with a sad gaze, brown and green kaleidoscope eyes sparkling in the lights and dazzling Dean's concussion eyes. Puppy dog eyes worked on a concussed Dean even better then a coherent one.
"Then do it for me...Dean..." He takes Dean's hand and guides it towards his head. "...please?"
"Fine," Dean huffs and presses the coldness to his head and Sam smiles, pushes Dean further into the car and Dean lets him. Lays his head against the back of Baby's seat and sighs, closing his eyes and dragging his legs into his beloved car.
Cas is done with pumping the gas and comes back to smile at Sam fondly both of them all too familiar with Dean's childishness when he sustained head wounds. He could fix their problem now and just heal Dean up, let him sleep peacefully on the ride home. "Sam I could..."
"No," Dean says, without opening his eyes, "You're not strong enough Cas."
"Nobody asked you, Dean." Cas says back and Sam can feel Mary's eyebrows raise. It wasn't often Cas let this side of his and Dean's relationship show. Though in Sam's opinion it was hilarious, Cas could be one sassy mother.
"Better not have scratched my car," Dean parries back weakly and Cas just leans easily against the impala beside Dean's open door.
"Of course not." He says in his rough baritones and Sam watches a little more tension and pain fade from Dean's body and he knows it had nothing to do with Baby.
"You okay?" Dean asks next, his words not any clearer but he is calmer and Sam's glad for that.
"I'm good," Cas assures and gives a nod to Sam. I've got him. And Sam walks away, goes to stand beside their mom, they walk to her jeep.
"Dean didn't mean anything." He says, "He just gets that way, especially with head injuries. He's not the most trusting person."
Mary holds up her hands, "It's okay Sam, it really is. I understand."
"Sure you won't come home for a bit?" Sam asks, more of a courtesy then actually thinking there's a chance she might.
"Nah," she shakes her head with a fond smile to Sam then towards Dean. "I'd tell you to look after him, but I already know you will."
Sam laughs a little. "See ya later mom."
"Bye Sam. Bye Dean, Cas!" She calls over her shoulder, and she gets some type of farewell from their general direction. Sam waves and she drives off, Sam sighs and makes his way back over to the impala.
Cas is sitting in the back seat next to Dean now, his brother's head still back against the seat. Cas looks easy and relaxed, body turned towards Dean. Both their body language open and comfortable, something Sam hardly ever sees from either of them. It's relieving to see Dean trusting in someone other than just Sam, takes a little bit of the weight off his shoulders.
"I don't know dude," Dean's saying softly, "There was like this black MUSH coming out of your mouth." He's still holding the ice to his face, eyes still shut but the lines of pain are leaving and Sam feels a pulse of appreciation go out for Cas.
"It was extremely painful." Cas allows in a low voice.
Sam shakes his head at them and climbs into the driver's seat and shuts the door behind him. He looks over his shoulder, "We all set?" He asks and when Dean cracks an eye at him he smiles apologetically. "Sorry." He says softer.
Dean just grunts and closes his eyes again. "Just shut up and drive."
Cas and Sam exchange looks in the review mirror. Cas gives him a sympathetic tilt of the head, but Sam can tell the tender compassion in his gaze is all for Dean.
"You really shouldn't sleep on a concussion, Dean." Sam says gently after a few silent minutes on the road.
"Nah 'ssssleep." Dean returns, throws the bag of ice into the floor of the car wrapped in the bandana.
"Right," Sam says, watching him carefully in the review mirror. His brother is white, even his light lashes dark against his cheeks, he seems pretty relaxed but the way he's wrapped his arms around himself lets Sam know every movement is agony to his screaming head.
"Dean, just let me heal you."
"No Cas, you been through enough today, I'll be fine after a little sleep." Dean mumbles, eyes shut and Sam just smiles when...
"But Sam just said..."
"Sh," Dean urges with a deep, calm exhale of breath.
Cas looks worried to Sam as Dean's breaths goes slow and deep and he's so close to sleep. And Sam just rolls his eyes. "It's alright Cas, something's you can't help, there's no way he would be able to stay awake anyways. If he slips into a coma then you're more than welcome to heal him."
Sam watches the sleepy smirk spread over Dean's lips in the review mirror and laughs softly under his breath as he turns on the radio. The volume is way down but within minutes Dean is breathing easily lulled into sleep, head on the back of the seat turned toward Cas. If he woke the first thing he'd see would be the back of Sam's head, and concussion Dean didn't think to hide that's what he wants unlike regular Dean.
Cas shifts and makes himself comfortable, stares out the window. And it's not lost on Sam the way Cas leans into Dean so their shoulders are just touching, or is it Dean? Right now Sam needs to drive and he can't be there for Dean, but he's really really thankful for Cas. If Dean is feeling anything like Sam is he's going to need the company and the security of warmth friend beside him.
Demons weren't something they had to deal with a lot now that Crowley steered clear of them. And the Winchesters were definitely the most adept of their generation at fighting the sons of darkness thanks to their history, but still they get cold tendrils of apprehension and abhorrence at the sight of black eyes and the unnatural strength holding them down.
Your regular, run-of-the-mill demon got nothing but contempt and disgust from the Winchester boys but a strong demon with eyes colored other than black was something to be feared and respected. And they had definitely never expected to face another one that peered at them through glowing, yellow pupils.
It had awoken a deep, dark terror in Sam and Dean. A terror they thought to never feel again, a threat they thought gone forever. It wasn't something they could turn off and on, it wasn't something they were in control of...it was graven into their subconsciouses as surely as they had grown up motherless, as surely as they had lost their father to the yellow-eyed son of a bitch.
And no they hadn't had time to speak of it or even to feel it yet, but as they head home Sam can feel the slight trembling coming to his hands, the terror rising bile in his throat...the memories stronger then his resolve to not relive the horrific past. The phantom tingle of cold steel at the small of his back, Dean's green eyes wide, rimmed with red, filled with tears...Sam has never felt the kind of desperation reflected in Dean's eyes.
("How much time did you get?"
"Sam, don't..."
"How much time Dean?"
"One year.")
We're okay, he thinks, glancing back at Dean. We're okay.
He doesn't want to think about the fall out this could cause. Doesn't want to think about what this could do to them, to Dean, to him. They really can't afford another hit so close to home right now. Feels sick thinking about all the times Dean has pulled away from him and gone quiet...leaving Sam in a bland, cold world. And he knows he can't let that happen, has too call Dean out, remind him their bigger then this.
But Dean is asleep safe and warm in the back seat with Cas looking over him and Sam is counting chicks before they hatch. Dean is strong, stronger than Sam is and Dean isn't the same man he was back then...he's bigger, so much bigger than memories and regrets. Dean is life and hope, lives in violent love, pulls Sam along with him on this rocky road they call life.
Dean shifts, mumbling in his sleep and Cas turns to look at him with those intense blue eyes that catch on car's lights they pass. Sam moves in his seat too, sits up straighter looking in the review mirror. Knows that look on Dean's face, the fitful little crease between his eyes brows, the lifting of his top lip in mental agony.
Just a nightmare. But their nightmares were bad, and Dean's worse. Sam doesn't know why, has never asked Dean if he had a theory but his big brother's nightmares have always been worse, clearer, harder on Dean then Sam.
He doesn't know if it has something to do with a stronger imagination, or with deeper felt emotions but Dean's mind became his very own torture master when he slept. And that's why Sam can't really judge him for the slight alcoholism he's developed. When Dean sips his finger of liquor before bed Sam gives him a smile and joins him, says goodnight with warmth glowing deep in his stomach. And though it's more than he likes to drink Sam sleeps better knowing Dean won't toss and turn in fear and pain all night.
"Sam..." Cas starts, watching Dean's face twist in his sleep, toss his head away from them on the back of the seat.
"Give him a minute, sometimes he comes out of it himself," Sam says softly, glancing back into the mirror.
"I thought it was better." Cas says simply, and Sam can feel the tension and worry coming off Cas. Remembers the days when he'd come back to their motel room with Ruby's blood sharp on his tongue and find Cas sitting beside Dean on the bed. His brother was asleep but not resting, Cas would watch with concerned fascination at the emotions flying over Dean's face, the tears making gentle tracks across his white skin.
It was only when Sam explained what was happening did Cas reach out and place two careful fingers on his forehead, made the darkness flee and filled Dean's mind with blissful, empty light. Dean would sigh in his sleep and turn towards Cas and Sam's stomach would twist with something ugly and true...knew Dean was suffering but didn't do anything about it, knew what he was doing was wrong, but didn't stop.
"It is," Sam says softly, "But nothing ever really goes away."
Cas hums under his breath, and eyes go back to Dean when he grimaces deeper and that's when Sam see the tear tracks glistening the low light. Dean gasps in his sleep, his entire body jumps.
"No, no, no," he objects weakly, tosses his head back towards them restlessly. "I killed you, you're dead. Y, you can't be..."
Sam's heart freezes. Knows what is happening, expected it even, but that doesn't lessen the fear in his own heart, doesn't make the ache deep inside him for his brother any less.
"Wake him up, Cas." He says firmly, and Cas doesn't question him, just grabs onto Dean's arm and gives him a shake.
There's some dreams you don't need to have. Some things you don't need to remember.
Dean wakes with a gasp, jerking himself away from Cas and Sam knows that hurt his head like a bitch. His brother's chest rises and falls rapidly with his desperate breaths, his eyes are wide and glazed over and Sam knows he's still coming out of it.
"Dean, hey," he says, "It's okay, you were having a nightmare, Cas woke you up."
Dean looks at Sam where he turns to give him a brief, reassuring smile and then to Cas. Recognition softening his features and his fists unfurl, his eyes are still wide as Cas urges him to sit back again.
Dean presses the heels of both his hands into his eyes, letting his head fall against the back of the seat again, "Yellow-Eyes..." is all he chokes out.
"It was just a dream." Sam soothes, "That's long over."
Dean winces at that, something unusual written over his face. Sam recognizes it as confusion, fear...regret of the worst kind. "Yellow eyed sons of bitches always screwing us over." He mumbles. "Almost lost you, Cas."
Cas smiles softly, "But you didn't."
"But we almost did." Dean counters back, a stitch of worry in his forehead. He squeezes his eyes shut.
"Those eyes..."
Dean and Sam's eyes meet in the review mirror on shared impulse. There's no smile, no words. But the reflection of fear, and relief and shared confusion of how could this happen? How could this come back to us? It wasn't something they ever expected to get back to, though they probably should have.
After everything they had been through. Their adventures had begun with the yellow-eyed demon and still it came back to haunt them, after all the years, all the other monsters, all the time spent looking for redemption. It was scary as hell, but also kind of fascinating in the most messed up kind of way. It was intriguing and terrifying that there was nothing they could rule out that might happen to them.
"Well, you won again." Cas says firmly.
And then they both smile.
Damn right.
...
By the time they get home Dean is ill as a snake, even more so than before. The wrinkles beside his eyes and on his forehead stay with the pain in his head, and Sam tells Cas his regular room is ready for him. And then he's got Dean by the sleeve of his jacket and pulling him towards his room, ready to catch him if he decides to face plant into something other than his mattress.
Because like it or not, Dean doesn't have that much time left to be upright.
Dean lets out a deep sigh of contentment when Sam opens his door and and switches on the light. He leaves Dean's bag on the floor and goes into the bathroom for some water and his brother's favorite pain meds Dean kept there.
"Home sweet home," Dean sighs under his breath and sits down on the foot of his bed.
"Boots off." Sam says from the bathroom, and Dean just sighs, a hand resting over the bump on his head while he bends and undoes the laces on his boots with the other hand. He kicks them off and then lets himself fall into place, pulling his pillow up under his head.
"Up," Sam directs, kicking his leg where it's hanging off the mattress and Dean nearly growls at him. Sam hands him the pills and water and jerks the covers out from under him as Dean takes them.
"You gonna be okay?" He asks, his eyes jumping to meet Sam's gaze as his little brother takes the cup back from him.
Sam gives him a tired smile, "Aren't I always?" He laughs fondly with the knowing look Dean shoots him. "It was a shock, everything takes time..." everything takes time to heal.
Dean nods and lays back down, bunching the pillow comfortably under his aching head. His eyes skirt away from Sam, and the younger Winchester almost doesn't catch his words.
"I lost all three of you to that bastard..." dad, mom...yousammygodilostyou, he says softly, his eyes wet and haunted staring at the wall. "...And then today it all just came flooding back...it was just like losing dad, there was nothing I could do..."
Sam opens his mouth to respond but Dean isn't done.
"And then Cas, oh my god Sam, he was dying. He was right there and he was dying and there was nothing I could do...just like every other damn time and..."
"Dean, woah." Sam halts him, "Its okay, we're all fine. And you heard Cas...we won again." He sits on the bed beside where Dean is laid out. Dean's face is doubtful, his eyes glazed over with medicine and pain and god, there's no point when Dean is too high or too inebriated to feel regret and guilt. It was one of Dean's best qualities and Sam hated it, hated it.
"You know it sucks what we've been through, but we've survived...we are the ones still alive and kicking and sure it's been hellish sometimes. But we fought through it together, fought for each other...but every step of the way, every mile I wouldn't have it any different because it's all been with you, been because of you. So screw the yellow-eyed demon and his siblings and everything we've gone through. Honestly, I couldn't care less, because even with the bad it's been the adventure of a lifetime."
Dean looks slightly dazed, and Sam's wondering if his addled brain is even capable of following what he just said. Slowly Sam comes to understand Dean's just realized something, and that he's still in shock.
"I wouldn't change anything." Dean says softly, and the his eyes jump to Sam's, "I wouldn't change a thing, Sammy."
His eyes sparkle with the shocked, thankful tears in them and he smiles softly. Sam feels his heart swelling with love and thankfulness as well, can't believe that somehow this is where they get to end up even after everything. Safe, warm...they're allowed each other.
Dean blinks as if he suddenly realizes they're sitting on his bed looking into each other's eyes. And his smile turns a little sardonic, he relaxes the rest of the way into his mattress. His eyes drift the rest of the way closed and he blindly pushes Sam off his bed.
"That was gross...we're gross." He says and Sam laughs, pushing hair out of his eyes and rising.
"Disgusting." Sam agrees, turning off the light and about to shut the door behind him.
"Thanks Sammy," Dean mumbles sleepily at him.
"Goodnight, Dean."
And as Sam closes the door what he really wants to say is thank you, Dean. Thank you for this, thank you for your friendship. Thank you for never giving up on me, for believing in me, for your loyalty. Thank you for coming to get me at Stanford, thank you for bringing me back to life, for saving me from hell, for keeping me from killing myself back at the trials. Thank you for always making me keep going because it's been amazing, been one hell of a ride...
Thank you for making my entire existence an adventure of a lifetime.
the end.
Pleas please, if u love me, if you love Dean, if you love Sam and Cas, and Jensen, and Jared, and Misha ... PLZ REVIEW! ;)
Obviously, a lot of mixed emotions in this episode. I decided to avoid the whole Mary issue, lol.