Joey Leone:
What Are You Gunja Do?
Liberty City, Spring 2002
Joey Leone, the son of the late Salvatore Leone, stood in an alleyway in the Newport area of Staunton Island. He was waiting for his friend and business associate, Luigi Goterelli, who was more than an hour late. Luigi was supposed to pick Joey up in Newport, then take him back to Momma's Restaurante in the St. Marks region of Portland island, for a meeting with the current head of the Leone Mafia, Toni Cipriani. Joey was beginning to get very impatient. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone, only to find it wasn't there. "Shit." He said to himself. He realized that he must have left it back at his home in Portland.
Meanwhile, standing just one alley down from Joey, was King Courtney, the leader of the Uptown Yardies. He too was waiting for a ride. His friend, and fellow Yardie, Rudyard was supposed to have picked Courtney up more than two hours earlier, and taken him to the airport to meet his girlfriend Queen Lizzie, who was returning from a trip to Jamaica to visit family. Although he was not as impatient a person as Joey, he too was getting annoyed. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone. "Shit." He said to himself. He realized that he must have left it back in his apartment. Then he noticed something across the street. A payphone! He quickly walked across the street to the phone. As he reached it, he bumped into another man, Joey Leone, who was walking over to that very same phone!
"Watch it." Said Joey. He continued to approach the phone.
"Hey, you betta watch it bwoy." Responded Courtney, "I bin at dis phone before you."
"Look 'mon'," replied Joey, "You obviously don't know who I am." Joey reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of dollar bills. He began counting out one hundred dollars, "The fact is, I'm using this phone whether you like it or not, but, seeing as I'm about to give you one hundred dollars, I don't think you'll mind." Joey held out the cash. Courtney took it and looked at it.
"Nah bwoy," Said Courtney, "I know who you be. You're a Leone." Courtney held up the money and tore it in half. He tossed the money in Joey's face. "And da fact is, I be using dis phone."
"You son of a bitch." Joey said with a look of disbelief on his face, "Who the fuck do you think you are? No. I'll tell you who you are. You're just some Yardie scumbag, who ain't got nothing better to do then argue over who gets to use a fucking payphone."
"Hey mon," said Courtney, "I ain't just 'some Yardie scumbag'. I be THE Yardie scumbag. I be King Courtney. Da main man 'round here. All I have to do is snap ma fingas and you'd be dead before ya hit da ground. Dis place, dis be MY place, and dees people, dey be MY people. But seeing as you is a Leone, and seeing as da Leones have, for da most part, stayed out of our business, I'll just let ya off with a warnin'. Ya hearin' me bwoy?"
"Ya." Replied Joey, "I'm hearing ya loud and fucking clear. Now could you step aside and let me use the FUCKING PHONE?!"
"Ease-up bwoy," said Courtney, "An tell me why it is dat you gotta use dat phone so bad."
"Alright you arrogant prick," replied Joey, "I've been waiting almost two hours for a fucking ride, and the guy ain't coming!" A smile grew on King Courtney's face, and then he broke out into laughter. "What's so funny?" Questioned Joey, "C'mon, what the fuck are you laughing at?"
"I bin waiting almost tree hours for ma ride." Said Courtney. Joey began smiling too.
"Wait," said Joey, "you're waiting for a ride too?"
"Ya mon," said Courtney, "for almost tree hours now."
"And you just wanted to call your boy and see where he is?" Said Joey.
"Ya mon," said Courtney, "I just wanted to know where he's at."
"That's a fucking funny situation." Said Joey, "We're fighting over the phone, and we both wanna use it for the same thing." Joey slouched down and relaxed, "Shit, man, you can use the phone."
"Nah bwoy," said Courtney, "you use it first."
"I insist that you use it first." Joey replied.
"Do ya wanna jus' split a cab?" Replied Courtney.
Joey sighed and said, "Sure thing Courtney, sure thing."
EPILOGUE
Just down the street and around the corner from the payphone, the police had closed off a section of road. Behind their blockade, sat two cars, both of them smashed and damaged. One of the cars, a Leone Sentinal, belonged to a man name Luigi Goterelli. The other car, a Yardie Lobo, belonged to a man known only as Rudyard. Both Luigi and Rudyard were talking with police officers.
"Shit I told you already." Said Luigi, "I came around the corner, and this crazy Jamaican smashes into me from outta fucking nowhere! Now please, I really gotta be somewhere."
"Aight bwoy," said Rudyard to a police officer, " I jus' bin drivin' to pick up ma bwoy, an' dis crazy Italian smashes into ma car! Now bwoy, I really gotta be somewhere."