CHAPTER 1: Absolution

Absolution: n. 1, act of absolving. 2, forgiveness of sins; remission of punishment for sins

She's awake before the sun rises. In these early hours she sits and waits. She waits for absolution; for forgiveness. But every morning the sun comes up just after six; and still she remembers, still she sees his eyes, the pain and utter distrust darkening the once brilliant green. She had put a gun to his chest and she will never forget. The tears come and go before she's ready for work and she puts up a brave face, knowing he'll be there, without fail; just like he's only been. Ziva David is a broken woman and as she waits for absolution and forgiveness she does not realize she already has it; with every grin he paces her way; with slight touch of his hand he gives her his forgiveness. She has the devotion and the heart of the one man that completes her, the one man that gets her yet she put a gun to his chest. Her reasons seem small and strange now, but still they were there at the time. She needed to protect him; she needed her loyalties to be with her father; if not, Eli David would have killed Tony; all because of love. You see Eli David was not the type of man to invest in simple things like emotions. He trained his daughter to do one thing and one thing only- kill. Ziva put a gun to Tony's chest and she still feels the weight of it in her hand.

She was never supposed to survive the trip to Africa. Her father knew it was a suicide mission, never expecting her to ever come back. So, she was always prepared to live out the last of her days in that dark, damp, lifeless cell … alone. Instead she was surprised, pleasantly of course, when she was dragged from her cell and left in the hands of Tony and McGee. He was bruised and dirty Tony, but still it was her Tony. At that moment it took her a few seconds to realize that both Tony and McGee were there, to find her. She was even more taken aback when Tony told her that they had come looking for revenge, even when she was thought to be dead. She held back her tears and would continue to do so until she was home alone, later that week.

"I couldn't live without you, I guess." That single, heartfelt line had given Ziva the strength to escape; especially when her body had been prepared to die. Truth be told, her heart wasn't ready to let go.

Salvation could be hers; all she had to do was ask the one person who could give it to her. Gibbs was right, a part of her died in Africa.

* * *

The holidays had gone easier than she thought it would. She got to spend Thanksgiving with her family, she had told Ducky that she would be spending the time with neighbors, but she knew deep down that he didn't buy that story for a second. Tony had taken her home that night and as she gave him a kiss on the cheek she was overwhelmed with the desire to tell him everything; how she felt about him, that he was right about Michel about her father, but instead she smiled and let him go. She took the steps to her apartment two at a time, closing the door just in time to catch the tears rolling off her cheek. She never realized that Tony had followed her up and was leaning against the other side of the door, trying to will himself to knock. Instead she glanced around her apartment it was practically bare, no pictures, very little furniture and lifeless, just like she had once felt on the inside. She realized just how much Tony had meant to her and if she could bring herself back from this dark place she's been hiding out in, she would be able to give her heart completely.

* * *

Her cycle started to break after that night; she woke up with the alarm at six instead of two hours prior. She waited for the tears that usually came, but instead she showered, dressed and was out the door in plenty of time to get coffee and breakfast; without having to worry about the blotchy skin and red puffy eyes. Her life was starting to smooth out. She was even inclined to shop online; with Abby's help of course. She bought a red area rug for her living room. It was simple and small, but it was a step in the right direction. Tony came to work shortly after her, and right on his heels was McGee, she was definitely warming up inside.

***

After a long day of interrogations and tracking down suspect after suspect the time had finally come to pack up and head home for the night. Ziva glanced over at Tony's desk, he was shoving his gun and badge into his back pack, looking tired and worn out. With her head down she gained enough courage to force the words out of her mouth, "Tony, would you like to come over tonight?" She paused and allowed her head to lift and her gaze to settle on Tony, "I will cook us dinner and maybe we can-"

"Just the two of us, like old times?"

"Yea."