A/n: I don't own Deadpool or anything else mention; also don't take any of this seriously just laugh at it
Deadpool's vital information for you're everyday life
Deadpool: hello everyone, it's you're favorite merc with a mouth here to bring you some …well you read the fricking story title didn't y'a? Anyway let's get on with the enlightenment shall we?
When you buy the Hulk a hooker, remember to say a prayer for the poor girl. It's a good idea to run away Wolverines claws, but it's a really, really bad idea to run into them headfirst!
The only thing that's cooler then having a katanna is having two katannas (so yeah, this just amplifies my awesomeness ten-fold!)
Remember kids, when you try to give Venom a wedgie in public his symboite won't like that and he'll most likely eat you're brains or file for a law suite, whatever comes first.
The early bird gets the worm; so steal it from him! Then squish the worm because he made you get you're ass up at fricking four in the mourning just to go get him, then he would've probably made you go get his dry cleaning for him because he's a lazy bastard.
When humpty dumpty sorry ass falls from the wall, don't help him just tell him it was his own damn fault and walk away.
The next time a hobo asks you for some change, tell him three simple words that will change his life forever: get a job.
There are some things money can't buy…so steal them.
You can't beat the X-men, but you can always TP their mansion.
Spider-man tells us that with great power comes great responsibility, I on the other hand tell Spider-man to piss off
The next time you go to the skate park with an idiotic friend who believes helmets are for wimps, bring you're camera because chances are he's going to do something very stupid.
It's not a great idea to drop out of school, but it's even worse idea to drop out of school when I'm you're math teacher!
(Talking really fast) Guy-named-Weasel-get-hit-with-flash bag-grenade-say-what!
Weasel: what?
Deadpool: (throws a flash bag grenade at Weasel) we now return you to your regularly secluded enlightenment.
If you're right all the time and you're wife or girlfriend isn't then you're wife or girlfriend must be a blow up doll.
Piñatas are awesome! The concept of beating the shit out something and getting candy in return is kick ass!
There is no such thing as a Weasel fan-girl, if there is may I be struck down by a purple and green polka dotted Rhino and may he drop a massive trud on my head.
Pushing someone down the stairs isn't funny…unless it's Wolverine, then by all means laugh you're ass off.
Whenever you watch another cartoon or anime show, just think of how cool it would be if it had me in it.
the beatings will continue until i say otherwise (and i won't)
Deadpool: well that's all the time we have Deadpool fanatics, I'm gonna go beat Weasel with a sledgehammer and see if candy falls out of him. see y'a!
The end!