Most of us returned from the mission. Erwin. Hanji. Me. Mikasa. Armin. Jean. Connie. The list goes on. Sasha. Reiner. But not you, Levi. I walk to the door of your study. It's impeccably clean, not a spot of dirt anywhere. I can almost feel you here.

I open the windows of your study to air it out. I'll be sure to come here every day to clean, that's what you would have wanted. The sun is still shining through the windows; it's mocking me. The light, the gentle breeze, are things for a happier day. As I walk around this room I remember all the things we said.

"I'll be sure to kill every titan." You promised me.

And where are you now? But don't worry, I'll kill them for you, every last one.

The tears are coming. I haven't cried like this since my mother died almost ten years ago. If there was one thing I could do over, it would be this mission. I would have paid more attention. I would not have lost control. And then, you wouldn't have had to protect my friends from me. I'm sorry. I know it's not enough. I'm sorry, Levi. I'm sorry.

Maybe we'll meet again. And then I can apologize. It's my fault. I'll find you in another life. I promise.

My tears spill out of my eyes. I realize I'm making a puddle on the floor. I'm sorry, Levi. I'll clean it up later. I promise. But for now, I sink to the ground in the room that is still yours.

You promised me you'd keep me from being a monster, that you would kill me before I hurt anyone else. I wish I had died. I wish it was me instead of you. Because what am I? Just a screw-up, a monster. Humanity needs you more than me. And I, along with the rest of humanity, always watched your back as you pressed forward. Now who will be the wings of liberty?

I can't stand it. My heart is breaking. My resolve to live is leaving. But humanity is behind me now. Will they watch me from behind as a stumble down the path ahead of me? I run my finger over the place where I always bite to turn into a titan. I swear on the pain I feel that I will exterminate the titans. I swear this for you, Levi, for my mother, for my sister, my best friend, and for everyone else. I swear it for the world.

You made me strong. You were the only one who didn't guard yourself from me because I was a monster. You accepted me as human.

I can't see because of the tears that are coming so fast now. I can't breathe because I'm choking on the air that feels so empty now that you're gone.

It should have been my last day today, not yours. I'm sorry. Is this what they call survivors guilt?

And you made me human. You protected me from the monster inside, from my greatest fear.

I'm only left with memories. I'll keep the floors clean and the shelves dustless. I'll protect my fellow soldiers. And I will rid this world of titans.

Can I control myself? I don't want to think about what would have happened if you hadn't pulled Armin out of the way. What if I lose it again? Who would I kill? Mikasa? Armin?

You should have killed me, Levi. I wish you had.

In this room, I can almost feel you next to me. I can't reach you. I can't reach you any more. I'm sorry.

I still love you.

I always will.

Can you forgive me?