Note: Some of the text was taken form the orginal episode of the same name. No copy infrogment is intended.
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"Hey guys look what I have," Andrew sign-songed as he ran into Buffy's living room in her new apartment in Italy. The Scoobies had gotten together for a movie night and Willow, being nice had let Andrew pick the movie.
"If its Stars Wars again some one is going to pay. I can only watch that movies so many times," Dawn said from where she sat on the floor.
"Hey guys look I made popcorn," Xander said as he entered the room with Willow, "My own original recipe."
"You hit the button on the microwave marked popcorn," Buffy offered from her seat on the couch as Willow sat down next to her and Kennedy.
"Actually I hit defrost but Willow was there in the clutch," he said sitting down next to Dawn.
Giles sat in the arm chair near the couch and Faith and Wood sat curled up on the floor together.
"Hey, isn't anyone going to ask what movie I found," Andrew asked as he went to go put in the VCR.
"Okay, what you get?" Faith asked.
"I found the video I made, remember," he said as everyone groaned but Andrew ignored them and pressed plat. He sat down on the floor near the chair Giles was sitting in.
Andrew comes onto the screen. He is sitting on the closed toilet seat, talking to a camcorder in the bathroom of the Summers household, "Oh, hello, there, gentle viewers. You caught me catching up on an old favorite. It's wonderful to get lost in a story, isn't it? Adventure and heroics and discovery—don't they just take you away Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call: Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs."
He is interrupted by a knock on the door followed by Anya who opens the door, "For God's sakes, Andrew. You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?"
"Entertaining and educating."
"Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?" she says and in response Andrew stares at her with an uncomfortable smile.
Everyone in the living room looks at Andrew, who is blushing, "It needs some editing."
Willow comes on screen. She is sitting at the dinning room table, typing on her laptop. She closes it when she hears Andrew began to speak.
"Okay this is the interview for Willow Rosenberg, the slayer's best friend and witch extraordinaire," he says off camera.
"I'm really not," she says.
"Willow hasn't used magic for awhile well not since she turned evil and…"
"Hey, right here!" she yells.
"Sorry," Andrew replies, sheepishly.
The film cuts to Andrew's in the basement standing in front of the "Big Board" holding the remote control for the video camera. It's propped up on the washer and dryer, and has been erased and redrawn. Now, it's got a flaming red face in the upper right quadrant, a depiction of a group of 5 harbingers in the lower right quadrant, a drawing of a building in the upper left quadrant, and a fiery mess with a black hole and a brown monster are in the lower left. Andrew comes off as a novice presenter, fidgeting and stuttering frequently.
"Let's explore the world of our story, shall we? This—uh, Buffy lives in Sunnydale, California," he says as he moves to the side so the whole board can be seen, uses the remote to zoom the camera in as he points to the building with a marker, "Um, this is the local high school."
The video cuts to a zoomed-in shot of the lower left quadrant of the board. It's labeled "HELLMOUTH" and has a depiction of the seal and the brown monster drawn coming from the seal is labeled 'UBERVAMP.'
"There's a hellmouth—hellmouth—underneath the high school. See, weird things happen on the hellmouth," he continues as the video zooms out, "that attracts all sorts of, uh, bad people and demons and vampires. And now there's this thing in the basement of the high school called the-the seal of Danzal—Danzalthar, and it's sort of a door to the hellmouth. Uh, due to some circumstances it got opened up... a little bit... recently...uh, and this, uh, nasty, nasty vampire thing came out of it. It was, uh, it was just awful, awful. This whole thing," he gestures in a circle with the marker, "whole thing—is being orchestrated by something called "The First". It's made up of all the evil in the whole world. Oh, there's also these guys," he points to the harbingers, "They work for the First. We don't know much about them except that they're very ugly and they're very mobile for blind people. Is that all clear?"
The movie cuts to night and we can see Buffy patrolling the cemetery; she hears something suspicious.
Andrews's voice is heard from behind the camera as a vampire attacks her from behind, but she flips onto a tombstone and shoots him with a stake from her crossbow. He explodes into dust, but another vampire goes for her, "It was cold last night, and the wind was crew-ell, but the Slayer had a job to do."
"Unfortunately, vampires have a job to do, too," he continues as Buffy back flips off of the tombstone and lands on the ground, ready to fight the vampire in hand-to-hand combat. He pushes her against a tomb.
"Ouch! My goodness! Things look bad for the Slayer, don't they? She didn't see that second vampire, concealed by cover of darkness, ready to attack and make her his own vampirical spawn," he continues.
The vampire charges at Buffy, but she has a stake ready and she dusts him. The screen moves as Andrew runs over to Buffy, still filming her, "That was great. I completely got you dusting that guy on film. Hey, why do vampires show up on video?"
"I told you I didn't want you doing that. It's distracting," Buffy says into the camera, walking away.
Andrew is till heard talking to her but his behind the camera filming so he is unseen. WE see her stilling walking. Andre is undoubtedly filming her from the side, "OK, I'll cut the footage together and do the intro tomorrow. 'She was a woman in danger, or was she?'"
Buffy is seen yelling at him into the camera, "Are you still filming me? Stop!"
"But it's a valuable record. An important document for the ages. 'A Slayer in action.'"
"'A nerd in pain.' Would they like that? 'Cause we could do that," Buffy says leaning in towards the camera and then walking away.
The film cuts to a new scene. Buffy is seen in her room, "Andrew, I thought I told you to get rid of that camera!"
"But I'm documenting your story for future generations," he argues once again from behind the camera.
"Andrew!"
"Maybe it'll even become a big movie and I can be the director. I wonder who will play me. Maybe Brad Pitt." Buffy is seen shaking her head.
"I don't have time for this," she says about to leave.
"Wait no! I need to do you interview."
"Andrew, I told you I'm not doing an interview."
"Okay, okay at least leave a message for the future generations."
"And you'll leave me alone. No more following me on patrol."
"I'll leave you alone. I promise."
"Fine, one question."
"Tell me what you want your last words to be before the battle."
"My last words?"
"Yeah, like a farewell message."
"Are you saying I'm going to lose," Buffy says a hint of anger in her voice.
"No, I'm just…….you said you'd answer my question!" Andrew says.
"Okay fine but I'm doing it alone. Leave me with the camera." The screen moves as Andrew places it one Buffy dresser, adjusting it so she can clearly be seen through the lense. We can hear the door shut as he leaves the room.
Buffy looks directly into the camera and begins to speak, "Dawnie, I just wanted you to know that I love you and I'm so proud of you. You're becoming this amazing women and I hope I live long enough to see you be her because I can tell she is going to be beautiful inside and out. Willow what I can I say you're one of my best friends and the strongest person I know. I know you don't believe that but its true and once you figure that out you're going to be unstoppable. I love you. Xander, I don't think I could have survived this long without you. I know you feel like the zeppo of the group sometimes because you don't have superpowers but your more important then you know. You hold the Scoobies together and provide much needed comic relief," she says with a laugh.
She continues, "You're the heart of the group and I love you for it. Giles thanks for everything. You've been more than just my watcher, you've been my friend and you're like a father to me in fact you're more of a father to me than my actual dad, so thanks. I don't know what else to say…umm, Anya, you're crazy and difficult sometimes but the gang wouldn't be the same without you. To all the potentials don't forget why you're here and who you are. You're all special. You wee chosen for a reason and even though it might suck sometimes and feel like a curse it's who you are. It's your destiny. Spike, I'm sorry for everything I did that hurt you don't give up. I believe in you. You can be a good man. I can feel it. Well, I guess that's it if these really are my last words and I do die in this battle be strong for me. I love you guys."
Buffy walks over to the camera and shuts it off. The screen cuts to black for a second and then the film cuts to Buffy's kitchen. Its day time and everyone is moving around the kitchen getting breakfast. Andrew is again behind the camera video tapping.
"It's morning in Sunnydale," he says.
Rona is looking in the fridge, "Who the hell's got the low-fat milk?"
He ignores her and continues with his voice over as he films Kennedy and Willow pouring themselves each a bowl of cereal, "It's morning in Sunnydale, and the women of command central take the time to fortify themselves for the day ahead."
Xander is then seen eating a bowl of cereal. He scowls at Andrews comment, "Hey!"
"Women and Xander," Andrew says, "Hey, I'm gonna do your special intro later. 'The man who is the heart of the slayer machine."
Xander smiles and then blushes, "Yeah? The heart?"
The camera is seen moving around the room as Andrew continues his voice over, "Things are tense in command central this morning. Buffy is clearly concerned with some unknown danger, and the air is filled with foreboding."
Dawn is seen drying dishes, "Oh, um, we're out of Raisin Bran."
"I'll put it on the list," Anya replies.
"That's probably not the unknown danger," Andrew says as the camera moves onto Spike who is just entering the room.
"Look at this place. Damn girls' dorm is what it is," Spike says, lighting a cigarette.
Andrew focuses the camera on Dawn as she say, "That's nice. Second-hand stinkiness."
"Full house. I think it's a good time to do some introductions, don't you, gentle viewers?" Andrew says off camera.
Amanda stands in front of Andrew, she waves and talks into the camera, "I'm Amanda, and I grew up right here…"
"Not you, sweetheart," he says as he moves the camera towards Buffy, who is pouring herself a bowl of cereal, "Let's start from the top. You've already met Buffy. She's beautiful, with a lion's heart and the face of an Angel. She's never afraid 'cause she knows her side will always win," the camera is still on Buffy but Spike walks on screen, "Buffy and Spike have some kind of history—you can feel the heat between them. Although, technically, as a vampire, he's room temperature," he pans the camera over to Anya who is eating some grapes, "Anya, a feisty waif with a fiery temper and a vulnerable heart that she hides, even from herself," he pans over to a blonde girl eating from a bowl of cereal, "This lovely girl—I don't remember her name…"
"Oh, for God's sake. Is he doing that again? Can't we make him stop?" Buffy says to Xander as Andrew moves the camera training it on the pair.
"I don't know, if we save the world, it will be kind of nice to have a record of it," Rona says off camera. Buffy is seen rolling her eyes in response.
Andrew trains the camera on Amanda, Kennedy, and Rona. They are sitting near the island.
"If we don't save the world, then... nothing matters," Amanda says.
Kennedy pauses in her breakfast, spoon still in hand, "That's catchy, Amanda. Let's make that our slogan."
Andrew moves over to Xander, Anya, Willow, Buffy, and Spike as Xander speaks, "Yeah, it is kinda strange, how you keep saving the world, and there's not any proof."
"Yeah, you know, for future generations," Anya says.
"And it does help the girls with training—you know, viewing the tapes," Willow points out.
"Come on. No one else thinks this is idiotic?" Buffy asks.
"Or is it important? I mean, Buff, I don't get why this is bothering you so much," Xander asks.
"Because it's a waste of time. Come on, someone has to agree with me. Spike?" she replies, looking for to Spike froe help.
"Long as you're not pointing that thing at me, seems like a fine way to keep the boy busy," he says.
"This isn't about keeping busy. This is about war. I'm sorry to jump all over you guys, but... I have to tell you what's really going on. There's something new," Buffy says, Andrew walks around and behind Buffy the camera is seen moving with him as she continues to speak, "Amanda, Dawn—you're gonna stay home from school today. We can survive what's coming, but not like this," Andrew sits at the dinning room table and adjusts the camera so that it is facing him, Buffy's voice can still be heard, "I had a vision of what's to come—a horrible vision. Hundreds upon hundreds of..."
"Honestly, gentle viewers, these motivating speeches of hers tend to get a little long. I'll take you back in there in—in a little while, but in the in-between time, I thought you might want to know a little about me, your humble host. You see, I am a man with a burden. A man with a dark past. You see, I was once a super villain," he says talking into the camera, "I was part of a super villain team called the Trio. Our goal was to destroy the slayer and take over Sunnydale. We were bad. Warren was cool and Jonathan was just the cutest thing. Well, shall we see if Buffy's still talking?" he says pointing the camera toward the kitchen. Buffy's back is in view, and Willow can be seen facing Buffy. Willow yawns.
"You yawned during my speech," Buffy yelled at her, chucking a pillow at her best friend.
"Sorry," she said, sheepishly. They laughed and everyone turned back to the movie.
The camera is still pointed towards the kitchen. Kennedy walks up to Willow and cuddles while Buffy's talking. Andrew is seen facing the camera once again, "Ooh, ooh, do you see that? That-that's important. Willow and Kennedy have been in kind of a bad place lately, but things are looking up. You see, Kennedy pursued the reluctant Willow and won her heart, only to find herself frightened when she glimpsed the darkness that still lies within the witch's mind. Side note—I once had my own personal encounter with Dark Willow. She was something. Indeed she was but she was no match for my superpowers."
Everyone looked at Andrew, who just shrugged.
"Hey, I think Buffy stopped talking. That usually means she had to go to work. Let's see what the little locusts left for breakfast, shall we?" he says, the camera moves into the kitchen which is now empty and Andrew begins to search for food.
"I'm fast forwarding this part," Kennedy says, reaching for the remote control.
"No!" Andrew yells as he lunges for the control, "Director's cut!"
Kennedy gives him a look as they tug on the control. She pulls it out of his hands and he falls onto the floor on his butt. She hits the fast forward button; Andrew is seen searching for food is fast motion. She resumes play when the screen changes.
Its daytime and the camera is entering the living room. Willow and Kennedy are sitting on the sofa, kissing.
"Hey, here's something I think you're going to be interested in, gentle viewers," Andrew says zooming in on the window behind the sofa, "Look at the fine work Xander did on that replacing that window sash. You can't even tell it's new, it blends in so well. He's extraordinary."
The film cuts to Xander, who is sitting outside on the porch, "Hey mind if I get an interview."
Xander looks him and is about to protest but thinks the better of it, "Sure."
"Great, okay. If you don't mind please say what you think about everyone."
"What I think?"
"Yeah, how you fell about them and stuff. It's supposed to be a farewell message in case you die."
Xander frowns, "I guess if you guys are watching this that means I'm dead-man that sucks- or maybe I'm not. Maybe we're all sitting in Buffy's living room, eating popcorn and Andrew is forcing us to watch this. Maybe we're having a movie marathon. I vote we all watch Apocalypse Now next," he jokes, laughing, "Okay, now I'm babbling. A big battle is coming and I don't know if I'm going to survive but I'm sure as hell going to try." He pauses, getting a little emotional, "I love you guys. Buffy, you're amazing. I've fought beside you for 7 years and you still never cease to amaze me with your strength and your heart and your courage. You defiantly have my vote for slayer of the year," he smiles, his trademark goofy grin, "Willow we've known each other forever. We've been through so much together both good and bad. Everything from yellow crayons and the snoopy dance to demon research and apocalypses. I never could have asked for a better friend. You're sweet and kind. You're smart. You're everything a best friend should be and so much more. Giles, Watcher extraordinaire. We've had some interesting times to say the least and I know we gave you a headache sometimes, god only knows how many times you've cleaned your glasses over the years. Dawnie didn't think I forgot about you did you. I love you and I'd do anything for you. You're more than just Buffy's little sister. I feel like you're mine too and I want to protect you even thought I know I can't do that- not forever anyway. Just remember you're extraordinary. Anya I know you're mad at me for leaving you. I'm not too happy at myself for doing it either but I had to do it. I couldn't bear the thought of us hating each other in the future, turning into my parents so yeah although it may not be a shinning moment in my career that is decision making; I stand by it. I do really love you. Well I guess that's it. I hope I live long enough to watch this and blush at everything I said."
Dawn is seen sitting at the head of the dinning room table, studying, amid a half-dozen pizza boxes. She looks up and into the camera as Andrew begins his voice over, "Dawn is a typical American teenager. Bubbly and sweet with a hunger for fun and a smile that lights up the room."
Dawn blushes and waves, "Hello."
"Dawn used to be a key," he says, zooming in to a set of keys on the table, "I don't really know what that means. Dawn, would you care to explain?" He focuses the camera back on her once again.
"Umm, well I use to be this bright green ball of light but then the monks made me human to hide me from Glory."
"Who?"
"Oh, she was this evil god anyway she wanted to use the key, I mean me to open this other dimension but it didn't work so now I'm not the key anymore."
"Interesting, very interesting."
"I guess," Dawn shrugges.
"So Dawn do you have any messages? Anything you'd like to say to your friends and family?"
"I don't know. I guess just that I love them all so much and Buffy if anyone can beat this thing, its you. I believe in you Buffy. You're my big sister and even thought you can be bossy and annoying sometimes I still admire you. You taught me how to be brave and strong so thanks. I love you."
Andrew can be heard sniffling from behind the camera, "That was so beautiful."
Andrew is in the living room and he is talking into the camera. Anya and Xander are seated on the sofa, "This is Xander and Anya Interview Number 1 for 'Buffy, a Slayer of the Vampyrs.'"
"That's what you're calling it?" Anya asks.
"Either that or 'Buffy, the Slayer Who Knew No Fear.'," Andrew replies.
"I like that one," Xander says.
"Thank you, Xander. That's sweet of you. I understand that exactly one year ago today you left Anya at the altar. Any comment on that?"
"Whoa. What the hell?" Xander says, caught off guard.
"I just think people will be interested."
"I know I am," Anya says, looking at Xander, "What do you have to say for yourself one year later?"
"I've apologized enough, that's what I have to say," Xander says.
"But you think it was something that called for an apology?" Andrew asks.
"Well, yes."
"So you don't think it was the right thing to do," Andrew prods.
"Of course he doesn't think it was the right thing to do," Anya says.
"It was the right thing to do," Xander says, looking at Anya.
"What?"
"Interesting. I think we're getting something here," Andrew comments.
"Look, Anya, if I had married you, it would have been against everything I thought was best. It wouldn't have worked," Xander says.
"But we—we still spark. I mean, I get jealous of you. You get jealous of me. You still love me," Anya says.
"Is that true, Xander? Do you still love her?" Andrew asks.
"It's complicated," he replies.
Anya crosses her arms, "You keep dodging the question."
"I don't mean to. It's just—you know how I feel, right? And you were the one who didn't want to keep seeing each other," he says, leaning forward.
"And here's where we hop on the merry-go-round of rotating knives. I blame you, and you blame me, and we both end up all cut to shreds. Please just tell— do you still love me?"
Xander nods, "Yes. I still love you. I always will. I just don't know if that means anything for us anymore."
"Well, I love you too. I don't know if that means anything either."
"Well, it's nice to hear. I'm not gonna find anyone out there like you, am I?"
"Doesn't seem likely."
"I guess I'm more replaceable, obviously."
"No. There's no one like you, Xander. You were willing to stand up to danger, even when your hands had no weapons. You were ready to protect me with your life."
"Yeah, I guess we fit together pretty good."
"We fit together great."
"You know, sometimes, I want to be back in your life."
"I hope you know you never left my heart."
Through the lens of the video camera Spike is shown, yelling at the camera. He is in the basement. He takes the cigarette out of his mouth, "I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera, yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off," he says, flicking the cigarette at the camera, "before I rip your throat out and eat…"
"OK, Spike. The light was kind of behind you," Andrew says.
Spike looks around, "Oh, right. Uh, what? Is this better then? I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera, yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off—?"
All the Scoobies can't help but smile at the vampire on the screen. He had changed so much from the time they had first met him, when they were still in high school and he was still evil and trying to kill them all.
Spike, Robin Wood, and Buffy are standing in the hallway of Sunnydale high, staring. Spike and Buffy have flashlights. The hall has 55-gallon drums with fires in them. Every foot of wall has been spray-painted with phrases like "DIE CHEERLEADERS" and "MARCHING BAND RULES". Lockers are all hanging open.
"Riot that almost happened," Buffy says as Andrew focuses his camera on her.
"Looks to me like it happened after all," Wood says. Someone throws a glass bottle off screen and it is heard, shattering.
"Looks to me like it's still happening," Spike say as the walk further into the school, the camera following them, "Nice way to run a school. There's got to be kids injured in here."
"Yeah, easy picking for the likes of you, huh?" Wood says.
Spike looks at him, "Hey, here to help, you know."
"Right."
Andrew turns the camera around so he is looking into it, "Check out Spike and the Principal. There's something going on there. Sexual tension you could cut with a knife."
Andrew turns the camera back and we can see the place is completely trashed. Kids are running around the school making noise. One runs by carrying a hockey stick.
"These kids went nuts, didn't they?" Spike says.
"No kidding," Wood responds, sarcastically.
"Shh, they'll hear you," Buffy says.
"Buffy, they're all the way down…" Wood says as some kid hiding around a corner jumps out and hits him in the head with a fire extinguisher, Buffy pulls the kid away from Wood. One kid grabs Buffy and carries her off, while another hits Spike over the back with a locker door.
"Spike!" Buffy yells.
"The kids are getting stronger," Spike yells.
We see the camera moving fast. It's shaking. Andrew is obviously running, "Oh, God. Struck down before I achieve redemption." The camera stops and turns back towards the fight. Buffy, Spike, and Wood fight the kids off. Buffy trips one boy, while Wood picks up the locker door to knock another boy down. Spike starts punching one of the boys.
"Spike!" Buffy yells, he turns to look at her, "Don't kill them. They're just students."
"They'll live," he says as he punches the boy again. Buffy walks further down the hall and finds the entry door to the basement.
"OK, Spike, Wood. I need you guys to stay here, hold our line of retreat," Buffy says.
"So, I'll be staying here with these men, helping out that holding the line thing," Andrew says from behind the camera. Buffy frowns and grabs him, "I'll be with Buffy."
The video shows Buffy walking down the basement stairs, Andrew is unseen because he is still behind the video camera tapping, "We make our way down the stairs carefully, alert for any danger."
"Oh, stop it," Buffy says.
"I was just…."
She takes the camera from him; now all we can see is the floor as Buffy holds the camera talking to Andrew, "No more." The screen goes black for a moment.
Then we see Buffy fighting off the bringers in the basement. The seal is glowing. Andrew is narrating, "She's like a woman fighting for more than life. She fights like fighting is her life. It's like the air she breathes, and she knows she will win because there is no alternative."
Buffy knocks out the last Bringer and looks at Andrew, "It's your turn, Andrew," she says pulling out the knife, and walking towards him.
He slowly backs up away from her, "So, you figure, what? I, uh..." He puts down the camera and the screen goes black.
Andrew is in the bathroom again sitting on the closed toilet seat, recording himself as before, "Here's the thing. I killed my best friend. There's a big fight coming, and I don't know what's going to happen. I don't even think I'm going to live through it," he says now he looks down, "That's, uh, probably the way it should be. I guess I'm…" He looks at the camera, sighs, points the remote control, presses a button, and turns it off. The screen cuts to black.
"That's it," Andrew says, "So what'd you…."
"Hey, look," Dawn says pointing at the T.V.
Spike was on the screen. He was adjusting the camera and making sure it was working. Once he was satisfied he backed up and sat down on his cot in the basement, looking directly at the camera and began to speak, "Buffy, I don't know if you'll ever see this but on this off chance that you do I thought I'd leave you a message. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to survive this fight and I just wanted you to know I meant everything I said I really do love you," he rubs his neck, "and I always will. You made me feel like a man when everyone else treated me like a monster and I wanna thank you for that. Good luck, slayer. I hope we meet again some day."
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R&R please. I'll return the favor.