Author's note; So, I decided to try and go for something a little different by writing a sad story. Trouble is, I wrote this at 3:30 am. So, I'm guessing it's not that great. I did cry whilst writing, but like I said, that's probably because it was 3:30 in the morning.
"Thank you for helping me, Finn," Mrs. Fabray said as she placed a picture of her and Quinn in a small box. "I wasn't even sure if I wanted to put her stuff away, but it was just too hard to look at."
"It's my pleasure to help, Mrs. Fabray," Finn replied quietly. He tried not to look at the woman, afraid she would see right into the sadness in his eyes.
The room was cluttered with boxes, most of them only half empty and a few full. There were a few tissues left laying around, making it obvious how many times Mrs. Fabray has come into Quinn's room and spent hours just staring and crying. He couldn't even imagine how tough it must've been for her family, especially when it felt like a thousand knives stabbing into his chest in just this moment alone.
It terrified Finn to think of never seeing Quinn again. He did everything in his power to ignore the constant urge to break down and shut the world out, but he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't turn on his mother like that. She had once lost a love too, Finn only felt her pain now.
The worst part was how he treated Quinn before the accident. He regretted everything he did. The way he broke up with her. The way he kissed Rachel on stage at Nationals. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. He tried to make it right with her, tried to tell her that he saw the error in his ways, but it was too late by then. He remembered the night in which he was left standing in the middle of a motionless road, surrounded by policemen, fire trucks, and the ambulance that came too late.
He was soon snapped out of his thoughts when the Fabray's phone went off, waking him from his daze in less than a matter of seconds.
"I'll be right back, dear. That's probably Quinn's sister. She's coming home for the funeral and probably needs directions," Mrs. Fabray had said, almost completely out the door before she finished her sentence. Finn only nodded, not able to speak as he was afraid all that would come out was yelling. The anger that he felt toward himself was unbearable. It was undeniably painful to be standing in her room, looking upon the things that he had once seen from her bed with his arms wrapped around her.
Closing his eyes for a minute, he tried to regain his strength to continue through with packing up. The second he felt well enough, he opened his eyes and went back to his task.
Minutes later, Finn's eyes caught sight of something hanging from one of the half empty boxes. He moved toward the object and let his fingers lightly run over the soft texture. The small, dirty, light blue blanket hung motion less between Finn's fingers as he lifted it up to inspect. He couldn't believe it. In his hands was the baby blanket he had given Quinn when he found out she was pregnant. Why did she still have it? He had almost forgotten that he gave it to her given the fact that his mind was so clustered when they first broke up.
He could hear the footsteps of Mrs. Fabray coming up from behind him as he stared down at the blanket. "Mrs. F? What's this?" he asked, trying to act as if he's never seen it before.
"Oh that old thing? I have no idea where she got it from, but she wouldn't let it leave her room. I remember when I tried to wash it, she ended up hiding it from me. Slept with it every night like she was five and it was her teddy bear. She said it comforted her."
Once again, Finn found himself completely speechless. He could hear Mrs. Fabray going around to continue packing, continuing the work she needed to finish. Finn merely stood there, staring at the blanket.
"Um, Mrs. Fabray… I was wondering if I could… take this?" he asked, looking from the blanket to the woman. She stared at him for a few seconds as if she was finally catching on. A simple nod from her was all it took for Finn to feel the need to burst out into tears, but he refrained himself for now. He only ever cried when he was alone in his room where no one could see.
"Finn?" a soft voice said, entering the room behind a hunched over boy.
"Not now, Rach," he whispered.
"What are you doing?" she continued, entering the room further. Finn didn't know what he said that implied he wanted her to come in.
"Nothing."
Rachel walked over to where he was sitting and looked over his shoulder. Before him on the desk laid the McKinley High Thunderclap, opened to the first of seven pages dedicated to the Cheerios. The picture on the first page had Quinn Fabray standing proudly next to Sue Sylvester, obviously back when Quinn was still head cheerleader.
"How did you even get in here?" Finn asked, not looking away from the picture.
"Your mother let me in. She thought you could use company. She said you'd been sitting in here sulking all day."
Finn turned around and faced the girl before him. "Yeah well, I don't want company. So could you please leave?"
"Finn…" she said quietly before taking another step forward.
"Jesus Rachel, just go!" he raised his voice a bit, his hands motioning toward the door.
"Why are you yelling at me?" Rachel asked, confused as why he was mad at her for trying to help.
Finn's rolled his eyes and stood up, pointing toward the door. "Go!"
"Why! I'm not leaving until you tell me why and you very well know I stick to my word."
"Because this is your fault!" he yelled, turning around to look away from her. "This is your fault! I never got to be with her or tell her that I loved her more than you because you were always there! You meddled in my life, my relationships, and now you're in my room and you won't leave when I ask you to!" Finn swung around on his heels and looked at her, walking toward her angrily and pointing in her direction. "I wish I had never joined Glee club, because then I would've never met you and I wouldn't be sitting in my room, staring at that yearbook thinking about how we could've had it all if you weren't around! So please, just once in your life, leave me the hell alone!" he concluded, his neck vein had popped out in anger as he moved his pointed finger from Rachel to the door.
"You broke up with me because you were going to go tell her you wanted to be with her and not me, right?" Rachel asked, looking down at the floor as her voice quivered in fear and depression. She didn't even need an answer to know what he was going to say. "I'm sorry I messed up your life so badly," she finished before turning around and leaving the room.
Right as Rachel was at the door, Kurt appeared in the doorway, his curious eyes scanning about the room for the drama that was surly coming from the raged screams. He saw the teary eyed Rachel and the furiously pacing Finn and with that, didn't need any more explanation before he put a reassuring hand on Rachel's shoulder as she slipped past him out the door.
Kurt walked into the room where Finn was now standing, having moved to a corner after his pacing. It was really the first time that Kurt had seen Finn since the accident, as he stayed up in his room now. He wasn't sure what had set Finn off so much, but it all started after he returned from the Fabray's house when he went to help Mrs. Fabray clean up. He figured something at the house had given Finn enough torture to feel the need to become caged in his own room.
Doing the same as he did with Rachel, Kurt placed his hand on Finn's back as the taller boy sat down on his bed. Finn was too furious, too upset to speak and Kurt, for the first time, wasn't sure what to say to his deeply pained brother.
"Would anyone like to come up here and say a few words?"
"I would," Finn's voice rang from the back of the chapel. Everyone turned to look, surprised he was there. No one, besides his mother who brought him food and to check up on him, had seen him around. He disappeared as quickly as Quinn did and reappeared pretty damn quickly too.
The preacher took a step to the side and let Finn get the spot in front of the entire room. Quinn's family members, Cheerio members, friends from McKinley and elsewhere, and all of New Directions were sitting out in the room. It was so packed, it looked as if all of Lima was there.
Trying as hard as he could, Finn didn't look toward the restless body that lay behind him. Why they had an open casket was beyond him, because every time he saw or thought about her, he wanted to start crying. That was half of the reason he had locked himself away in his room for so long, because he was always crying. She was on his mind and he couldn't stop crying.
It was obvious that he had spent most of his time inside. He was pale, his eyes were red and puffy from crying, his hair was a mess, and his tie wasn't straight. He was never good at tying ties, not having a father to teach him. Quinn usually tied his tie for him.
Finn stood up in front of the crowd in silence for a few seconds. He didn't have a card to read off of, which meant he needed to gather his thoughts before speaking.
"I don't need to tell you all about how amazing of a person Quinn was. I don't need to tell you how beautiful she was. How funny, how sweet, how caring, how gentle, how… all around perfect… she was. I'm sure all of you know it. But she was more than that. She was the love of my life. She was the person who gave me hope, strength, passion. She was the person who made me feel, who made me love. Yeah, she made a few mistakes, but we all make mistakes. It makes us human. One of my mistakes was how badly I treated her. I broke up with her after a funeral because I was still blaming her for what happened between us the year before. I thought I couldn't trust her. Turns out, she was the only person that I ever did trust. She was the only person that I loved. She was the person that made me smile. I remember thinking about not going on and doing something with a singing career or a football scholarship and feeling like if I didn't do those things, I would be a failure. I felt like family wasn't enough unless I was one of those. …Then I thought about being a lawyer, which sounds insanely boring, and having a family and being married. I put Quinn in the picture as my wife and that's the moment when I thought, 'You know what? That doesn't sound half bad.' I knew that as long as I was with her I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care about my career or where I lived or how many kids I had. I just wanted to be with her."
Finn took a second to catch his breath. He could feel his eyes starting to water and around him heard the faint sniffles of crying loved ones in the crowd. And for the first time ever, Finn Hudson let himself cry in front of a crowded room.
"I figured that all out too late though. And now, here I am, trying to think of a way to describe to you all what Quinn Fabray meant to me and I can't. I can't put her down in words… because she's too amazing for words. She was the best thing that ever happened to me… and I was too much of an idiot to see it."
Turning around, Finn walked toward the casket that sat behind him. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the blue baby blanket that he once gave Quinn, the same one she had been sleeping with this whole time. He stared at the lifeless body as she rested there, forever to be locked away in the shiny black case. "Your mom told me about how you slept with this all the time," he whispered to the body of the beautiful blonde who had captured his heart. "I'm not going to take it away from you now," he said as he placed the blanket lightly on her crossed, stiff hands.
The tears were beyound evident now. They were streaming down his face, a few tears dripping into the casket itself. Finn leaned down and placed a kiss on Quinn's cheek, frightened by how cold she was. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I did love you. I loved you more than I even thought possible. And I always will."
Nobody had expected Finn to come to school once it had started back up. It was only weeks after the funeral had taken place and it was the first day back at school. The Glee club members were all seniors now and they were all ready to graduate and get the hell out of Lima.
"Alright everyone. Welcome back!" Mr. Schuester said as he turned to face his Glee club students. "Now, I know we're all still a little broken up about Quinn Fabray's death, but-"
"Sorry I'm late," Finn said as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him.
"Finn… ah, that's alright. Take a seat," Will said, pointing to the empty chair that was usually occupied by Finn, the chair sat next to the only other empty chair in the entire room. The one that Quinn would've been sitting in.
"Actually, Mr. Schue, I was wondering if I could… sing something. For Glee club. I just have this song that I've been working on for a while and I wanted to share it with everyone."
"Sure," Will nodded, moving to take his seat on the stool that sat behind the piano.
"Cool. Alright, uh, hi," Finn said, turning to face his fellow Glee club members. "So, this song that I'm singing I can thank Kurt for," he said as he gestured to a relaxed, smiling Kurt whose fingers were linked into those of Blaine Anderson's. "I found your Mariah Carey playlist on iTunes when I was searching for the perfect song to sing and oddly enough, it was in there. So," Finn looked back at Brad and gave him a little nod, signaling he start playing the music. "Here we go."
The music started in soft and light, Kurt's face lighting up as he seemed to recognize the song.
"Sorry, I've never told you, all I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feelin' and knowing you, hear me
It keeps me alive, alive
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Eventually I'll see you in Heaven"
The entire Glee club was still and silent. They knew exactly what Finn was singing about. They thought that he was better when he had arrived in the class room and he seemed to be. He left the house, at least. But the song… the song was telling them how he would never be completely better. Not without Quinn.
"Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I, I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared
I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Picture a little scene from Heaven
Although, the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day"
Finn had spent his energy on singing and not moving. He stood completely still in front of the entire club, belting the lyrics out with all of his heart. Tears had started to flow throughout the room, Rachel's were more clearly seen. No, she wasn't crying because she knew Finn would never love her like he loved Quinn. She was crying because she knew her friend would never get to have the real chance he deserved with the person he truly did love. She wasn't upset or mad at him about when he blew up at her. In that moment she forgave him for everything. She had too. He was heartbroken, spilling his heart out to the entire club.
"Sorry, I never told you
All I wanted to say"
As the song ended, the entire room was filled with silence. No one said a word. No one moved. The only movement in the room was the single tear that fell off of Finn's cheek as it landed on the choir room floor.