Know your Onion!
A/N: the idea of this story just popped up in my head, after seeing this title- Thanks from the lovelies, The Shins- Anywho I don't know whether to make a one shot or keep it going- You tell me. But for now, Enjoy!
BTW: This takes place during Ellie's junior year in college, and Emma's sophomore year.
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The Prodigal Ass Returns
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"If you scatter thorns, don't walk barefoot"-Italian Proverb
"Does everything look Ok?"
"It looks fine." I said reassuringly as she rearranged a flower pot for the fiftieth time.
"You know he's coming right?" She said slowly as I wiped my finger across the oak table.
"Yeah, I know…Why wouldn't I?"
"Hmmm…."
I looked up at her as she pinned her blonde hair on top of her head, "What's that supposed to mean?" I said crossly, as she walked into the kitchen. I quickly followed her.
"Take a guess."
"Why does everyone assume that I'm bitter? I'm not bitter." I said defensively, as Emma took out a basket that was once hidden in a cabinet underneath the sink. Inside was a pukish green teddy bear and some chocolates. She began to walk back into the living room, and set the basket on the coffee table. She then took some steps back and glanced at it.
"Um, no." She said removing the basket.
"That's not…" I said, trying not to seem intruding, as she walked back into the kitchen once again.
"It is. I couldn't," She said pausing. I didn't know whether or not it was dramatic effect.
"You couldn't what?" I said as we both stopped in our tracks outside the kitchen. She was half heartdeadly holding the basket; the thing about to fall out of her hands and on the floor.
"He meant well, El, Ok? I couldn't do it. I just couldn't, Ok?" She said, the temples in her forehead thumping. I knew I should have dropped it, but I'm unfortunately, not that great with my instincts. Or with anything else.
"Em…" I said in my wannabe "mommy" voice.
"Don't Em me…" She said crossly, flinching at her own name as she violently dumped the basket in the trash. I guess that was the end of it.
"You need to tell him."
"What were we talking about again?"
"I have no idea." I said trying to force down all the busy body thoughts that were flooding my brain.
""I guess I deserve that. I just want everything to be civil again, it just seems right that everyone's going to be together again. Even though I can't explain it, it feels right, you know?"
"No, not really- But I can try."
"Ok."
I looked around. The house was warm, yet cozy. The smell of the sandalwood inscents wafted around the room, as Emma cupped her hands. I wanted to take in everything- The smell, the quiet, everything in the moment. The doorbell started to ring. Emma stood up and began to walk towards the door, as I just stood there- not really wanting the dysfunctional "reunion" to actually begin. Emma opened the door, to see a sly Craig Manning leaning on the door frame. Emma scooped him up in a hug, as I began to stare down at my shoelaces. Emma broke apart from Craig, as he handed her a gift wrapped in brown paper.
"Craig, you really didn't have to…" She said unwrapping the gift.
"It's nothing special really…"
Her face fell after she finished un-wrapping the gift, "Oh. It's Bob Dylan…"
"yeah, but uh this time it's his top Billboard hits album." He said weakly.
"Hmm…I'm just going to put it with the Bob Dylan greatest hits album that you gave me for Christmas, and the Blonde red head album you gave me for Easter two years ago, and the platinum edition DVD and Cd box set collection you sent to me on my birthday last year, and the limited yet rare seventies band t-shirt that you sent me for my birthday two years ago, and everything else that has his name on it." She said annoyed as Craig stepped inside.
She walked upstairs, as I continued to look down at my shoelaces. I could see out the corner of my eye that he was holding a box that seemed like the size of shoebox that was wrapped in starry wrapping paper, behind his back as he settled down on the couch.
"Sit." He said motioning me on the couch. I sat as he took the box from behind his back.
"What is that?" I asked as he put it down on the table.
"It's your gift. I thought that since you and Emma are roomies, that you deserved a little housewarming gift."
"That's…sweet." I said out of surprise as he reached for something in his pocket.
"Don't hurt yourself now." I began to reach for the box before he grabbed my hand. "But you can't open it yet, you have to open it later. However, you can have this for the time being." He said opening his palm to reveal braided leather bound bracelet, I unwillingly let him put it on my wrist.
"So who else is coming?"
"Well from what I know JT and his girlfriend…"
"Good. Someone I haven't slept with yet." He said bitterly as I got up off the couch.
"I want this night to be good. I don't want to screw it up, and mainly I don't want you to screw it up. Em's good, she's happy tonight and I don't want to mess that up." I said quietly as he got up and stood right in my face.
"Don't worry; I've already hidden all the skeletons in my closet."
"Me, too." I whispered.
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The doorbell began to ring again. Craig picked up the box, as I answered the door.
"Elmo!" JT said heartily as he gave me a hug.
"James Tiberius…" I said clenching through my teeth; he obviously didn't notice my frustration.
"Honey, this is Ellie Nash. We went to Degrassi together, and she's roommates with Emma now." He said smiling, as his frigid girlfriend stood awkwardly in the back round. I desperately wanted to do the same.
"Hey, JT."
"Hey, Craig. Honey, this is Craig Manning…" He said his eyes wide as saucers as they walked inside. She too was holding a box. She handed it too me, as JT took her hand.
"I hope you like it." I tore the tape off and opened it to reveal two red matching monogrammed crew neck sweaters, inside I wanted to gag, but then again it's the thought that counts. Or not.
"Very stepford." I heard Craig whisper into my ear, her expression turning sullen. I felt somewhat bad for her in that moment. The fact that she took her time to go to Neiman and Marcus to get a sweater that resembled a rotten tomato, just to please me.
I really am a bitch.
"I'm sorry. I just thought that at this time of year, no one can go without too many sweaters. If you don't like it, the receipt is in the bottom of the box…"
"No, it's fine. Emma will love it. Thanks…"
"Stephanie." JT squeaked as Craig outstretched his hand.
"I'm Craig."
"I know." She said curtly as I closed the gift. Craig looked deflated.
"Let's go into the kitchen."
"Great idea." JT said as he led the way.
"Rude much?" Craig said whispering into my ear as I put the box on the floor.
"My line."
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JT was leaning on the countertop by the time we got into the kitchen, while Sophie was sitting down in a chair. I joined JT as Craig looked through the refrigerator.
"The prodigal ass returns…" I mumbled as Craig continued to scrounge through the refrigerator.
"What was that?" Craig said from the refrigerator, as I ignored him.
"So…How did you two meet?" I said trying to strike up a conversation.
"Well…" JT began.
"We actually met in the Cayman islands,"
"No…We actually didn't meet there, we met in the airport going to the Cayman Islands…" He said correcting.
"No, Jujubee, I exactly remember where we met, and it was on the beach remember?" She said as I smirked. She cleared her throat as JT blushed.
"Jujubee?" Craig said getting up, "Ow." He said bumping his head against the freezer. Ha. And just to gloat some more in this awkwardly funny moment, Ha, Ha.
"Anyways," JT began, "When we met, she was the most reserved person on the whole island. While everyone else was doing Jell-O shots, she was reading Voltaire." He roared loudly, as she began to laugh.
If only all love was this lame.
Craig began to rub his head, "How nice…" I took out a small ice pack and gave it to Craig, as JT continued to talk.
"It was love at first sight."
"At first sight."
"Aww…You both finish each other's sentences, she's a keeper." Emma quipped from the doorway, as JT walked over and gave her a hug.
"This is the infamous Emma. It's great to see you…" He said as Emma gave him a peck on the cheek. Stacy or whatever her name was began to do her weird throat clearing thing as Emma and JT pulled apart.
"Someone's jealous…" JT said mockingly as the doorbell began to ring again. Only five more hours.
"I'll get it." I said, while escaping the uncomfortable tension. I opened the door.
"Oh…Hey." I said somewhat disappointed, as Sean held up a huge box.
"Hey, El."
"Hi Sean. Long time, no see…" I said as he awkwardly gave me what seemed like a hug. This was going to be one hell of a night.
"Yeah, I've been busy. But enough about me, I got you something. A housewarming gift I guess…"
"Thanks." I said while opening the box open to see a very sean-esque gift, A trash compactor.
"A trash compactor…"
"Just in case you want to compact trash."
"Yeah, Just in case."
"If you need anything to be fixed, then just call. I think Em, still has my number." He said shyly as I set the trash compactor down on the floor.
"So now you're Bob the Builder," I said sarcastically, "Well, yesterday while unpacking I found a spider cornered in the kitchen near the stove. I covered it with a paper cup." I said lamely, as he began to laugh.
"I guess I can help with that."
"Ok." I said leading us both into the kitchen.
"This is a nice place you have here…" He said looking around.
"Thanks"
Craig took off the ice pack and set it down on the counter by the time we walked in, "Sean! Sean…Emma, you didn't tell me that Sean was coming. What a surprise." He said clenching his jaw, as I swung my arms back and forth. Emma clasped her hands together.
"Thanks for coming."
"No problem." He said to her, as I walked towards the stove. Sean followed, so did Craig.
"Here it is." I said pointing shyly to the paper cup, as Sean reached out his hand.
"Here is what?" Craig said dumbfounded, as Sean lifted the up the paper cup.
"Don't kill it." I pleaded, as Craig still remained dumfounded.
"What do you want me to do with it?"
"Release it back into the wild or something." I said pathetically.
"What is it a fucking Tiger?" Craig said as I gave him a cross look.
"No it's a spider." I quipped back.
"Then why didn't you just ask me to kill it?"
"Because…you're…you're not handy!" I yelled as Craig took a step back and shelly did her weird throat clearing ritual again.
"Hey…JT, did you just see our new trash compactor? It's shiny…" Emma said trying to get JT out of the kitchen.
"Oh, why I did not…" He said dramatically, as all three of them walked out. Craig bent over began to whisper in my ear. I was hoping that it wasn't going to turn into a weird habit.
"It isn't because I'm not handy is it…"
"Probably not." I whispered back. I watched as Sean, silently, scouped up the spider into the cup, dumped it in the trashcan.
This really was going to be one hell of a night.
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