A/N: Okay, this started out as 'random thoughts' writing, or 'chaos',
or whatever you want to call it. I went
back over it to try and smooth it out, but you'll have to forgive the minor
stuff. And by the by, I will love you forever
if you review. Flames are welcomed;
it's cold in Kansas this time of year.
Disclaimer: I kidnapped the Goblin King! I am the proud owner of all his subjects, love interests and real estate! BWAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, got to go, there are some men in white coats knocking at my door…now what could they possibly want?
For You
Part one
Sarah Williams was a perfectly normal girl. She had made sure of that. Her long brown hair was shoved up into its average ponytail. She was wearing her favorite jeans and sweatshirt, and they were perfect for blending into a crowd. In a week she would be starting school at an ordinary, albeit boring, college. She would be just another freshman, in a new city where absolutely no one knew a thing about her. She had made sure of that too.
Sarah stopped in the middle of unpacking, and surveyed her small apartment. It was nothing remarkable, but Sarah had fallen in love with it the moment she saw it. Her meager furnishings fit well in the tiny rooms, and one window had a great view of the campus. Sarah stood in front of that window for a moment, basking in the warm sunlight.
Sighing, she turned back to the pile of boxes in front of her, and ripped open one marked "photos." A sudden cold shiver ran down her back, but she didn't see what had flashed by her window.
With only a few boxes to go, Sarah felt her stomach rumble and she glanced up at her clock.
"It's two already?" She muttered to herself, and slipped on some dingy sneakers to walk down to the coffee shop down the street. She would have preferred to drive; she was, after all, eighteen. But Karen had made it perfectly clear that a car was out of the question.
"We're already paying for your apartment and your education!" Her stepmother had practically screamed. "If you want a car so badly, why don't you get a job and pay for it yourself? What about Toby? Honestly, sometimes I think you don't think about him at all!"
"You don't know what you're talking about." Sarah had screeched back. "You don't even know what I've done for him!"
You have thirteen hours…
Sarah shook her head free of both memories. After gobbling down lunch she headed quickly back to her apartment, where she could keep busy, she could clear her head.
"Ah," she smiled to herself a few hours later, "the last box." Ripping the packing tape off, she started shoving its contents onto a shelf, and was about to kick the empty box away when she noticed one thing lurking in the corner.
Sarah picked it up, then nearly screamed and dropped the object out of surprise. "I didn't pack this." She said to herself. "I'm positive I left it at home." She frowned slightly. "Dad must have threw it in on accident." Plunking it on the shelf with the others, she carried away the now empty box, marked "books."
***
A few days later Sarah was feeling quite comfortable in her new home. That afternoon she had gone school shopping, and was terribly excited about starting classes the next day. College sounded so exciting, so romantic, so adventurous. She was a little nervous though. Lord knows she didn't want any more actual adventures; she had had enough of those to last a lifetime.
Wandering aimlessly around her kitchen, Sarah was rather bored. She hadn't made any actual friends yet, and so it was going to be a night at home, alone. Finally she decided to relax a little, and read. Reading was her great escape, as it always had been. She cast her eyes up and down the shelves, trying to pick a story, when she stubbed her toe on a small, thin object lying on the floor.
"The Labyrinth." She sighed, picking it up. "I should have known." Sarah stared at it for a bit. "Well," she said finally, "if I'm going to start a new life, I may as well make a clean break with the old one." She marched over to the trashcan, and tossed it in. Almost, anyways.
"Don't!" Came the soft cry. Sarah froze and spun around, searching for the source. The voice had seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere, all at once.
"Hello?" Sarah called hesitantly. There was no answer. "Of course there's no answer, you silly girl." Sarah laughed at herself. "It's just your imagination, and it's just a book." All the same, Sarah put The Labyrinth back on the shelf, and was incredibly grateful when the phone rang, knocking her back into reality.
"Hello?"
"Sarah, honey, I'm glad you're home." Sarah recognized her father's voice immediately, though today he sounded a little strange.
"Hey dad!" She answered brightly. "How are you?"
"Sarah, you should sit down for this." Sarah frowned, and fumbled for a chair. There was something dreadfully familiar about the catch in his voice. "There's been an accident."
"What? What do you mean?"
"Karen was… she was driving through an intersection…and, and a truck ran a red light…" Sarah gasped sharply.
"Is she okay?" She cried, louder than she had intended.
"Yes sweetheart, she's fine." Inwardly, Sarah thanked every deity she'd ever heard of. She may not have really liked or even loved her stepmother, but she didn't want to loose her all the same.
"But Sarah…" Her father said hesitantly, obviously choking back tears.
"What?"
"Toby was in the car." Sarah's hand flew to her mouth.
"Toby?" She gasped.
"He…he wasn't in his car seat…Sarah, there was nothing they could do…" Sarah would have screamed, but was having too much difficulty breathing at the moment.
"Oh my God," she whispered, "you mean…you mean Toby, he's, he's…" She burst into hot and wild tears, barely noticing that her father had done the same. It was only the second time she'd heard him cry.
"Daddy."
"I'm so sorry sweetheart, I just, I didn't know how to say it…" He trailed off, knowing nothing comforting to say. Suddenly Sarah heard some noises in the background.
"Oh, Sarah, I've got to go. I'm in the hospital right now, and Karen's only just woken up."
"No, daddy, don't go yet." Sarah pleaded.
"I've got to Sarah, I'll call you later."
"No. No!" Sarah practically screamed it. She was shaking from crying so hard, and she needed her father there, his support, his security. "I need you daddy."
"Karen needs me more." He said simply, without realizing the power in his words, and hung up.
Sarah stared blankly at the receiver for nearly a minute before hanging it up. Laying her head in her hands she sobbed, not only for her brother, but for herself.
***
After crying for hours, Sarah felt numb. She couldn't see straight, her eyes swollen from tears, and she was trembling.
"How can Toby be gone?" She whispered hoarsely. "He's only three, he didn't deserve this. I can't believe I'll never see him again."
"Sawah, Sawah!" She could clearly remember Toby clinging onto her for dear life, as they waited for her plane. "Don' go." He had demanded. She had only smiled and ruffled his soft blond hair. "I'll be back before you know it, tough guy." She said gently. He gave her one last hug before she got on the plane, and waved furiously after her as it took off.
"I should have been there!" Sarah cried suddenly, angry with herself. "If I had picked him up from daycare, he'd still be here. Damn it! Why'd I have to go to school so far away? It's not fair!" She screamed vehemently.
You say that so often…
"I saved him once, I should have saved him again!" Overcome with remorse, Sarah could hardly think, her head was pounding so hard. She stomped around, slamming doors and cabinets, and quickly swallowed two aspirin tablets.
"Oh Toby, I'd give anything to save you." She whispered, leaning against the kitchen wall. Sarah turned to the phone, mounted on the wall right next to her. She quickly banished any thoughts of calling her father. "It's at least part of her damn fault he's dead." Sarah spat bitterly. "Daddy should be comforting me, not her. She doesn't deserve it." Sliding down to the ground, Sarah hugged her knees tightly to her chest, only to realize she still had the bottle of pills in her hand. She stared at it intently.
"I've lost my father to Karen. I've lost Toby to a reckless driver. Who do I have now?" Sarah asked desperately. Sarah had no friends in this new place, and no real old ones to speak of. Tossing the bottle from hand to hand aimlessly, her thoughts suddenly took a dangerous path.
"I'll take a few more," she whispered, "just to be sure my headache's gone." Downing pill after pill, Sarah had lost count when she let the empty bottle fall to the ground. She walked shakily over to her bed, and collapsed, not realizing the trouble she was in.
***
Sarah awoke to a blinding pain, assaulting her from her toes to her ears. She tried to slide off the bed onto the floor, then realized that somehow she was already there. I need help, she thought desperately to herself. She struggled to stand up, but fell back down, defeated, as her stomach threatened to rip itself apart. Her heart was pounding, and she was dimly aware that she was hyperventilating. Phone, she thought, need phone, 911.
She forced herself to crawl towards the kitchen, each tiny movement assailing her with new waves of pain. Sarah forced her long hair out of her eyes, and she glared warily at the phone.
"Phone…" She murmured to herself, and the tears started to stream down her face. It was too high for her to reach. Every time she tried to lift her arm, her head pounded so hard, it threatened to burst. Finally she collapsed on to the ground, clutching the carpet to keep the room from spinning.
"What have I done?" She whispered, and it echoed in her burning ears. "Help, please…someone, anyone." Anyone? She asked herself franticly. The world around her began to fade to black, and Sarah struggled to keep breathing, and in a tiny voice, whispered his name, before falling down into the frightening darkness that enveloped her.
***
Cutiechelsey: "Sarah does not die at this time."
Readers: "Say what?"
CC: "You were looking a little worried. I know that you don't have time to waste on just another suicide fic, so I thought I'd just stop and let you know that yes, this is only part one, and no, the rest of it is not this depressing.
Readers: "Oooookay." *stare at CC like she's crazy*
CC: *grins because she is crazy* "I'm also trying to keep it from being just another S/J fic, so stop me if it get's too cliché. That's all for now folks."