Thunder and Lightning

by Two Girls One Account

What happens if the main character is the son of Zeus and not Poseidon? How do the events of the Lightning Thief change?

Hey guys, we hope you like this new story we've been working on, we have a lot planned and we're excited for you to read it.

I accelerated, trying to escape the monsters that were hot on my wheels. I didn't know where I was going. All my mom gave me as an address and a general direction I should be driving in. I didn't know what was chasing me, only that they had sharp claws and teeth and wanted to trample me.

I wish my mom could have come with me. I wish I could have seen her one last time before I was rushed out the door and sent on this crazy journey.

Finally I reached the place my mom had told me about. The tall tree at the top of the hill. I drove up the hill, crossing the line of the tree before those monsters could get me.

The slant of the hill shifted from up to down before I could stop accelerating and I crashed into a tree.

Smoke poured from my engine and I saw a pair of lights in front of me just as I started to pass out.

"Are you ok? What's your name?"

I could feel my lights going out. I couldn't stay awake for much longer.

"My name's….. Lightning…"

Darkness.

When I woke up, I was in an infirmary. Someone stood over my bed, watching me. She was a little rough around the edges but she had the most beautiful grey eyes I'd ever seen.

"You drool in your sleep."

I tried to wipe my mouth and found it surprisingly easy given the fact that I was just in a car crash. I was feeling a lot better than I thought I would.

"You said your name is Lightning?" She asked.

I winked. "That's right. I'm Lightning." I revved my engine. "Lightning McQueen. Ca-chow!"

Lol so as you've guessed we will sadly not be continuing this story. But really we can't stop laughing.

Fuck you

R&A

McQueen: OK... Here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed.
McQueen: One winner. 42 losers. I eat losers for breakfast.
McQueen: Breakfast. Wait, maybe I should have had breakfast. A little breck-y could be good for me. No,no,no, stay focused. Speed.
McQueen: I'm faster than fast. Quicker than quick. I am Lightning!
Mack: (knock-knock)Hey Lightning, are you ready?
McQueen: Oh, yeah. Lightning's ready.
Song
McQueen: Ka-chow!
Song
Seller: Get your antenna here!
Fans: You got that right, Slick.
Bob Cutlass: Welcome back to the Dinoco 400. I'm Bob Cutlass, here with my good friend, Darrel Cartrip. We're midway through what may turn out to be a historic day for racing.
Darrel Cartrip: Bob, my oil pressure's through the roof right now. If this gets more exciting, they're gonna have to tow me outta the booth!
Bob Cutlass: Right you are, Darrell. Three cars are tied for the season points lead, heading into the final race of the season. And the winner of this race Darrell, will win the season title and, the Piston Cup. Does The King, Strip Weathers, have one more victory in him before retirement?
Darrell: He's been Dinoco's golden boy for years! Can he win them one last Piston Cup?
Bob: And, as always, in the second place spot we find Chick Hicks. He's been chasing that tailfin his entire career.
Darrell: Chick thought this was his year, Bob. His chance to finally emerge from The King's shadow. But the last thing he expected was...Lightning McQueen!
Bob: You know, I don't think anybody expected this. The rookie sensation come into the season unknown. But everyone knows him now.
Darrell: Will he be the first rookie to win a Piston Cup and land Dinoco?
Bob: The legend, the runner up, and the rookie! Three cars, one champion!
Song
Chick: No you don't.
Fans: Oohh. What a ride!
Chick: Hahaha
Fans: Go get'em, McQueen! Go get'em!
Fans: We love you, Lightning!
Chick: Dinoco is all mine.
Race car: Ahhhh!
Darrell: Trouble, turn three!
Chick: Haha. Get through that, Mcqueen.
Bob: Ouw.. A huge crash behind the leaders!
Fans: Wahh!
Bob: Wait a second, Darrell. McQueen is in the wreckage.
Darrell: There's no way the rookie can make it through! Not in one piece that is.
Mia & Tia: Lightning, ahhh.
Darrell: Look at that, McQueen made it through!
Bob: Man, a spectacular move by Lightning McQueen.
McQueen: Yeah! Ka-chow!
Fans: McQueen (7X)
Fan: Yeah McQueen! Ka-chow!
Bob: While everyone else heads into the pits, McQueen stays out to take the lead!
Broken car: Don't take me out coach. I can still race!
Chick: Haha. What do you think boys? A thing of beauty.
Chick's coach: McQueen made it through!
Chick: What?
Chick's coach: He's not pitting!
Chick: Come on! Get me out there! Let's go! Get me back out there! Come on!
Bob: McQueen's not going into the pits!
Darrell: You know the rookie just fired his crew chief. That's the third one this season!
Bob: Well he says he likes working alone Darrell.
Chick's coach: Go, go, go!
Bob: Looks like Chick got caught up in the pits.
Darrell: Yeah, after a stop like that, he's got a lot of ground to make ready boys, we're coming to the restart!
Chick: Come on, come on, come on!
McQueen's crew: We need tires now! Come on, let's go!
McQueen: No,no,no,no! No tires, just gas!
McQueen's crew: What! You need tires, you idiot!
Darrell: Looks like it's all gas-and-go's for McQueen today.
Bob: That's right. No tires again.
Darrell: Normally I said a short-term gain, long-term loss, but it's sure is workin' for him. He obviously knows somethin' we don't know.
Bob: This is it Darrell, one lap to go and Lightning McQueen has a huge lead.
Darrell: All he's got it in the bag. Call in the dogs and put out the fire! We're gonna crown us a new champion!
McQueen: Checkered flag, here I come!
Darrell: Oh, no! McQueen has blown a tire!
Bob: And with only one turn to go! Can he make it?
McQueen's crew: You fool!
The King's Coach: McQueen's blown a tire!, McQueen's blown a tire! Go,go,go!
Darrell: He lost another tire! The King and Chick are coming up fast!
Bob: They're entering turn three!
McQueen: Come on.
Darrell: I don't belive what I'm watching, Bob!
Darrell: Lightning McQueen is hundred feet from his Piston Cup!
Bob: The King and Chick rounding turn four.
Darrell: Down the stretch they come! And it's, and it's...
Bob: It's too close to call! Too close to call!
Darrell: I don't belive it! (2X)
Mia & Tia: Lightning!
Bob: The most spectacular, amazing unequivocally, unbelievable ending in the history of the world! And we don't even know who won!
Darrell: Look at that!
Security: Hey, no cameras! Get outta here!
Kori Turbowitz: We're here in Victory Lane, awaiting the race results. McQueen that was quite a risky move, not taking tires.
McQueen crew: Tell me about it.
Kori Turbowitz: Are you sorry you don't have a crew chief out there?
McQueen's Crew: Hah!
McQueen: Oh Kori. There's a lot more to racing than just winning. I mean, taking the race by a full lap... Where's the entertainment in that? No no no... I wanted to give folks a little sizzle.
McQueen's crew: Sizzle?
McQueen: Am I sorry I don't have a crew chief? No, I'm not. Cause I'm a one-man show.
McQueen crew: Whats? Oh, yeah right.
Kori Turbowitz: That was a very confident Lightning McQueen. Coming to you live from Victory Lane, I'm Kori Turbowitz.
Cameramen: Hey, get out of the shot!
McQueen: Yo, Chuck, what are you doing? You're blocking the camera. Everyone wants to see the bolt.
McQuenn crew: What?
McQueen: Now, back away.
McQueen's crew: Ahh! That's it. Come on guys.
McQueen: Whoa, team! Where are going?
McQueen's crew: We quit, Mr. One-Man Show!
McQueen: Oh, OK, leave. Fine. Hahaha. How will I ever find anyone else who knows how to fill me up with gas? Adios Chuck!
McQueen's crew: And my name is not Chuck!
McQueen: Oh, whatever.
Chuck: Hey, Lightning! Yo! McQueen! Seriously, that was some pretty darn nice racin' out there. By me! Hahaha!
Chick's crew: Zinger
Chick: Welcome to the Chick era, baby! The Piston Cup... It's mine dude. It's mine. Hey fellas, how do you think I'm look in Dinoco blue? Dinoco blue! Hahaha!
McQueen: In your dreams Thunder.
Chick: Yeah, right. Thunder? What's he talkin' about, "Thunder"?
McQueen: You know, cause' thunder always comes after lightning. Pew, Kaka-phow!
Chick: Who here knew about the thunder thing?
Chick's crew: I didn't.
Cameramen: Give us the bolt!
Cameramen: That's right.
Cameramen: Right in the lens.
Cameramen: Show me the bolt, baby!
Cameramen: Smile, McQueen!
Cameramen: Show me the bolt, McQueen!
Cameramen: That's it!
Tex: Ohh we, that was one close finish. You sure made Dinoco proud. Thank you, King.
The King: Well, Tex, you've been good to me all these years. It's the least I could do.
Dear: Whatever happens, you're winner to me, you old daddy rabbit.
The King: Thanks, dear. We wouldn't be nothing without you.
Mia: I'm Mia.
Tia: I'm Tia.
Mia & Tia: We're like your biggest fans! Ka-chow!
McQueen: I love being me.
Security: OK, girls, that's it.
Mia & Tia: We love you, Lightning!
Some guys far away: We love you more!
The King: Hey, buddy. You're one gutsy racer.
McQueen: Oh, hey, Mr. The King.
The King: You got more talent in one lug nut than a lot of cars has got in their whole body.
McQueen: Really? Oh, that...
The King: But you're stupid.
McQueen: Excuse me?
The King: This ain't a one-man deal, kid. You need to wise-up and get you self a good crew chief and a good team. And you ain't gonna win unless you got good folks behind you, and you let them do their job, like they should. Like I tell the boys at the shop...
McQueen: A good team. Yeahhh.
Dreaming Song.
Mia & Tia: Oh, McQueen.
The King: If you figure that out, you just gonna be OK.
McQueen: Oh, yeah, that.. That is spectacular advice. Thank you Mr. The King.
Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in Piston Cup history...
McQueen: A rookie has won the Piston Cup. Yes!
Speaker: We have a three-way tie.
Chick: Oh, ho. Hey, McQueen, that must be really embarrassing. But I wouldn't be worry about it. Because I didn't do it! Hahaha!
Speaker: Piston Cup officials have determined that a tiebreaker race between the three leaders will be held in California in one week.
Chick: Well, thank you! Thanks to all of you out there! Thank you! Hey, rook, first one to California gets Dinoco all to himself. Ahh! No, not me! No, you rock, and you know that!
Balloon: Oh, yeah! Woaah!
McQueen: First one to California gets Dinoco all to himself. Ohh, we'll see who gets there first, Chick. Huh?
Mack: Hey, kid! Congrats on the tie.
McQueen: I don't want to talk about it. Come on, let's go, Mack. Saddle up. What'd you do with my trailer?
Mack: I parked it at your sponsor's tent.
McQueen: What?
Mack: You gotta make your personal appearance.
McQueen: No. No! No,no,no,no!
McQueen: Yes, yes, yes! Lightning McQueen here. And I use Rust-eze Medicated Bumper Ointment, new rear end formula! Nothing soothes rusty bumper like Rust-eze.
McQueen: Wow! Look at that shine! Use Rust-eze and you too can look like me! Ka-chow!
Rust-eze Car: Hahaha. I met this car from Swampscott. He was so rusty he didn't even cast a shadow.
Rust-eze Van: You could see his dirty undercarriage. Hahaha.
McQueen: Uahh! I hate rusty cars. This is not good for my image.
Mack: They did give you your big break. Besides, it's in your contract.
McQueen: Oh, will you stop please? Just go get hooked up.
Rust-eze Van: Winter is a grand old time.
Rust-eze Car: Of this there are no ifs or buts.
Rust-eze Van: But remember, all that salt and grime...
Rust-eze Car: Can rust your bolts and freeze your...
Rust-eze Van: Hey look! There he is! Our almost champ! Victory ran to your rear end in here, kid.
Fan: Lightning McQueen, you are wicked fast!
Fan: That race was a pisser!
Fan: You were booking McQueen!
McQueen: Give me a little room guys.
Fred: You're my hero .
McQueen: Yes, I know. Fred, Fred, thank you.
Fred: He knows my name. He knows my name!
Rust-eze Van: Looking good, Freddie!
Rust-eze Car: Thanks to you Lightning, we had a banner year!
Rust-eze Van: We might clear enough to buy you some headlights.
Rust-eze Car: Are you saying he doesn't have headlights?
Rust-eze Van: That's what I'm telling ya. It's just stickers!
McQueen: Well, you know, racecars don't need headlights, because the track is always lit.
Rust-eze Car: Yeah, well,so is my brother, but he still needs headlights.
Hahaha
McQueen: Hahaha! Ha! Hahaha!
Rust-eze Car: Ladies and gentlemen, Lightning McQueen!
Fans: Free Bird!
McQueen: You know, the Rust-eze Medicated Bumper Ointment team ran a great race today. And remember, with a little Rust-eze...And an insane amount of luck, you too can look like me. Ka-chow.
Rust-eze Car: Hey, kid.
Rust-eze Van: We love ya. And we're looking forward to another great year. Just like this year. Hahaha.
McQueen: Not on your life.
Rust-eze Car: Don't drive like my brother!
Rust-eze Van: Oh Yeah, don't drive like my brother!
Mack: California, here we come!
McQueen: Dinoco, here we come!
Song
McQueen: I needed this. Hello?
Harv: Is this Lightning McQueen, the world's fastest racing machine?
McQueen: Is this Harv, the world's greatest agent?
Harv: And it is such a honor to be your agent and it almost hurts to take ten percent of your winnings and merchandising. And ancillary rights in perpetuity. Anyway, what a race! Hot champ! I didn't see it, but I heard you were great.
McQueen: Thanks, Harv.
Harv: Listen, they're giving you 20 tickets for the tiebreaker thing in Cali. I'll pass 'em on to your friends. You shoot me the names. You let Harv rock it for you. All right, baby?
McQueen: Right. Friends. Yes, there's a...
Harv: OK, I get it, . So many friends you can't even narrow it down. Hey, when you get to town, you better make time for your best friend! You gotta break bread with your mishpoacheh here!
McQueen: Yeah, yeah, that'd be great! We should totally...
Harv: Ok, I gotta jump, kid. Let me know how it goes. I'm out.
McQueen: What? A minivan? Oh, come on Mack, you're in the slow lane. This is Lightning McQueen you're hauling here.
Mack: Just stopping off for a quick breather, kid. Old Mack needs a rest.
McQueen: Absolutely not.
McQueen: We're driving straight to all night till we get to California. We agreed to it.
Mack: All night? May I remind you, federal DOT regs state...
McQueen: Come on, I need to get there before Chick get hang with Dinoco.
Mack: Ahh, all those sleeping trucks. Hey kid, I don't know if I can make it.
McQueen: Oh, sure you can, Mack. Look, it'll be easy. I'll stay up with you.
Mack: All night?
McQueen: All night long.
McQueen: Zzzzz...
DJ Song
Snot Rod: Ah, ahh, achowww!
Wingo: Hahaha!
Boost: Hey, yo, DJ.
DJ: What up?
Boost: We got ourselves a nodder.
DJ: Hahaha.
Mack: Pretty music.
Boost: Yo, Wingo! Lane change, man.
Wingo: Right back at ya! Hahaha.
Snot Rod: Yeah!
Boost: Oops! I missed.
Snot Rod: You going on vacation?
Tuner team: Hahaha.
Boost: Oh, no, Snot Rod...
Wingo: He's gonna blow!
Snot Rod: Ahh...ahhh...ahhh...achoowww!
Mack: Gesundheit! Hoho. One should never drive while drowsy.
McQueen: MACK!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Hey,Mack! Mack!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Mack,wait for me!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Mack! Mack!
McQueen: Mack! Mack...
McQueen:...wait up! Mack.
McQueen: Mack! Mack!
McQueen: What?You're not Mack.
Peterbilt: Mack?I ain't no Mack!I'm a Peterbilt, for dang sake!
Peterbilt: Turn on your lights, you moron!
McQueen: Mack... The Interstate!
Sheriff: Ahh!. Not in my town, you don't.
McQueen: Oh, no...Oh, maybe he can help me! He's shooting at me! Why is he shooting at me!
Sheriff: I haven't gone this fast in years. I'm gonna blow a gasket or somethin'.
McQueen: Serpentine! Serpentine, serpentine!
Sheriff: What in the blue blazes? Crazy hot rodder.
Filmore: I'm telling you, man, every third blink is slower.
Sarge: The sixties weren't good for you, were they?
McQueen: What? That's not the Interstate! Ahh ho, Auw, auw,auw! Ahhhh! No, no, no, no!
Filmore: I'm not the only seeing this, right?
Sarge: Incoming!
Filmore: Whoa man.
Sarge: No!
Ramone: Hey, you scratch my paint!
McQueen: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Luigi: My tires!
McQueen: Phoah!
Red: Huh!
McQueen: Uargh!
Red: Huh!
Filmore: Fly away, Stanley. Be free!
Sheriff: Boy, you're in a heap of trouble.
Kori Turbowitz: We're live at the Los Angeles International Speedway as the first competitor, Lightning McQueen, is arriving at the track.
Cameramen: Is it true he's gonna pose for Cargirl?
Cameramen: Lightning, what's your strategy? Woahh!
Mack: What? Did I forget to wipe my mud flaps?
News: McQueen's driver arrived in California, but McQueen was missing.
News: Racecar Lightning McQueen was reported missing.
News: He scheduled to race an unprecedented...
News: Sponsor stated they have no idea where he is.
Junior: I hope Lightning's OK. I sure hate to see anything bad happen to him.
Jay Limo: I don't know what's harder to find, Lightning McQueen or a crew chief who'll work for him!
Hummer: Lightning McQueen must be found at all costs!
News: They're all asking the same question: Where is McQueen?
McQueen: Oh, boy. Where am I?
Mater: Mornin', sleepin' beauty!
McQueen: Ahhhhh!
Mater: Hahaha! Boy, I was wonderin' when you was gonna wake up.
McQueen: Take whatever you want! Just don't hurt me! a parking boot? Why do I have a parking boot on? What's going on here? Please!
Mater: You're funny. I like you already. My name's Mater.
McQueen: Mater.
Mater: Yeah, like "tuh-mater", but without the "tuh". What's your name?
McQueen: You don't know my name?
Mater: Uhh, no, I know your name. Is your name Mater too?
McQueen: What? Look, I need to get to California as fast as possible. Where am I?
Mater: Where are you? Shoot! You're in Radiator Springs. The cutest little town in Carburetor County.
McQueen: Oh, great. Just great!
Mater: Well, if you think that's great, you should see the rest of the town.
McQueen: You know, I'd love to see the rest of the town! So if you could just open the gate, take this boot off, you and me, we go cruisin', check out the local scene...
Mater: Dad-gum!
McQueen: How'd that be, Tuh-Mater?
Mater: Cool
Sheriff: Mater! What did I tell you about talkin' to the accused?
Mater: To not to.
Sheriff: Well, quit yer yappin' and tow this delinquent road hazard to traffic court.
Mater: Well, we'll talk later, Mater. Haha. "Later, Mater." That's funny!
Sheriff: The Radiator Springs Traffic Court will come to order!
Ramone: Hey, you scratched my paint! I ought take a blowtorch to you, man!
Luigi: You broke-a the road! You a very bad car!
Fillmore: Fascist! Commie!
McQueen: Officer, talk to me, babe. How long is this gonna take? I gotta get to California, pronto.
Sheriff: Where's your lawyer?
McQueen: Tuh, I don't know. Tahiti maybe. He's got a timeshare there.
Sheriff: When a defendant has no lawyer, the court will assign one to him. Hey! Anyone want to be his lawyer?
Mater: Shoot, I'll do it, Sheriff!
Sheriff: All rise! The Honorable Doc Hudson presiding.
Luigi: Show-off.
Sheriff: May Doc have mercy on your soul.
Doc Hudson: All right, I wanna know who's responsible for wreckin' my town, Sheriff. I wanna his hood on a platter! I'm gonna put him in jail till he rots! No, check that. I'm gonna put him in jail till the jail rots on top of him, and then I'm gonna move him to a new jail and let that jail rot. I'm... Throw him out of here, Sheriff. I want him out of my courtroom. I want him out of our town! Case dismissed.
McQueen: Yes!
Mater: Boy, I'm purty good at this lawyerin' stuff.
Sally: Sorry I'm late, Your Honor!
McQueen: Holy Porsche! She's gotta be from my attorney's office. Hey, thanks for comin', we're all set. He's letting me go.
Sally: He's letting you go?
McQueen: Yeah, your job's pretty easy today. All you have to do now is stand there and let me look at you. Listen, I'm gonna cut to the chase. Me, you, dinner. Ka-chow!
Sally: What the...? Auww! Please!
McQueen: I know, I get that reaction a lot. I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand.
Sally: Ohhh, auww!
McQueen: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you?
Mater: Well, a little bit, but I'll be alright.
Sally: OK. I'm gonna go talk to the judge.
McQueen: Do what you gotta do, baby. Oh, but listen. Be careful. Folks around here are not firing on all cylinders, if you know what I mean.
Mater: Ka-ching! Auww!
Sally: I'll keep that in mind. Hey there, Mater.
Mater: Howdy, Sally.
Sally: Hi, folks!
Folks: Good morning! Sally.
McQueen: You know her?
Mater: She's the town attorney and my fiancee.
McQueen: What?
Mater: Nah, I'm just kiddin'. She just like me for my body.
Sally: Doc, you look great this morning. Did you do something different with your side view mirrors?
Doc: What do you want, Sally?
Sally: Ah, come on, make this guy fix the road. The town needs this.
Doc: No. I know his type. Racecar. That's the last thing this town needs.
Sally: OK, I didn't want to have to do this, Doc, but you leave me no choice. Fellow citizens, you're all aware of our town's proud history.
Doc: Here she goes again.
Sally: Radiator Springs, the glorious jewel strung on the necklage of Route 66, the mother road! It is our job and our pleasure to take care of the travelers on our stretch of that road.
Sarge: Travelers? What travelers?
Filmore: Ignore him.
Sally: But how, I ask you, are we to care for those travelers if there is no road for them to drive on? Luigi, what do you have at your store?
Luigi: Tires
Sally: And if no one can get to you?
Luigi: I won't sell any...tires. I will lose everything! Ohho.
Sally: Flo, what do you have at your store?
Flo: I have gas. Lotsa gas!
Sally: OK boys, stay with me. And, and, Flo, what'll happen if no one can come to your station to buy gas?
Flo: I'll go outta business and... we'll have to leave town.
Sally: And what's gonna happen to all of us if Flo leaves town and closes her station?
Folks: Without gas, we're done for!
Lizzie: What?
Sally: So, don't you think the car responsible should fix our road?
Lizzie: The only guy strong enough to fix that road is Big Al!
Ramone: Lizzie, the guy left, like, 15 years ago.
Lizzie: Then why are you bringing him up, you lemon?
Sally: Oh, he can do it. He's got the horsepower. So, what do you want him to do?
Folks: Fix the road!
Sally: Because we are a town worth fixing!
Folks: Yeah!
Doc: Order in the court! Seems like my mind has been changed for me.
Folks: Yeah!
McQueen: No!
Filmore: Nice rulin'.
McQueen: Ohh, I am so not take you to dinner.
Sally: That's OK, Stickers. You can take Bessie.
Mater: Oh man, you got to work with Bessie! I'd give my left two lug nuts for somethin' like that.
McQueen: Bessie? Who's Bessie?
Doc: This here is Bessie, finest road-pavin' machine ever built. I'm hereby sentencing you to community service. You're gonna fix the road under my supervision.
McQueen: What? This place is crazy!
Mater: Hey, I know this may be a bad time right now, but tha, you owe me $32,000 in legal fees.
McQueen: What?
Doc: So we're gonna hitch you up to sweet Bessie, and you're gonna pull her nice.
McQueen: You're gotta be kidding me.
Doc: You start there where the road begins, you finish down there where the road ends.
Mater: Holy shoot!
McQueen: Whoa, whoa, whoa! How long is this gonna take?
Doc: Well, fella does it right, should take him about five days.
McQueen: Five days? But I should be in California schmoozing Dinoco right now!
Doc: Then if I were you, I'd quit yappin and start workin'! Hook him up, Mater.
Mater: Okay-dokey.
McQueen: Freedom!
Mater: Maybe I should've-a hooked him up to Bessie...and then-a...then took the boot off.
McQueen: Wuuuhuuu! Goodbye, Radiator Springs, and goodbye, Bessie! California, here I come! Yeah! Oh, fell that wind. Yes! No,no,no,no! Outta gas? How can I be outta gas?
Sheriff: Hahaha. Boy, we ain't as dumb as you think we are.
McQueen: But,but,but how did, how did...you...?
Sally: We siphoned your gas while you were passed out. Ka-chow.
McQueen: Auw,auw,auw,auw,auwww!
Sheriff: Hahaha.
Sheriff: Gentlemen.
Sarge: Sheriff.
Filmore: Hai, Sheriff.
Luigi: Why the tires are here?
Guido: Sono sempre stati qui.
Luigi: They were better well before.
Guido: Stai sempre a parlare.
Luigi: Guido!
Lizzie: Red, can you move over? I want to get look at that sexy hot rod.
Mater: You know, I used to be a purty good whistler. I can't do it now of course, on account of sometimes I get fluid built up in my engine block, but Doc said he's gonna fix it dough. He can fix about anything. That's why we made him the judge. Boy, you shoulda heard me on Giddy-up, Oom Papa Mow Mow. Now, I'm not one to brag, but people come purty far to see me get low on the "Mow-Mow".
McQueen: Ah? Ah, man, that's just great!
Mater: Hey, what's wrong?
McQueen: My lucky sticker's all dirty.
Mater: Thaah, that ain't nothin'. I'll clean it for ya.
McQueen: No,no,no! That wouldn't be necessary. Hey! Hey, big fella! Yeah, you in the red! I could use a little hose down. Help me wash this off. What, where's he goin'?
Mater: Oh, he's still a little bit shy, and he hates you for killin' his flowers.
McQueen: I shouldn't have to put up with this. I'm a precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics.
Mater: You hurt your what?
McQueen: I'm a very famous racecar!
Luigi: You are a famous racecar? A real racecar?
McQueen: Yes, I'm a real racecar. What do you think? Look at me.
Luigi: I have followed racing my entire life of my whole life!
McQueen: Then you know who I am. I'm Lightning McQueen.
Luigi: Lightening McQueen!
McQueen: Yes! Yes!
Luigi: I must scream it to the world! My excitement from the top of someplace very high! Do you know many Ferraris?
McQueen: No,no,no. They race on the European circuit. I'm in the Piston Cup! What?
Luigi: Luigi follow only the Ferraris.
Flo: Is that what I think it is?
Sally: Customers. Customers! Customers, everyone! Customers! OK.
Lizzie: Customers?
Sally: All right, everybody calm down for a long time. Just remember what we rehearsed. Make sure your "Open, please come in" signs are out. And you all know what to do. All right, nobody panics. Here we go!
Minny: Van, I just don't see any on-ramp anywhere.
Van: Minny, I know exactly where we are.
Minny: Yeah, we're in the middle of nowhere.
Van: Honey, please.
Sally: Hello. Welcome to Radiator Springs, gateway to Ornament Valley. Legendary for it's quality service and friendly hospitality. How can we help you?
Van: We don't need anything, thank you very much.
Minny: Whoa, honey ask her direction to the Interstate.
Van: There's no need to ask for directions. Minny, I know exactly where we're going.
Minny: He did the same thing on our trip to Shakopee. You know, we were headed over there for the Crazy Days, and we...
Van: OK,OK. Really. We're just peachy, OK?
Filmore: What you really need is the sweet taste of my homemade, organic fuel.
Van: No, it doesn't agree with my tank.
Minny: We're just trying to find the Interstate.
Sarge: Good to see you, Soldier! Come on by Sarge's Surplus Hut for all your government surplus needs.
Minny: Ohh, honey, surplus!
Van: I think we have too much surplus.
Sally: I do have a map over the Cozy Cone Motel. And if you do stay, we offer a free Lincoln Continental breakfast.
Minny: Honey, she's got a map.
Van: I don't need a map! I have the GPS. Never need a map again, thank you.
Flo: How 'bout somethin' to drink? Stop at Flo's V8 Cafe. Finest fuel on Route 66.
Van: No, we just top off.
Luigi: And if you need tires, stop by Luigi's Casa Della Tires, home of the Leaning Tower of Tires.
Minny: We're just trying to find the Interstate.
Ramone: But you do need a paint job man. Ramone will paint you up right. Hey, anything you want! You know, like a flame job.
Minny: No, thanks...
Ramone: Maybe ghost flames! You like old school pinstripin'? Von Dutch style ha?
Minny: Oh, honey, look. Von Dutch.
Van: Oh, ho, OK, no. Ahahaha. We're gonna be going now, OK? Auww!
Lizzie: A little somethin' to remember us by, OK?
Van: Oh,ha,ha. OK!
Sally: Come back soon, OK? I mean, you know where we are! Tell your friends!
Van: HohohOK! Yes. You bet.
Minny: Thanks again, folks. Bye-bye now.
McQueen: Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey, hey,hey! I know how to get to the Interstate!
Minny: Oh, do ya?
Van: Minny, no.
McQueen: Yeah, yeah,yeah. No, not really. But listen. I'm Lightning McQueen, the famous racecar. I'm being held heren against my will. And I need you to call my team, so they can rescue me, and get me to California in time for me to win The Piston Cup. Do you understand?
McQueen: No,no,no,no,no. No, It's the truth! I'm telling you! You gotta help me! Don't leave me here! I'm in hillbilly hell! My IQ's dropping by the second! I'm becoming one of them!
Sally: OK, don't worry. They know where we are now. They're gonna tell their friends. You'll see.
Radio: And we'll be back for our Hank Williams marathon...
Sally: That's good.
Radio:...after a Piston Cup update. Still no sign of Lightning McQueen. Meanwhile, Chick Hicks arrived in California and today became the first car to spend practice time on the track.
Chick: Yeah, well it's just nice to get out here before the other competitors. You know, get a headstart. Gives me an edge.
Dreaming Song
Chick: Yeah.
Chick: Hey, McQueen... Eat your heart out.
McQueen: Mater, let me get this straight. I can go when this road is done. That's the deal, right?
Mater: That's what they done did said.
McQueen: OK. Outta my way. I got a road to finish.
Mater: He's done!
Doc: Done?
Mater: Ahmhm.
Doc: It's only been an hour.
McQueen: I'm done. Look, I'm finished. Just say thank you, and I'll be on my way. That's all I gotta say.
Mater: Weehoo! I'm the first one on the new road! Ahho! It rides purty smooth.
Sally: It looks awful!
McQueen: Well, it matches the rest of the town.
Sally: Ahh.
Red: Umph, huhuhuh.
Sally: Red. Who do you think you are?
McQueen: Look, Doc said when I finish, I could go. That was the deal.
Doc: The deal was you fix the road, not making it worse. Now, scrape it off! Start over again.
McQueen: Hey, look, grandpa, I'm not a bulldozer. I'm a racecar.
Doc: Hohoho. Is that right? Then why don't we just have a little race? Me and you.
Sally: What?
McQueen: Hohoho. Me and you. Is that a joke?
Doc: If you win, you go and I fix the road. If I win, you do the road my way.
Sheriff: Doc, what're you doin'?
McQueen: Hahaha. I don't mean to be rude here Doc, but you probably go zero to sixty in like what? Three-point-five years?
Doc: Then I reckon you ain't got nothin' to worry about.
McQueen: You know what old timer? That's a wonderful idea. Let's race.
Sheriff: Gentlemen, this will be a one-lap race. You will drive to Willy's Butte, go around Willy's Butte and come back. There will be no bumpin', no cheatin', no spittin', no bittin', no road rage, no maimin', no oil slickin', no pushin', no shovin', no backstabbin', no road-hoggin' and no lollygaggin'.
McQueen: Speed. I'm speed. Float like a Cadillac, sting like a Beemer.
Luigi: OhHohohoo. My friend Guido, he dream to give a real racecar a pit stop.
Guido: Pit stop.
McQueen: Aa, haha. The race is only one lap, guys. Uno lappo! Don't need any help. I work solo mio.
Luigi: Fine. Race your way.
McQueen: No pit stoppo. Comprendo?
Guido: OK.
Sheriff: Gentlemen. Start your engines!
Ramone: Hijole! Check that out!
Filmore: Whoa.
Flo: Emm, emm.
Sally: Great idea, Doc. Now the road will never get done.
Sheriff: Luigi.
Luigi: Hohoho. On your mark, get set. Uno for the money, due for the show, tre to get ready, and quattro to... I can't belive it. Go! Hahaha.
Doc: Yehaa! Hahaha!
Sally: Yeah.
Luigi: Huh? Doc, the flag means go. Remember the flag. Here we go. Go.
Ramone: Uhh, Doc, what are you doing, man?
Doc: Oh, dear. It would seem I'm off to a poor start. Well, better late than never. Come on, Mater. Might need a little help.
Mater: Ahh, OK.
Doc: You got your tow cable?
Mater: Well, yeah. I always got my tow cable. Why?
Doc: Ohh, just in case.
McQueen: Ahh,auw,auw,auw,no,no,no,no,no!
Ramone: Oh, man! Auww!
Filmore: Whoa. Bad trip, man.
Doc: Hey! Was that floatin' like a Cadillac, or was that stingin' like a Beemer? I'm confused.
Mater: Eh,eh,eh.
Doc: You drive like you fix roads. Lousy! Have fun fishin', Mater
McQueen: Ahhh!
Mater: I'm startin' to think he knowed you was gonna crash!
McQueen: Thank you, Mater. Thank you.
McQueen: I can make a little turn on dirt. You think? No. And now I'm a day behind. I'm never gonna get outta here!
Ramone: Hey, ese! You need a new paint job, man!
McQueen: No, thank you.
Filmore: How 'bout some organic fuel?
Sarge: That freak juice?
McQueen: Pass.
Flo: Whooh, watchin' him workin' is makin' me thirsty. Anybody else want somethin' to drink?
Mater: Nah, not me, Flo. I'm on one of them there special diets. I'm a precisional instrument of speed and aero-matics.
McQueen: "You race like you fix roads." I'll show him. I will show him!
McQueen: Great! I hate it! Hate, hate, hate, hate it!
D