I've mentioned a few times on tumblr that I write other couples fanfic but didn't ever publish them because I'm super self conscious about anything not jily. This is me trying to step out of my comfort zone and let you read some of my other drabbles I've been hiding away.
all my love,
Petals
It comes to him in blurry shapes and repetitive echoes.
It should just be one Echo, and that echo shouldn't be literal sound. Echo should be the name of a woman with dark eyes and long hair. A woman that often hides a smile with a sharp tongue and even sharper wit. She should be in his dreams, but she's not.
Instead, it's ghostlike echoes of Madi's voice that repeat in his head, over and over again.
"She called you everyday, for six years."
Even asleep, Bellamy is aware of the implications of Madi's words.
But Clarke's not Echo.
She's not Bellamy's girlfriend. She's a totally different woman, with ocean blue eyes and blond curls that swirl around his memories. She went farther back than almost anyone else, as far back as the Ark and the Drop Ship. She was there when Lincoln died and Lexa died. She was there for Luna and Roan and the conclave.
They only got separated once and even then...
Six years.
Every day.
Clarke called him.
She knew he was up there, walking among the stars. He thought she was dead, buried under the ashes of the earths destruction. Bellamy wishes he could go back and tell himself that he should've had faith in Clarke's ability to survive.
The grounders called her the commander of death, and he should've known she would rise from the ashes of Praimfaya like a phoenix. He should've known that she was waiting for him, her blue eyes cast up at the sky.
Even in his dreams, he remembers how it felt to see her alive after six years of being separated. He dreams of how he saves her, hugs her, and loves her in secret. He dreams about all their adventures, good and bad.
Mostly though, he dreams that he actually got her radio calls. He dreams that they had time. He dreams that he never failed her.
When Bellamy finally wakes up it's been one hundred and twenty five years, and yet, Clarke still looks exactly as he remembers. They're the first ones awake, something Harper must've planned. Bellamy knew Harper always 'had a feeling' about Bellamy loving Clarke. She said so when she caught him staring down at earth when they'd first escaped Praimfaya and he thought Clarke was dead.
At least this time, while staring down a planet in a space station, Bellamy didn't have to worry about Clarke. Now she's here with him, at his side, where she belongs. They're staring out at the new planet together, not talking, just thinking. Her head is on his shoulder and his arm is around her waist. He tugs her in closer, selfishly, already missing her even when she's right there.
"What do you think it will be like?"
Bellamy almost misses her question, he's so caught up in the past. They weren't always comrades in the past, they used to butt heads a lot. Now though, Clarke seeks Bellamy for comfort and Bellamy does the same thing. Even when they don't agree, Bellamy knows that Clarke loves him.
He just didn't know if Clarke knows that he loves her too.
"Bellamy?" Her voice softens and she lifts her chin to check and make sure he is ok.
Bellamy tightens his fingers at her hip as he glances down, his eyes tracing the rosiness of her cheeks. She's always been beautiful but he thinks that after so many years only seeing her in his memories and dreams, he appreciates her kind mouth and curved brows a little bit more.
"Sorry." He manages a few words, "I was thinking about something else."
Clarke's eyebrows push lines into her forehead as she turns a bit in his arms to size him up, "what's wrong."
Bellamy doesn't know how to tell her that the only thing he is worried about, is her. He considers Clarke for a moment, before deciding that now is a better time than later to talk. Knowing their luck, this would be their last quiet moment alone for weeks.
"Before we went to sleep," he finally speaks, drawing her attention, "before we even knew we were all going to make it off earth, Madi told me something that I can't stop thinking about."
Clarke tensed up a bit in Bellamy's grasp at the mention of her daughter, turned heda. Bellamy dropped his hand from Clarke's waist so that he could hold her hands instead. She stares at their entwined hands, her expression taut.
"She said you radio'd me, everyday, for six years."
Clarke's head shot up, her blue eyes wide, "Bellamy—"
"Everyday for six years." Bellamy repeated, "you called me. Not Raven. Not Emori. Not Monty. Not even Harper. Just me."
Clarke's eyes were zig-zagging across his face, trying to read him. Her bottom lip was caught under her teeth and she looked as uncertain as ever. Bellamy resisted the urge to push her blonde curls from her face as they gazed at each other.
The silence was almost deafening, only cut up by the whir of the machinery around them. Jordan had gone to check on the algae farm so there wasn't even his presence to disturb Clarke and Bellamy from finally talking about what had happened after Praimfaya. Clarke was bouncing foot to foot, the wheels in her head turning.
"Why?" Bellamy croaked when she stayed quiet, "why me?"
Clarke looked torn, as if one part of her was still that lonely girl on the ground radioing to Bellamy in the sky. Bellamy let go of one of her hands only so that his free fingers could finally tuck her hair behind her ear. As if starved for touch, Clarke leaned into the motion, her eyes fluttering shut for a fraction of a moment. When the blue iris' reappeared they were swimming with tears.
"Bellamy I can't." She whispers and all of Bellamy's patience breaks.
"Can't what?" He asked, "can't tell me why you called me? Only me?"
"I didn't think—"
"Didn't think what?" He asked, taking a pointed step forward, "tell me what you didn't think, Clarke, because I think you know damn well what you were thinking."
Clarke swallowed thickly, bitterly, pulling her hand from his and trying to put up her walls with a strict voice, "we don't need to talk about this right now."
"Like hell we don't."
They were at a stare down. Clarke and Bellamy were never good at letting the other lead or make a decision entirely alone. They always worked best together. Now, with words unspoken coming out in the open, Bellamy is sure the only way he will get her to talk is by doing some talking of his own.
"I know why." He breathes and she flinches as if she knows already where this is going, "I know why you called me on a dead radio for six years, and only called me."
Clarke flushes, "Oh?"
"Yes." Bellamy said gruffly, taking another step forward so that her back is pressed up against the glass window that overlooks their new home, "I understand perfectly."
Clarke is shorter than him and she has to lift her chin to glare at him, keeping him eye level, "if you really understood you wouldn't have—"
Her sentence falls apart abruptly and she snaps her mouth shut before saying anything she would regret. Bellamy already knows what she wanted to say to him. He shakes his head at her, placing one hand by her shoulder on the glass. Their noses are inches apart and he wants to kiss her so that there's no confusion. He wants her to know that he understands completely.
But there's an Echo keeping them a breath apart.
"I dreamed about you for one hundred and twenty five years," he whispers slowly, "only you. Not Octavia. Not Monty. Not even...Echo."
He said it out loud and he could never take it back. He could never pretend around Clarke anymore, when he was in the arms of another, that he never thought about her. Clarke is staring up at him still, her lips half parted in surprise. The ring of light from the planet behind Clarke makes her edges soften and her skin glow golden.
"I thought you were dead," he tells her, voice cracking, "I thought I'd lost you like I'd lost everyone else I'd loved."
Something in her expression shifts and she lifts a hand, pressing it to his chest, "Bellamy, you will never lose me."
He knew she loved him but the surprise in her voice tells him that he was correct in his assumptions; she never knew until now that he loved her back.
Together, they'd always been partners and leaders and fighters. They'd never stopped to think about lovers. Clarke and Bellamy has never had a moments peace together since Praimfaya to consider what might've happened had Clarke gone up into the sky with Bellamy and the rest of Space Kru.
Bellamy could see it in his minds eye. Clarke fit to him like a piece of a puzzle and they would have fallen together like pieces in to place. Clarke probably could've kept Emori and Murphy from fighting so much. She'd have helped Monty with his farm and read one of the few books over and over back to front just to keep busy. She would've made friends with Echo before Bellamy and warmed Bellamy's bed must faster than Echo.
"I mourned you, for a whole year," He says honestly, "and I'm so sorry that I never got your radio calls."
She's sorry too, he can see it in her face as she leaned onto her tiptoes and kisses his cheek. Her lips linger, if only to give the impression that she didn't want to take them away in the first place.
When she pulls back her eyes are as heavy as his heart, "I wish you had too."
He watches as she goes, the light from the windows catching like fire in her hair. She glances back, catches his eye, and offers a small smile.
"I've missed you." He tells her.
"I missed you more." And she means it.
It's been one hundred and twenty five years. His heart still skips a beat around her. He daydreams now, about a little house on this new planet. One where she's cooking on fire instead of messing with a computer on a dashboard. Instead of the whir of machinery he could hear the grounder drums beat out Octavia's favorite beat. Everyone is smiling and Madi calls him dad while dancing barefoot with Echo. He can see it all and he wants it more than he's wanted anything else.
"Bellamy," Clarke calls from the computer, "it's time."
She wants it too, a happily ever after. They're both holding onto hope that this new planet gives them what they deserve after fighting for so long. Monty told they they could be the good guys this time. They could rebuild humanity.
They can't take the first steps of a new life without their friends though. Clarke and Bellamy didn't start the journey alone all those year ago and they weren't about to end it alone either. They both reach for a red button, the one that will bring life to their families again, and press it at the same time. They can hear the change through the ship, the sounds of machines turning on and metal sliding against metal. Familiar voices begin to echo like ghosts through the ship vents and Bellamy grins at Clarke.
"Let's go get our family."
Let me know what you think
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