Ugly Celebrities

by Ingolfur Pall.

Starts off with Kenny, Kyle and Stan playing video games.

Cartman comes running in.

Cartman : " Hey guy's common you gotta see this ! "

The boys don't even looking up from the videoscreen

Kyle : " Cartman last time when you wanted to show us something it was video of a dog fucking a homeless guy so piss off "

Cartman : " Ohh Kyle I'm sorry i guess I just didn't realise that it... hurt your feelings seeing your dad in the video, well i guess jews are more sensitive then others. "

Stan : " What do you want Cartman ?"

Cartman : " They are giving out free hamburgers in the town ..common !. "

Stan : " Really ?"

Cartman : " yeah common! "

The guy's take off and they are showed in the center where Cartman burst out laughing. Then there is an elephant man in front of them.

Kyle : "Cartman thats sick what the hell is wrong with you! "

Cartman laughs louder.

The Elephant man starts to make strange squeeks to them. That they simply cannot understand in any way.

A Man next to him walks up to them : " Hey guy's do you wanna take a picture with Jocelyn Wildenstein for 5 buck's ?"

Cartman : ,, oh my god " he runs up to her " i want 30 of them and is it okey to be naked ?"

The man selling the pictures say's : sure !

Then we see the photoshooting of Cartman hugging her naked.

Ugly celebrities meeting

People like : Marlyn Manson , Amy Whinehouse , Lady Gaga, Paris Hilton , Mike Myers, 50 cent and more .

Speaking for them at this secret meeting is Mike Myers :

"My fellow celebrities as you can see our wealth is comming to an end. More and more beutiful Celebrities are joining in and they are destroying our buisness. If we don't do something about this right now we are screwed. My Idea was to kill some celebs to make space for us, well that idea is out of the picture now cause we can't decide if Lindsey Lohan is ugly or not. But my friends we have found an much better way to earn respect in the community. Ladies and gentelmen we have a plan. "

At the presidents office :

Barack is sitting in his chair with his desk in front of him .

Joda from starwars comes running into the room with his tiny green feet showing running like a retard.

"Master the phone for you."

Obama pick's up the phone : " hello this is Obama"

Mike Myers is speaking on the other side of the line dressed like this and always withi his finger in his nose or ear.

,, I am calling on the behalf of ugly celebrities. We will after 24 hours release something very dangerous, something so deadly that it will kill millions of people.. that will happen if you don'twithin this time give us ... the Jew gold ."

Cartmans home

Cartman is putting pictures of him and Jocelyn upon the walls in the tv room..

His mom looks at him and say's : " Cartman I can't allow these pictures upon my walls they are disquasting."

Cartman : " but maaa they are to show support to ugly celebrities in our community that they are also people. "

Mom : " alright sweetie. "

TV in front of cartman : " And this just in , Ugly celebrities have gathared a group and are threatening to kill millions of a Americans in the next 24 hours if Barack Obama will not give them all of the Jew Gold.
Barack Obama has not answeared about it...if the Jew gold does really exist and no proofs are if it exists or not. We tried to get answears from Lindsay Lohan about this threat but she wouldn't answear! "

Lindsay Lohan is showed in the news on her doorsteps and she say's crying : " I'm not ugly, what is wrong with you people ! "

Zoom in on Cartman who looks thoughtful with eyes open wide : " oh my god "

At the presidentoffice :

Zoom in on Obama : ,, I knew this day would come, it just had to happen. What should we do ?"

Al gore comes flying in with his flying sounds : " I know what they are threatening us with. "

He takes out a drawing in front of Obama : " People have been wondering if it is a man, bear or a pig, some say it is a pigbearman, others that it's a bearpigman but it is surely a manbearpig and I am super cerial !"

Yoda is standing there and watching starts to shit on the floor.

Obama : " oohh great Al gore now you got Yoda scared, what is wrong with you, Yoda lick it up! "

Yoda starts to lick his own shit.

Obama : " ohh yeah lick it all you like it ! "

Kyle's home :

Cartman is running up on Kyle's doorsteps. He runs inside and takes Kyle up against a wall.

Cartman : "This is it Kyle I have had it with you fucking jews, give up the Jew gold now !"

Kyle : "What ? "

Cartman : "You heard me Kyle give me the key to the jewgold now !"

Kyle : "Leave me alone, there is no jew gold !"

Cartman starts to scream on him but then behind him the voice of Kyle's father Gerald.

Gerald : " Stop... "

Kyle : "dad ?

Gerald: " it is true .."

Kyle : "What? Dad what are you.. ? "

Gerald : " Yes it is true, every jew know this. It is a part of jewish religion to know about this gold. I was gonna tell you when you would get older Kyle but I guess it is time now. This gold has followed the Jews since Christ came to this world. When Christ came to this world the three vicemen came to his cradle and gave him gold, frankincence and myrrh. Well when Jesus became older, he decided to invest it all and it grew larger and larger. By the time of his death at the last supper he hid it all and told all the jews that it belonged to them but they could not use it accept to buy Satan from the earth if he came here."

Cartman : " ha! I knew it Kyle nanananananahahahahahaha"

Kyle : " shut up Cartman !"

Cartman : " so where is it "?

Gerald : "It is hidden..."

Cartman : " where goddamn, we have to give it to the celebrities or they will kill us all, so where is it ?"

Gerald : " In the tender of jews."

Cartman : " Oh my god, the statue of liberty... we must go to New York. "

Ugly celebrities :

All the ugly celebs are mubbling, then 50 cent stands up.

" I am sorry Mike but what is our secret weopon we are threatening with ?"

Mike Myers : " Ohh I'm sorry i haven't showed you. Everybody put on your headsets so i can only speak to you through a micraphone... okey people lets see what this monkey here does when he hear a singing from .. Justin Bieber ! "

Justin comes in and starts to sing to a monkey in a cage. The monkey smashes his head up against a wall so hard that blood starts to spits out of the back of his neck. And he drops dead.

Total silence is in the room and then a small sqeek from Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Roadtrip to New York

Gerald and Kyle sit in the car and then Cartman joins in. He has a handbag with him.

Gerald : " Ready to go guys?"

Kyle : "Yes dad, Cartman what do you have in the bag ?"

Cartman : "shut the fuck up you fucking jew."

Gerald : " there is no need to be rude Cartman "

Cartman : "Sure not mr. Kobroflski, I am sorry but you have to admit that you come from a fucking jew nation that simply just loves gold and presents, think about it... you could feed all the dying children in Africa for this gold and money. And also don't forget... that your wife is a fucking fat ugly Ginger wich you knocked up by accident through her ass during a drunk driving !. "

Gerald looks ashamed like it is all true, keeps on driving and doesn't say a word.

New York, statue of Liberty, 10 hours before release of Justin Bieber :

The three of them walk into the statue of liberty meanwhile Gerald talks to them.

Gerald : ,, Ok guy's we must be careful, there is a guard in front of the voult. And he is told to be very powerful "

When they get up to the vault they stand in front of the guard wich is Robert Downey Jr.

Gerald : " hello fellow Jew, I am Gerald Kabroflski, we come te get the gold, the celebs must have it, they have threatened to kill millions of Americans.!"

Robert : " Sorry I can't let you in. "

Gerald : " Then I guess we have to take it the hard way!"

Gerald picks up a small ninjastars from his pocket wich have the sign of jewish stars on them.

He screams " jewstars" when he throws them into the air and they are shown in slow motion flying throught the air until the fall down of Roberts chest with clinging.

Robert then rippes of his clothes and underneath there is a ironman costume. He puts one his mask and kicks Geralds ass.

When he is finished with him he turns around and looks at Cartman.

Cartman is standing there with a big gift in his hand.

Cartman : "Mr. Robert I am a big fan of yours and I have no intend to get into that vault I just brought you a present !"

Robert : " a Present! For me really ? "

He takes of his mask and takes the ribbon off. When the present is openend a gas goes into Roberts face and he droppes dead.

Kyle : " wow what was in that ?"

Cartman : " haha I knew jews were all the same and he accepted my... silence but deadly"

They walk up to the door. On the wall it say's : only a true Jew can open this.

Cartman looks at a keyhole in the door thoughtful.

Cartman : ,, hmm only a true jew can open... Kyle pull down your pants "

Kyle : ,, What ?"

Cartman : ,, hurry we have no time for this pull your fucking pants down !"

Kyle : ,, okey okey "

Cartman starts laughing loud when Kyle showes his penis to him.

Kyle : " shut up Cartman"

Cartman : " hahhaha seriously hahah !"

Kyle : " screw you Cartman "

Cartman : " okey okey hey that is the key... put your dick in the hole"

Kyle : " no way !"

Cartman : " no seriously Kyle we have no time put it in there "

Kyle : " ...okey but this is the last time ever that you make me do something stupid like this and you will never speak about this. "

Kyle puts his penis into the hole and strange licking sound start. Then the vault opens.

Cartman runs inside and the vault looking at a room full of gold.

Cartman lay's down on a lot pile of golden coins : " ohh yes ohhh yes ... I love it , I just think i am about to have an orgasm, ohhh yes ohh yes it is all mine my precious gold.

Kyle : " what ?"

Cartman : "haha you don't think that i am going to give it to the ugly celebrities do you ? Nooo Kyle , it is all mine no all mine! Hahaha "

Kyle : " fuck you no way, we are giving it to them ? "

Cartman : " Kyle would you please leave my vault "

Kyle : " Screw you Cartman we are giving it to them, or millions of people will die. "

Cartman : " So what Kyle who cares. Think about it for a second Kyle... isn't it fair, I mean millions of people for millions for us !"

Kyle : " Cartman you are the biggest meanest asshole that I have ever known, You are worse then Hitler "

Cartman : " Kyle I will pay you 100 bucks if you leave now! "

Kyle : "Shut the fuck up Cartman now you do what I say there is no fucking way this gold will be yours so shut the fuck up."

Cartman : " wow take it easy Kyle, take it easy somebody might think your mom was a big fat ginger if you keep this up."

At the presidents office :

Mike Myers is having a phonecall with the president : ," I just wanted to remind you mr. precident that you now have 6 hours until we release the weapon exept if you give us the Jew gold."

Barack : ,, okey thank you for leting me know, and by the way i liked you in the austin powers movies, very funny. "

Mike : " ohh thank you !"

Mike twisting his nipples.

Barack : "were the sharks with the lasers one their heads real ? "

Mike : " No unfortunately not, I would like to have one of those myself. "

Barack : " Yeah me too, well thank you. "

The screen with the phonecall turns off, and Yoda comes running into the room.

Yoda : " Mr. President we have now information about that weapon. It is Justin Bieber !"

Barack : " ohh my god, what can we do ?"

Yoda : " the force is strong in this one so we might need to nuclear him."

Barack : " You mean to send a nuclear bomb on ourselfs ? "

Yoda : " that seems the only good way to take care of this situation."

Barack : " It's gonna be a long night "

In the Vault :

Kyle : " can't you see, that even your mom is gonna die"

Cartman : " hmm I never thought of it that way Kyle, but I am still not sure."

Kyle : " Cartman look into your heart ."

Cartman : " screw you jew.. you are just jelous cause I get all the gold but not you, I win and you loose nananananahahahahaha"

Now Kyle gets so mad that electric energie shoots into Cartman when he swears.

Cartman lies down on the floor really done after the shocks.

Cartman : " okey Kyle I ... I give up !"

At the presidents office :

Yoda comes running to the president : "mr. President the phone is for you "

Barack pickes up the phone : " this is Obama president"

Kyle : ,, Hello my name is Kyle Kablofski and we have the jewgold for the ugly celebrities. And we have a plan !"

Presidents office :

Kyle, Cartman and Gerald show up at the presidents office with all the jewgold in a truck.

When they get in to Obama's office Cartman pukes money on the carpet.

Kyle : ,,what the fuck Cartman ? You are just sick "

Cartman is feeling quite bad after the puking and say's while lying on the floor : "fuck you jew "

Obama : ,, So I hear you have a plan Kyle "

Kyle : ,, yes "

Then we see Cartman with a garden hose to his ass. And men feeding him chicken skin. And he is farting a lot into a giftbox on the floor.

Yoda : " ohh the force is strong in you , young Cartman. "

Presidents assistant is standing by a machine that takes Cartmans fart and pumps it into the giftbox.

Presidents assistand : " Mr. President there seems to be an anormous amount of toxic in his fart, non human beeing should live with such inside of her "

Obama : " Good keep on pumping it into the box, we will need all of it I tell you!"

Ugly Celeb group :

Phone rings and Mike myers picks it up and on the other line is Randy shown in his underwear in his couch stroking his penis :

Mike : "hello. "

Randy : " hi what are you wearing ?"

Mike : " I'm sorry ?"

Randy : "what are you wearing ?"

Mike : " uuu tight blue outfit "

Randy : " ooohh yeah.. hey do you have big boobs ?"

Mike looks suprised looking up and answears : " Not so big I guess!"

Randy : " ohhh yeahh..."

Then we hear a cumming sound and it is cut so we can only see suprised face on Mike Myers. Then it is cut to Randy who has sperm all over himself and the couch. His wife Sharon and his doughter Shelly walk in.

Sharon : " Randy !"

Randy : " Ohh Sharon there...there was a squirrel. It just ran through here! Did you see him "

Ugly Celeb group :

The phone is ringing at ugly celebrities and Mike picks it up :

Mike : "Hello."

Obama : " hello, we have the jewgold, where can we give it to you ? "

Mike : " Drop it on Washington squere within 2 hours and don't mess with me. "

Then Obama is shown where he has Mike on speaker and everybody around him is listening

Obama : " I'm sorry where did you say again ? "

Mike : " Washington squere"

Obama : " Washington Squirt ?"

The guy's in Obamas office laugh off Obama's joke.

Mike : " Washinton Squere ! "

Obama : " Toshington Bear ?"

The guy's in the office laugh again

Mike : " just dont mess with me."

Washington Squere

The Jew gold is dropped on Washington Squere where it makes að big pile. Then the gift is put on the side with it. The Ugly Celebrities come to take it all and they also take the giftbox. When the jewgold is back to their place. Mike Myers opens the gift there after giving somekind of speech. And powff... everybody of the ugly celebs drop on the floor. Then the FBI smashes in and arrests the celebs.

At the presidents office :

Obama : " well I wanna thank you guy's for finding the jewgold for us and helping us to bring down this serious threat . Kyle , Cartman and Gerald you really are true hero's.

Now we have only one problem left, what to do with the jewgold ?"

Kyle : " We could give it to Africa, it would safe millions of dying children."

Obama : "Sure why don't we just kill ourselfs with giving black people in Africa chance to become a threat to us ... hahaha !"

Everybody around him laugh.

Gerald : " No wait I have a much better Idea."

Three feathers casino

Obama and and Gerald stand side by side at the roullette table in the three feathers casino.

Gerald : " okey everything on red 24 !"

Obama : " What? Thats just racist ! Why not black ?"

Gerald : " Ohh I'm sorry everything on black 31 ! "

Kyle : " I don't belive this. "

The roulette goes off and it hits black 31! The guy's celebrate

Gerald : " Ohh my god we have Scrillions of Sillions now for it "

Obama : " We could buy all Asia. "

Gerald : " Now wait a minute! If we win again we have Lillions of Crillions and that means.."

Obama : " Ohh my god ! We could buy all the countries in the world.. lets spin it again !"

Gerald : " yeahh ! "

Obama : " All on black 5 ! "

The rullett goes of and hits red 24.

Casino emloyee : " I'm sorry you lose."

Gerald : "Well we had a good run."

obama : "true"

Kyle : "I just ..."

Cartman : " Screw you guy's I'm going home "

The end