9-01-08

Dan falls from the elevator ceiling and lands hard on his right side. Serena gasps and rushes over to check on him.

"Are you okay?" She asks as she helps him sit up. Her eyes quickly scan his body for blood or bruises.

"Yeah, I'm fine," He replies as he gingerly rubs his arm where he has banged it.

"Are you sure?" Serena is still concerned about his body but now she is also worried about his heart. Has she damaged it beyond repair? She looks at the boy she loves and her whole life flashes before her eyes, a life that was empty until he entered it. The summer she'd just spent without him had been absolute hell. Her chest tightens as she imagines having to live the rest of her life that way.

She sits down next to him, leaving a sizable gap between them. "We keep having the same fight," she says, "At Bart's brunch a year ago. At the wedding."

"Where we talked about the fight at Bart's brunch," Dan adds.

"And now here."

Both sigh simultaneously and look toward the ceiling. There are a few moments of silence where neither know what to say.

Dan peers over at Serena who is still staring at a spot above her and moments from the past year float through his mind. A shared cab. A smoky pool hall. A candlelit bedroom. A gold dress. Paper snowflakes. I love you because you make no apologies about being exactly who you are.

He releases a long breath and with it the last vestiges of resentment he has towards her. Dan loves Serena more than life itself, of that he is certain. This perfectly imperfect girl has crawled into his soul and made a home there. She is his heartbeat, and without your heartbeat you die.

He reaches for her. She almost startles when he touches her arm. He pulls it into the chasm between them, slides his hand down to hers and entwines their fingers together.

"I love you more than this fight," he declares, staring at their hands, "I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I just spent 2 months living without you and it sucked. I don't care how different we are, I know we are meant to be together."

He finally looks up to meet her eyes and finds them brimming with tears. "Dan that's…that's exactly how I feel!" Serena stammers, "I hated every minute we were apart. But how do we fix this?"

Dan brings their clasped hands up to his mouth and kisses the back of hers. "We have to talk," he says resolutely, "and resolve this once and for all."

Serena solemnly agrees.

After a moment, Dan decides to speak first. "Why were you so afraid to tell me about Georgina when she came back? What did you think I would do?"

Serena stares at him for a long moment, trying to find the right words to explain her biggest fear. "That was the darkest night of my life, Dan. When you found out about one piece of it, you walked out on me, and it wasn't even the worst part."

"I was wrong for doing that," Dan interjects, "but I didn't know you then."

"Exactly," Serena continues sadly, "you didn't know me then but by the time Georgina came back you did. You were the only one who saw me for who I really was or at least…who I wanted to be. I was afraid...terrified that if you found out this horrible thing I did... you'd never love me the same…that you wouldn't even be able to look at me again. I love the way you look at me Dan, and I couldn't bear to lose that…or you."

Serena stops for a minute to catch her breath. She avoids his gaze and dabs at her tear-streaked face.

Dan watches her and another memory surfaces. I'm scared...no one's ever looked at me the way you just did. It was all starting to make sense now. She had never felt the kind of love that he had for her, it frightened her, and she thought she didn't deserve it. She also didn't know that his love was unconditional, and that was entirely his fault.

Dan runs his hands up her arms and gently squeezes her biceps. "Look at me." He waits until she does. "That never would have happened, never. I realize now that there's something you don't know and that's because I haven't told you. Serena, there is nothing you could ever say or do to make me stop loving you."

Serena shakes her head stubbornly. "How can you say that?" she whispers, "You dumped me."

"That was a mistake; a massive heartbreaking mistake, but I never stopped loving you, not for a single second. I was confused and hurt and overwhelmed. I thought that as much as I loved you, you would never be able to let me all the way in. Something terrible was going on with you and instead of trusting me with it, you did everything you could to keep it from me. That wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted to be in. I can handle being an outsider at school, but not with you."

Serena nodded her understanding. She'd made him feel like he wasn't important enough to share her problems with, and that was the furthest from the truth. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I don't want our relationship to be like that either, I want to be able to trust you with everything. I guess it's just...hard for me."

"I know. I get it now. I realize I didn't make it easy for you and I owe you an apology, for a lot of things. I'm sorry for hooking up with Georgina. I'm sorry for judging you about your life. I'm sorry for making you feel like you had to be anything but yourself for me. I'm sorry for not telling you my love is unconditional. Most of all, I'm sorry for giving up on us, when you told me we were forever."

She nods and a tiny smile appears. "I forgive you Dan, and I'm sorry too, for everything I put you through."

Serena climbs onto Dan's lap, wraps her arms around his neck and captures his lips. Dan kisses her back passionately and grabs a fistful of her hair. They kiss and kiss until they both run out of breath. Serena pulls back first and presses her forehead against his.

"I've never loved anyone this much before," she whispers, "I don't know all the rules yet."

"Well maybe we should make our own." Dan suggests.

Serena meets his eyes. "What do you mean?

"We want to be together forever, right? I think in order to do that we should have some rules; some commitments we can make so that we don't end up back where we were last May."

Serena smiles and sits up a little straighter. "I think that's a great idea. So what do we want to promise each other?"

"Full disclosure," Dan responds, "we have no secrets and we always tell each other the truth."

"No judgment," Serena adds with a little smirk, "about who we are, what we've done or what...remains to be seen."

Dan rests his hands on her hips. "No running away, whenever we have an issue, we talk it out."

Serena fingers the lapels on his shirt. "No letting go, no matter how hard or scary or crazy life gets, we hold onto each other always."

"You and I are forever." Dan says it with finality and it makes Serena's heart swell to hear him echo the truth she has known for so long. She leans in and kisses him again, slowly.

Dan tucks some sweaty hair behind her ear. "Anything else?"

Serena shakes her head. "I don't want to talk anymore."

She lays her head on his shoulder and wraps her arms around him once more. He embraces her tightly, and rocks her a little, placing tiny kisses on the top of her head. She feels heavy in his arms, a sensation that has nothing to do with her physical weight. Serena van der Woodsen is not a mythical creature, nor a figment of his adolescent imagination, she is tangible, palpable, fallible, and she is his. They belonged to each other and no force on earth would ever tear them apart again.

They stay that way, holding each other, until the lights come back on and the elevator restarts itself. When the doors finally open they stand hand in hand, hearts beating in sync, and with renewed strength, take their first steps into the rest of their lives together.