Emily traced the soft skin of Ali's naked back, featherlight, ready to jerk her hand away at the slightest hint of Alison's displeasure. It felt like a dream, being in bed next to the first girl she'd ever loved, someone that she'd thought she'd lost forever for so long. But as wonderful as it was, there was also that sharp stinging knowledge that she was going to wake up soon, and she was never going to be able to revisit this moment no matter how much she wanted to.

Ali shifted onto her side, turning to Emily, hair falling in her face as she nuzzled into Emily's neck. Emily held her breath, tried not to move a muscle lest Alison change her mind. She could clearly envision Ali rolling away, getting dressed, and coolly reminding Emily where the door is.

She felt Ali frown for all her efforts.

Emily pulled back just enough to brush the soft blonde hair out of her face, and tilted her chin up.

"What's wrong?"

Ali chased her neck, and Emily pulled back further. Ali groaned and finally met her eyes with a challenging stare.

"You."

Emily looked away, pretended to be fascinated by Ali's bedroom as though she hadn't seen it a million times before, and pulled the sheet up to cover her chest. "Yeah?"

"Mmhmm. Kind of uncomfortable when your pillow seems to have a severe anxiety issue."

Emily rolled her eyes, and let a smile spread across her face to match Ali's playful smirk.

"Sorry."

Ali shook her head and kissed her. Emily froze, somehow not expecting something like that to happen despite literally being in the girl's bed, and with said girl seeming not to have any negative feelings about what had happened between them. Yet.

Emily responded a second too late, just leaning into it when Ali sat up.

"Okay, seriously, you gonna tell me why you're suddenly not into this?"

"Hey, I'm very into this," Emily said, sitting up and pressing kisses against Ali's mouth, her jaw, her neck.

Alison arched into her touch, moved the sheet aside impatiently, and settled firmly on her lap, wrapping her arms around Emily's neck.

Another shocking reaction.

Emily wasn't sure what to think of an Ali that was openly into what was going on between them. Before Emily had always been the one to cross lines, to steal a kiss. Ali had always been the one to talk and tease, to dare Emily to go for those kisses, but never kissed first, never initiated anything more.

She hated that even now she couldn't help but question Alison's motives. Was she actually into it, or was she this desperate to have someone to lean on? Emily hoped it wasn't the second, both due to her own feelings, and because the thought of doing anything with Ali, or anyone, that wasn't really into it made her sick to her stomach.

She was about to pull back, to question her yet again, to make sure for the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours that Ali really was okay with everything, that she wanted it, when she registered the amount of dampness firmly being ground against her hip.

Emily sighed out at the contact and ran her hands down from Ali's shoulder blades to her hips, was just starting to guide her in gentle rocking motions when Ali suddenly pulled back with a muffled moan. Emily didn't bother to suppress her own moan, but also didn't make any attempt to stop Alison.

Alison's face was flushed and the bright red was already spreading down to her chest, her breathing heavy.

"As much as I was enjoying myself, I have a feeling that something's on your mind. And that it has to do with me."

"You're just being self-centered," Emily reassured.

Ali rolled her eyes, and grinned, "For your sake, I'm going to forget you said that."

Emily hummed, and leaned in for another kiss, mostly just due to attraction, but also admittedly a thinly veiled distraction attempt. Which Alison, of course, saw through immediately.

"You're scared. Of me."

Emily paused before opening her mouth to deny it, and Alison was already raising an eyebrow in disbelief before Emily could get a word out.

"Ali, I'm not scared of you. I just…I can't help wondering about what happens next. Is this just because you need someone? Or is it because…because you want me? And it's okay, it's fine, I mean it's not but I'll get over it eventually, that is if you just needed someone. I can't imagine what you've been through, I know how hard everything has been, and I get being confused. We can still be friends. Just- I need to know, but I'm also a little bit terrified of what you're going to say now."

Ali looked down at her lap and moved her hands from Emily's shoulders to her stomach. Emily felt her muscles contract at the fingers stroking absentmindedly against them, and allowed herself to focus on the sensation for the moment rather than the fact that Alison hadn't answered.

"I don't know. I…caring about people isn't easy for me, I barely understand love as a concept to be honest. But I do care about you. I know that. And I know that I enjoyed last night, that I want to feel that again. That there's no one I want more. That's probably not exactly the answer you wanted, not all that romantic, but it's what I have, so," Ali shrugged, glancing away.

Emily wasn't sure that she'd ever seen her look more insecure, more hopeful, or more honest.

"Ali, it's more than enough."

When they walked through the school doors Emily could feel Alison shifting. Going from the playful, if sarcastic, happy girl of the morning to wary and withdrawn. Defensive.

Emily wasn't sure how to feel about the mask falling into place. On one hand she knew that Ali needed that mask, she needed to be as strong as possible with everything that was going on, dealing with A, and the stares, and the loss of her mom, and the police, but she also missed Her Ali.

It didn't mean that she didn't appreciate strong Ali, though. She admired it even, the way that Ali could focus her energy on her goals, the way that no one ever treated her like she was made out of glass unless she wanted them too, how no one could push her around because few people in Rosewood were as scary as she was.

It was even a little hot, Emily noted, taking in the daring smirk spread across pouty pink lips she was shooting anyone who dared to stare a little too long, the way she kept her chin high, eyes cold.

Emily nearly ran into a shouting sophomore when Ali raised an eyebrow with a small smile and twinkling eyes, having clearly noted the little look over Emily was giving her.

And just like that Ali was reeling her back in.

No matter how much Emily wanted to stay smart with her, to not let Alison get in her head, to stay cool and collected around her, she couldn't deny that she was always going to melt whenever she saw the ice thaw from Ali's gaze the moment she turned to Emily.

How different Ali could treat her sometimes in comparison to how she treated everyone else was a major weak spot for her. It was one of the few solid indications that she had that she wasn't just an idiot falling for Ali's act, proof of a genuine affection that Ali had just for her.

"There you guys are. Hey, you both missed First and Second period, what's up?" Aria said, startling them both, though Ali would never admit it.

Emily had seen her split-second jump.

"Nothing. We just stayed in for a bit," Ali shrugged, not bothering to offer any more information.

Sadly, Emily was mostly just relieved that she'd answered without the involvement of insults or cryptic messages. A little vague was annoying, but not nearly as bad as Ali could get.

Emily nodded to Aria, smoothly agreeing with Ali, and leaned back against the locker next to Ali's. She watched her struggle with it for a moment, Ali had gotten one with a tendency to jam, before gently placing a hand on Alison's hip and steering her back a few inches, taking over and popping the metal door open on the first try.

Ali rolled her eyes and shot the locker a mildly annoyed glare before starting to gather her things, but Emily could tell that she didn't really have any problem with Emily getting the door for her. Yet another proof that Ali really did like her.

There was no way Ali wouldn't have been a little pissed if anyone else had been able to do something that she couldn't do, even if it was something as small as opening a locker.

"Well, make sure one of you guys get in touch with Spencer, she's freaking, says she's been texting Emily all morning with no answer. I think she's convinced A kidnapped you guys. Hanna and I tried to tell her that was a little extreme even for A, but whatever."

Ali narrowed her eyes, and Emily braced herself for what she knew Ali was going to say to that.

"Since when is Spencer my keeper? I don't have to explain myself to her or anyone else."

Yep. It was almost scary how well Emily knew her sometimes.

Ali slammed her locker shut, and Emily wordlessly took her books, more because she was worried about Ali throwing them at something (or someone) with the mood that she seemed to be in, than because of any sense of chivalry.

"I'll talk to Spencer, thanks for the heads up, Aria," Emily tried to smile at her.

Which wasn't easy with the look that Aria was giving her arms full of Alison's books.

It wasn't the exasperated look that Spencer would give her if she noticed, or the livid and disappointed look that Hanna would, but it was still something, and it made Emily shift uncomfortably under the weight of it.

Alison clearly noticed it too, but instead of taking the books or storming off, as one would expect, she just gave Aria a glance that dared her to question what was going on with them, before looping her arm around Emily's and pulling her along to class.

Emily wasn't sure what to make of it, sure the touch was innocent enough, but she knew what people would think when they saw Emily Fields arm-in-arm with another girl, and she was pretty sure that Ali did too. And yet there she was, not even keeping space between them, just going all out, pressing the length of her body to Emily's side, head leaning on Emily's shoulder.

It was as though after their conversation that morning Ali had decided that she just didn't care anymore. Not that she'd ever really cared about anyone else's opinions.

Emily was cautious though. She didn't want to get too excited about the thought of this being Ali's own weird way of coming out, just not saying anything about it to anyone, including her possible, sort of, potential girlfriend, and showing up to school with said somewhat girlfriend one day, when Ali could just be lost in thought. Maybe just not thinking about how cuddling up to Emily would look to everyone else.

But that also felt false. There was never a moment when Ali wasn't hyper-aware of everyone in the room, when she wasn't sizing people up, or paying attention to how they reacted to anything going on. It was near impossible to imagine Alison just being oblivious to something like that.

"You're overthinking again," Ali noted softly, lips brushing against Emily's ear.

"Am I?"

"What about?" Ali ignored the deflection.

Emily was tempted to tell her everything, all of her fears about where the hell Ali wanted to go with their relationship, if anywhere, how she was supposed to be acting, but just as the words were about to come rushing out she remembered all of the stares of the students, and some of the teachers.

Ali's minor celebrity status was still present and seemed far from fading. The fact that she'd just shown up to school halfway through the day only seemed to make her more conspicuous. As frustrated and confused as she was, she couldn't just demand answers like that from Ali in front of anyone else. It was too personal.

Especially when it was her own fault that she was in her current position. She could have asked for more from Ali just an hour ago, but she'd been so caught up in Ali acknowledging that there was anything between them at all that she hadn't even considered the question of what that more was.

"We really don't need to talk about this here," Emily answered.

"Okay." Ali said, tone clearly indicating that the conversation was far from over.

Emily didn't know whether to be annoyed that Ali was all about hearing how she felt while still making no move to tell Emily anything about what was going on with herself, or flattered that Ali cared.

"No. I'm not allowing it, Em."

"Hanna, allowing what?"

"You think we don't all see what's going on here? Ali being all cuddly and clingy with you? She's still trying to get under your skin and you're letting it happen. Like always."

Emily didn't bother answering that, instead exchanging a glance with Aria.

Unfortunately, though, Aria seemed to have decided to go the Switzerland route, and just shrugged back in response.

Still, it was better than the lecture Hanna was giving her in the middle of the cafeteria, or the judgy glances Spencer was shooting her while pretending that she didn't notice anything or have an opinion on the matter.

It was especially unfair given that Emily hadn't actually said anything about what was going on between her and Alison. Apparently, just walking Ali to class was a capital offense these days.

"Em, I'm serious. Ali isn't-"

"I'm not what?"

And speak of the devil.

Emily cleared her throat as she looked up to see that Alison had walked up behind her and Hanna's chairs unnoticed, except possibly by Aria and Spencer who seemed determined not to get involved.

Emily shot them both a sarcastic 'thanks a lot' look, and turned to Ali.

"Hanna was just saying that-"

"Emily, if you're about to lie to me, I'd seriously reconsider."

And now she was in trouble with both her best friend and her something. Great.

Hanna looked at her as though that proved everything.

That Ali hadn't changed at all, and was right back to her domineering ways. Emily was tempted to roll her eyes. Sure, she could see how Hanna might think that, but there's also the fact that Ali had just walked up to her friends to have lunch, only to find them arguing about her behind her back.

Emily could get why she might be a bit annoyed.

"I was just telling Emily the truth. That you're never gonna get married, have kids, and do the whole happily ever thing with her. It is what it is. She needs to move on," Hanna answered, shrugging as though she hadn't just said horrible, humiliating, things, just to piss off Alison.

"Hanna, are you drunk right now?" Spencer asked, finally deciding to get involved, and surprisingly defending Emily on the issue.

Emily knew better than to think that meant that she was any more okay with anything happening between her and Alison than Hanna was, but it was still more than she expected.

"Buzzed isn't drunk. And no, that's not affecting my judgement. Admit it, you're not any more okay with this than I am, so stop trying to pretend that you're any better than me here. Ali's using Emily, our best friend, we're just sitting here letting it happen, and Emily is too."

Alison cut in before anyone else could even begin to think of a retort.

"Hanna, one, you're slurring. Two, Emily's a big girl, she can make her own decisions without you all getting involved. And three. . . I thought I was your friend too." Alison actually looked kind of hurt, and walked away without another glance back.

"Ali! Hanna-just, really?" Emily stammered, torn between chasing Ali, yelling at Hanna, or trying to figure out how to help Hanna, because something was clearly going on with her that was more than a problem with Emily's taste in crush.

Finally, her choice was made for her, as Hanna huffed and stormed off in the opposite direction of Alison.

"Did that seriously just happen?" Emily asked rhetorically.

"It would appear so," Spencer answered.

"Not helping," Aria said, "I'll go try to stop Hanna, and Emily, you should probably get Ali before she eviscerates someone."

"Probably a good idea," Emily agreed, almost reluctantly.

She wasn't sure how Ali was going to react, and she knew that she likely wasn't going to want to be on the receiving end of whatever mood Ali had to be in now.

"Too late," Spencer pointed out, standing up.

Emily turned to see what she was looking at, only to find Ali having just made it to the cafeteria doors, only to be stopped by Mona and a group of the other kids that Ali had picked on.

"Shit."

Emily glared at the movie she'd put on while brooding on her window seat.

It stung to feel like such an idiot. She'd know that Ali wasn't trustworthy, she'd felt it, everyone in Rosewood had warned her, and yet she'd somehow thought that she was some kind of exception. That Ali actually cared about her enough to just tell the truth, to know that Emily wouldn't turn on her.

But she hadn't.

And she'd broken their trust, again, over something so stupid.

She couldn't even be honest about slapping Mona and calling her names, as though that would suddenly be some big deal breaker for Emily. Which, okay, maybe it should be. Maybe Emily shouldn't be so quick to be okay with being with someone who treated other people that way. But, in both her and Ali's defense, it was freaking Mona.

Emily herself had wanted to slap her half the times they'd talked even before she'd found out the girl was their anonymous tormentor.

And it wasn't like she wasn't fully aware of how low Ali could stoop. She knew that though Ali claimed not to be the same person she was before, that she'd even proven that she was at least a little bit different, that there would always be an edge to her. That Ali would always at least be capable of doing very dark things, even if she managed to refrain from the impulse.

So, for the life of her, she couldn't understand why Ali felt the need to keep spinning her webs. To keep trying to put on some glamorous front, acting as though she was better than she was in front of them, when they'd already proven their loyalty a hundred times over.

And most importantly, the need to keep them all running around blind when she seemed to hold so many cards and puzzle pieces.

It was as though Ali was so obsessed with having absolute control that she felt that she had to manipulate reality itself, even when it was wholly unnecessary.

How could Emily ever get past something like that? How does someone build a future with a girl that has no clue how to just not lie about every little thing? How to let things be without being in charge of every aspect?

The worst part, the part of the whole thing that Emily was most ashamed of, was the fact that she was still seriously, desperately, trying to find the answers to those questions.

How sick and pathetic was that?

How many times was she gonna let Alison kick her down like this before she finally learned her lesson? How much longer until she'd finally be able to just let her go?

Emily's frown deepened as she heard a knock come from the front door, and almost immediately after her mother politely letting someone in. She was beyond not up for any visitors whatsoever, much less the one that she was certain she was about to get.

She braced herself, crossed her arms firmly across her chest, and resolutely kept her eyes on the television even as self-assured footsteps made their way up the stairs until finally stopping in her doorway.

Yep. Alison.

Emily turned off the news, and stared out the door her friends had all just walked out of, except Alison, all of them as dazed as she was.

She almost didn't know to do with herself, what to think about finally having a name to the girl who'd ended up in Ali's grave. Bethany.

It was hard to believe that things were finally ending. A was gone, they'd finally found out who the girl buried in Alison's yard was, and Ali was back.

The nightmare was coming to a close, and finally being replaced with something else. Hopefully something better.

Well, that is if they managed to avoid jailtime for lying about a kidnapping, not to mention everything else that had happened over the last few years. Or the very real possibility of Ali not making it out of high school intact.

Emily was almost tempted to suggest a middle ground between Ali leaving town and Ali throwing herself into the lion's den. To tell Ali to just stay home, homeschooling was a thing, lots of people did it, Ali could do it as well for the next year or so and move on to college.

But she knew that Ali would never agree to it.

Mostly, because it would too much like defeat. Letting everyone walk all over her, push her out of her own school, a school she basically used to own. Then on top of that, there seemed to be Ali's genuine desire to apologize for the things that she'd done, to take their punishment, and to make everyone understand that she'd changed, that she was sorry.

And finally, Emily almost felt guilty for thinking it, but she was pretty sure that a small part of Ali actually liked the drama of it. Sweeping back into Rosewood from the grave, taking the school by storm.

It was classic Alison Dilaurentis.

Emily shook her head and cracked a microscopic smile, kind of hating herself for it, but too exhausted and overwhelmed to fight the fondness that was washing over her at that last thought.

Alison squeezed her hand again, seeming to take it as a good sign that Emily had let her hold it for so long, and now seemed to be in an almost sort of good mood.

Emily squeezed it back.

The moment that she'd responded to Ali reaching for her earlier was the moment that things had shifted.

The moment that she'd seen Alison staring at the news, the story covering one of the many bodies found buried in the Dilaurentis yard, watched her blue eyes go glassy, remembered that not all Ali's trauma was fake, that she'd been through so many horrible things that were oh so real, and a lot of it painfully recent, was the moment that she fully realized that she was never going to get over her.

No matter how mad Alison made her, no matter how nonsensical and paranoid and chessmastery her choices were, no matter her past, or the way that'd made Emily feel in that past, when it came down to it, Emily was always going to want to protect her. Always going to ache at the knowledge that she was one that Ali reached for. Always going to forgive her. Always going to see more to her than what she showed the world.

She'd gotten so swept up in everything for a moment that she'd almost forgotten that there was more to Ali than just the lies. And she'd almost forgotten the reason for the lies. That Ali's ability with words and way with people were the only reasons she'd managed to survive over the past few years, the only way she had to navigate the world she'd found herself in.

It shouldn't shock her that Ali was finding that way of living hard to give up when the police were still identifying the murder victims in her life. She didn't have to like it, didn't even have to stop hating it and being annoyed by it when that little defense mechanism was directed at her, but maybe she did owe it to both herself and Alison to remember the why of it.

Now, the only thing left to figure out was if Ali was serious about wanting all of that, all of Emily, and serious about putting in the effort to be the kind of person that Emily wasn't ashamed of giving all of herself to.

"Emily, I know you're still mad, I get it, but please, can I stay here tonight?"

Emily looked at her, trying to find something without even knowing what that something was. Maybe a reason to say no. More likely, a reason to say yes.

She saw someone that was begging for forgiveness. Begging to be let back in, begging for a second chance. And eyes filled with affection, trust.

"Yeah Ali, I think I'd like that."

Author's Note: So, the deal is I plan to continue this story, but I haven't decided yet whether it's going to be a 12k short chapter fic, or if this is the one that I'm finally going to go all out on. This might be the story that I turn into a whole intricate AU and 40k monster. You guys help me figure out which.