The Past is Dead
This is a story my friend sent to me. I own now one exsept the OC
8/26/02
I've been thinking about him again, and no it's not just cause I watched him wrestle tonight. Somehow my thoughts always drift back to him. Even after all these years. You know I watch him now and he's hardly the same man I knew. He used to be so full of life, so...happy. I can tell he's not now. He looks burnt out, tired...basically just used up. It pains me to see him like this when I know how he used to be.
I can still remember the first time I got up the courage to go up and talk to him. It was at an OMEGA event. I'd had the biggest crush on him since about the first time I saw him at school. Always so quiet, drawing or writing in that note book. How I'd have killed to seen what he wrote in it. So I watched him that night...it was that last night before him and his brother were leaving for the big time WWF. I was so proud of him even though he didn't have a clue who I was. I'd gone to every show they put on right from the start. I'd have done anything to be near him. I stayed after it was over. I knew this was my last chance. I don't even know what I expected. But I knew I had to say something. Then I saw him come out of the locker room. His hair pulled back all damp from the shower, with just a few stands hanging loosely around his face. If ever there was a thing of beauty...it was Jeff Hardy. I sighed just looking at him. I saw Matt come over and say something to him then his face kind of fell. I wondered what Matt had said that changed his mood so quickly. I wondered if I should even say anything to him now.
I knew I had to or I'd kick myself forever. I watched everyone leave, then saw Jeff climb in to the ring. He slowly walked around touching each of the posts. He climbed up on the last one sitting, pulled his note book out from his back pack and started writing. He looked so beautiful like that I hardly wanted to ruin it. But I took a deep breath and made my way over to him
"Hi Jeff" I said quietly.
He smiled "Hi, should I know you?" he asked but not in a rude way at all. He didn't know me. See I wasn't the type of person he'd want to hang with. I was with the popular crowd. Even though I never thought I fit in well there, I was just too weak to be alone so I faked it. All my friends my whole little world was fake, Jeff was so much stronger then me in that. He did what he liked and he didn't care what anyone thought. He hung out with people outside our little circle. Coming here and finally talking to him was the first real thing I'd done in years.
"No, but I've been to every one of the shows you guys put on. I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are. I mean the things you do in this ring. I know your going to make it big some day."
He smiled, it was the smile that would make any woman melt and drop to her knees praising him. "Thanks I hope so, I'm really excited about heading to the WWF."
Funny how I remember it all as if it were only yesterday. Could be cause I played this night over and over again in my mind.
I smiled, "Well I guess I'll be going. You and Matt probably have some big party planned." Leaving was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to freeze this moment forever. His smile, his voice, just everything about him. He hopped down, he was so close to me I felt weak. Mmmm and he smelled so good. People still say that about him today he just always smells incredible.
"No we don't. Matt is going out to some Strip club bar with the guys." He looked down, I could tell it hurt him that Matt didn't want to spend their last night here with him. "And well I'm too young to go." he said playing with his shirt.
"Oh I, I'm sorry"
He looked so down I didn't know what else to say. "Thanks, but it's no big deal. Me and Matt will be together all the time once we start with the WWF." He said, but I could still tell he was a little upset.
"Well, I still better be going. I don't want to be a pest." I said, I hated the words even as the flowed from my mouth.
"You're not, and it's not like I have anything else to do." He sighed "Well I guess I could go home and make sure I have everything packed." I wanted to touch him so bad at that moment. I'd have screamed if I didn't. I slowly reached out my hand patting his arm.
"Well, I'll let you go then. Good Luck in the WWF Jeff, I'll be looking for you." He smiled again...Mmmm I love those smiles...
"Thanks" he said and slowly turned walking away. I watched him go then slowly turned to leave myself.
I remember thinking this can't be the end. Not after all this time...just saying hi then walking out..."Hey Jeff!" I shouted turning around.
He stopped "Yeah?" I think my heart stopped too.
"Um you want to go get a pizza or something? My treat, kind of like a farewell and good luck dinner."
He smiled the brightest smile "That would be really nice ah..um. What's your name" he said walking over to me.
"Marie" I said shyly.
"That would be really nice Marie." God I loved the way my name sounded coming from his lips. I was so damn happy I could have burst. We took his car cause I had walked. He took me to his favorite pizza shop. We sat there waiting for our pizza and he pulled that notebook out again and just started writing while we talked. I had to know what was in it. I'd watched him write in it for too long not to ask when I had this chance.
"Jeff, what kind of stuff do you put in there" I said pointing at the notebook.
"Oh nothing really, just thoughts ya know poems, drawings and stuff" he said closing it.
"Oh, Jeff could I see some of your poems. I mean you don't have to..I just..." He smiled, God I love that Jeff Hardy smile!
"I don't usually show anyone. I don't think they're very good." He said nervously
"Oh that's ok then" I mean I didn't want pressure him.
So we talked and ate pizza. We talked about everything, music, movies TV and what he wanted to do with his life. He had so many dreams. Dreams other then wrestling. Something in me knew he could do it all, have all his dreams. There was just something about him. At the time I thought it was cause I was damn near in love with the man. But now I see it's the special quality he has. People are just drawn to him. He doesn't even try but it's still there that something.
We finished eating all too soon. We were on our way to my house. When he looked over at me. "Marie, you want to go for a drive. I'm not really ready to head home yet.." He said almost shyly. Why a man with his looks would be shy around girls I'll never know. But that only made him even more attractive.
"I'd love to!" I said smiling brightly and a bit to excitedly.
"Great, I know just where to take you." Mmmm take me...that boy could have *taken* me anywhere hehe...No doubt I wanted him...I mean he was just perfect. I was little miss pure and innocent. At least I played it that way. Never touched, and I wasn't. Now don't get me wrong. I got offers I wasn't some troll. I guess in the back of my head I'd always dreamed of my first time being with Jeff. So the other guys I'd dated would never really measure up.
We were off, and it really was a lovely drive. Of course we could have been driving past landfills the whole way and I would have thought it was lovely cause I was with Jeff. Yeah...I was so damn stuck on him. He pulled up to this beautiful look out. It looked like hardly anyone ever came up there. I knew none of the losers I'd dated had ever brought me there. He got out the car and ran around opening the door for me before I could myself. That sticks out...I don't think any guy had ever opened a door for me. Guys these day or should I say those days didn't do those nice little things that make girl feel extra special...Jeff did...I don't think he was even trying...it's just the way he was and I assume still is.
"Thanks" I said stepping out and looking around.
"No problem, wait right here." He said smiling then going back and opening the trunk. He came back with a blanket. I just watched him...I swear his every movement amazed me. I could have watched him for hours. Damn I was going to miss him...
"Marie come here." he had spread the blanket out over the hood and was sitting on it. He reached his hand out to me. I took his hand and climbed up.
"This place is beautiful Jeff" I said smiling.
"Me and Matt...well this is kind of our dream spot. We'd always sit here and make plans about getting to the WWF. We'd talk about what we were going to do when we got there..." He trailed off then started to talk again. "We were supposed to come here tonight. Ya know one last time...just to kind of say goodbye. But he wanted to go out with the guys one last time..." he was so hurt...I could see it in his eyes...I reached over taking his hand...Mmmmm God his hand so warm, his skin like the softest silk.
"I'm sorry Jeff, I can tell you and Matt coming here one last time really meant a lot to you."
He squeezed my hand...I nearly screamed...it's not even funny the effect that man has on me.
"Thanks, for coming here with me." He sighed "I needed to come here one more time and I didn't want to come alone." I was so touched that he had invited me to come with him
"Thank you, for letting me share this with you." I said softy squeezing his hand back. he was quiet for a while just laying back staring at the stars. I stared at him, no star could ever out shine Jeff to me. Then he spoke suddenly I jumped a little...
"Marie, you know why I needed to come here?" he said looking over at me.
"To say goodbye?"
He sighed. "Yes, but more then that. I'm scared...scared I won't be able to make it in the WWF. I'm not strong like Matt. I come here and it reminds me of my dream and that I have to go for it. This place gives me the strength to leave." He went on as I listened. I knew even if I spent the rest of my life with Jeff I'd never get enough of him, hearing him talk. I tried to hold that moment forever and listened to him intently. "Matt is just so ready to pack up and go after his dream. I am too but...I love my home, my place ya know. It's mine, it's me, I'm afraid when I get to the WWF and I'm there for a while, that I'll somehow lose me..."
I thought for a moment. I wanted to find the right words. I wanted to say something to make everything all better. I wanted to hold him..tell him I knew he'd be ok that he was strong enough to make it.
"Jeff...you won't lose yourself if you don't let that happen. You're you, this place isn't you. You'll be you where ever you go. Your sense of self is something you carry inside of you. Don't let it slip away and you'll never lose yourself." I reached out and softly touched his face "Please keep it with you Jeff, you're too special to just fade away..." He smiled slowly and leaned forward softly brushing his lips past mine. That moment...I'll always hold in my heart. If I close my eyes now I can still feel his lips on mine. Mmmm... so soft...he gently kissed me his body covering mine. Cautiously I wrapped arms around him and softly moaned into his mouth. I could hardly believe this was happening...He pulled away, looking down at me. I smiled at him, that smile telling him to keep going...he lowered his head kissing me again...only this time deeply. I closed my eyes trying to hold the taste of him, the feel of him against me, in my mind forever. I knew this was it...I knew I'd never be with him again and I knew no one else would ever make me feel like that.
I moved against him, my hands sliding under his shirt. Mmmmm the feel of him on my finger tips. Mmmm...I felt him press himself against me. I shivered...He was so hard, the fact that I caused it turned me on. Turned me on more then anything ever has even to this day. He broke the kiss whispering against my lips
"Your so beautiful Marie, so sweet." God I think I about came right then and there...
"No Jeff, you're beautiful. In every way a person can be."
He smiled and lower his head sucking softly along my neck, as he grinded against me. I gasped his name begging for more
"Jeff, please"
He looked up at me with a grin and leaned back pulling his shirt over his head. Mmmm I'd seen him before shirtless, but not with this look in his eyes, not with the heat of his body so close to mine I could barely breath. I ran hand slowly down his chest, then leaned back and slowly pulled my shirt off. He stared at me devouring every inch, before slowly running his fingers over the straps of my bra. Time seemed to stand still and I wished it would. I'd have been happy to live in that moment forever with him. Never changing, both so young, so full of hope. He slowly slid the straps of my bra down. Placing light kisses along my shoulders and neck.. Then reaching around and slowly unhooking my bra, as I unbuttoned his pants and slid the zipper down.
Being there with him like that, knowing he wanted me the way I had always wanted him drove me on. I wanted this so bad. I wanted him more then I had ever wanted anything. He moaned softly against my neck, got to his knees straddling me, then slowly started working his pants off, while I slid my bra off. We watched each other entranced. I watched him trying to engrave every inch of him in mind to carry with me always. I bit my lip and gently cupped my breast, wanting, needing, aching for him to touch me. He smirked...he smirked! Ahhhhh! Hehe...god that was so sexy! Mmmm...I shivered, he knew how bad I wanted him. He reached down, his knuckle brushing lightly past my stomach and unbuttoned my pants. I lifted my hips for him while he unzipped them and slid them off. My hands went to the band of his boxers tugging them down. I remember just staring at him for a while...he must of thought me nuts. God he was perfect...I'd finally seen all of him and it was nearly too much for me to handle. Then I slowly reached out my hand and ran a finger over the tip of his cock. He shivered...I made him do that...clueless as I was I just wanted to please him so I did it again. Then gently griped it and slid my hand down over it. He moaned loudly
"Oh Mmm..Marie"
Mmmm him moaning my name...god the chills that gave me. He slid his hand over my stomach gently rubbing, hooked his fingers in the band of my panties and slowly slipped them off. There I was before him completely naked and aching for him. I looked up into his eyes and started slowly moving my hand up and down along his cock, stroking him, feeling him throb in my hand. I was so ready for him...I'd waited so long for this...He pressed his body to mine, looked deep in to my eyes and softly ground against me. I thought, worried for a minute I should tell him I'd never been with anyone. I guess I was scared he'd go too fast thinking I'd already done this before. But I knew he'd stop then, he wouldn't just take my virginity and leave the next day. That's not the kind of man he was. Jeff was the only man I'd ever wanted. Even if it was only for once, I was going to have him.
I looked back in to his eyes and slowly nodded my head, letting him know I was wanted this and was ready. I felt him push in to me slow and steady, then a sharp pain went through me. I froze and whimpered in pain. He knew then...He looked down at me in a kind of shocked wonder. Then smiled softly "Tell me when you're ready Marie honey." he said in the most loving voice.
"I'm ready Jeff...please..." He started slowly moving in to me. The pleasure building up, I held on clinging to him tightly. The earlier pain nothing more then a forgotten memory. I'll never forget the way he filled me so completely. Not just in the physical sense either. He filled a void somewhere deep in my soul. I think for the first time I truly felt whole and I knew I was where I belonged. Our bodies rocked together, moans and whimpers pushing each other on, higher and higher till we came in an earth shattering release.
He rested on top of me spent and panting. I softly ran my fingers through his hair as we both tried to steady our breathing. He slid slowly out of me, rolled to my side and pulled me against him my head resting on his chest.
"Why didn't you tell me Marie" he said with a sigh.
"Cause I wanted you, only you to be my first..." I said sighing softly against him.
"But I never would have if I knew..." he trailed off.
"I know...but it had to be you Jeff. I can't explain it but it just felt so right." I held him tightly almost afraid he'd disappear and I'd wake up from this wonderful dream.
"Marie...I'm leaving tomorrow...and you knew...but you still.." I looked up at him softly rubbing his cheek.
"Yes I know, and I don't expect you to give up your dream, stay here or suddenly fall deeply in love with me...I just wanted you Jeff, more then I've ever wanted just about anything. I always have..." He softly stroked my hair
"Marie...I could..." he sighed "I feel something for you, with you...if there was only more time." I softly brushed my lips past his.
"Please Jeff...don't feel bad. I didn't expect anything more then this. Maybe that makes me a slut, but I had to have you even if only once. The last thing I wanted to so was make you feel guilty. I'll treasure this night with you for the rest of my life. It's a gift you gave me, a perfect night, you haven't taken anything from me." I knew that's what he was thinking. That somehow he had stolen my virginity that I gave to him oh so freely. He smiled at me, I was growing way to attached to that Jeff smile.
"We better be getting back. You have a big day tomorrow." I said some how trying to find the strength to let him go.
"Yeah..." we both quickly dressed, got in to the car and headed home.
Ah...feels good finally writing all this down...getting it out...but I'm tired and it's damn near 2 am so I'm going to get some sleep and finish this up tomorrow. Maybe then I can sort all this out and decided what to do...I got a big decision to make diary and I'm not sure what to do. Night write tomorrow.
8/27/02
Hello diary, works sucks and life is hell. So how was your day? This guy asked me out today. I said no, didn't even give the guy a chance. I guess once you've been hurt it's hard to trust someone again...anyways I said I was going to sort out my feelings for Jeff and figure out what I'm going to do. The only way I can do that is to just get all this out. So lets see, where did I leave off last night...Ah the ride home...
I swear it took everything I had in me not to cling to him and beg him to stay with me. Why hadn't I just gone up and talked to him sooner? Why did I have to wait to the last God damn minute? Thoughts like these raced through my mind as I fought to stay calm.
"Are you ok Marie? You're not saying much." I must of worried him being so quiet.
"I'm fine...just thinking. I'm pretty quiet person..."
He sighed "Yeah me too, people always think I'm sad or there's something wrong. When the truth is I just don't feel all the comfortable talking. I do with you though, more then I ever have with anyone..." he looked over and smiled at me. I wanted to break down in tears. Yes ladies and gentlemen I was wreck. I took a deep breath trying to do anything but start crying.
"But you talk when you're in the ring performing." I said smiling and trying to hold it together.
"Yeah, but that's not me...it's the character I play. It's kind of hard to explain, it's like I take on that personality and step out of myself." Thank god listening to him talk was started to calm me down, I think he has that effect on people.
"Oh I understand...I think I like the real Jeff best" I said smiling.
"Me too, that's why I don't want to change, I see how some people change after they get a little fame. I won't be like that. I'm not going to let it happen." I reached over squeezing his thigh softly.
"I know you won't Jeff, I see it in you. You never could."
Next thing I knew we were in front of my house. I looked over at Jeff, I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out. I quickly turned away looking out the window. I couldn't talk, I tried to form the words but nothing came out. Thank God he started to talk.
"Um...we're here..." I had to smile, I could tell he'd never fucked and ran so to speak. He didn't really know what to say
"Yeah we are." Ah there was my voice! "I had a wonderful time Jeff. It was really nice getting to know you..." I sounded surprisingly calm considering the way my mind was racing.
"I had a great time, your one of the coolest people I've ever met..." Jeff said looking over at me.
"Thanks, good luck Jeff. I just know your going to do great in the WWF, you and Matt." I said smiling as opened the car door to get out. It was really awkward and I felt it was best just to go.
Jeff didn't say anything as I got out of the car as I headed up to my house. I was just about to open the door when I heard him call out
"Hey Marie, hold up!" I turned around to see Jeff walking up to me
"Yeah..." I said, I didn't know what he could want.
"Here, I want you to have this..." He said handing me his notebook.
"Jeff...but you said you never showed this to anyone." He reached out gently touching my face.
"You're not just anyone, you understand me better then anyone ever has. I...I just want you to have this so you'll remember me. The real me, the real me is in that notebook, in those words." I closed my eyes leaning into his touch.
"And the real you is the same man I made love to tonight. Jeff I'll always keep this with me always. Even without this I'd never forget you." Looking in to my eyes, he bent his he to mine and kissed me deeply. I pulled him close my arms snaking around his waist savoring the feel of him against me for one last time. We slowly pulled apart.
"I'll never forget you either." he said. God how I wanted and still want to believe that.
"Goodbye Jeff..." I wanted to keep him there forever but I knew I had to let him go.
"Goodbye Marie..." And that was that he walked away and took my heart with him as cheesy as that sounds.
As soon as I got in my house I felt the tears build up and burn at the back of my eyes. I quickly ran upstairs to my room. Crying in front of my mom and having her ask me what was wrong was something I knew I couldn't handle. I managed to hold the tears off till I could get in the shower, then I just let loose sobbing as the water flowed over me. I wished the water could wash away my pain but it didn't. I laid on my bed in my pooh bear PJs. Yes Pooh Bear! Got a problem with it? hehe...I picked up Jeff's notebook, and I don't know why but I was scared to open it. I slowly opened it and on the first page down at the bottom there was Jeff's phone number. and under it, was written. "Marie I just wanted you to have this so you could get in touch if you needed me or just wanted to talk." That was it I started crying again...happy tears you could call them. Really a mix, I was happy he cared enough to leave a number, but I knew I'd never call. I didn't want to hold him back. Having that number and not calling was going to be a test of my will. And really my love for Jeff. If I loved him enough I should be able to let him go after his dream guilt free. I guess I thought he'd given me his number cause he some how still felt guilty. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he might actually care for me. Well I knew he cared for me as a friend but even that was so new it couldn't be that strong.
I pulled myself together and started reading through his notebook. Mostly poems, and such a wide range of types. Some where tragically beautiful, others simply stated thoughts in poem form. Then there were the little pictures he'd drawn to go with some of them. He was right, that notebook was him. Reading it I could feel him all around me...I know it sounds weird but I could. I treasure that notebook to this day. Whenever I'm really missing him, I pull it out and read over it. It still just means so much to me that he would give me something so private...I'm sitting here looking over it now as I write this. Ya know I see people selling stuff of his on Ebay. I like this one was picture he had drawn for someone. And they were just selling it like it was nothing! The bids got up in to the hundreds. I can only imagine what I'd get for this notebook. But I could NEVER sell it. It would be like selling Jeff himself. He trusted this with me...I wonder if he knows how much it means to me...how much he means to me...
Anyways...It was rough for a while after he left. I was mess, I mean bad. I always wondered if he thought of me. Maybe somehow missed me just as much. But how could he? I carried his notebook with me everywhere I went for the longest time. Guess I just needed that connection...When it would get really bad I'd drive up to our spot. Well that's what I called it, I'd go back up to the look out. The first time I went back up there I half expected Jeff to be there. Yeah...I was out of it...I'd always do the same thing when I got there too. Go get a blanket, spread it out on the hood of my car, sit up there crying and reading over his notebook.
I eventually learned to deal with the loss. I told myself I had to move on and I did. In fact I moved away, I like it here in Philadelphia. It's busy...I like busy you don't have to think when your busy. I even dated other guys and got hurt really bad... But I never quite let go of my love for Jeff. It's insane to feel this way...I tell myself that all the time...I think of trying to call him. You know see if the number is still any good. But I always told myself no, he's happy why would you want to ruin that, butt in on his life and be disappointed when he doesn't even remember you.
Lately though he hasn't seemed happy. He looks so tired, empty...I wonder where that spark has gone. Maybe I could help him get it back, remind him of who he used to be. I know he hasn't lost himself, maybe he just needs a reminder. He said I was the only one who really knew him. But that was so long ago, really in the heat of the moment. Am I out of my fucking mind expecting him to know who I am? Ahhh God! I just don't know what do to. Hell I don't even know if the number will work! Ok ok...I have to calm down...I'm shaking just thinking about calling...ok...it's late...I'm going to sleep on it and decide in the morning.
8/29/02
I want to cry, I want to scream! He remembered me! As you can guess I sucked it up and called. OK let me tell you how it went. I called, he picked up
"Hello..." I tried to find my voice
"Jeff..." I held my breath...
."Marie...is that you? It can't be." Of course I start crying like the sappy ass bitch that I am.
"Yes, Jeff...it's me, Marie" I hear him sigh...
"Girl, I've been looking for you for years..." I was in total shock. How I was able to talk I'll never know.
"You have...you mean you haven't forgotten about me..." I said, I couldn't believe he'd been looking for me.
"I could never forget you. You gave me the courage to go live my dream, you believed in me when I didn't believe in myself." My mind was racing, there was so many thing I wanted to say.
"Jeff I..." I mumbled
"Come meet me Marie...please..." the desperate pleading tone in his voice almost enough bring me to tears again.
"Yes, of course Jeff...where?" Like there was ever a doubt I'd say yes.
"The look out, I'm at home...I know it's a long trip...I'll pay for you to come...but if you don't want to..." If I don't want to? He must not know how much I've been aching to see him...
"Jeff...I need to see you too, I'm going to pack now and I'll be on the first plane out..." he exhaled loudly
"Thank you Marie." He's always been so sweet...so many fans yet he still doubts himself...I knew he hadn't changed.
"No need for thanks Jeff...I want to see you just as much as you want to see me...probably more..." That was basically it, I'm sitting on the plane now about hour from Cameron. I think I need to take some time and chill before I see Jeff, so this is all for now. I'll write more later and let you know how things went!
8/30/02
I'm watching Jeff sleep as I write this...he's so beautiful...tangled in the sheets, hair all mussed up. Guess I should catch you up huh? Lets see...I got off the plane and called Jeff telling him I was on my way. Then went to the bathroom to fix myself up a bit and caught a cab telling him to head for Cameron and gave him directions to the look out. The cabbie probably thought I was nuts going into the wild. I didn't care, Jeff was waiting for me. I had him stop right before he got to the spot and pay him. This was me and Jeff's moment and I didn't want to share it with any one else not even for a few minutes. I was so nervous walking slowly up there. Then I saw him, his back to me looking out over the edge. It was like some dream, like every dream I had ever had since we parted, what used to seem ages ago. Now it seemed as if it was only yesterday.
I walked up to him without a sound, I think I was scared to talk cause it all might fade away, and I'd wake in my bed to find it was only a dream.
"Jeff..." I said softly, he turned around.
"Marie." He reached out for me, I fell willing into his arms as he pulled me close. I sighed my head resting against his chest and deeply inhaled scent of him.
"Jeff I.." I clung to him, my lips and voice trembling as I tried to hold back the tears.
"Shh...I know honey." he said holding me tighter. "Marie...I've missed you more then I can say, not just missed...I needed you." I sighed letting the tears roll down my cheeks. No more holding back I told myself. I looked up at him, his eyes watery with unshed tears.
"Jeff...I can't find the words to say how much I've missed and need you. But I thought I was the last thing you needed..."
He lowered his head, his lips brushing mine and whispering against them. "You're the only thing I need Marie, the only thing..." He tenderly sucked on my lips and I melted against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my hands gently through his hair.
"Jeff..please..." I whimpered against his lips. I was aching for him, I didn't care how or where but I wanted him now. He scooped me up into his arms and carried me over to the hood of his car, where he already had a blanket laid out. He crawled onto it, I ran my hands softly over the blanket.
"Jeff...this isn't..."
He smiled at me. "I kept it all this time...how could I not it smelled of you..." I smiled, climbed over straddling his lap and brushed my lips across his neck lightly sucking
"Mmmm...smells like us..." he moaned, his eyes slipping shut and his hands moving to my hips.
" Mmm Marie..." I nipped lightly and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Mmmm Jeff...you don't know how many nights I dreamt of you like this..." I slipped his shirt off his shoulders, slowly ran my hands down his chest, rocked softly against him and whispered hotly in his ear.
"Mmmm how many nights I touched myself thinking of you...of us up here..." he growled softly, pulled me close and rolled us over so that I was pinned under him.
"Mmm me too honey...I need you so bad..." I shuddered, there was a look of such love and lust in his eyes I found myself powerless to do anything but nod my head yes.
He nuzzled my neck, inched my skirt off and slowly slid my panties down. I whimpered at the feel of his hands on me and tugged my shirt off over my head. He purred, he's voice husky in my ear "So perfect honey..." and started undoing the clasps of my bra.
"Mmmm yess...Jeff..." I moaned softly reaching out and unbuttoning his pants. I slid them down then let him slip my bra off. He gasped softly looking at me as I lay naked before him once again. "Please Jeff...touch me..." I bit my lip, he shivered and leaned forward pressing his lips to mine. Then softly kissed me as I started to tug his boxers down. He trailed kisses down along my neck and ground against me.
"Mmm...Marie...I'm so hard baby..." wrapping my legs tight around his waist I moaned softly.
"Mmm I know...give it to me baby...I'm aching for you so bad..."
He grinned, his head buried in my neck and slowly pushed into me. I sighed at the feel of him inside me and let my hands skim up and down along his back.
"Oooh god Marie" He panted and started pumping into me. I moaned softly crying out for more.
"Jeff...Oooh...soo good Mmmm more baby...please..." He kissed me deeply started moving in to me faster and faster, his breath coming in short pants against my lips.
"Ahhhh yes mmm... anything you want honey...Ooooh god sooo good... Mmmm shhiittt" I was writhing under, my hips arching to meet his thrusts, so much pleasure thought I was going to burst into flames...
."Ahhh yesss Mmmm godddd Jeff...sooo close baby...soo close.." He growled and started thrusting into me hard and fast.
"Ooooooh yesss...need you to cum for me ...Mmmm godd can you do that for me honey..." That was it, I came hard squealing his name and clinging tightly to him.
"OOOHHH GODD Jeffffffffffff!" He let out a hoarse ragged cry and came hard inside of me.
"Mariiiieeee!"
We lay side by side panting, he took my hand in his and looked over at me smiling.
"I love you..." My breath caught at his words..."Please say you love me too..." he looked at me, his face hopeful.
"Jeff, I loved you since the first time I saw you, and I've loved you all these years...I never stopped." I smiled a few tears running down my cheeks. He leaned over kissing me our tears mingling
"I've loved you too...took me a while to realized it though. When I did I came back for you, you were gone. You never called...I thought you found someone else and just forgot about me." I sighed and cuddled close to him my head resting on his chest.
"You never left my thoughts. At first I didn't want to make you feel guilty. I didn't think there was any way you could love me. So I tried to move on, every time I thought to call you, I told myself you were happy and I had no right to butt in on your life." I touched his face looking up at him. "But you haven't been happy for a while Jeff. I could see it in your eyes when I watched you on TV. What's happened to you?"
He sighed holding me tightly. "I'm lonely...we travel around on the road, I come home to an empty hotel room every night. You know I thought of you so many nights. What it would have been like if I stayed with you. Gotten to know you better, maybe started a life together." I kissed his chest softly listening. I knew he had to get this out. "I gave it all up for this dream of wrestling. And what did it get me, a cold lonely hotel room, a empty bed and pain, some days I can barely get out of bed..." I ran my hand slowly along his side looking up at him.
"You're not alone anymore Jeff. If you want...I'll travel with you.." he stroked my hair softly.
"Marie I can't ask you to leave everything behind and follow me around."
"Jeff, you are everything to me, I feel like my life has been on hold since you left. I've been lonely too...there's no way I can go back to living without you Jeff..." I held him tightly.
"I'd do anything to be with you, it's the only time I'm truly happy." He tilted my head up kissing me softly, his tongue skimming across my lips then slowly slipping inside kissing me deeply. I sighed against his lips. "I'd love if you'd come travel with me Marie...there's no way I can go back to a life without you either.."
That's all there is to tell really. We stayed up there for a bit, came to his house, ate dinner and made love again *grin* I think we're making up for lost time or something. We can't get enough of each other. I'm so happy, I haven't felt this way in years. Looking over at Jeff sleeping so peacefully, I know I've found my place. Being with him, loving and taking care of him. He's given up every thing to go after his dream. Now I'm going to give it all for him, the only thing I've ever wanted, being with him. I'm not sure where this is going to end up, only that we'll end up together. The past is dead. It's time to stop living in it and start on our future.