A/N: I hope you like this fic. Basically you just have to ignore all of Breaking Dawn after Edward and Bella's wedding. This is my first Twilight fic so please review and let me know what you think. Thanks!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
The Graveyard
After spending a hundred years as a vampire you'd think maybe I'd have changed.
But here I was, still a masochist, still doing things that could hurt those I care about. Edward was bound to find out. Even though he couldn't read my thoughts, as soon as Alice saw this in my future he would know.
And then there was that other matter. If my old friend was still alive…but I banished that thought. If he was still alive that could only mean one thing, a hundred years of misery.
It was odd, driving down these old streets. My memories of this place were faint, and yet I could tell that it had barely changed. There were fewer trees, more housing developments. But Forks still had a small town feel, and it seemed almost untouched by the rest of the world.
When Carlisle had first suggested moving back to Forks I was a little shocked. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. I knew the Cullen's has lived in Forks before I met them, yet somehow I had never imagined going back. Once Edward and I had married we had gone to Alaska while I underwent my transformation. The story was spread that we had both died on our honeymoon. I hadn't ever imagined returning. Driving down the road I used to take to school, driving past the area where the small house Charlie and I had shared once stood. It was a housing development now. The nearby forest had been flattened and over thirty houses had been packed in, like sardines in a can.
But, as Carlisle had pointed out, there were only so many places in the world that we could go. So back to Forks it was.
Now, I was driving down an old, twisting tree-surrounded road. I knew I had driven this road before, in another lifetime. But the memory was like that of a dream upon waking- you remember, but just barely.
I reached my destination in less time then it would have taken a normal person. I had floored the gas pedal the whole way here.
I turned off the engine, but I could not bring myself to get out of the car. Although I had arrived at my goal, all I could do was stare.
The Forks' cemetery was laid out in front of me.
It was not a large cemetery, and it was surrounded by a neat, white picket fence. The lawn was well manicured and the tombstones looked as if they were regularly cleaned. However, despite this tidy appearance there was a darkness about the place- as there is with all cemeteries- that could not be shaken.
I sighed and finally pushed myself out of the car. I didn't want to put this off any longer. I walked over to the gate and pushed it open with ease, then gently shut it behind me.
As I walked amongst the tombstones I look over the names. Some of them I recognized as people I had gone to school with or friends of Charlie's. Angela, Jessica, Mike, Ben, Eric, Lauren, and many others I had known were all buried beneath me now. They had all gone on that final journey that I would never take. Then I stumbled across one grave that made me stop.
A simple stone, it was not big or flashy. Just like the person buried beneath it:
Charlie Swan
Loving father, beloved friend
I noticed with a pang that Charlie's death date occurred only two years after I "died." Guilt threatened to overwhelm me. I felt undeniably responsible for his death.
I ran a hand over the smooth stone. "Sorry, Dad," I mumbled. "You deserved better." A dry sob escaped from me and seemed to echo in the still air. I had not cried in a hundred years, but today I wished I could.
I continued my trek through this field of the dead. There was one other person I had to make sure was here.
It took me awhile to find his tombstone, and I began to panic. What if he was somehow- as impossible as it seemed –still alive? He had never said exactly how old he could live to be.
Just as my panic was reaching near hysteria, I found it.
Small, black, and smooth, his headstone was flat in the ground. I knelt beside it and placed my hands on it, remembering a different time, a different place. Cokes in a garage.
Jacob Black
Loving son, brother, husband, father
And friend
Husband. I looked beside Jacob's grave to find another, almost identical, black headstone.
Lisa Black
Loving wife, mother, sister, daughter,
And friend
Their death dates were only two months apart, first Lisa's, then his.
"See, Jake," I said aloud, "I knew you'd find someone better then me." I let out a laugh that sounded like it was half a sob. So many emotions were coursing through me that I could barely sort them out. Relief that he had found someone. Sadness over the death of an old friend. And something else, something I had a hard time identifying.
I realized with a shock that there was a small part of me that was just a little jealous, a little disappointed. And a little regretful.
Again an image passed through my mind, like that day over a century ago when Jacob had kissed me and I had seen another life, another path that I could have followed. In my head I saw a simple, smooth, dark gravestone with the name Isabella Black engraved on it.
In my chest where my heart had long since stopped beating there was an ache. An ache for things could have been, for things passed. For the first time in a hundred years I felt regret.
I could not stop the dry, gasping sobs from coming. It was the closest to crying as a vampire was ever going to get.
Get a grip. I thought to myself spitefully. A hundred years of happiness and one thing makes you wish you'd thrown it all away?
I finally got myself under control. For a few moments I just sat there, staring at Jake's gravestone, not sure what to do.
Then I started talking to him.
"Well, Jake, I hope you were happy. I've been happy. At least I thought so. Did you know that I didn't really die? I'm sure you did. I'm so sorry it had to be this way. I never forgot about you, if it helps. Not that you need helping. I mean, once Lisa came along I'm sure you forgot all about me." What was I doing? I was standing in a graveyard, talking to a dead man. I was crazy. But I couldn't stop.
"I'm so sorry, Jake. You were always so good to me, and I treated you like dirt. In my darkest time you lit everything up. I'm sorry all I did was hurt you. You know I loved you, right? I still love you, even now, isn't that nuts? I mean, I love Edward, but I still love you. I guess some thing never change, huh? Even thought it's been a hundred years and you're dead and I'm a vampire I still love you. Always have, always will. I just hope you can forgive me for all the pain I put you through."
Just then the wind began to blow and it whipped my hair around my face and rustled the trees around me. From the corner of my eye I saw something small, red, and shiny being blown towards me. I didn't pay much attention to it until the wind stopped. The object had come to a rest right in front of me. I stared at is for a second, not really believing my own eyes.
A Coke can. A crumpled up Coke can.
I reached out a hand and picked it up tentatively, as if I was afraid it might somehow hurt me. I turned it over and over in my hand. Once again I was transported to that other life. Motorcycles. Cars. Walks on the beach. Cokes.
I'd never been one to put much stock in signs, but somehow this felt like one. I stood up, and taking one last, lingering look at Jacob's grave, made my way out of the cemetery, Coke can in hand. Through the gate, into the car, I started the engine and pulled away fast.
Sadness is a funny thing. I did not regret my life with Edward, not really. I had always felt that it was the right choice. And yet there was still sadness. Still a lingering thought of what could have been. What would have been. Maybe even what should have been.
But this was my life. It was a good one. And now I could rest easy. Easier then I had for a hundred years.
Jacob had been okay. And I was forgiven.