We don't own Final Fantasy X, ya. Never will. Wish we did.
Surgeon Kramer General Warnings: Fanfic may be hazardous to asthmatics and may cause severe pains from laughing; may also cause insomnia to others.
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Night-time Blitzball... ya?
by the strange minds of Nghtbltz Wakka & Grenade Rikku
[Not really noteworthy: Nghtbltz Wakka is AKA Alba Aulbath and
Grenade Rikku is AKA Sweet Princess Rinoa]
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Auron gazed up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Are you sure...?" he murmured, a slight scowl crossing his expressions. Coming onto a decision, he briefly nodded. "All right..." He stared down, narrowing his eyebrows. "This is it. This is your story... corn."
He took in a big forkful of corn.
"Does he have to do that upon every bite?" Lulu muttered.
"Jecht Shot!" Tidus flicked a pea rather talently, but apparently had messed up as it bounced off of Kimahri's head. "Darn it! Not again!" He picked up another and closed one eye in heavy concentration.
Within one of many restaurants of Luca, Our Heroes© were having lunch. Many other customers around them learned just how odd their eating styles were, in the meanwhile.
Speaking of odd and styles, Maester Seymour walked by with no apparent reasoning to be there other than to spread his ideals of death and such to the group eating.
"Jecht Shot!"
In slow motion, Seymour opened his mouth to speak, but at that very moment, the pea, launched by Tidus, was shot into his throat, causing the Guado to go into fits of coughing.
In regular motion, Tidus jumped up and pumped his fist in the air, "Yes! I didn't even mean to do that!"
"Hack! I'm not even... supposed to die cough yet!" Seymour gasped, falling over and kicking the bucket. Again.
"Quickly, Yuna! Send him!" Auron ordered, pointing with his fork of corn, the very food substance falling out of his mouth. Naturally, he brushed off this embarrassing aspect.
"But I cannot," Yuna said sadly. "Even if this is out of canon of our story, I would ruin the continuity by sending him before we approach Sin and thus cause the world to implode unto itself."
"...That's really complicated, ya?" Wakka blinked. Deciding this was too much for his liking, he changed the subject. "Soooo... anyone up for Night-time Blitzball?"
Lulu immediately arose, slamming her hands down onto the table roughly while giving the former Blitzball player a sour expression. During this, she accidentally caused the bowl of corn to fall over, spilling into Auron's kimono.
We rewind, and in slow motion (the Hymn of the Fayth played regularly as background music), the corn tipped. As a faded background, Auron's expression grew into anger and shock as the vegetable spilled. His hand slowly reached out, but missed as the corn fell into his kimono.
In regular motion...
"Noooo!" Auron cried out, standing and looking at Yuna; they swore that tears were forming in his eyes! "Yuna! You must send them before they become fiends! Send the corn!"
"..." Yuna looked to her other friends. "...What?"
Lulu apparently had not noticed this as she continued to confront Wakka. "That's it! No more... ENOUGH, WAKKA!!" With that said, she stormed out of the restaurant, coldly walking over Seymour's body like a rug.
"What was that about?" Rikku wondered.
Wakka crossed his arms, but smirked slightly. "Queen of PMS, ya?"
"Thundaga!" the black mage was heard.
Behold the new entree, Fried Wakka.
"I... think she heard dat... ya...?" he coughed out.
Kimahri looked up solemnly. "...Kimahri demands check."
Sometime later, the group had split up around Luca. Rikku herself currently was heading toward Tidus, who seemed to be interested in perfecting his Jecht Pea Shot, or rather...
"Jecht Shot!" Tidus exclaimed, flicking a grenade. It miraculously missed the young Al Bhed, who stared at the Blitzball star in shock. He looked upset. "I ran outta peas."
"Uhhh-huh... um, Tidus?" Rikku put her arms behind her back. "I'm just gonna relay a message to you from Wakka, so... don't get mad or kill me, okay?"
Tidus blinked. "...'Kay."
Rikku coughed and cleared her throat. "'Ey, Tidus! Ya still up fer dat Night-time Blitzball, ya?" she spoke in "Wakka Mode". She smiled somewhat at her terrific immitation.
However, Tidus didn't appear to be pleased. Instead, he sighed heavily and wanted to throw a fit. "Jeez, he won't leave me alone! I do it once, and he wants more of it!"
Rikku grew wide eyes. What was this, then?! She had no idea that Tidus was... and Wakka was...! "Um... gee, I think I hear Yunie! See you later, Tidus!" She turned and sprinted away. "COMING, YUNIEEE!"
Deciding she had better tell the others of this... rather spontaneous event immediately, Rikku went to gather her other friends. Sure, it was rather odd when Wakka mentioned it during lunchtime, whatever it was, but now new suspicions had definitely arisen!
After relaying the story to the others, aside from Tidus and Wakka quite obviously, Lulu had burst into tears. "I thought Wakka loved me!" she sobbed.
"And he invited us to this Night-time Blitzball, too! I never knew Wakka was such a pimp," Yuna, surprisingly, had said.
Auron eyed her. "Yuna, how could you speak like that? Braska would never--"
"You were thinking it, too!"
He clenched a fist, gritting his teeth as he glared at the young summoner. "And you never sent the corn, no less... you have disappointed me."
"Can we concentrate on this, please?" Rikku pouted. "This is serious! Either Wakka and Tidus are having a hard time showing their feelings, or Wakka is trying to get some from all of us! Both of which are bad! And I think everyone here agrees with me when I say it's probably the latter."
"Get some, eh?" Seymour had approached the group. He glanced to Rikku and rubbed his chin, muttering under his breath with a dark grin on his face, "I would like to get some of that..."
Cid (why he's here, I dunno... why are you trying to make logic out of ANY of this?), who was innocently passing by, had heard this. He glared at Seymour and tapped the maester on the shoulder. "Excuse me for a moment..."
"Ah, yes... what can I do for you?" Seymour asked.
"Never mind that!" Cid growled and pulled the Guado away.
Realizing what was about to happen, Seymour wasn't quite ready to die a second time in one day. He flailed his free arm, looking desperately to the first person he saw. "My dearest Yuna! Aid me!!"
Yuna glanced over her shoulder, but Seymour was out of sight. "Did any of you hear anything?" An explosion was heard soon after. Shrugging it off, she turned back to the matter at hand. "If this is the case, I think we should probably investigate tonight. We cannot assume anything, right?"
Rikku looked quite reluctant. "I dunno..."
"Wakka... why?!" Lulu continued to cry into her hands... er, sleeves. "Oh, my life is not worth living!!" She turned and ran off into the docks, leaping into the waiting waves.
Rikku stared for a moment in disbelief, then tossed a Lightning Gem into the water to snap the black mage out of it. A blackened Lulu emerged, twitching somewhat. "...I suppose I should thank you," Lulu muttered.
"You're welcome," Rikku replied.
"So then I guess we'll be finding out just what's going on..." Yuna said thoughtfully.
"I'll be evading them, thank you," Lulu grumbled, dragging herself out of the water.
Later that evening, at the Luca stadium, we join Tidus and Wakka. Rikku, being the sneakiest, was "volunteered" to eavsdrop on the two and gain information.
"Enough, Wakka! I'm tired; who knows how many times I've scored?" Tidus said angrily. "You're losing!"
"But, but... ya know ya enjoy it!" Wakka said desperately. "C'mooon... a little more, ya?"
Rikku tried not to squeak, wanting to cover her ears. And eyes. Too bad she had only two limbs.
"You suck too much," Tidus said somewhat grumpily.
"How 'bout I give my all tonight, ya?" Wakka suggested, grinning.
Rikku had had enough and jumped up, screaming, "I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! YOU PERVERTS! YOU'RE SO GROSS!! I...! I...! AHHHH!" She ran around, flailing her arms wildly.
Wakka had managed to grab her arms. "Ahh, c'mon!" He dragged her towards the center of the "game". "Why don't ya join in da fun?"
"AAAHHH!!!" Rikku squealed. "HELLLP MEEEEE!! RAAAPE! RAAAAPE! WAKKA'S TRYING TO RAPE ME!!!" She tore away from his grasp and dashed away from the stadium, still shrieking her head off.
Tidus had a blank look on his face, glancing over to Wakka. "...Eh?"
Wakka was just as confused. "What in Yevon's name was dat 'bout?" He shook his head. "I told her dat caffiene do not mix well wit' machina, ya?"
Seymour had suddenly popped in (yes, folks; again) wearing a Guado blitzball uniform, blitzball tucked under one arm. "What's this I hear about Night-time Blitzball?" Before another word was spoken, Rikku ran him down violently, still screaming and continued on as if nothing happened.
Upon returning to her other friends, Rikku was still screaming (damn good lungs, ya?) and waving her arms. She ran into Auron along the way.
"What do you want?!" Auron demanded, turning around to face the Al Bhed girl that had fallen upon impact, thoroughly upset that he had been interrupted from his broodings of "corn not being sent".
Rikku looked up, eyes reddened as she continued to cry, then she screamed again, then cried, then screamed. "You know what?! I'm not gonna tell you what I heard! I QUIT!!" She stood and ran off. "YOU BIG MEANIE!"
Auron, finding that this had no relevance to his beloved corn, wondered if he should tell Yuna.
He shook his head. Nah. It'll be payback, no matter how small. He wouldn't tell.
In the morning, Wakka was quite cheerful as he poured himself a wholesome bowl of Blitzball Crunch© (with flavors of apple, banana, strawberry, blueberry, and more!). "Man, I love dis stuff..."
Tidus had soon joined him, somewhat sulkingly. "I can't believe you beat me..." he whined.
"I told ya I'd give my all, ya?" Wakka grinned wickedly.
Yuna came down the stairs, stumbling and falling down around the end and landed on the breakfast table, her face flopping into Wakka's cereal. Why this occured was due to Yuna thinking of the two all night long, unable to comprehend it... or because of vivid imagination...
At any rate! Wakka was a little upset that his cereal was ruined, but helped Yuna off of the table. "Ya okay?"
"Yes, thank you--AAAH!" Yuna backed up immediately, eyes widened and waving her arms. She continued to back up, cereal still on her face. She eventually bumped into Seymour.
"Ah, my dear Yuna; let me help you," he offered, wiping her face gently with his sleeve.
"AAAH!!" Yuna backed up again, bumping into Tidus.
"Um, hi?" he waved.
Yuna screamed again, backing away and bumping into Wakka. Before he could get a word in, she finally threw up her hands and ran out with a cry.
"What did ya do ta her?!" Wakka demanded, eyeing Seymour.
The Guado nearly panicked. Not again, he thought. "N-nothing! I--" Seymour began, backing up.
"Dat's it! C'mon, kiddo!" Wakka gestured for Tidus to help him.
"Damn Yu Yevon!" Seymour punned before he was killed. Yet again.
At another dock in Luca, Yuna sighed heavily. How could she confront them?! After freaking out like that, and thinking about them in that way... it was too difficult!
"How can I...? What if they...? What would happen if I...? But I... and they...! How could...?" Yuna paced, trying to figure this out.
She felt someone touch her shoulder. She jumped, shrieking, but calmed down immediately, seeing that it was just Kimahri. "Oh... just..."
"Yuna need to calm down. Kimahri find answer for Yuna," the Ronso assured her. "Yuna relax."
"Thank you," Yuna breathed, feeling very relieved and hugged the Ronso tightly.
Thankfully, his fur covered his blush. "Welcome," he stammered. "Kimahri
will confront them." With that confirmed, the Ronso left to find Wakka
and Tidus.
To be continued. Bum bum bummmmm. Or dun dun duuuuunnn. Whatever floats yer boat.
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What Is To Come?!:
What is this Night-time Blitzball? Will the corn be sent finally? Will
Seymour continue to die (yeah, again)? Find out next time!
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Alba Aulbath/Nghtbltz Wakka and Grenade Rikku
berry@adelphia.net / Rikku_Duck_Queen@hotmail.com