HARRY POTTER AND THE MYSTERY OF RON'S ADOLESCENT OBSESSION
Harry Potter sat in the Great Hall eating lunch.
Not a spectacularly exciting event, but technically important in order for his blood sugar level to reach the correct highs to allow him to stay awake during Professor Binns lesson. The ever-exciting History of Magic had recently become so dull that even Binns himself was beginning to consider that it wasn't such a good idea to hang about anywhere near the classroom after his death.
The monotonous, repetitively of eating the same meals on a bi-weekly basis had Infact began to grate on Harry in his second year. He almost found himself missing the crap that Aunt. Petunia handed out, almost, but not quite. And then there was Hagrid, hardly the world's best cook, but more innovative then those damn House Elves. Harry wondered what real restaurant food tasted like.
Meanwhile, Ron Weasley, Harry's ubiquitous and annoyingly cynical best friend sat beside him reading a Hellboy comic in one hand, whilst attempting to spear a pancake on a fork with the other.
"Do you really have to read that while we eat?" Harry asked, irritating nudging Ron with his left elbow.
"Yes, if I'm caught reading this muggle storybook in any lessons.I'll be the laughing stock of the Slytherin's, and I can't exactly read it in the common room or library.I am too busy there staring at Hermione and considering what will happen between the two of us in the next 2 books."
"Stay away from Hermione you uncharismatic, bisexual ginger.she is a future Ex-Mrs.Potter"
"Harry, you can't keep claiming people as future wives. First it was Ginny, then Pavarti, who next, my mother?"
"Hey, you can't blame a guy for wanting some variety. Voldemort will probably finish me off before I hit my thirties, so I might as well spend my time constructively."
"No Harry, HERMIONE IS MINE! No argument, we made this agreement like 3 years ago. She is mine for takings, and in return, I give you my blessing to do what you will with Ginny."
"Huh? Why are you so obsessed with Hermione today?"
Harry leaned over and glanced into Ron's comic book. Inside, where the drawings of Hellboy should have been featuring, instead sat a college of photos of Hermione sitting in the library.
"SO YOU'RE THE STALKER" Harry screamed, causing Ron to drop the book and nervously look around, realising that the whole hall was looking at him.
"We'll discuss this in private", Ron replied hurriedly, standing and ushering Harry out of the room. They walked quietly, in single file all the way up until they reached their dormitory. When there, Ron locked the door and turned to face Harry. "I admit it, its gone past obsession"
Harry frowned in confusion. "What's gone past obsession"?
Ron sighed, and began to unbutton his shirt. Harry uncomfortably edged backwards, reaching for his wand. He soon found his fingers losing their grip though, and he stared forward in pure shock as Ron ripped off his shirt, and Harry found Hermione staring back at him.
Well, a tattoo of Hermione anyway. It was approximately a foot high, stretching from the bottom of his neck to his lower abdomen. It had been charmed so that every 20 or so seconds, a speech bubble with backwards writing appeared, praising Ron (Presumably backwards so it could be read in mirrors by the aforementioned Mr.Weasley). Ron grinned excitedly, and stared at Harry. Harry stared back, feeling the urine trickling down his inside leg. Usually the embarrassment would overpower him, but he was too stunned to even notice. As Harry looked on, Ron whipped out his wand and fired a bolt of something cold and blue at him. Harry felt his body go numb, and he fell to the floor with only control over the movement of his eyes. He managed to glance upwards as Ron pulled on a plastic Hermione mask, with elastic stretching around the back from his suitcase.and carefully placed it over his face. He then found his body being dragged along the wooden floor, sharp splinters stabbing through his robes and into his skin. The pain stopped next to Ron's suitcase, which was still open.yet looked visibly larger on the inside. Ron, still baring his tattoo and wearing his mask lifted Harry with ease, and tossed him inside the suitcase. Harry landed inside, where it was of similar size to a small bedroom. Far above him, Ron slammed it shut, and Harry felt movement and feeling returning to his limbs.
He lept straight to his feet, and reached blindly in the darkness for a light switch. He found one directly in front of him on one of the inner- suitcases 'walls'. After pressing it, he wished instantly he hadn't. Ron's magically enlarged suitcase had become some sort of obscure shrine to Hermione Granger. Thousands of moving photos lined each of the four walls and the ceiling. All of Hermione. Some of her sitting in the library, some of her lying unconscious in the hospital wing; evidently taken on one of the numerous occasions that she had been injured.
Harry was in practical awe. The most disturbing thing was the graffiti. Ron had scrawled in white chalk large messages and notes to himself over the photos and walls. Next to a photo of her shaking hands with Ron at the end of the second year, probably stolen from Colin's collection, he had written,
"stupid harry, Hermione likes ME most meeeeeeeeeee. She hates harry and everyone else and stupid Hagrid, ron is the best everyone likes ron Hermione likes ron most. We are going to kill everyone else and then become head teacher and mrs.head teacher of hogworts and harry is going to die and so is ginny and percy and Sirius and..oh yeah, Sirius already dead."
Ron had lost it. Complete and utter mental breakdown of the worst kind. If he weren't in such a dire situation, Harry would even feel sorry for his best friend, but its hard when he has locked you inside his suitcase having just cast a nasty stunning spell on you.
Just as Harry was about to begin formulating a plan for escape, he heard a high-pitched, squeaky voice come from the corner of the room. "Is that Mr. Harry Potter, Sir?" "Dobby! Thank God you're here, Ron has gone mad, he needs help. We need to escape immediately. How did you get in?"
Dobby stepped out of the shadows, and stood alongside Harry, who was now desperately glancing upwards. "Escape is impossible, Sir. Dobby has been here for 2 weeks. Mr.Ronald Weasley trapped Dobby in here when Dobby caught Ronald Weasley taking photographs of Hermione Granger in the toilet." "In the toilet, ewwwww, what a weirdo", Harry replied.a look of disgust spreading across his face. "Surely though Dobby you can apparate out of here, and then get me out?" "House elves are not supposed to do proper magic Sir. Dobby could get in trouble" "You'll get into more trouble if you stay in here with me you little bastard, now get me the hell out of here", Harry angrily quipped back, letting loose some of that Book 5 resentment.
Twenty minutes later, Dobby had freed Harry, and the two sat on Harry's bed contemplating how to go about revenge. They soon agreed that the best way would be to find some crazy animal of Hagrid's and unleash it on Ron until he was dead. Little would Ron have any comprehension of what Harry had in store for him though as that evening, Harry carried the Xenomorph egg back into the castle.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Harry Potter sat in the Great Hall eating lunch.
Not a spectacularly exciting event, but technically important in order for his blood sugar level to reach the correct highs to allow him to stay awake during Professor Binns lesson. The ever-exciting History of Magic had recently become so dull that even Binns himself was beginning to consider that it wasn't such a good idea to hang about anywhere near the classroom after his death.
The monotonous, repetitively of eating the same meals on a bi-weekly basis had Infact began to grate on Harry in his second year. He almost found himself missing the crap that Aunt. Petunia handed out, almost, but not quite. And then there was Hagrid, hardly the world's best cook, but more innovative then those damn House Elves. Harry wondered what real restaurant food tasted like.
Meanwhile, Ron Weasley, Harry's ubiquitous and annoyingly cynical best friend sat beside him reading a Hellboy comic in one hand, whilst attempting to spear a pancake on a fork with the other.
"Do you really have to read that while we eat?" Harry asked, irritating nudging Ron with his left elbow.
"Yes, if I'm caught reading this muggle storybook in any lessons.I'll be the laughing stock of the Slytherin's, and I can't exactly read it in the common room or library.I am too busy there staring at Hermione and considering what will happen between the two of us in the next 2 books."
"Stay away from Hermione you uncharismatic, bisexual ginger.she is a future Ex-Mrs.Potter"
"Harry, you can't keep claiming people as future wives. First it was Ginny, then Pavarti, who next, my mother?"
"Hey, you can't blame a guy for wanting some variety. Voldemort will probably finish me off before I hit my thirties, so I might as well spend my time constructively."
"No Harry, HERMIONE IS MINE! No argument, we made this agreement like 3 years ago. She is mine for takings, and in return, I give you my blessing to do what you will with Ginny."
"Huh? Why are you so obsessed with Hermione today?"
Harry leaned over and glanced into Ron's comic book. Inside, where the drawings of Hellboy should have been featuring, instead sat a college of photos of Hermione sitting in the library.
"SO YOU'RE THE STALKER" Harry screamed, causing Ron to drop the book and nervously look around, realising that the whole hall was looking at him.
"We'll discuss this in private", Ron replied hurriedly, standing and ushering Harry out of the room. They walked quietly, in single file all the way up until they reached their dormitory. When there, Ron locked the door and turned to face Harry. "I admit it, its gone past obsession"
Harry frowned in confusion. "What's gone past obsession"?
Ron sighed, and began to unbutton his shirt. Harry uncomfortably edged backwards, reaching for his wand. He soon found his fingers losing their grip though, and he stared forward in pure shock as Ron ripped off his shirt, and Harry found Hermione staring back at him.
Well, a tattoo of Hermione anyway. It was approximately a foot high, stretching from the bottom of his neck to his lower abdomen. It had been charmed so that every 20 or so seconds, a speech bubble with backwards writing appeared, praising Ron (Presumably backwards so it could be read in mirrors by the aforementioned Mr.Weasley). Ron grinned excitedly, and stared at Harry. Harry stared back, feeling the urine trickling down his inside leg. Usually the embarrassment would overpower him, but he was too stunned to even notice. As Harry looked on, Ron whipped out his wand and fired a bolt of something cold and blue at him. Harry felt his body go numb, and he fell to the floor with only control over the movement of his eyes. He managed to glance upwards as Ron pulled on a plastic Hermione mask, with elastic stretching around the back from his suitcase.and carefully placed it over his face. He then found his body being dragged along the wooden floor, sharp splinters stabbing through his robes and into his skin. The pain stopped next to Ron's suitcase, which was still open.yet looked visibly larger on the inside. Ron, still baring his tattoo and wearing his mask lifted Harry with ease, and tossed him inside the suitcase. Harry landed inside, where it was of similar size to a small bedroom. Far above him, Ron slammed it shut, and Harry felt movement and feeling returning to his limbs.
He lept straight to his feet, and reached blindly in the darkness for a light switch. He found one directly in front of him on one of the inner- suitcases 'walls'. After pressing it, he wished instantly he hadn't. Ron's magically enlarged suitcase had become some sort of obscure shrine to Hermione Granger. Thousands of moving photos lined each of the four walls and the ceiling. All of Hermione. Some of her sitting in the library, some of her lying unconscious in the hospital wing; evidently taken on one of the numerous occasions that she had been injured.
Harry was in practical awe. The most disturbing thing was the graffiti. Ron had scrawled in white chalk large messages and notes to himself over the photos and walls. Next to a photo of her shaking hands with Ron at the end of the second year, probably stolen from Colin's collection, he had written,
"stupid harry, Hermione likes ME most meeeeeeeeeee. She hates harry and everyone else and stupid Hagrid, ron is the best everyone likes ron Hermione likes ron most. We are going to kill everyone else and then become head teacher and mrs.head teacher of hogworts and harry is going to die and so is ginny and percy and Sirius and..oh yeah, Sirius already dead."
Ron had lost it. Complete and utter mental breakdown of the worst kind. If he weren't in such a dire situation, Harry would even feel sorry for his best friend, but its hard when he has locked you inside his suitcase having just cast a nasty stunning spell on you.
Just as Harry was about to begin formulating a plan for escape, he heard a high-pitched, squeaky voice come from the corner of the room. "Is that Mr. Harry Potter, Sir?" "Dobby! Thank God you're here, Ron has gone mad, he needs help. We need to escape immediately. How did you get in?"
Dobby stepped out of the shadows, and stood alongside Harry, who was now desperately glancing upwards. "Escape is impossible, Sir. Dobby has been here for 2 weeks. Mr.Ronald Weasley trapped Dobby in here when Dobby caught Ronald Weasley taking photographs of Hermione Granger in the toilet." "In the toilet, ewwwww, what a weirdo", Harry replied.a look of disgust spreading across his face. "Surely though Dobby you can apparate out of here, and then get me out?" "House elves are not supposed to do proper magic Sir. Dobby could get in trouble" "You'll get into more trouble if you stay in here with me you little bastard, now get me the hell out of here", Harry angrily quipped back, letting loose some of that Book 5 resentment.
Twenty minutes later, Dobby had freed Harry, and the two sat on Harry's bed contemplating how to go about revenge. They soon agreed that the best way would be to find some crazy animal of Hagrid's and unleash it on Ron until he was dead. Little would Ron have any comprehension of what Harry had in store for him though as that evening, Harry carried the Xenomorph egg back into the castle.
TO BE CONTINUED...