A/N: Three luffely people reviewed, so as promised here is the longer (hopefully better written) version of chapter one. This will be multi-chapter, though I'm not sure exactly how long. If I get a good response to this I might do a sequel.

Disclaimer: it's all mine! I wish…

One minute, they were walking, the next there was gunshot and Axel was falling. Roxas couldn't believe it as he watched the other boy hit the ground. He had always thought of Axel as invincible, untouchable, and permanent. Now the blood stains spreading across his friend's shirt were proving him wrong. Roxas was going into shock, but he had to keep himself from freezing up, he had to help Axel.

"AXEL, NO!" Roxas ran forward, throwing himself down on his knees at Axel's side, and pulling the others head in to his lap. The blood was the same color as Axel's beautiful hair, standing out brightly against his pale skin.

"Goodbye, Roxas...I love you." He couldn't keep the pain out of his voice, though he had wanted to spare Roxas the knowledge of how badly he was hurting.

Axel reached up to touch Roxas's cheek "let's meet again in the next life." he murmured.

Roxas only just managed to choke out a reply "I'll... be waiting." he brought his hand up to cover that of his best friend and lover, just as Axel started to fade away.

~xxxXxxx~

I wake up crying, just like I always do. It's another of those damn dreams. I've been having them since I can remember. I don't know why I can't forget the boy from my nightmares, but the name keeps echoing in my head, breaking my concentration and, for that matter, my heart. I know I'm messed up, but I can't make myself think about anything but that amazing, beautiful boy. It's my thirteenth birthday and I can't even smile. My mother wants to take me to see a psychiatrist, but I know it won't help. Nothing ever helps. But she wouldn't leave me alone about it, so I finally agreed. Tomorrow is the first appointment. I don't know why she decided on the psychiatrist one in town, as he already has a reputation for weirdness, but I guess it might have something to do with the fact that she'd already dragged me to every other shrink in the state at least once.

~xxxXxxx~

I listen to my iPod on the car ride there so I won't have to talk to mom, but that doesn't stop her from talking at me. I hate it when she talks to me in that false cheerful voice, trying and failing to make me smile. I haven't smiled even once since the first dream, but she still won't give up. She needs to believe there's a chance to fix me, and I let her. It doesn't matter that it's a lie- if she realizes the truth, she'll give up on me, and her persistence is the only thing that keeps me from fading completely. She and Sora are the only reasons I'm still trying at all. They provide the honest caring that I need more than anything. Sora is my twin brother. Otherwise known as the best brother a guy could want. Maybe he seems bubbly and air headed on the surface, but he's better at listening and giving advice than anyone I know. And he's a writer. He copies down my dreams into a notebook. He says it might do some good, but I'm not so sure. Mom's always asking why he can't apply himself to school like he does to his stories, but I don't think he can. Yeah, he's smart, but his brain just doesn't work like everyone elses does- Sort of like he's looking at stuff from a different angle than others. I wanted him to come with us today, but mom insisted that it would be better if- at least for the first few times- only me and her go. Dammit, we're here. I can totally wait. Time for the first torture session.

~xxxXxxx~

A/N: if ya want more, review! Ten this time. Kthnxbai!