Great Exterminations
Author's Note: This story was done as a request for Mentoria. Darkwing and other associated characters are products of the Disney Company. 'We Are the Champions' belongs to the band Queen. They do not belong to me. Now, without further ado, enjoy the story.
It was a warm, spring evening in the beautiful burg of St. Canard. The many inhabitants of the city were settling back in for a good nights sleep after a relaxing weekend in the sunshine and fresh air. Everyone was preparing for the start of another rigorous work week—except for two individuals who were still out and about as the clock ticked away towards midnight.
If anyone had been paying attention, they might have found it odd to see a purple motorcycle speeding around the empty streets of the city at this late hour. It would not have occurred to them that there was one mallard who chose to work a continuous night shift to complete his self-appointed job. After all, what better time to wipe out the criminal elements of the city then at night?
This night found the purple clad crime fighter Darkwing Duck in a very pleasant mood. He and his burly sidekick Launchpad had started the evening off by foiling a pair of minor convenience store robbers. The excitement quickly picked up from there as the caped crusader discovered that Moliarty had surfaced and was creating a destructive new machine in the St. Canard Tower building. They had both climbed to the top, confronted the villain, destroyed his machine and, of course, came out victorious. The pair were just on their way back from jail with Darkwing humming the song,"We Are the Champions" when Launchpad's stomach produced a loud growl. Spotting his favorite fast food joint, he turned to his friend to voice a pathetic appeal.
"Gee, DW, I'm starvin', Launchpad said with a hand over his stomach for emphasis. "What do you say we stop at Hamburger Hippo? We deserve to do a bit a celebratin' after all the hard work we put in tonight."
"Well, I could go for a chocolate milkshake." The crime fighter was definitely tempted as the restaurant got closer. "Oh, why not? After all, none of these villains are going to want to mess with Darkwing Duck tonight once the word gets out about Moliarty's defeat."
His sidekick whooped with excitement as they pulled over at the familiar fast food joint. The burly duck hopped out of the motorcycle and rushed to the counter to place his order while Darkwing parked their ride.
"Oh, boy. Let's see, I'll have a double bacon cheeseburger with two large fries and a strawberry milkshake."
"That'll be six dollars and forty-five cents." The unshaven greasy dog behind the counter said dully as he listlessly rung up the order. "And for you?" He asked as Darkwing approached.
"I'll just have a chocolate milkshake." The purple clad duck said as his sidekick paid for his food. "Super heroes gotta watch their figures, you know?"
The pig clerk ignored the last comment as he rung up the order. "That'll be two dollars."
Darkwing quickly pulled out some money from his cape and paid off his bill. Once the surly dog had walked off to fulfill their order, Darkwing plopped down on a stool and smugly thought about how the local news channels would all be covering his crime fighting rendezvous. He absently flicked an ant off the counter top as he tried to imagine just how wonderful his face would look on television. His egotistical revelry was broken up by Launchpad, who was reading a left over newspaper he had picked up off his stool to pass the time.
"Hey, DW, look at this!" The pilot pointed to a picture on the inside of the first page. "It says here that Lilliput broke out of the mental institution they incarcerated him at."
"Who?" Darkwing asked absently as the greasy dog worker returned with their milkshakes. He took a long sip as Launchpad continued.
"Ya know, the little guy with a lisp who shrunk buildings down to ant-size so he could hide them at his golf course. He had some weird hat that let him communicate with ants and he shrunk you with his gun so that you were no bigger than an ant yourself. Is that ringing any bells?"
"Oh, right, him." The masked mallard replied, still not sounding the least bit concerned. "Listen, LP, Darkwing Duck has better things to do then worry about some wimpy little weirdo who has to have ants do his fighting for him. I'm sure if he tries anything the local authorities will nab him and put him back into—a mental institution did you say?"
"Yep," Launchpad confirmed as he flicked an ant off the paper, "says here that the lawyer used the insanity plea in his trial. Since the guy was known for talking to bugs on a regular basis, the court agreed to send him to an institution for the criminally insane instead of prison. He broke almost two weeks ago and they still haven't found him."
"Hmm, interesting." Darkwing said, though his tone clearly said otherwise. "Well, I'm sure the local authorities can handle a small fry like him. I've got bigger things to worry about anyway." He spoke arrogantly as he watched Launchpad's food being delivered. Launchpad hastily unwrapped his double bacon cheeseburger and took a big bite.
"Like what?" His sidekick asked through a mouth full of burger.
"Like a date with the absolutely gorgeous Morgana Mawcaber." He stared off into space, placing both hands on the sides of his face and staring at the moon in a lovesick manner. "We're going out for a private dinner alone tomorrow, at a restaurant of her choosing, and then we're going to spend a romantic evening together. I can't wait to see her brilliant green eyes again..."
Launchpad rolled his eyes at his friend's romantic prattle. He finished off his burger and started on his fries, when the shorter mallard swiveled his stool towards him in an impatient fashion.
"Which reminds me," he started with a demanding tone, "I need to get my beauty sleep tonight. I want to look my best for my darling Morgana. So, hurry up and eat your fries so we can go home."
"Doncha worry, DW. These won't take me long to finish."
A moment later, the pilot proved this statement to be true as he poured ketchup packets onto the fries until they were completely covered. Then he inhaled all the fries in one big gulp, swallowing noisily. The hero's mouth hung open slightly at the aftermath of the spectacle.
"Gee,uh, thanks..." Darkwing told his sidekick, feeling a little queasy after that display.
"No problemmo, DW." Launchpad replied happily as he let out a loud burp. "Whoops, 'scuse me."
"Okay, let's go." The crime fighter said as he and the larger duck threw away their empty milkshake containers.
Darkwing and Launchpad hopped back onto the motorcycle with relative ease. As Darkwing started the engine and began speeding away towards their home on Avian Way, he failed to notice a pair of strange blue eyes glaring at him as he disappeared into the night.
Lilliput, a small duck with large blue eyes, red eyebrows, a loose red shirt and puffy red pants, had indeed escaped from the mental institution he had been placed into—just as he had planned. The small duck had foreseen that the authorities would take away his hat, thus cutting off his communication with his ant followers. Before he had been taken away, he asked a group of his most loyal ant minions to figure out where the authorities had hidden it and get it back for him. Tracking it down had taken some time, but Lilliput was patient as he bided his time in the mental institution.
One thing he didn't expect was that the effects of his hat would stay with him temporarily. Some of the hat's powers to communicate with insects somehow stuck to him and he was able to make some new and unexpected allies in the institution: lice. It wasn't the cleanest facility he'd ever been in and there were huge colonies of the small, hair-loving irritants living in it. Once he realized they were happy to have someone to take orders from, he used them to his advantage.
The ants managed to get past the facility's security and get his communication hat back to him at the end of May. Talking to the ants and the lice simultaneously he put his escape plan into action. He had the lice spread to every guard in the mental institution, hoping that one of them would be so busy scratching at their heads that they might drop one of the master keys that opened every door in the facility. The next day, one of the guards was taking off his key to use on one of the doors when he was hit with a unbearable wave of itchiness. He started scratching his head furiously and dropped the key. Lilliput's ant minions were quick to get underneath it and hide it before the guard could snatch it back. Once they had the key, the ants began phase two of their master's plan. One group of ants made their way to get rid of security. The bugs had been lucky enough to find that some of the guards were having lunch and one of them had left an open soda can on the main control panel of the security system. They tipped the can over and the entire system shorted out. While the guards panicked and called all the other personnel into the room to explain the situation via Walkie Talkie Radios, the second large group of ants with the key swarmed towards Lilliput's door and opened it for him. Using the confusion to his advantage, he escaped the mental hospital with a veritable army of ants and lice at his disposal.
From there, the small duck had returned to his abandoned apartment hideout. To make some fast cash, he used his insect minions to rob cash registers for him and no one was the wiser. He also rebuilt his shrink ray using some left over parts from his previous experiments. With the weapon back in his arsenal, he could use it to down some heftier bundles of cash, gold, jewels or anything else of monetary value so his ants could carry them back to him. He had been encouraged by the success of his other heists and was planning one more small scale heist that night before moving on to bigger game.
Until a certain unexpected guest showed up that is...
Lilliput had been unpleasantly surprised when he saw Darkwing and his sidekick pull up in their purple motorcycle. He hastily communicated to his ant workers to stop what they were doing and wait until the crime fighter left. Annoyed at having his plans put on hold, he became furious when he overheard the conversation the two mallards were having as they waited for their food.
So, he ruined my brilliant scheme, got me thrown in the loony bin and he doesn't even remember who I am? Well, I'll make sure Darkwing Ducky remembers me soon enough.
Lilliput sent out a signal using his hat, which he had made a slight adjustment to so he could talk to the lice, and summoned some of his reserve troops. Within a few minutes, a large horde of lice had assembled at his feet. Smiling at all of them in a sinister way, he pointed towards the fast food joint.
"Alright troops, listen up." He said with a lisp. "You see that duck in the ridiculous purple costume over there? I want you to hop aboard him, follow him back to his headquarters and then report back to me as soon as you can. Understand?"
He sensed them nod instead of seeing it before they hopped over to their destination. They boarded their target without a hitch. Another five minutes passed and Darkwing sped off on his motorcycle with his sidekick in tow. Lilliput glared after them as they disappeared into the distance, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
"I have a feeling that Darkwing Duck's evening plans are going to be permanently derailed."
The short duck cackled malevolently as he returned home to plot his revenge.
The next morning, Drake woke up early to make sure that Gosalyn went to school on time and the first thing he noticed was that his head was itching like crazy. He figured he might have gotten a bug bite on his head and went to go put on some hydro-cortisone cream. However, even after he had done this and gotten dressed, his head was still itching. Drake was still scratching it when he entered the kitchen to grab some breakfast for himself.
"Hi Dad," Gosalyn greeted him with little enthusiasm. She hated mornings and a Monday morning that was a prelude to a day in school did nothing to improve that outlook. It was then she noticed her Dad's constant scratching. "What's the matter with your head?"
"I wish I knew." Her father replied irritably. "It's been bothering me since I got up. I keep scratching and scratching, but this blasted itching sensation just won't go away."
Launchpad, who had walked in shortly after Drake had and was making a cup of coffee, decided to put in his two cents after hearing the dilemma. "Gee, DW, that sounds to me like you might have some lice."
Drake turned to give his pilot friend a horrified stare as he took a long sip from his coffee mug.
"L-Lice?" He repeated in shock. He really detested bugs, particularly if they were in his house or, even worse, on him.
"Keen gear!" Gosalyn said with excitement. "Do you think I can pick one off you to show to my science class? I'm sure they'd get a real kick out of looking at a real bug through a microscope, instead of all those boring bacteria we've had to go through lately."
Drake bestowed an aggravated glance upon his red-haired daughter for her tactlessness about his predicament that immediately reduced her to nervous giggles.
"But I can't have lice! I'm Darkwing Duck for cripes sake." The egotistical mallard continued stubbornly.
"Well, I don't understand how that relates to you not getting lice," Launchpad told him sounding a bit confused, "but I do know that it's not that unusual for adults to have lice. It's nothin' to get worked up about."
"'Nothing to get worked up about?'" He repeated incredulously. " I have a date with Morgana tonight! I can't show up with a bunch of bugs crawling around on my feathers. She'll dump be for sure!"
"Nah, Morgana's way cooler than that." Gosalyn put in as she finished her cereal. "She'll probably want to take some of the little buggers off you and use them in a spell. Ooooh, do you think she can turn one of them into a giant lice bug? That would be so cool!"
"Gosalyn, go upstairs and get your backpack." Drake said with a hand over his eyes. He was not appreciating his daughter's overactive imagination in light of his new bug infestation. "You're going to be late for school if you dawdle down here too long."
"Like that would be a real tragedy," she muttered sarcastically, but did as she was told. Once she had left, Launchpad tried to comfort his housemate.
"Come on, Drake, it isn't the end of the world." The sidekick snapped his fingers as he thought of something. "Wait, I know! You can get one of those special lice shampoos to get rid of those pesky bugs. I bet ya could find a bottle at one of the local convenience stores in town."
"Yes, I suppose you're right." Drake sighed as the presented solution calmed him down. "What a pain..."
"Yeah, but at least it's curable." The pilot reminded him as Gosalyn came back downstairs with her backpack.
"Now, you've got your homework, right Gos?" Her father asked her as he did every morning.
"Yep, I've got it all right." She said mischievously.
"You did do your homework, didn't you?" Drake's eyebrows raised and his voice had taken a no-nonsense tone.
"I plead the fifth!" She replied with spirit as she headed out the door. "I learned that one in history class."
The added bit of information was supposed to appease her glaring father and it did. Besides, as far as she was concerned, she could get it done on the bus ride to school without any problem.
A few minutes later, the bus pulled up and the red-haired duckling waved at the two older ducks as she got on to the bus with the other kids. Once she was gone, Drake and Launchpad got into Drake's car and drove off to find a store that carried lice shampoo. If Drake had been more alert, he might have noticed that his head had stopped itching, for the bugs that had been bothering him all morning had hopped off him once he had gone outside. They were on their way back to their master to tell him about the whereabouts and identity of his enemy Darkwing Duck.
Liliput was still leaning over a table in his small apartment hideout when the lice returned to him. Since he had already re-built his shrink ray, he used his time to build a new gun. The shrink ray might have been good for hampering Darkwing, but it wouldn't get rid of the masked mallard for good. This new weapon he was working on would take care of that problem.
The short duck wiped some sweat from his brow as he put the final touches on his new ray gun when he felt something bounce onto his shoulder before launching itself onto the table. Liliput pulled out a magnifying glass and immediately recognized the bug that appeared in the lens. It was Harry, the leader of the Lice Brigade, who saluted him once his master could identify him.
"Ah, Harry, excellent timing!" Lilliput's said with his usual lisp. "I've put the final touches on my new zapper gun."
He lifted up a small blue gun with yellow trim on the sides. To the naked eye, it might have looked like nothing more than a pocket-sized squirt gun. The owner, of course, knew better. This compact version of a ray gun could fire a deadly shot of hot plasma, which would burn a whole straight through any unfortunate victim that got in the line of fire.
"So, don't keep your master waiting." Lilliput continued eagerly. "Did you find his hideout?"
Harry nodded affirmative and, through a series of squeaks that were interpreted through Lilliput's insect translation hat, he learned the whereabouts of the crime fighter, what his real name was and that he had a family.
"Hmm, Drake, did you say? I guess I was expecting something, I don't know, more impressive for the real name of Darkwing Ducky. Maybe Bruce or some other tough guy name. Oh well, never mind about that. Tell me more about this daughter of his."
The lice commander described the short, spirited red-haired duckling who was the daughter of Darkwing Duck. Liliput snapped his fingers as he recognized the description given to him of the little girl.
"Now, wait just a second. I know her! She was at my golf course the day that my plans were ruined and I was arrested! So, that's his daughter..." An altogether sinister look crossed the villain's face as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Oh, this is just perfect! All I have to do is shrink that little brat down to ant size and hold her captive till Darkwing Ducky gets home. Once he does, I'll tell him that if he doesn't cooperate with me I'll use my plasma ray to turn her into a cinder. He'll have no choice but to let me have a clean shot at him and once I do—that'll be the end of Darkwing Ducky!
He cackled wildly as he placed both his guns in his belt. He took long, confident strides as he went towards the door of his apartment. The small duck with a buck tooth turned to his armies of ants and lice.
"Alright, listen up ants. I'm going to need you to follow me to the house so that you can hold down the girl once I shrink her. You may also be needed for a plan B if anything goes wrong. You lice," He pointed to Harry, who was back on the floor, and his large group of friends, "lead us to the house on Avian Way."
Though he couldn't see it, he sensed that Harry was saluting him from his place on the ground. The lice leaped into action and the ants followed steadily behind them. Liliput let out one more mean-spirited cackle as he shut the door behind him.
It only took an hour to move stealthily from his apartment to the Mallard residence. Once there, the ants located the spare key underneath the door mat and they made their way inside. It was about two in the afternoon when Lilliput and his insects invaded his enemy's home. After a quick sweep through the residence, the insects told their master that no one was home at the moment.
"Why is it that you can never find a super hero when you want to kill them?" Liliput spoke huffily with his hands on his hips. A moment later he let out a sigh to assuage his temper and threw his hands in the air.
"Oh, well, just a minor set back." The former golf course owner made his way into the living room and plopped down on the couch. "I'll just wait here until this Drake fellow and his brat of a daughter come back. You two, Pic and Nic," he spoke to two ants that were nearby, "you're going to act as sentries. Stand outside the front door and inform me when you see anyone that match the description the lice gave you."
The two ants muttered unhappily at getting singled out to do a boring job, but they scuttled away soon enough to do their master's bidding.
"The rest of you are free to roam about the house. Just be ready to go on the offensive when the time comes." Liliput told the rest of his troops nonchalantly as he picked up the remote and began flipping the channels on the TV to find something worth watching. The insects eagerly spread through out the house searching for bits of food, hair and other things that they would love to take out of the house.
Once his minions were gone, Lilliput settled on an old sci-fi flick about poisonous spiders that terrorized an unsuspecting population of civilians. He had always had an interest in insects ever since he was a little kid. Thus it followed that he was also very curious about their biggest predator: the spider. In fact, this had been one of his favorite movies as a kid and he was happy to find that it was still being shown on TV.
An hour went by as Lilliput watched the helpless people try to escape the growing horde of spiders and dying in vain. His morbid fascination with the film was interrupted by a noisy growl from his stomach. He had been so busy working on building his new ray gun that he had unknowingly skipped out on breakfast and lunch. Getting up, he decided to raid the fridge to settle the protests of his stomach.
After all, how am I going to complete my dastardly deeds on an empty stomach? He thought as he patted his plasma gun.
Making his way into the kitchen, he immediately pulled open the refrigerator to review its contents. Not finding anything that particularly interested him, he pulled up a chair and began sifting through the different boxes and bags of food in the cabinet. He whooped as he finally found something that he really liked among the myriads of dry-packaged foods.
"Yes! Microwavable popcorn with extra butter. My favorite."
Liliput hopped down from the chair and put the popcorn into the microwave. Once it dinged, he pulled it out, opened it and ate a big mouthful.
"Mmmm! Yes, this is just as good as I remember it."
His ant minions immediately gathered around their master at the smell of one of their favorite foods. Though he was pretty hungry, he still dropped a few buttery kernels on the ground to appease his followers. Just as he was about to finish the bag, he noticed that two of the ants had crawled on his legs to get his attention. Pulling out his magnifying glass, he could see that it was Pic and Nic.
"What do you two want?" Lilliput asked through a mouth of popcorn. Both of them squeaked that a school bus had stopped outside and was dropping off some kids and one of them was the red-haired girl that the lice had mentioned.
"Excellent work you two." He told them and dropped a few kernels on the ground for them as a reward. He put the bag of popcorn down and pulled out his shrink ray. "Now, it's time to put the first part of my plan into actions. You ants get ready to hold her captive once she's been shrunk down."
His ant followers saluted him and scrambled underneath a table to catch their victim by surprise. The small duck heard the front door opened and a loud, boisterous voice immediately filled the house.
"Boy, am I glad that's over! School's absolute torture, especially right before summer break. I'm gonna be so happy when I can do something productive like slugging baseballs or playing a good game of dodgeball instead of sitting at a rickety old desk. I mean, they're wasting our childhood here, Honker!"
"Well, to some extent, maybe, but they are trying to prepare us for our future." A timid, nasally voice countered as they put their backpacks down.
"Preparing us for what? How to deal with boredom on so high a level without wanting to hang yourself? I already know my job isn't going to be boring and school most certainly isn't going to help me get there."
"How can you already know what your job's going to be when you're only nine years old, Gosalyn?"
"Simple. My Dad's a crime fighter and that's what I'm going to be too. Someone has to take over for him once he gets too old and that someone's going to be me!"
"I still think that you should work on your studies." Honker suggested mildly. Seeing that Gosalyn was about to argue her point more, he held up his hands and changed the topic. "A-Anyway, shouldn't we be looking for your Dad? I thought you said he had lice and if he doesn't mind, I'd like to try to take one off him and use it for my entomology report."
"Hey, I don't remember being assigned any ento-whatsits report."
"That's because it's for extra credit. I want to make sure I get an A in my science class."
"Like you ever get anything but A's Honk." His friend told him with an eye roll. "Come on, let's find him so you can get that bug."
"Judging by the smell, I'd say he's in the kitchen." Honker pointed out astutely. "It smells like popcorn in here."
"It does!" Gosalyn said happily. "I'm going to make sure I get some before he eats it all. Come on, Honker, let's go."
Liliput heard the footsteps coming towards him and dropped the nearly empty popcorn bag on the counter next to the fridge. He silently maneuvered himself towards the door that led into the kitchen. With his back pressed against the wall, he waited for the two kids to come running in. A minute later, the red-haired girl burst through the door and skidded to a halt as she spotted the open popcorn bag.
"Aw, man, there's hardly anything left but scraps in this bag." Gosalyn pouted as Honker entered the kitchen. "I can't believe he ate all of it and didn't save any for us. This is unacceptable!"
The spirited duckling put a hand to her mouth and began to shout back out the two door to the rest of the house.
"Attention Drake Mallard! Gosalyn and Honker are hungry after a long day at school! We'd like you to make us our own bag of pop—"
It was at that moment that she noticed Liliput in the room. He quickly raised his shrink ray, aimed and fired. Gosalyn let out a small yelp and tried to dodge the beam, but it was too late. The shot hit her square in the chest and soon she found herself shrinking down to the size of ant.
"Gosalyn!" Honker cried out in fear as he watched his friend disappear. He followed the beam to its source and saw the short little duck with the strange antenna hat standing in the kitchen with them. He jumped in fright as it came to him who this little duck was.
"You! You're the one from the golf course last year."
"Glad you remember me, kid." Liliput replied with a tip of his hat. "Too bad you have to join your little girlfriend there, but I can't have you spoiling things for me, not when I'm so close to demolishing Darkwing Ducky. Enjoy the view down there!"
"W-wait!" Honker protested as Liliput fired his ray gun again. The nerdy duckling barely had time to register what was happening to him before he was hit with the beam and began shrinking. A few seconds later, he was the size of an ant and immediately looked around for any signs of his friend.
"Gosalyn?" He asked as he panned the room in a bit of a panic. "Gosalyn?"
"Honker, over here!" Gosalyn's strained voice caught his attention. He gasped as he saw her being cornered and held captive by an army of ants. "Run for it, Honk! Hurry!"
Honker tried to follow her advice, but as he turned to get out of harm's way he bumped right into the chest of a large ant. Before he could make another move it grabbed one of his arms, while a second one clamped down on the other. The ants amassed together right by the refrigerator bringing their two captives towards the center of their gathering. As both the kids struggled with their captors they saw a magnifying glass being held over them with a huge eye at its center.
"Excellent work my mighty minions. Everything is going according to my brilliant plan." Liliput straightened up and twirled his shrink ray gun around his fingers. "Now all we have to do is hold these two innocent children here and Darkwing Ducky will be as good as gone."
He began laughing at his current triumph, not paying as much attention as he should have to the gun that was sliding around on his fingers. The butter from the popcorn had made his fingers extra slick and before he knew it the shrink ray flew off his hand and smacked into the kitchen table. The impact was enough to set if off and the beam hit him directly in the side.
"Noooooo!" He yelled with his voice getting squeakier as he shrank.
His yell was in vain for the damage was done. Seconds later, he found himself shrunk down to the same size as his ant minions. Stamping his foot several times in frustration, he violently cursed the situation he had put himself in.
"Oooh, lousy butterfingers. My wonderful plan is ruined!" He moaned sadly as he hung his head in shame.
"Some evil genius you turned out to be." Gosalyn said bitingly as she continued struggling with her ant captors. "I guess you have no choice now but to let us go."
"Oh no. You're not fooling me." He snapped back at her. "There may have been a slight glitch in my plan, but I'm not stupid. How am I supposed to know that you two won't attack me or double cross me once I let you go?"
"Excuse me, Mr. Villain, sir," Honker started in his typical nasally voice when Lilliput interrupted him.
"Liliput! My name is Liliput! The least you could do is remember." He stated angrily, stomping his foot down each time he spoke his name.
"Sorry, Mr. Liliput sir," Honker began again with his manners not wavering even when addressing a bad guy, "but I just wanted to point out we have nothing to gain from attacking you. Right now, none of us can get back to our normal size since we aren't big enough to activate the shrink ray. I humbly suggest we call a truce for the moment. After all, we need to work together to get ourselves back to normal size."
"'A truce?'" Liliput repeated with a hand under his chin as he thought it over. "I don't know. That's not very villainous."
"Well, what's the point of being a villain if you're too small to do any real harm?" Gosalyn astutely pointed out. "Look, all we need to do right now is make a deal that we won't double cross each other while we're working together to get back to normal. Do you think you can do that?"
"Hmmm...oh I guess." Liliput sighed. "I don't have much of a choice now do I? It's okay, my minions. You can release these two brats for now."
His ant followers dropped their holds on the children who hastily got away from the bugs and made their way towards Liliput. The three of them huddled together as they tried to figure out the best way to approach their current predicament.
"I think the best thing we can do is wait until Gosalyn's Da—er, I mean Darkwing comes home. We just have to get his attention so he can find us and then we'll be able to instruct him on how to turn us back to normal." Honker explained as he pushed his glasses back on his beak.
"It's a great plan, Honk, but how are we going to get him to see us? After all, we're barely over an inch tall!" The red-haired duck said unhappily.
"That's where I'll come in handy." The former golf course owner told them proudly. "As you can see, I have quite a few ant and lice minions in this house," Lilliput paused to pan the crowd of insects with his hands before continuing, "and all of them are bound to attract some attention. I'll order them to lead Darkwing Duck to us when he comes back and bring him to that magnifying glass I dropped by the kitchen table. Once he puts two and two together, he'll be able to use the shrink ray in reverse and we'll all be back to normal."
"Okay, that sounds like it will work." Gosalyn conceded, though she hated having to rely so much on a bad guy for help. "I guess all we can do now is wait."
The other two ducks nodded and the trio sat down on the floor, hoping that the crime fighter would return soon.
Drake Mallard was in a foul mood when he finally came back to the house around three-thirty in the afternoon. First he had driven around town with Launchpad trying to find some lice shampoo only to be told that he needed a doctor's note to pick some up. He and his sidekick made an impromptu visit to a doctor where Drake was frustrated to learn that the physician couldn't find any lice on his scalp. To quell one of Drake's furious temper tantrums, the doctor prescribed him some shampoo to get anyway and hurriedly escorted the pair of ducks out the door. The super hero drove to the store that carried the shampoo, got it and ended up having to take the long way home due to a traffic accident.
Drake fumed as he opened the door to his house with Launchpad following close behind and proceeded to continue the rant he had started since they had gotten stuck in traffic on the way home.
"But you know what the absolute worst part of all this is?" The sweater-wearing mallard asked without really expecting an answer. "None of it makes any sense! I mean, I'm happy that the lice are gone, but it's not like those bugs just disappear into thin air. Maybe I've been cursed by some dark rain cloud that's just set out to make everything go wrong for me today."
"Come on, DW, I'm sure you're just imagining things," Launchpad told him encouragingly, "but, uh, back to the point. Even if your head isn't itching anymore I still think you should use that shampoo. You can never be too certain with bugs, right? For all you know they could have laid some eggs in your feathers and thousands of lice babies could be hatching on your scalp right as we speak."
Drake gagged at the mental image before replying: "Thank you Launchpad, but I think I'll be just—waaahhh!"
The crime fighter tripped over his daughter's discarded backpack and he did a face plant into the carpet. He sat up with a groan and straightened his beak back out before angrily shouting up the stairs at his miscreant daughter.
"Gosalyn! What have I told you about leaving your things by the door where people can trip on them?"
Receiving no answer, he got up with a sigh and began searching the house for the spirited, young duckling. On a hunch, he and his sidekick walked towards the kitchen thinking that he'd find Gosalyn chowing down on some unhealthy snacks before dinner. All thoughts of the backpack incident were immediately lost as Drake's eyes bulged at the sight that greeted him once he entered the kitchen.
"A-Ants!" Drake pointed down at the floor as a swarm of black bugs milled around on the floor. He grabbed a hold of Launchpad's collar as he started to freak out at the horde of ants in his house. "They're everywhere! How did they get in here? Why are there so many of them and why, oh, why did they have to show up before my date with Morgana?"
"Gee, DW, I don't think I can answer that question for you." Launchpad replied as he put his hands on his friends shoulders in comfort. "Though I could help you find the number for an exterminator. I'm sure they could take care of this for you before you have to leave for your date."
"Oh course! Why didn't I think of that? An exterminator is just what I need to solve my current crisis. Great idea Launchpad!" Drake complimented quickly as he left the kitchen to use the telephone.
Launchpad smiled at the kind words of his friend and followed him just in case he needed any more advice or help. Unfortunately, the two of them had left before they noticed that the ants were using their bodies to form an arrow that pointed towards the magnifying glass.
The pilot caught up with the currently unmasked mallard who was making a phone call to one of the toughest exterminators in town. The conversation seemed to be going well for Drake had calmed down considerably after his initial encounter with the bugs.
"Uh-huh. And you said you use the deadliest gases legally available? Okay, good, and when can you be here? Five o' clock works just fine for me. I'll see you then. Mmhmm, bye. Well, he says he'll be here around five to spray the whole house for insects. I'm afraid we'll all be spending the night at the tower tonight."
"That's okay, DW." The bulky duck said calmly. "Like I always say, a little change of pace is good fer ya every now and again. Say, are you okay Drake?" He only asked because his friend had started violently scratching the right side of his head.
"Oooh, looks like those stupid lice bugs aren't gone after all. They must have infested the house somehow." Drake muttered irritably. "Only this time, they only appear to be on one side of my head and, this may sound strange, but it feels like they're pulling on my feathers. Almost like they're trying to drag me back to some place."
"Weird." Launchpad told him with a shake of his head. "Well, on the bright side, at least you know that you didn't go through all that trouble to get that shampoo over nothing."
"Yes. Great. Wonderful." He replied shortly. "I guess I'd better use the stuff before the exterminator gets here. Oh and if you see Gosalyn, tell her to pack up a few things for the night—including her homework."
"Got it, DW." His sidekick said cheerfully as the other duck walked grumpily upstairs to take a shower and hopefully get rid of his lice problem.
Once Drake was gone, it occurred to Launchpad that he hadn't seen or heard from Gosalyn since they'd gotten back. Slightly worried, he decided to check outside and see if she hadn't decided to play a game of catch with Honker. He wandered through the front and back yards calling for both of the kids. When he was certain she wasn't playing around outside, he went back into the house and up the stairs to Gosalyn's room. Not finding her in her room, Launchpad wandered back into the kitchen which was the only place that he hadn't tried looking for her yet. Surveying the room, he didn't see the spunky little girl anywhere. What he did spot was an open bag of popcorn and a magnifying glass on the floor where all the ants were gathered. Deciding that he should pick it up before somebody stepped on it, he casually walked over to it when something made an audible crunch underneath his foot. Right after that, he felt something hit him on the bottom of his foot. Before he knew what was happening, he was suddenly at eye level with the ants he'd been staring down at a moment before. The pilot gave a startled cry and jumped away from the ant only to cry out again as something kicked him in the shin—hard.
"You imbecile! You big, blundering buffoon! Look what you've done!"
Launchpad didn't recognize the shrill voice with a lisp that was currently yelling at him, but when he saw the tiny, furious duck wearing a strange hat with two pairs of antenna on it he knew who he was dealing with. It was the same duck from the picture in the paper he'd read yesterday evening.
"Liliput! What are you doing in here?"
"If you must know, I was trying to kill Drake Mallard or should I call him Darkwing Ducky?" Launchpad's eyes widened and he let out an audible gasp. "Yes, that's right, my lice minions followed you two back to this house after you two stopped at Hamburger Hippo last night. I waited until today to break into this house and I shrunk down these two kids to use against St. Canard's most meddlesome crime fighter."
When he said this, Launchpad looked to his right and spotted Gosalyn and Honker standing nearby. The young girl sprinted forward when the pilot noticed her and gave him a big hug.
"Hey Gosalyn, Honker, are you kids okay?"
"As okay as anyone could be who's only an inch tall." Gosalyn told him wryly. Honker nodded his agreement.
"So, uh, wait a second. If you shrunk the kid's down to ant size to use in yer evil scheme, why'd you also go and shrink yourself down too?" Launchpad asked in confusion.
"I didn't mean to shrink myself!" Liliput responded furiously. "I accidentally dropped the gun, it went off and shrunk me."
"Wow, that's kinda embarrassing isn't it?"
Gosalyn let out a few chuckles at Launchpad's bluntness, while Honker hid a smile behind his hand. Lilliput, meanwhile, would have been shooting steam from his head if he had the ability.
"Oh fine, laugh all you like," Liliput fumed through gritted teeth, "cause you won't be laughing once you realize that you stepped on the shrink ray and broke it! Do you have any idea what that means, you great buffoon?"
"Uh, we'll have plenty of time to call up Guinness World Records so that we can take the record for smallest people living in the world?"
"It means we're all stuck like this—FOREVER!" The insect master screamed the last word at the top of his lungs. "We have to live the rest of our lives being as small as ants, for however long we survive anyway."
Lilliput's mention of ants suddenly reminded Launchpad of Drake's recent phone call to the exterminator. He pulled his collar and gulped nervously, feeling his heart racing in his chest.
"Um, I hate to break it to everybody, but we may not be long for this world." Every pair of eyes that heard him say this turned toward him to hear what he had to say. "See, when Drake saw all those ants on the ground, he-uh-called an exterminator. An exterminator who's going to spray the whole house with the most toxic insect killers he's got."
"What?" Liliput pulled down on the antenna on his head in fright. "W-When is he going to be here?"
"Drake told him to meet him at five pm today. The last time I saw before I shrunk down said it was a little past four o' clock."
"Great. Leave it to Dad and his hatred for bugs to make a bad situation worse." Gosalyn said with her arms crossed. Launchpad knew this jab was just a way for her to make light of the grim situation and keep calm.
"We've got to find a way to get to Mr. Mallard before the exterminator arrives. Do you know where he is Launchpad?" Honker asked the sidekick hopefully.
"Right now, I think he's taking a shower to get rid of the lice." Launchpad responded unhappily. "I don't think we'll be able to climb up the stairs, let alone survive the bath water."
Just then a bunch of lice hopped back over towards Liliput. All of them looked exhausted, as if they had just run for their lives from some horrible death. The insect master smiled as he thought of an idea to get them out of this mess.
"We might not be able to get to him, but they can!" He pointed to the lice excitedly. "I'm small enough now that I could ride on one of their backs, then I could hop on Darkwing and get his attention."
Launchpad had to admit that it sounded like a good plan, but he didn't like the part where Liliput went to go find Darkwing. Small as he was, the guy was still a villain and the sidekick didn't want to leave him alone with the crime fighter if he could help it. Especially since he had specifically told him that he had followed them back to the house to have Darkwing killed.
"That's a great plan for us to try first, sir," Honker interjected into their conversation, "but I think it's unwise to not come up with a back up plan. What about the rest of your minions?" He gestured to the ants standing nearby. "Do you think you could use them to help figure out another possible escape route?"
It was like Honker had read his mind and he smiled at the young genius. Liliput put a hand under his chin at the suggestion and thought it over. After a brief moment, he sighed and crossed his arms looking a little miffed.
"Oooh, you're right, kid. I can't just abandon them to a horrible fate," he patted one of the ants on the hand,"but if I stay with them, who'll find Darkwing?"
"Leave that one to me!" Launchpad exclaimed as he put a fist over his chest. "If you ask one of your lice to help me, then I swear I'll bring DW to us in two shakes of a leg."
"Well, okay." Lilliput said with a nod and beckoned the largest of the lice to come forward. "Harry will help you find Darkwing."
The lice commander extended an arm and Launchpad took gingerly. He tried not to grimace as they shook hands.
"Heh heh, uh, nice to meet you, Harry." The sidekick said nervously before he hopped on to the creature's back. Once he was secure in his seating, Gosalyn ran to his side and patted him on the back.
"We're counting on you, Launchpad." Her voice held a bit of desperation in it. The larger mallard ruffled her hair with one of his big hands.
"Don' worry Gosalyn. I'll get your Dad and be back in as much time as it took me to crash my first airplane." Both kids exchanged bemused glances and Launchpad decided to get a little more specific. "Five minutes to be exact. Now, I got a favor to ask of you two," he took his voice down a couple decimals, so Honker and Gosalyn had to lean in close to hear him, "I want you two to keep an eye on Lilliput until I get back. He may be a tiny villain, but he's still a villain and I'd rather have one of us keeping an eye on him at all times."
"Way ahead of you, Launchpad." Gosalyn replied in a fervent whisper. Honker nodded beside her.
"Alright, you kids be good. I'll be right back so make sure you stay close to this area."
"Good luck Launchpad." Honker told him sincerely as he took off on the insect's back. They watched him disappear towards the entry way of the house.
Drake had finished his shower around four thirty and was about to put on his Darkwing outfit when the doorbell rang. Hastily, he put on his normal pink shirt and green sweater attire and headed down the stairs. Opening the door, he was greeted by the sight of a tall, dirty looking canine with a hunched back and pot belly. He was wearing a brown jumpsuit with a logo on it that featured a dead ant. The writing on the logo said "Great Exterminations" and he belatedly realized that it was the exterminator he had called.
"Are you Mr. Drake Mallard?" The grizzled canine asked him gruffly. "I'm Bob from Great Exterminations."
"Well, yes, I am Drake Mallard. I thought you were coming at five—not that it's a bad thing that you're early!" Drake answered nervously as the exterminator gave him a sour look at the perceived complaint.
"Our other client canceled their appointment and I assumed you would want your bug problem taken care of as soon as possible. Besides it'll give me some time to set up. Some of my co-workers are in the van," he pointed to the gray van with the same logo as the one on his shirt, "and they'll help me get your house covered with plastic before we start spraying."
"Sounds great." Drake said agreeably. "Just let me get a few things and I'll be out of your way."
"Okay," Bob replied turning away, "but make it snappy."
Not wanting to tick off the already grumpy canine, Drake shut the door and hurried upstairs. He changed into his Darkwing outfit (Morgana was expecting to meet Darkwing for their date at his house) and put his normal clothes and some toiletries in a small suitcase. Once he was finished packing, he checked Gosalyn's room to see if she was ready yet. Seeing no sign of his spirited daughter, he sighed and figured she had put off packing to either watch TV or go outside and play with Honker. Feeling a little annoyed, he went downstairs to check and see if she was in the living room with Launchpad. On his way down, he became even more annoyed as the itching sensation returned to his forehead. This time, however, he could have sworn there were only two lice on his head and one of them was larger then normal. Groaning to himself, Darkwing was grateful that all the little buggers that had somehow invaded his home would be dead in a matter of moments.
When he got to the living room, it didn't take long for him to see that Gosalyn wasn't there. Frowning, he then decided to go through the kitchen and make his way to the back yard. All the way there, he could have sworn he felt something tugging at his feathers. He entered the open kitchen door where ants were still crawling about on the ground and made his way outside. A bit of worry crept up on him when he didn't see his daughter or her friend playing around in the back yard.
Come to think of it, I haven't seen Gosalyn since she left on the bus for school. Darkwing thought as his brow creased with worry. Her backpack was by the stairs, so she must have come home at some point. Maybe she went over to Honker's place. I'll have Launchpad go over there and ask for her. I thought I told him to find her and bring her back to the house. Where is he anyway? He wasn't in the house either. It's not like someone his size is hard to miss. Something weird is going on around—OUCH!
Something had pulled his right eyelid forward and it had snapped back against his face. Rubbing his right eye, he glared at the small figure that had moved back to stand on his bill. He made a move to flick it off when he noticed that it was waving its arms back and forth as if to get his attention. The bug seemed to be wearing a brown shirt with a white scarf and a pilot's cap.
"Launchpad?" Darkwing inquired in shock as the little figure came closer to his eye. "It is you! What happened? How did you get so small?"
Launchpad started squeaking out an explanation that Darkwing couldn't make out. Gingerly, he picked his now tiny sidekick up by the back of his shirt and put him close to his ear. His voice was still high and squeaky, but the masked mallard managed to make sense of his sidekick's chatter.
"It was Lilliput, remember that little duck from Goony Golf? He saw us at Hamburger Hippo and used his lice to follow us home. He shrunk Gosalyn and Honker down to ant size so he could use 'em as bait, but he accidentally shrunk himself down too. Then, I stepped on his shrink ray and broke it, which also brought me down to the size of an ant. The lice commander helped bring me to you, but the other three are still inside."
Darkwing's stomach went straight to his feet as he realized that the exterminator was about to gas the house. He was going to use the most deadly gas he had and if Gosalyn and Honker were caught in that...
"Hang on, LP! I've got to call off the exterminator before it's too late!"
Darkwing jetted towards the front of the house with Launchpad dangling from his mask. He skidded to a stop and desperately searched for Bob. Seeing him hooking a large machine to the front door, the caped crime fighter hurried over in his direction and shouted in the most commanding tone he could muster:
"Halt! Cease and desist citizen!" Darkwing stopped right in front of the exterminator canine and dramatically held up a hand. "Darkwing Duck demands that you stop or innocent lives will be lost."
The purple powerhouse was miffed when the only response he received was for the exterminator to put a hand over his eyes and sigh. "Oh, great. Another lunatic. Like St. Canard really needed another one."
"'Lunatic?'" Darkwing repeated incredulously. "I'm not crazy! I'm Dar—ummph."
Bob had clamped down on his bill before he could finish his sentence. "Listen, buddy, let me explain something to you. Ants, lice, fleas, beetles and myriads of other insects are pests. There's nothing 'innocent' about them. Even if all the ones in this house die, there's still bajillions of them roaming all around the world. And as for you not being crazy, well, anyone who puts on a get-up like that and tries to keep people from doing their jobs is crazy in my book."
"Well, your book is outdated." Darkwing replied sullenly. "I happen to be a well respected crime fighter for St. Canard and I demand you halt this extermination at once."
"Sorry, buddy, but the only person who can make the call for me to stop spraying this house is Drake Mallard. Since he's already long gone as far as I know, I'm going to do the job that I was paid to do. Now, get lost before I call the cops!"
"Wait, you don't understand!" The purple-clad mallard tried to explain again, but Bob the exterminator roughly shoved him away.
"Everything ready boys?" He called to the rest of his crew who had been putting plastic around the house.
"Ready!" came the reply from his crew. Nodding, he turned on his Pest-O-Kill 3000 machine, which spewed poisonous chemicals into the house.
Panicking now, Darkwing frantically searched around his head to discover where Launchpad was hiding. He felt the pilot by his mask, grabbed him and placed him on his bill.
"Launchpad, you've got to tell me the most likely location where the kids and that villain would be right now! Time is running out!"
His faithful sidekick nodded, squeaked his answer and pointed in the direction. Darkwing listened carefully and looked where his sidekick was pointing. He finally understood through both the squeaking and the physical direction given that they should be in the kitchen.
"Okay, LP, I'm going to have you stay outside while I go grab the others. Meet me at the back door to house." He saw the small pilot nod and he carefully plucked him from his bill and placed him on the ground. "Now, then, let's get dangerous!"
Darkwing ran towards the house and activated his buzz saw cufflinks. He cut through the plastic covering the window to the living room and busted through the window to get inside. The crime fighter rolled on the floor and pulled his turtleneck over his beak to decrease his gas intake. He got to his feet and ran to the closet where he pulled out an ultra-powered dust buster. The masked mallard ran through the noxious fumes that were spreading throughout the house, trying to keep his breathing to a minimum. Once he got the kitchen, he noticed the magnifying glass on the floor and immediately picked it up. Darkwing did a quick sweep of the kitchen desperately searching for the kids and the villain that had placed them into this mess. The poisonous gas was beginning to get to him and as he started to cough he knew that he was running out of time. Finally, he saw Gosalyn waving her hands at him to get his attention with Honker shouting something beside her and Lilliput, who was anxiously looking up at him, standing fairly close to them. Darkwing started the dust buster and a moment later all three of them were sucked into its whirling vortex and safely stored in its clear removable compartment. Turning off the machine, he headed for the back door coughing the entire way. When the purple-clad mallard finally got outside, he collapsed onto the ground feeling disoriented. He continued to cough from his prone position on the ground when he felt something tugging at the brim of his hat.
"DW!" Darkwing turned his head to see the tiny form of Launchpad looking very worried as he continued to squeak out his words. "DW, what happened? Did you get the kids outta there?"
Darkwing only had time for a brief nod before the dizziness overwhelmed him and he closed his eyes.
Morgana Mawcaber was straightening her hair one last time as she walked down the street to Darkwing's house. She really wasn't used to walking long distances since she could warp or float over to her destination, but she knew that appearing out of thin air scared the normals. As the house came into view, she stopped and checked to see that her nails were perfect and her dress fell exactly as she wanted it to. Her familiars, Eek and Squeak, helped straighten out the back for her, while Archie sighed in annoyance at the whole spectacle.
"What do you think?" Morgana questioned the bats. "Is everything alright?"
Eek and Squeak both gave her affirmative nods and she clasped her hands together in excitement. "Oh, I can't wait to see Dark again. It's been too long since our last date. His dark eyes, the dark suit, his way with words, his love of all things night...Do you think he's thought about me as much as I've thought about him?"
Instead of an answer, Archie the spider hopped up and down and pointed towards the ground. The sorceress had been so caught up in her amorous visions of her boyfriend that she hadn't noticed that she was floating in air above the sidewalk. Blushing at her mistake, she easily put herself back down only to notice that an old lady across the street was squinting her eyes at the witch, obviously trying to figure out if her eyes were playing tricks on her in her old age. Feeling her face go completely red, Morgana hustled the rest of the way to the Mallard residence.
When she approached the small house, she was shocked to see the entire place wrapped up in plastic with some noisy machine rattling by the front door. Confused, she approached the grizzled older canine with the unfriendly face who was giving orders to a group of younger men who were wearing the same jumpsuit.
"Excuse me," she said politely to the dog instructing the rest of the group, "could you tell me what's going on here."
The older canine raised a skeptical eyebrow at her odd clothing, but still answered her question. "We're exterminating some insect pests in this house. The owner of the place, Drake Mallard I think, found a bunch of ants in his kitchen this afternoon and called Great Exterminations to take care of the problem. I'm Bob, the head of this operation, so I can probably answer any questions you have about it."
"I see," Morgana replied as she stared at the plastic covered residence and noticed a large hole in the plastic near the living room window, "then I suppose you can tell me what happened there?"
"Oh, that," Bob rubbed a hand against his muzzle in an irritable way, "well, first off I can tell you that we weren't the ones who did it. Some whacko in a purple cape and mask came up to me earlier and started ranting about us taking innocent life. I thought I'd gotten rid of him, but then he ripped a hole in the plastic and, before any of us could stop him, he dove right through the window." Bob shook his head and looked over at the window. "What a nut job! Our company uses some of the most powerful poisons around and if he breathes too much of the gas in, it'll wreak havoc on his system. Could be fatal, depending on how much he ends up taking in."
This information sent Darkwing's girlfriend into an immediate panic and she grabbed the exterminator by the shoulders. "What? And you didn't go in after him?"
Bob pushed her hands off of him roughly. "With all due respect lady, we weren't exactly expecting some nut to jump through a window into a house we were filling with poisonous gas."
"And you haven't seen him since he went in?" Bob just shook his head and Morgana took off running towards the house.
"Hey, wait!" He called out to her, but she wasn't listening. The witch woman quickly ran around the perimeter, trying to sense some sign of Darkwing. Her intuition brought her to the back of the house where she gasped as she saw her boyfriend passed out in the back yard. She bent down beside him and starting shaking him.
"Dark, darling! Are you all right?" She checked his pulse and ascertained that she was still alive. "Dark, dearest, wake up, please! Oh, why did you do such a stupid thing?"
Sitting up straight for a second and frantically trying to think of what to do, she noticed some small ant-like creature hopping up and down near Darkwing's beak. Curious, she leaned in closer to the being only to gape in shock when she realized who it was.
"L-Launchpad?" Morgana asked, raising the small figure in the palm of her hand. "What happened to you? You're no bigger than a bug."
"Funny you should say that," Darkwing's sidekick said, rubbing the back of his head. He hastily explained how he had been shrunk, the villain behind it and why Darkwing was in the condition he was in.
"That's awful!" Morgana exclaimed as she glanced at the unconscious crime fighter. "Did he manage to save Gosalyn and Honker?"
"I asked him that before he passed out and he nodded to me. I think they might be in that thing." Launchpad pointed to the dust buster in the masked mallard's hand. "More importantly, do you think there's anything you can do for him? Or us? See, I was kinda hoping since you are a witch and all, that you could fix our shrinking problem. But, I dunno, I mean, I don't really know anything about magic..."
He trailed off and waited for the sorceress to answer him. She blinked at him for a second, as if she that thought had not occurred to her, but she recovered soon enough.
"Yes, I'm sure there's something I can do to help all of you." Morgana told him with confidence. She grimaced as she noticed that Darkwing's face was getting a little greener. "I'll take you back to my manor. Hang on!"
Launchpad clung to her hand as instructed and she in turn firmly grasped her boyfriend's cape in her free hand. The witch closed her eyes in concentration, muttering an incantation. She barely registered the sound of pounding feet behind her as the spell began to take effect.
"Hey, what do you think you're—?" Bob the exterminator had run up to Morgana just in time to see her and the purple weirdo from earlier disappear into thin air. Blinking for a moment, he could only stand there slack-jawed as he tried to process what he had just seen.
"I need a vacation." The canine muttered weakly, deciding that he may have been around one too many chemicals.
Morgana, Launchpad, Darkwing and the others all appeared in Mawcaber Manor in a rush of wind and a flash of light. Morgana carefully picked up Darkwing and laid him down on the couch. She placed the dust buster on the table next to the couch and set Launchpad on the table stand that held her spell book. She instantly flipped it open to her healing section and found an antidote potion in no time. The sorceress floated a mixing pot over to her and quickly went to work. It was a fairly complicated potion that required a lot of different ingredients, but with the help of her familiars she was able to make quick work of it.
"Eek! Get me some lace wing flies. Squeak! Bring me some rat tails from the pantry. Archie, my vial of frog warts! Okay that should do it." Morgana gave the pot one more good stir and smiled at her successful handiwork. A drinking glass appeared in her hand and she poured the mixture into it. Launchpad, meanwhile, was very grateful for his small stature at the moment because it hid the disgusted expression on his face at the smell of the potion. "I hope this works."
As she made her way over to Darkwing, he let out a long groan and stirred. His eyes opened slightly and he blinked a few times to bring them into focus.
"Morg? Is that you? Where...where am I?" He questioned weakly.
"Yes, Dark darling, it is. I found you collapsed outside your home and I brought you to my manor. Here, drink this." She said and placed the cup to his lips before he could ask another question.
The putrid liquid slid down his throat and he swallowed all of it in shock. Darkwing barely had time to gag at the taste before his body started acting up. He started feeling intense heat flashes until finally his whole body was so hot that steam began pouring out of his ears. He jumped and twisted in the air for a minute yowling in discomfort before he collapsed back down on the couch. Green steam whistled out his ears for a couple minutes longer until it slowly petered out.
"Dark, how do you feel? Dark darling?" She received no reply and realized that he had fainted from the rather traumatic experience. Morgana lifted up one of her love's arms and found that it was limp as a noodle. She went back to her spell book and read the instructions on more time with a frown on her bill.
"Well, his symptoms match the description my book gives for what happens when the potion is successful, so I guess it worked. I suppose he's just worn out."
Launchpad gave a worried glance over at the prone crime fighter who seemed more like he was dead than asleep. The pilot decided not to comment on the fact since he knew how easily Morgana got angry.
"Now, let's working on getting you back to normal, shall we?" Morgana was of course referring to Launchpad, who gulped after witnessing Darkwing's experience.
"Gee, uh, ya know I'm glad you're trying to help me and all, but, uh, well, if you don't find anything I'm not gonna hold it against you." The pilot informed her, hoping to discourage her search for a spell as she flipped through her book.
"Nonsense!" Morgana's reply was nonchalant as she continued her search her spell book. "I'm sure I've got something in here that can get you back to normal. Aha, here it is!"
"Gee, Morgana, I hope it isn't too much trouble..." Launchpad tried to dissuade her again, getting more nervous by the second.
"Not at all!" She said cheerfully. "In fact, it's a rather simple incantation. Alright here goes." She laced her fingers and cracked them then wiggled them in Launchpad's direction. "Skull of cow, with tail of wormal, leg of beetle and tongue of nermal, return the subject back to normal!"
Launchpad closed his eyes as he saw some sparks of light travel from her fingers towards him. He felt a touch of warmth in his chest and in a flash of light he was back to his normal size. He sighed in relief for a minute before he heard a loud snap beneath him. He was still sitting on Morgana's book stand, which could no longer hold his weight and collapsed from under him. Groaning, he took the sorceress's hand and she helped him to his feet.
"Thanks, Morgana and, uh, sorry about your stand there." Darkwing's sidekick rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he eyed the remains of her wooden stand.
"Not a problem." She said with a shrug. The witch duck snapped her fingers and the stand pieced itself back together right in front of the stunned pilot.
"Wow, that's amazing," Launchpad whistled," not to mention the fact that I'm tall again." Launchpad's joy faded when he remembered the kids and Lilliput were still trapped in the dust buster "Now we've got to return the others to normal. Come on, let's open up that machine."
Launchpad went over to the dust buster and quickly removed the clear compartment where the debris from the machine settled in. Raising it to his eye, he could see Gosalyn, Honker and Lilliput inside of it. Sighing in relief that they had been saved, he pointed them out to Morgana who nodded in understanding.
"Empty them on to the floor and I'll return them to normal."
Launchpad did as he was told and a moment later a pile of dust, along with the three tiny ducks, were on Morgana's wood floor. The sidekick moved to her left side as she prepared to recite the incantation once more.
"We've got to be careful after you cast the spell because the little guy who caused this entire mess will be back to his normal size as well. He's not all that big anyway, but we'd still better be careful just in case he tries something."
The sorceress nodded in understanding, then closed her eyes to focus her magic. After a brief moment, she recited the normalizing spell and a loud bang rang out throughout the manor along with a flash of light. Once that had faded, Gosalyn, Honker and Liliput all stood before Launchpad and Morgana. All three of them were back to their normal size.
"Keen gear!" Gosalyn said as she ran over to the tall duck woman to give her a big hug. "Uber cool magic Morgana. I knew you could fix us!"
"You feelin' okay, Honk man?" The pilot queried as Honker walked up to him.
"Yes, sir." Honker replied politely as he turned towards Morgana. "Thank you Ms. Morgana. I really appreciate it."
"Don't mention it Honker. I'm glad I could help." She smiled at the young genius, then her gaze shifted to the last occupant of the room. The sorceress glared at the short duck with the strange blue eyes and placed her hands on her hips. "As for you, I hope you're happy with all the trouble you've caused. It's time for you to go back to whatever institution you came from."
Morgana summoned a rope to her side and was about to send it to tie up the villain when a strong beam of red light hit it. The rope instantly turned to a pile of black dust and the witch stepped away in surprise. Liliput only grinned as he aimed the plasma gun he'd been hiding directly at her chest.
"Oh, I'll go back to the mental institution, if they can catch me that is." Liliput snickered as he fired off another shot directly at Morgana's feet. She avoided the ray, which hit the floor and burned a large hole into the wood.
"Hey, I thought we had a truce!" Gosalyn complained angrily. She yelped and jumped to avoid a shot from the ray gun that had in her direction.
"We did. I decided it was time to break it." He stuck his tongue out at her, then waved his gun to his left to indicate a direction. "Now, I want all of you to get in front of the door in a nice tight-knit group."
"Just a minute, buster." Launchpad spoke for the first time since they'd been attacked. "You haven't beaten us yet. What makes you think we're going to listen to you?"
"That's easy to understand, even for a simpleton like you." Liliput answered and pointed his plasma ray gun in Darkwing's direction.
Everyone's eyes widened as the smaller duck with the antenna hat placed his finger on the trigger. Darkwing was still passed out face down on the couch with no way of avoiding a shot from from the other duck's deadly weapon. The four other occupants of the room exchanged helpless glances before they shuffled over to the door. Launchpad looked at Morgana, while Gosalyn looked over at Honker, each hoping that the other had a plan to get them out of this.
"Oh, you're all such good little duckies!" Lilliput said with his natural lisp. He then pointed his gun at the four of them with a small cackle. "Getting rid of four goody-two shoe pansies plus that constant annoyance Darkwing Duck is more than I could have hoped for. I have to tell you, being a villain certainly gives you great job satisfaction."
Just as he was about to pull the trigger, he heard a yell come from behind him. Something connected hard with his hand and the plasma ray gun went flying out of it. Darkwing had jumped up from the couch and used his patented Quack-Fu kick. He graced his shocked opponent with a smug smile.
"Gee, I sure hope being a villain also gives you great medical insurance..."
Liliput gave a strangled cry and tried to get away, but Darkwing was a step ahead of him. A hard hit to the back of the head knocked the insect-controlling villain out. Darkwing postured triumphantly as Launchpad, Morgana, Gosalyn and Honker cheered him on.
"Phew. That was some good timing DW." Launchpad told him while wiping his brow with his hand. "I thought we were all going to be crispy duck there for a minute."
"Dark darling." Morgana walked over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. "That was wonderful! I'm glad that you recovered okay."
"That makes two of us." Darkwing said to her with a warm smile. "Thanks for the potion Morg. I couldn't have done it without you."
"Oh Dark!" She blushed happily and kissed him again.
"Major cool moves Darkwing." Gosalyn said with a wide grin.
Darkwing's attention was immediately on her as he remembered the ordeal she must have gone through earlier.
"Gosalyn, sweetie, are you and Honker all right?" Darkwing gave her a big hug as he want on. "Oh, I was so worried about you!"
"Well, if you weren't so touchy about bugs, it might not have been so bad." Gosalyn commented lightly. Seeing her father's unamused stare, she sighed and hugged him back tightly. "I'm just kidding Dad. Honker and I are both just fine."
"Thanks for saving us Mr. Mallard." Honker put in with a smile. "I'm sorry that we put you in danger."
"No, Honker, don't apologize. It was my fault. I should have been more careful when Launchpad told me this whacko had escaped from the mental institution." Darkwing looked down at the unconscious Lilliput with a firm glare. "I won't make that mistake again. This time I'm going to make sure he's gets locked up and stays locked up."
Launchpad called the authorities (as soon as he could find a normal telephone in Mawcaber Manor, which was no easy task) and Morgana used another rope to tie up the unconscious villain. A half an hour later, the police arrived to take back the suspect who had escaped from the mental institution. Liliput awoke while the police were putting him into a straight jacket and struggled with his captors to no avail.
"Thank you for catching this one, Darkwing." The head police officer complimented him as they started to carry Liliput out. "We're sorry if he caused you any trouble."
"W-W-Wait!" Liliput cried out as he was being hauled away. He pointed to the caped crusader. "I'll tell you something very important if you lower my sentence. For you see, I know Darkwing Ducky's secret identity!"
Everyone in the room froze. The police officers in the room stared at Darkwing, while Launchpad, Morgana, Gosalyn and Honker stared at the crime fighter in dismay. Darkwing himself looked a little surprised for a minute, but then he put on his normal smile and spoke in an unconcerned manner.
"I can't believe any of you are going to believe a word this nutcase is saying," The purple-clad duck said with a laugh. "I mean, seriously, this is a guy who thinks he can communicate with insects. You really think he knows my secret identity? Please!"
"What do you mean 'thinks he can?'" The former owner of Goony Golf retorted. "I've been talking to ants for years. They hang on my every word and do my bidding. Now, I even have a whole army of lice to give orders to. Think I can, indeed!"
The more words that came out of Liliput's mouth the more convinced the police were that he was a complete loon. The three police officers in the room made the crazy symbol by their heads and started dragging the small duck out of the room again. They forget all about what Liliput had said about knowing Darkwing's secret identity, which was just what Darkwing had wanted.
Darkwing and the others followed the police officers outside to their armored truck where they promptly dumped the insect manager, slamming the door behind him.
"Thanks again, Darkwing. Enjoy your evening." One of the police officers tipped his hat to the masked mallard and went to the front of the vehicle.
"Don't think this is the end of me!" Liliput's voice came through the metal barred windows of the truck. "I'll get you for this Darkwing Ducky!"
Smoke pumped out of the vehicle's tail pipe as the truck started moving down the street with two police cars in tow. The heroes watched the cars drive down the road until they were out of sight.
"Yep, yep, yep. Just another pest of society squashed by Darkwing Duck." The crime fighter pronounced egotistically as his cape flapped in the breeze.
"Right, Dad." Gosalyn said with an eye roll, used to these types of self-serving statements from her father. "So, what are we going to do now?"
"Well, we do need to find a place to stay for the night." Darkwing informed her as he remembered the extermination that was going on at their house.
"Um, I should be getting home soon." Honker cut in reasonably. "My parents are probably wondering where I am."
"Yes, I suppose you're right." Darkwing answered with a nod. "Even the Muddlefoots with all their TV watching capabilities have most likely figured out that one of their sons is missing by now."
"Hey, why don't I take Honker home?" Launchpad said in his helpful manner. "I could use the opportunity to get used to my old height again after being so small all day."
"And, if the three of you have nowhere else to go, you're welcome to stay with me. That is, if you'd like to." Morgana had her hands folded in front of her and she looked a little anxious to see what Darkwing would say to her proposal.
"That would be great Morg." Darkwing replied sincerely. "We'd be happy to stay the night."
"Wicked cool! I get to stay in a witch's house tonight." Gosalyn was practically jumping for joy at the prospect, which made both her father and his girlfriend smile.
"Well, now that where we're staying at is settled, Gosalyn and I will take Honker back home." Darkwing's sidekick gave the couple a knowing look. "After all, I know you two were supposed to go out on a date tonight."
"Our date!" Darkwing panicked a little bit at the reminder. He started talking in a frenzy. "Oh, Morgana, I'm so sorry. I remembered it was today, but then so much went on and I, well..."
"It's okay, Dark." Morgana said in a calm, understanding voice. "I know you've had a rough day and it wasn't your fault for what happened.. The restaurant I wanted to take you to tonight is still open, so there was really no harm done."
The terror that flaps in the night sighed in relief as he realized that she wasn't angry with him. He felt a pat on his shoulder and turned to see that Launchpad, Gosalyn and Honker were going to head back to the Muddlefoot's residence.
"Have fun tonight, DW!" His sidekick told him cheerfully.
"See you later Dad!" Gosalyn said as she started walking swiftly down the street. Honker gave the pair a brief wave goodbye before he hustled to catch up with Gosalyn and Launchpad. Once they were out of sight, Darkwing took Morgana's arm and they calmly went down the street together. Neither of them said anything for a moment, not feeling like they had to.
What an ordeal...Darkwing thought as he gazed up at the moon. After feeling buggy all day and dealing with all those insects, it'll be nice to go to a private, civilized and cleanly establishment.
"Now, Dark, I know you're not all that fond of my kind of food," Morgana's voice told him that what she was about to tell him was going to be some kind of surprise, "so I decided to take you to a restaurant where my people specialize in your normal kind of food."
Now Darkwing was genuinely smiling and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Ah, that's so sweet of you, Morg. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."
The sorceress beamed back and added, "I just know you'll love it. Everybody who's been there raves about their grilled grasshopper."
Luckily for Darkwing, Morgana mistook his expression for impressed rather than completely horrified.
"If that's not enough, I've heard great things about their sauteed dung beetle pasta. Come on, we'd better hurry if we want to get there before they start closing up."
Darkwing suppressed a groan as the two of them walked briskly to their destination. It seemed that the no matter what he did, the day had gone to the bugs.
Author's Note 2: Well, I hope you liked it. Just wanted to let you know there may be a possibility of another version of this story sometime in the future. Thanks for reading and Happy Fourth!