"180 degrees"
After the almost sentimental performances echoed the entire house, rolled up into a brand new day along with Lasagna on a plate has a savory taste in bud. Glimpsed to a small sheet of white paper attached to a magnet holder, a memo regarding the enrollment schedule with Faye in front of fridge's body. Hyperactive mixed with a tense sensation, bringing to mind the requirements for processing documents for incoming 2rd year college student. Well I qualified the held entrance examination five months ago; an achievement for me is one of the best honors.
It's been awhile when my past dreamt of this: to step in high school, then college. Having my fork to slice a mouth-sized portion of pasta to the mouth-watering jaws, tend to be in hurry.
I wiped the long dining table by a small cloth then fixed its arrangements when done, set my finished plates to the sink for a wash. I squeezed a sponge through the unclean surface while the faucet is providing water to give a hand. Splash thuds the kitchen; afterwards, it comes an end with wet cold hands and shirt.
It's already eight-thirty of daylight when I grasp of anxiety in my stomach- the bashful side of me. Immature to think, but I guess this is really fretting myself. I glide my feet all the way through the living room to play the stereo on because of boredom, a tune that would relief me from the silence of distress- a musical like you're in a live theatre.
Grooving and singing brought me to forget the self-pity hidden in my character. Besides, I'm still searching for what and who I really am. To be certain someday if one will ask me, describe yourself.
I took aback when hearing this utterance. Is it I've just making a drama or an intuition to solve? I don't know. I forced myself to think of my responsibilities. . . as a daughter, as a woman on earth. I am going to a university for now. I panicked with this feeling, my feet glued on the floor. Is this the feeling of not knowing yourself? Like stranger talking right now? Am I right! Tell me, Glenn! How stupid to ask the impossibilities that I know myself can find. Something is problem in me, "Me!" exactly.
So insane! I shook my head strongly that I could hear my brain shaking, creating a mild ache.
I landed my hands on my face, and then sobbed . . . still on the same place.
Bathroom's waiting for me there as heater was on.
Dim lights add effect to the scene of the dining area that I still am standing very weak inside. Only the wall clock reminds me of myself again, even just a portion. A portion I know would surround my identity for the people.
I wiped up my moan.
My mind says I should go for bathe. My feet command its order, so I walked a few steps before the room. The one and last stride inside called my senses as the tiles went cold, but no worry for the enough heat of shower. I closed its door as I began cleaning my body.
Sounds like applause echoing and vibrating its surface, splintering gems. It took half an hour before I finished.
Another sound of an orchestra is bouncing through the four corners of my house. It's an Hedwig's Theme. I could feel and smell the freshness of me after the shower while my pink bath robe covers my body, drops of excess water dropping from the tips of my uncovered hair.
I stepped upstairs barefooted to prepare.
My phone vibrates on my bed.
Hey friend, ready? Well, don't go to house... just meet me at the bus terminal going to Manila. I'll be there in 15 minutes.
Sender: Faye
The information seems not detailed. There are a lot of bus terminal going to Manila, but I think she's in her favorite one. . . so I'll try to go there. I know her.
I hurried while checking the things in my bag pack, locked the door then walked fast away from the village to get a taxi for a ride.
The white corolla taxi reminds me of calling mom and dad. . . even my second parents about the enrollment.
"At the Victory Liner terminal please? Thanks."
The driver just nodded at his front mirror to see me, usually a driver would do. Road is smooth to drive on, speed is actually boring but it does make sense for our safety. He's old enough too that's why I understood.
I picked my phone in my pocket then dialed their numbers one by one. . . "good morning! I'm going to Manila with my best friend Faye to enroll. Sorry for late saying about this matter, I'll be busy for a week so I might be at her aunt's house. Take care of my house uncle Fred, your wife have my duplicate key. . . mom and dad, miss you. Love you all."
Beep sound signals of a minute time is over.
I let it end.
"toot. . .toot. . .toot!"
Goodbye? It means a lot to me so I never say it. If slipped? Well, I don't know again. . . maybe a destiny to say it because probably it has to say unpleasant for me. What about miss you?
Because I want them to come back. . . or. . . want them to get me here and be a family again.
I'm so selfish. . .
But I will be much happy. . . though some will cry. Never mind. . . I keep my eyes on the views like a film rolling that makes me feel dizzy. There are more green, more nature. . . my favorite. It made me set aside the unease feeling pinching my adorable skin, but it was my sweater. I felt the itchiness after a few moment.
How wonderful I am when my first step out of the car was! I was like fresh from fridge, and then there was Faye sat up beside the ticket booth.
"Hey!" I said with a shocking and wondering face, letting my mouth dropped.
"You're late." She teased.
Luckily there's an empty seat on her right so that's the time I should emote like crazy. She changed a lot. From being slim to fat, her cheeks swelling from being too good in eating. Am I dreaming? Oh! I can't believe it! Her curly hair's dyed with cheesenut, so beautiful despite of imperfect figure.
I put my sunglasses off to talk to her while waiting for the next bus to arrive.
Seat no. 8 and 9... I read it aloud in my head, looks like stunned seeing my favorites now and my stomach turned upside down for excitement. Excitement to see the future ahead for us. What's the connection? I just throw my head away thinking the content of her ticket bought for us on her quite big hand.
"Wow! What did you do to yourself? And thanks anyway I knew you still!"
"got tired working out. . .so here's the product, swelling cheeks and tummy. New lifestyle." No regret in her voice.
New lifestyle? Why that? Everybody wants a slim body and then here is my friend, my best friend wasting her time doing of such wasteful things. One is the ungrateful eating, to obesity. I don't want to let go of the simple things like this, so try to let my voice came out to scold her. . . but I thought it never commands my order.
If this she wants, let it be. But if she'd open her eyes to realize what she've done, I'll be her bestfriend she'd met to save her. . . open arms.
I chuckled and can't resist to laugh out loud. She too.
The bus arrives, so we hold our luggages to the compartment.
"let me bring those for you ma'am" the crew said.
"thanks lot."
This is now my favorite part again, to seat beside a glass window near to gaze some beautiful views. But I guess it will be a difficult idea because Faye's idea is same on me. It was like we're going to wrestle for a price, I can't help her sumo wrestle-like body trembling then sqeezing mine. We're like in a childish act, forcing ourselves to seat on there.
"you can't win on me girl!"
"aha! Slim but terrible!" I cautioned her.
"okay! That's all yours, I'll never fight to a—
Don't tell what's it! I point my finger to her belly then tried to give a tickle attack. Then it worked. I thought passengers attention will caught us and will said oh look to these silly grown idiots! Jinx!
Looks like we're now having an embarrasment feeling.
"it's yours. . . well, Glenn."like she's in defeat.
I smiled, and she grabbed my head to scratch it. "I miss this thing bestie!" while bullying over my head, now looks horrible.
Me too.
An hour passed by it was like mute all the place. Only the sounds of an fm station singing for us. I wish there are some snoring to add an effect.
The boredom increased and winning. Faye's angelic face that I cannot disturb, I let her dream. My sight touched the moving objects swooshing outside the glass window. It's amazing to make many hallucinations, to create a story inside my head. Suddenly I saw a bunch of tress, they're like giant brocolis filling the grounds on earth, relaxing my bored eyes. . . making me happy. It's like garden of eden.
I hang my phone to my ears. Ending a business.
"hello. Ma'am. Sorry."flat notes came out to my mouth.
A little voice appeared on the earpiece that who can't understand what I am saying. It is my manager.
"I—I am quiting. For now, just for now Mrs. Santos. I've to be more focus in school."
"or I guess I'll not come back to that. Find the best than me." I added too quick. . . too quick decision.
"w-what? Are you insane? Is your screws from your head got untight? What will happen to your career? You're in a few step to stardom. Glenn, you can do things at the same time!" These words are of good scolding and begging. But I know she fights for the money also, both are practical. Great people with their best pet in fashion industry seems to be funny. My best will be for their best also, like a gold digger. I am fixed with what I know is right, and nothing's wrong with me. Though it's wrong to say that she's like that, I don't care.
I'm out of control. I don't know my voice's timbre became powerful. Mrs. Santos' voice keeps on spinning my uncalmed mind.
"no one can serve two masters!"
"Then why other people can do jobs while taking their priorities?"
"Don't compare me to them!"
I did not expect Faye wakes up from an arguing incident. Looking at her, her head turned to me. Sleepy orbs and worried face reflected in front of me. Innocent face she has, blooming and unharmed.
But those didn't meet my mood, I turned away to be distracted by some buildings now swooshing the glass window.
Absolutely, Mrs. Santos' right. I could be a well-rounded human being if I am a good holder of life, something to be proud of. Half of myself didn't listen to her. She's just tolerating you to be worldly famous vs. She's just concerned for my additional talent. Good or bad? I don't get her!
"please. Let me explain first, then react. Okay?"
She agreed.
I sighed and cleared my throat.
"I love ramping the isle wearing many inspiring dresses made by pros, you know that. I love the pictorials, praises and applauses, you know that too. But—
Education is all I need, it's more than applauses and lovely dresses and glam things and everything. I feel going to school will be the happiest one ma'am, though failing grades awaits there, I love to continue on that way. Hope you understand."
"and about awhile ago, don't worry 'cause someday it will change." For me there's no possibilities, like turning back 180 degrees. Period.
At last she got my point, my another taste of life. It took a minute before she speak. I-I guess you win dear. Just be good and study hard okay? Her voice seems like a mother, and I thought I should trash my false character I've said she is.
"I want a normal college life for now, for now. The way you agreed to me seems owing you my life."
She just keep on advising me, everything that I could make good in these world. . . Even what I could contribute. Everything.
This time, I'm no longer a fame one. Now an incoming normal student who gave up her career into a busy lady listening to professor's discussion and will woke up 7:30 am to go to school and to sacrifice my time studying for a bunch of exams.
Then I thought of Faye turned back for her before lifestyle to explore. Not to mind her figured body before. It's bad, I know, quite.
"what's wrong? you—" I shut her lips.
"so, keep on touch."
Click!
"nothing's wrong, there's no enemies. Maybe I've gotta get what I want, chubby chubby"
I made a new nick name for Fely that made her feel so disgusted. Though, real.
"ouch! Grrr!"
*this is the 2nd chapter of cologne, after chapter one: sojourn.