The Lonely
By: Manga 4 Life8P
Hai! Thank you for coming this far! So I shall tell you readers that I wrote this first chapter based sorta on the song The Lonely by Christina Perri; if you haven't heard the song, YOU MUST! So anyways, Enjoy! :3 8P
OH! I will say now: I don't own Soul Eater or any songs mentioned throughout the chapters; they ALL belong to those who wrote it! (Not that y'all didn't know that)
Maka's POV
It's all my fault; I was stuck in the middle of the track like a deer in headlights. He shouldn't have saved me. He should've let me be run over by the speeding and steaming locomotive. Then he wouldn't be dead. This is my worst sin; the worst guilt I'll ever have.
These are the things that I've thought about every night since that day.
I look at my clock: 2 a.m.
Where do I begin? Are there any tears left? I feel that I can't cry anymore; all tears have been exposed to my outer face. My face is numb, my eyes sting and are red and puffy, my nose is stuffed up from all of my tears, and my skin is soaked along with my pillow.
My room only consisting of the silence of loneliness; it suffocates me everywhere I go. No book could ever save me from this feeling. There's no escape.
I'm not who I used to be; not striefing for excellence, not always in a book, I no longer fracture a person's skull every time they piss me off. It's only the outer shell that is me, not the emotional inner parts of me. Or at least not what I used to be.
They've tried to save me; they being my usual group of friends: Kidd, Liz, Patty, Black*Star, and Tsubaki. I always end up pushing away at all their attempts. There is no use to try to pull me out of the pit of depression
Loneliness is all there is.
Normal POV
"Hey Maka, did you sleep last night?" Tsubaki came over.
"No I didn't sleep; I couldn't." Maka replied.
"You're starting to worry me Maka, you haven't slept, haven't eaten, you're no longer 1st in your exams anymore. You're not yourself anymore." Tsubaki replied in a shaken and sad manor. "You don't think I don't know that? Gosh if I could sleep, I would. If I could eat, I would. I just can't! I can't. I opened the door to my heart and the loneliness poured in and filled the cavity to its max. I don't deserve sleep after what I caused last month. I don't deserve happiness! The only thing I do deserve is poverty or death!" Maka yelled with teary eyes
"Do NOT say that EVER again Maka Albarn! It wasn't your fault! Soul was only doing his job as a weapon, which is to PROTECT you. A weapon's oath is to protect their meister no matter what the situation. Us weapons would die for our meisters and that's just what Soul did. So STOP blaming yourself!" Tsubaki shouted back.
At this point, students within the hallway were watching the two friends yell at each other. That is until Kidd and Black*Star came along to help out.
"Everybody just get to class, its none of your business." Kidd said in a tone of authority.
"Yeah, your true godliness is here to save the day!" Black*Star shouted out to the fellow classmates.
"What's going on over here? One second I'm at my locker the next I hear shouting coming from down the hall." Kidd questioned. "It's Maka, she hasn't slept again and hasn't eaten at all." Tsubaki said. Kidd looked over to Maka, "Seriously Maka? If you keep this up you're going to die!" Maka replied "I should. I don't deserve to live! I don't Kidd! So stop worrying, stop trying to help me! I deserve to die after what I made happen to soul!"
At this point she was crying. She shrank down the wall till she was sitting. "It's all my fault. I only feel loneliness; but I question sometimes, can the loneliness take the place of Soul? Is it? Am I just using loneliness to replace him. Every night I might sing a lullaby or dance in the dark empty room of my soul, but nothing helps. Loneliness is all there is." She sobbed "I don't know who I am anymore!"
Kidd slowly bent down and lifted Maka off the ground; he looked at her and said "It's not your fault and I don't think Soul thought of it that way either. So stop blaming yourself."
A tear slid down Maka's cheek; Kidd instantly felt scared for what would happen next. "You just don't get it." Maka sadly replied in a soft voice in which after she ran in the other direction crying.
You just don't get it.
Maka POV
I ran until I reached my apartment. I was hyperventilating and crying. I went into my apartment, but with hesitation.
I walked throughout the apartment until I came up to Soul's room. The door was shut because I couldn't stand to look into it after that day. I walked up to the door and had my hand on the handle, but I couldn't bare to open it for what may be waiting within it for when I opened the door.
I stared at the ground and tears escaped my ducts once again. I fell onto my knees and broke down. "I miss you so much Soul! If only you were here! If only you had let me be the one who was run over. Then you'd be alive! It's all my fault." I cried even harder. The guilt is unbearable.
Loneliness is all there is
*a few hours later*
I was laying in bed; I ate a piece of bread and a glass of water but afterwards I felt as if I'd eaten thanksgiving feast. I stared out the window with emotionless eyes.
Soul, I thought in my head I'm slowly replacing you with loneliness; it's suffocating me and it's taking over my heart. See what we did to each other? I killed you and you made me an emotional mess, I don't know who I am anymore.
I soon fell asleep although I wish I hadn't.
I found myself running with Soul. We were running away from some witches that we were assigned to kill as an extracurricular. We took it on because we already have our 99 human souls and one witch soul would turn Soul into a death scythe.
Our only failure is, is that we never looked into how powerful these witches were, and now were paying for it.
All of a sudden, a witch came speeding up beside us. She shot us with one of her powerful spells, but before she could kill us, Soul dodged it and pushed me forward along with him. I was rolling until I came stopped upon a railroad track. Soul rolled a little before the track.
Next thing I knew, I saw bright lights glistening at me. I heard the roaring engine; I just…couldn't move. I saw Soul in the corner of my eye, he was starting to stand up. Shit, I thought to myself, don't get up, don't save me, SAVE YOURSELF SOUL! But it was too late, he ran and pushed me off the track but he didn't fall ahead of the track with me, instead he landed on it.
I rolled down the road and watched as my partner got ran over by the locomotive. All of his bones crushing in their sockets as tons of steel metal glide over them forcing great pressure; his organs getting pierced by the shattered remains of his bones. I saw blood spurting out from beneath the train and that's when I knew he was dead.
"SOOUULLL!" I screamed, awakening only to realize that it was only a nightmare. I started to cry; against my wishes, my brain made me relive that horrible night once again.
"It's all my fault!" I cried. Loneliness is all there is.
I sat there for the rest of the night with my knees to my chest. By the time it was time to get ready for school, I had dark circles under my eyes and I had tremors throughout my body.
Another night without sleep, I'm sure to get another lecture from Tsubaki and Kidd. But who cares? I deserve it anyways.
Normal POV
Kidd noticed Maka walking down the hallway shaking.
"What the hell happened to you?" Kidd questioned.
"It's been a LONG night and I don't want to talk about it." Maka responded in a rather harsh manner.
"Damn it Maka, how much sleep did you get last night? You have circles under your eyes and you're trembling." Kidd questioned. "I don't know how much sleep I got. Maybe like, 5 minutes? But anyways, I don't want to talk about it!" Maka replied.
She thought about what happened last night and tears started to form in her eyes. She was once before not wanting to go to sleep but now she was terrified to sleep in fear of reliving the horrible nightmare. She turned around and continued to walked.
Kidd ran up and spun her around by her shoulder, "There's something you're not telling me. And it seems to me that whatever it is, is leaving you terrified."He looked at her with worried eyes. He noticed her tears, her terrified eyes; he needs to help her.
He wrapped his arms around her small, fragile, and shaky body. "I can't stand to see you looking like that and I won't be able to help you if you don't tell me what's scaring you."
Maka raised her arms up onto Kidd's back and set her head on his shoulder, "I can't tell you" she began to cry.
I don't deserve help; not after what I caused. I don't deserve anything but the depression and loneliness. Poverty is my way of repenting for what I did to Soul, and I shall forever be atoning for the rest of my time alive, however long that'll be.
So that wraps up this chapter! I hope ya liked it and let me know what you think of this chapter and whether or not I should add on or not. I have a TON of ideas for future chapters so.
OH and thank you SO much for reading this story and making it this far; I TRULY appreciate you reading of story! :3 8P Manga 4 Life8P is OUT (haha that was bad…just bad)