Sometimes I rise in the middle of the night only to find her staring into space, or more commonly, at me. Most often, she hasn't fallen asleep yet, or won't for the rest of the night.
Hatori calls it insomnia but we both know it's her conscience- and her past- haunting her at all hours of the night and most of the early morning. He's given her sleeping pills to help. She doesn't think I know that she always flushes them down the toilet .My wife should know better- I know her the best out of anyone .She can't fool me; she never has.
"Akito. Akito…" I whisper softly and gently shake her shoulder to bring her out of that damn trance. It's creepy and kind of eerie to watch, it's like she's a soldier back from a war being haunted by visions of battle. Although, in a way, I guess she is a veteran of her own war she fought for so very long and is still fighting.
"It was just a dream," I tell her and she stares at me her eyes shadowed and hollow. "Have you taken the pills Hatori gave you to help you sleep?" I already know the truth of course, but I want her to admit it to me herself.
Akito's eyes twitch to the right, focusing on the lamp and dart around slightly. This is my dear wife's "lying face".
"You can't flush them down the toilet anymore." I reply flatly and cross my arms. "We don't have the money," a blatant lie, "nor do we have another toilet." The latter's the truth since our house is being renovated. "Besides," I complain," it's gonna clog the toilet worse than my poop after I have those deluxe burritos with extra cheese and onions." This brings a brief smile to her face, a glimpse of the old Akito, and in the same heartbeat it fades to its regular tomb-like stare.
Then she simply looks at me with those sad, hopeless eyes that wrench at my heart, tears making silent silver tracks against her pale skin. Slowly and quietly as possible, I gather Akito in my arms her ridiculously light and limp form draping into my shape, her hands clenched into claws that shake with desperation and sorrow.
"I see them every night, Shigure. The pills don't help. I tried them a few times. The nightmares; all of them blend into what I did before the Zodiac Curse broke…hurting everyone in the Zodiac and all their loved ones in response. By simply being 'God' of the Zodiac, it singlehandedly tore apart everyone and their families. Those things I did and said to hurt and cut and tear everyone so deeply has left indelible marks, can't you see that?" Akito's voice broke near the end, and so did my heart. She sobbed into my chest and clung to me as though her soul and being depended upon it. Her tears burned like fire down my bare skin.
"Akito," I spoke softly, yet sternly, as I had when I held her when we were children. "You don't realize…you also let them go. From the Zodiac Curse, from you, and now you protect their true freedom. Did you not speak to Kyo's biological father and forbade him from restraining Kyo any longer? Didn't you give Tohru and Kyo your blessing when they moved away? You were a bridesmaid at Hatori and Mayuko's wedding, as well as Ristu's and Mitsuru's; the godmother of Ayame and Mine's daughter; you were there for both Hiro and Kisa's middle school graduation; you helped Kagura start a daycare center; you helped get Rin a good job in the Sohma Corporation; you wrote Momiji and Hatsuharu recommendation letters for college; and you've paid for half of Yuki's education. You didn't have to do all of these things; and yet you did. You are protecting them, and with time, we're all healing." I didn't mention Kureno because that was still a bit of a sore spot between us although it was much more civil now. And she had started him out with physical therapy and a rented condo out in Hokkaido, which was technically already Sohma owned, of course.
"How can you discount all those things?" I asked her incredulously. Really, when you listed them like that, I realized just how outrageously generous and yielding Akito had been. She was truly amazing, my wife, I realized with pride and admiration.
She smiled and simply said with gratitude, "Thank you, Shigure." Akito looked at me hesitantly then and asked shakily, "What about you then? What have I done for you to make up for all those years of cruelty and betrayal? Shigure I-"
"You married me. And you're having our child in eight month's time, God willing. That is the greatest gift you could, and will ever; give to me, my dear, sweet, befuddling Akito." I kissed her lips softly just barely touching them. She shivered and I smirked in satisfaction. "How about we try to get some sleep now, hm? I'll make breakfast tomorrow if that will make you feel better…" she made a disgusted grimace. "Hmph. Fine! If you still aren't feeling better now, I can think of another way to help…" my voice trailed off suggestively and I traced the line of her jaw with my tongue ever so gently and they kissed her sweet, beautiful lips lovingly, slowly, lingering…
Akito gave me a gentle shove and I returned with a playful grin. "And you, my dear, hilarious husband, and father-to-be," she paused to marvel at that, "are unbelievable! You never quit, do you?" she asked and laughed.
"Never." I agreed and we continued where I had left off…
Later, Akito murmured sleepily, "No way are we eating what you cook for breakfast… we'll go out, and I will pay. It's the least I can do…" I smiled as she drifted off to sleep and had what looked like sweet dreams of our unborn child of our future, rather than sleepless nightmares of her bad memories of the past.
I stayed up the whole night, watching over my one, dearest wish that had finally, finally, come true.