Finding Heaven (Part 1)
by Mariye
======
Disclaimer: Well, you asked for a continuation to Its All Coming Back to Me Now, so here it is. I don't own FF8 and its characters.
======
Finding Heaven Journal
Day 1.
Its me journal.
I have to go now on my journey. I have to find him.
I intend to make this a written record of everything that happens.
I already can tell that this is a journey I will want to remember.
I will write when I can, and I will try to include important conversations.
---
"Are you sure you have to leave Quisty?" Selphie watched as I tied back my now butchered hair in a ponytail and made sure it was tight. I pulled on the grey trenchcoat Seifer had left on my bed the day he left for his final mission. I had always thought he left it as a promise. As if the necklace alone wasn't promise enough that he would return.
"I can't live like this. Wondering if he's still out there."
"If he was still out there, he would have returned for you."
"Maybe he can't. All I know is that I can't go on with these doubts."
"Quisty, you've been acting like this ever since that dragon attack. What happened then?"
"I saw some... scenes, events. I have to go." I picked up Save the Queen and curled it around my wrist, and looked away from Selphie. "I need to know the truth, no matter it may be."
"He could be dead."
"At least then I can set my mind to rest." I shook my head and looked at her. "I will return. No matter what. You know that."
"Yeah. I know. But you should tell the others."
"Yeah, but I told you, and looked what happened." I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. "I have to go now, or I'll miss the train to Timber."
"Alright. I won't tell them you've gone after Seifer until you have a good head start."
"Don't tell them I went after Seifer. You know how everyone still thinks of him, even though he did reform. Tell them I went to find Heaven. My Heaven. That way they'll think I'm looking for maybe a lost family member. Maybe looking for something from my past."
"Fine. Just take care of yourself."
"I will." I walked quickly down the hall, into the main hall, and eventually out of Garden.
He is out there. Somewhere. I ran along the road to Balamb, ignoring the bitebugs that flew past me. Selphie wouldn't be able to keep that secret. Not for very long anyway.
I knew at that moment that I would most likely only have a week to try and find him, before everyone would come after me.
I hurried into Balamb. First I'll go to the inn. See if they'll let me change clothes there. Then I'll get on the train. I have to go straight to Deiling though, otherwise everyone might catch me.
I slowed as I walked down the narrow Balamb road. People here know me and if they see me acting unusual, they might start to suspect something.
---
Its me again.
On the train to Deiling.
I'm almost at the point of singing Selphie's patented train song.
But I'm too excited. Or am I nervous?
What will I find? Can he still be alive?
And yet I have this nagging doubt. Despite his past attitude, Seifer changed when he returned to Garden. And he wouldn't break a promise to me. He promised to return.
But now I'm making myself depressed.
I can't let myself think that he's gone, or I know I won't be able to do this.
I'm getting tired now. I'll write more tomorrow when I reach Deiling.
------
Journal
Day 2.
I'm in a small boarding house in Deiling, doing research.
Even though its only been about 9 hours since I last wrote, a lot has happened.
I saw Squall, Rinoa, and Selphie searching the streets of Deiling for me, and I'm sure Irvine and Zell are around also.
I guess she told them everything. I never should have told her what I was doing. But then, I honestly couldn't trust any of them with this. I have to leave tonight.
I also got some helpful information from an army post near the presidential residence. I broke in and hacked into their system, seeing what information they had on the crash. It turns out the two other members had been injured in the crash, sent to the desert prison, and died out there. There's no mention at all of Seifer. As far as they know, there were only SeeDs involved.
That gives me a little hope. Somehow I knew though that they wouldn't find Seifer, no matter what. Like Raijin says, that isn't his style.
I also made copies of all the files and maps that might help me. They all seem to point to Winhill.
I have to go. The sun is setting and I want to get out of town.
------
Journal
Day 3.
I hate tents.
I thought I had it set up perfectly, then it comes crashing down on me.
Then the storm started.
Imagine what everyone would say if they found out the prized prodigy instructor can't pitch a tent.
So I just ran into a forest. I don't remember where it was at first. I just was going for shelter. When I got in, I saw what I didn't expect to see.
I saw the shuttle wreckage. I had no idea I was near the crash site. It was heavily damaged, but it was mainly the hull area. I guess when Galbadia found some remains, it was just a few panels and seats and minor things.
Of course I went inside. I rummaged through everything. Mainly storage compartments though. I guess I was looking for missing supplies that would hint at Seifer surviving.
Everything was there.
Then I looked over at the computers. Everything was busted up. Just when I was about to think I hit a dead end, I found the black box.
You know how black boxes are indestructible? Well, I never believed that until I found it. Inside was a tape recording of the last three minutes before the crash.
"Seifer! The enemy's firing on us!"
"Keep calm! There's no way in hell I'm letting some Galbadian retards take us down."
"They've hit out tail!"
"I SAID I'd get us out of this!"
"Aaaargh! The suction!"
"Quick! You two get in your seats and buckle up!"
"Murphey!"
"Hold on Henal!"
"I can't!"
"DAMMIT!"
[Warning, engines failing. Shutting down.]
"Hell! Quistis? Can you hear me? I love you! And I will get out of this! Don't give up on me! You know I'll never let some Galbadian jerks take me down!"
That was when the tape ended.
I know he has to be out there somewhere now.
I'm saving the tape for Garden. At the very least I'll have come back with useful information. We'll all know what happened in the last few minutes.
The rain's stopping now, so I have to leave the shuttle and go.
The only thing that scares me is, with all this hope I'm being given, what will happen if I find out he truely is dead and it is taken away.
------
Journal
Day 4.
I made it.
I made it to Heaven.
It isn't what I expected though.
I'm writing this in the flower shop in Winhill. And sadly, I have no good news as of late. When I came in asking about a young blond soldier with a scar, people looked at me like I was crazy. Everyone except for the florist acted like I was a lunatic. I don't blame them though. If I saw someone coming into Garden who was all dirty and who looked like a mess, I would think he was a lunatic too.
But luckily Mae didn't see me in that way.
"Excuse me? Can you help me?" I looked at the kindly old woman sorting through flowers.
"Why yes young lady, oh my goodness! Are you alright? You look a fright." She walked over to me and tried to take Seifer's coat off my shoulders. I pulled away.
"I'm fine, thank you. I was just wondering, have you seen a soldier around here? He's about 6'2", blond hair, blue eyes, and he has a scar from here to here." I made a gesture across my forehead. Mae walked over to a table in the center of the room. "He's very stubborn and sometimes has a little bit of an attitude. His name is Seifer Almasy."
"Here, sit down. No, I don't recall meeting a young man like that recently?" Mae went over to a small kitchenette. "Would you like some tea?"
"No thank you. I have to be going, I have to keep looking for him." I tried to get up, but Mae came over and forced me to sit back down.
"Nonsense, stop and rest a while. You look like you've been traveling forever."
"Have you had any strangers around here lately? Anyone brought in who might have been wounded?" She shook her head, then stopped.
"Well, I do remember a John Doe, but that event wasn't recent. If I recall right, it was bout..."
"10 months ago?" I know its impolite to finish other's sentences, but I was too excited at the chance of there being hope. I stood up at the table and ran over to her.
"Yes, that seems right."
"Do you remember what happened to him?"
"Nope. When you get to be my age sweety, you're lucky if you can remember to get dressed in the mornings." Mae turned and started to boil a pot of water. "I do remember he was in really bad shape though. Maybe you should check the cemetary."
It was then my heart dropped.
Mae saw how dismayed I was and insisted I stay here for the night. She wouldn't let me head out and check the graveyard today, but she promised that if I'd wait she'd give me some lilies to place on his gravestone, if he was there.
Seifer can't be dead.
I can't even think about the possibility of him being dead.
------
Journal
Day 5
So here I am.
Wandering around a graveyard.
Technically I'm sitting now, next to Raine Loire's grave. I didn't find anything. When I came out here this morning I expected too much work. I thought I'd be searching all day. Surprisingly the cemetary was much smaller than I thought it would be. And everything was neatly set up in sections.
No John Doe.
No Seifer Almasy.
The only name here I did know was Raine Loire.
So I put the lilies I was given there.
I figured at least someone should be able to enjoy them.
Who is that man?
Right now a man is coming towards here. He seems depressed, sullen. He carries a cane and lumbers along. He's blind. I wonder if he's all alone. If so its sad. No one deserves to be alone. And he looks about my age. To be that young and blind. I feel sorry for him. I wonder what he is doing in a cemetary. I wonder if he knows that I'm here watching him.
He stops and looks in my direction, seeing but not seeing anything at all. I stop writing and breathing. He dismisses whatever made him look and goes back to walking. He's heading toward the cliff?
I have to go. He could fall off that cliff and kill himself. I couldn't help Seifer. I have to help him.
---
He tried to kill himself.
I can't believe he would intentionally try to kill himself.
======
[to be continued...]
by Mariye
======
Disclaimer: Well, you asked for a continuation to Its All Coming Back to Me Now, so here it is. I don't own FF8 and its characters.
======
Finding Heaven Journal
Day 1.
Its me journal.
I have to go now on my journey. I have to find him.
I intend to make this a written record of everything that happens.
I already can tell that this is a journey I will want to remember.
I will write when I can, and I will try to include important conversations.
---
"Are you sure you have to leave Quisty?" Selphie watched as I tied back my now butchered hair in a ponytail and made sure it was tight. I pulled on the grey trenchcoat Seifer had left on my bed the day he left for his final mission. I had always thought he left it as a promise. As if the necklace alone wasn't promise enough that he would return.
"I can't live like this. Wondering if he's still out there."
"If he was still out there, he would have returned for you."
"Maybe he can't. All I know is that I can't go on with these doubts."
"Quisty, you've been acting like this ever since that dragon attack. What happened then?"
"I saw some... scenes, events. I have to go." I picked up Save the Queen and curled it around my wrist, and looked away from Selphie. "I need to know the truth, no matter it may be."
"He could be dead."
"At least then I can set my mind to rest." I shook my head and looked at her. "I will return. No matter what. You know that."
"Yeah. I know. But you should tell the others."
"Yeah, but I told you, and looked what happened." I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. "I have to go now, or I'll miss the train to Timber."
"Alright. I won't tell them you've gone after Seifer until you have a good head start."
"Don't tell them I went after Seifer. You know how everyone still thinks of him, even though he did reform. Tell them I went to find Heaven. My Heaven. That way they'll think I'm looking for maybe a lost family member. Maybe looking for something from my past."
"Fine. Just take care of yourself."
"I will." I walked quickly down the hall, into the main hall, and eventually out of Garden.
He is out there. Somewhere. I ran along the road to Balamb, ignoring the bitebugs that flew past me. Selphie wouldn't be able to keep that secret. Not for very long anyway.
I knew at that moment that I would most likely only have a week to try and find him, before everyone would come after me.
I hurried into Balamb. First I'll go to the inn. See if they'll let me change clothes there. Then I'll get on the train. I have to go straight to Deiling though, otherwise everyone might catch me.
I slowed as I walked down the narrow Balamb road. People here know me and if they see me acting unusual, they might start to suspect something.
---
Its me again.
On the train to Deiling.
I'm almost at the point of singing Selphie's patented train song.
But I'm too excited. Or am I nervous?
What will I find? Can he still be alive?
And yet I have this nagging doubt. Despite his past attitude, Seifer changed when he returned to Garden. And he wouldn't break a promise to me. He promised to return.
But now I'm making myself depressed.
I can't let myself think that he's gone, or I know I won't be able to do this.
I'm getting tired now. I'll write more tomorrow when I reach Deiling.
------
Journal
Day 2.
I'm in a small boarding house in Deiling, doing research.
Even though its only been about 9 hours since I last wrote, a lot has happened.
I saw Squall, Rinoa, and Selphie searching the streets of Deiling for me, and I'm sure Irvine and Zell are around also.
I guess she told them everything. I never should have told her what I was doing. But then, I honestly couldn't trust any of them with this. I have to leave tonight.
I also got some helpful information from an army post near the presidential residence. I broke in and hacked into their system, seeing what information they had on the crash. It turns out the two other members had been injured in the crash, sent to the desert prison, and died out there. There's no mention at all of Seifer. As far as they know, there were only SeeDs involved.
That gives me a little hope. Somehow I knew though that they wouldn't find Seifer, no matter what. Like Raijin says, that isn't his style.
I also made copies of all the files and maps that might help me. They all seem to point to Winhill.
I have to go. The sun is setting and I want to get out of town.
------
Journal
Day 3.
I hate tents.
I thought I had it set up perfectly, then it comes crashing down on me.
Then the storm started.
Imagine what everyone would say if they found out the prized prodigy instructor can't pitch a tent.
So I just ran into a forest. I don't remember where it was at first. I just was going for shelter. When I got in, I saw what I didn't expect to see.
I saw the shuttle wreckage. I had no idea I was near the crash site. It was heavily damaged, but it was mainly the hull area. I guess when Galbadia found some remains, it was just a few panels and seats and minor things.
Of course I went inside. I rummaged through everything. Mainly storage compartments though. I guess I was looking for missing supplies that would hint at Seifer surviving.
Everything was there.
Then I looked over at the computers. Everything was busted up. Just when I was about to think I hit a dead end, I found the black box.
You know how black boxes are indestructible? Well, I never believed that until I found it. Inside was a tape recording of the last three minutes before the crash.
"Seifer! The enemy's firing on us!"
"Keep calm! There's no way in hell I'm letting some Galbadian retards take us down."
"They've hit out tail!"
"I SAID I'd get us out of this!"
"Aaaargh! The suction!"
"Quick! You two get in your seats and buckle up!"
"Murphey!"
"Hold on Henal!"
"I can't!"
"DAMMIT!"
[Warning, engines failing. Shutting down.]
"Hell! Quistis? Can you hear me? I love you! And I will get out of this! Don't give up on me! You know I'll never let some Galbadian jerks take me down!"
That was when the tape ended.
I know he has to be out there somewhere now.
I'm saving the tape for Garden. At the very least I'll have come back with useful information. We'll all know what happened in the last few minutes.
The rain's stopping now, so I have to leave the shuttle and go.
The only thing that scares me is, with all this hope I'm being given, what will happen if I find out he truely is dead and it is taken away.
------
Journal
Day 4.
I made it.
I made it to Heaven.
It isn't what I expected though.
I'm writing this in the flower shop in Winhill. And sadly, I have no good news as of late. When I came in asking about a young blond soldier with a scar, people looked at me like I was crazy. Everyone except for the florist acted like I was a lunatic. I don't blame them though. If I saw someone coming into Garden who was all dirty and who looked like a mess, I would think he was a lunatic too.
But luckily Mae didn't see me in that way.
"Excuse me? Can you help me?" I looked at the kindly old woman sorting through flowers.
"Why yes young lady, oh my goodness! Are you alright? You look a fright." She walked over to me and tried to take Seifer's coat off my shoulders. I pulled away.
"I'm fine, thank you. I was just wondering, have you seen a soldier around here? He's about 6'2", blond hair, blue eyes, and he has a scar from here to here." I made a gesture across my forehead. Mae walked over to a table in the center of the room. "He's very stubborn and sometimes has a little bit of an attitude. His name is Seifer Almasy."
"Here, sit down. No, I don't recall meeting a young man like that recently?" Mae went over to a small kitchenette. "Would you like some tea?"
"No thank you. I have to be going, I have to keep looking for him." I tried to get up, but Mae came over and forced me to sit back down.
"Nonsense, stop and rest a while. You look like you've been traveling forever."
"Have you had any strangers around here lately? Anyone brought in who might have been wounded?" She shook her head, then stopped.
"Well, I do remember a John Doe, but that event wasn't recent. If I recall right, it was bout..."
"10 months ago?" I know its impolite to finish other's sentences, but I was too excited at the chance of there being hope. I stood up at the table and ran over to her.
"Yes, that seems right."
"Do you remember what happened to him?"
"Nope. When you get to be my age sweety, you're lucky if you can remember to get dressed in the mornings." Mae turned and started to boil a pot of water. "I do remember he was in really bad shape though. Maybe you should check the cemetary."
It was then my heart dropped.
Mae saw how dismayed I was and insisted I stay here for the night. She wouldn't let me head out and check the graveyard today, but she promised that if I'd wait she'd give me some lilies to place on his gravestone, if he was there.
Seifer can't be dead.
I can't even think about the possibility of him being dead.
------
Journal
Day 5
So here I am.
Wandering around a graveyard.
Technically I'm sitting now, next to Raine Loire's grave. I didn't find anything. When I came out here this morning I expected too much work. I thought I'd be searching all day. Surprisingly the cemetary was much smaller than I thought it would be. And everything was neatly set up in sections.
No John Doe.
No Seifer Almasy.
The only name here I did know was Raine Loire.
So I put the lilies I was given there.
I figured at least someone should be able to enjoy them.
Who is that man?
Right now a man is coming towards here. He seems depressed, sullen. He carries a cane and lumbers along. He's blind. I wonder if he's all alone. If so its sad. No one deserves to be alone. And he looks about my age. To be that young and blind. I feel sorry for him. I wonder what he is doing in a cemetary. I wonder if he knows that I'm here watching him.
He stops and looks in my direction, seeing but not seeing anything at all. I stop writing and breathing. He dismisses whatever made him look and goes back to walking. He's heading toward the cliff?
I have to go. He could fall off that cliff and kill himself. I couldn't help Seifer. I have to help him.
---
He tried to kill himself.
I can't believe he would intentionally try to kill himself.
======
[to be continued...]